Waiting in the Wings, page 5
part #7 of Off Screen Series
“Hardly,” Emma replied.
“Yeah, you are.”
“There’s no such thing,” Emma said. “There’s not,” she chuckled. “We love each other. We don’t always communicate as well as we should. Sometimes, I think, when you love someone so much your emotions can cloud your view.”
“Addy will be okay,” Tamara said.
“I don’t want her to be okay, Tam. I want her to be happy. And, I don’t want her walking through our life thinking that every time we have different paths, it heralds the end somehow.”
“I’m not sure how I can help with that.”
“Well, you and Christie spend long periods apart. It seems like you’ve learned how to make that work.”
Tamara nodded. “Most of the time,” she agreed. “Which is weird.”
Emma laughed. “Weird?”
“Well, yeah. It is weird. Aw, hell, Em… Addy has always been the one who wanted to find true love,” she said. “I mean, seriously? She’s the drippiest person I know sometimes.”
Emma’s eyebrow shot up. “Drippiest?”
“Yeah, sappy; you know? Like she’s always believed in fairytales or something. Don’t ever tell her I said this, but I sort of envy that about her.”
“Her drippiness?”
“Yeah, in a way.”
Emma shook her head with amusement. “You really do have a way with words, Tam.”
“You know what I mean!”
“Yeah, I do.”
“Addy believes in this magical world. She always has. Hell, she lives in it if I think about it.”
“Oh, don’t you start. You know perfectly well that there is nothing magical about Hollywood,” Emma said.
“Not that,” Tamara said. “But, she kind of does live in a fairytale. I think most people would see it that way.”
“Most people aren’t here to see the dirty diapers, the barfing in the toilet, the laundry piled up,” Emma replied.
“True. But, that is like a fairytale for Addy.”
Emma laughed. “Trust me, Tam; I don’t think Addison found my morning sickness all that magical.”
“Yeah, she probably did.”
Emma laughed harder and then sighed. “I wish she would give herself a break.”
“That’s not Addy.”
“I know.”
“What are you going to do?” Tamara asked.
“I’m not sure there is much I can do. It’s something she can only learn by letting go. She has to strike out on her own a bit to realize we will be all right no matter what.”
“Tam Tam!” Vicki grabbed onto Tamara’s knee and pulled herself up.
“Yeah, Sprout?”
“We gets bishy!”
“You’re getting a fish?” Tamara tried to understand.
“Yep!”
“Well, that’s an easy pet,” Tamara said as she pulled Vicki into her lap.
“She means the baby,” Emma explained. Tamara was confused. “Addy wants to get a dog.”
Tamara shook her head. “Huh? You’re having a baby, and you’re getting a fish because Addy wants a dog?”
Emma laughed. “No.”
“Huh?” Tamara repeated.
Vicki bounced on Tamara’s lap happily. “Momma wikes doggies.”
“Help me?” Tamara implored Emma.
“Vicki calls the baby a fishy,” she explained. “My fault,” she continued. “And, no we aren’t getting any fish in a bowl. I hate it when they become floaters.”
Tamara nodded. “Being preggers effects your brain.”
“Possibly,” Emma agreed.
“Mommy?” Vicki looked at Emma. Emma smiled. “Bishies like doggies.”
Emma rolled her eyes. “I can’t imagine who told you that.”
“So? Let me get this all straight,” Tamara said. “Which is a stretch for me on a good day,” she joked. Emma smiled. “You and Addison are having another baby, Sprout thinks it’s a fish, Addy’s freaking out about working without you, and somewhere in this story you are getting a dog?”
“Yes, except for the dog,” Emma replied.
“Maybe you should,” Tamara said.
“Should what?”
“Get a dog.”
“Oh, no, not you too!”
Tamara shrugged. “Hey, you could make her take it to work with her,” Tamara suggested. “It is L.A. People take their dogs more places than they do their kids,” she said. Emma’s eyes twinkled.
“Mommy, we gets doggie!”
Emma threw her hands over her face. “Why is no one satisfied with a fishie?”
Tamara looked at Vicki and shrugged again. “At this rate, your mommies will have to change their last name to Dolittle,” she tickled Vicki. Vicki had no idea what that meant, but she erupted in delighted laughter.
“Funny, Tam,” Emma deadpanned.
“Yeah, I know. I really am. Listen, don’t worry so much about Addy.”
Emma sighed. “I can’t help it.”
“Yeah, I know. She’ll be okay, though. Sometimes she just needs a little nudge. Maybe I should have Christie take her to dinner or something.”
“Christie?” Emma asked.
“Well, yeah. She’ll know how to get Addy squared away. I mean, hell… She’s marrying me. That should tell you how smart she is.”
“You really are one of a kind,” Emma said.
“True,” Tamara agreed. Emma smiled. “I love you guys,” Tamara said seriously, surprising Emma with the emotion in her voice. “Well, I do,” Tamara said.
“We love you too,” Emma replied.
Vicki wiggled, and Tamara took the opportunity to escape the emotional exchange by chasing the toddler. Emma watched Tamara run after Vicki through the yard. Tamara struggled with emotional conversations at times. She used humor as a defense. That was something Emma had learned early on. While Tamara would have loved to hide it, it had always been obvious to Emma what Addy meant to her.
Tamara was not just Addison’s best friend; Tamara was family. She’d claimed a special place in Emma’s life as well, and Emma loved her more than she thought Tamara understood. In some ways, they had become closer than Tamara and Addison. Addison confided everything in Tamara. Tamara confided everything in Emma. Emma had become a big sister to Tamara. Tamara often didn’t stop to realize that she had also become Emma’s confidante. Emma was grateful to have Tamara to talk to, but she never expected Tamara to have the answers she was searching for. She trusted Tamara to listen and understand. And, Emma felt secure that there would never be any judgment from her friend. Having Tamara close was a Godsend for Emma. Tamara and her fiancée, Christie had moved back to Los Angeles from Vancouver a few months earlier. Emma was grateful to have them both closer. Emma’s family was in Kansas. It was only a flight away, but a flight away sometimes seemed more like another universe. It was comforting to have someone to call last minute for a visit and a conversation. And, Emma was glad that her children would get to spend more time with her best friends. She was sure Addison felt the same way. Tamara was a goofball at times, but Emma was confident she would be a shining light in Vicki’s life, and whoever else came along.
Tamara chased Vicki back toward the patio table. Emma startled when Vicki crashed into her legs.
“You okay?” Tamara asked. “You look like you disappeared there for a minute.”
“I’m good,” Emma promised. She lifted Vicki into her lap. “Thinking about my mom, I guess.”
“She must be stoked!”
“She doesn’t know yet,” Emma said.
“You’re kidding? I would have thought you’d have called her as soon as you found out you were preggers.”
“It was an interesting weekend. I just sort of wanted to spend it with Addy.”
Tamara nodded. “Emma?”
“I just wish I could tell her in person is all.”
“Missing home?”
“Missing Mom,” Emma said. “It’s kind of strange. I was with her when I found out the sprout was on her way,” she explained and leaned down to kiss her daughter’s head. “There’s something about being a mom that makes me want my mom,” she explained. “God, that sounds ridiculous.”
“Nah. I don’t think so.”
Emma smiled. “It makes me understand Addy more.”
“Come again?”
“Well, I’m sure she wishes she had someone to call and tell the news to; you know what I mean?” Emma asked.
“Mm. Never really thought about that. Well, Daddy Dearest does love Sprout. So, I’m sure he will be happy.”
“Yes, he does,” Emma agreed. “But, he doesn’t always show that with Addy.”
“Look, Emma, I know I’m not qualified to give any advice in this area, but maybe you should think about inviting him here to visit again.”
“Adam?”
“Yeah. I hate to admit it, but maybe it would help Addy.”
“I don’t know. He balks at coming to the west coast every time we mention it as a possibility.”
“What about to your parents’ place?”
Emma thought for a moment. “I invited him for the holidays a couple of times.”
“Yeah, but that was before you were preggers again.”
“Such a poet,” Emma teased. “I don’t know. What purpose would I invite him there for?”
“Sprout’s birthday?” Tamara suggested.
Vicki’s birthday was coming fast. Emma hadn’t considered taking a trip home for the occasion. “I don’t know, Tam. If Addison takes on this project, she might not have a lot of free time.”
“So? She can fly out for a weekend. Seriously, Emma, think about what you told me. Maybe it’d be good for you if she does start working on something again.”
“Me going to Kansas?”
“Not like moving there. Like, maybe visiting for a couple of weeks. Let Addy do her thing and then come visit. See if you can get Grandpa to come. Who knows? Maybe it’d help them both. And, who knows? Maybe Addy would realize she’s not going to make anything bad happen by doing what she loves. Besides, you miss your mom. It might be good for you too.”
“Maybe,” Emma sighed.
“Hey, listen, Addy will be okay,” Tamara assured Emma. “You know her; it just takes her a little time to wake up and smell the coffee sometimes. Just like when she met you.”
“What do you mean?”
Tamara laughed. “Oh, please… Addy was all ‘we’re just friends.’ You know? ‘She’s my friend.’ Friend, friend, friend,” Tamara rolled her eyes. “The whole time she was moping around like a lost puppy.”
Emma smiled. She’d done her share of denying that anything more than friendship had existed between her and Addison when they had met. And, she’d seen Addison’s puppy dog eyes more than a few times over the years. “Puppy, huh?”
“Pretty much.”
“Well, good,” Emma commented. “Since I already have a puppy, we don’t need to get a dog.”
Tamara laughed. “You’ve lost it, Em.”
Emma nodded. “Maybe so.”
“So? Do I get fed now?” Tamara asked.
Emma placed Vicki on the ground and took her hand. “Sure. You drive; I’ll buy.”
“What? I thought you were cooking?” Tamara’s disappointment was evident.
“Chuck E. Cheese,” Emma replied.
Tamara hopped from her seat and swept Vicki up onto her hip. “Come on, Sprout! I’m driving.”
Emma laughed as Tamara hurried back through the house. “Works every time.”
Chapter Four
Two Months Later
Addison rubbed her eyes and groaned. It had been a long day that had followed an even longer week. She hated being separated from Emma. It wasn’t as if they had never been apart. Emma had pointed that out numerous times when she had started planning her trip to Kansas. Addison had raised various arguments against the idea. None of them had managed to deter Emma’s plans. Addison had even slept on the couch one night, frustrated by Emma’s insistence that a trip home would be good for both of them. Even that had not swayed her wife.
“This sucks,” Addison mumbled. She stared at the phone on her desk and rubbed her eyes again. “Shit.” Addison picked up her cell phone and dialed the number.
***
“How are you feeling?” Sherry Bronson asked her daughter.
“Pretty good,” Emma replied.
“Missing her, huh?” Sherry guessed.
Emma smiled. She did miss Addison. And, the fact that Addison had been less than receptive to this excursion was making that feeling worse. “I always miss her,” Emma replied.
“Emmie? Want to talk about it?”
“Talk about what?”
“Nice try. I raised you. You didn’t want to go with your father and Vicki to the pond….”
“I just thought a little one on one time would be nice for her and Grandpa.”
“Oh, well, that’s probably true, and I am sure your father appreciates it,” Sherry said. Emma smiled. “Mm-hm. But, you hardly ate last night, and you have been less than talkative since you got here. So? What’s wrong? Are you worried about Adam visiting?”
Emma took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “No, not really. I mean, it’s always tense when Addy is with her father. It’s not like it is here, Mom.”
“Yes, I know, but you will all be here this time, so you will all have a lot of support.”
“I hope so,” Emma replied.
“Okay? So, what is it? You were on a mission planning this birthday party for Vicki. She’s three, honey. As much as I know she will love it, she won’t remember any of it.”
“No, but we will. Addy will.”
Sherry took a sip from her coffee and studied Emma thoughtfully. Emma was holding something back. Sherry could feel it. She’d tried the cautious approach. Emma was spinning her mug around and around, never lifting it to her lips. Sherry decided directness was the best approach. “Are you and Addison having problems?”
“What?” Emma’s head snapped to attention. “Why would you think that?”
“I don’t think anything,” Sherry said. “I do know you, and something is bothering you. So?”
“No, Mom. It’s nothing like that. You know how Addy can be.”
“No, I don’t. How can she be?”
“She worries all the time about us.”
“You mean she worries about your relationship?”
“No, but she worries that something might happen, I think.”
“Emma,” Sherry began with a sigh. “What are you talking about?”
Emma closed her eyes and shook her head. “I think she’s afraid that if she doesn’t stick close to me, if she doesn’t keep us on the exact same path… Well, that something will take me away—take us away from her.”
Sherry’s gaze narrowed in consideration of Emma’s words. She found it difficult to believe that Addison would question Emma’s devotion to their marriage. “I’m not sure I’m following.”
Emma smiled. “I’m not explaining this all that well.”
“I don’t know what this is,” Sherry reminded Emma.
Emma nodded. “Mom? When Daddy had his heart attack, what went through your head?”
Emma’s question stunned Sherry.
“What did you feel?” Emma asked.
“Terrified,” Sherry replied. “Sick inside,” she continued.
Emma nodded. She’d felt the same things. “What about when they told you he would be okay?”
“Relieved,” Sherry replied. “I don’t understand what this has to do with you and Addison.”
“Well, I remember that neither of us wanted him to be alone at all. Remember when he wanted to go fishing and Addison took him?”
Sherry nodded. “I do. I was afraid that if I stepped out something would happen.”
Emma smiled. “That’s what Addy’s worried about.”
“Emma, you aren’t sick; you’re pregnant. Why would Addy be worried about you?”
“Her mom.”
“Her mom?”
“Yeah, I know this will sound nuts, but I think Addison has some idea that if she chooses to do something that I am not a part of; if she steps away from me in that way, somehow that will start some prophecy that takes me away from her. I think, Mom, that Addy, in some way, thinks that it’s because of her that her mother died.”
Sherry remained silent for a few moments and then nodded sadly. “Oh, Addison,” she whispered.
“I know,” Emma commented.
“Well, that would explain a lot of things. Just curious? Why this trip then?”
“Because she needs to know it’s not all doom and gloom,” Emma replied. “I know she used to miss me when I would have to travel without her, but since Vicki… Well, she has been home. You know what I mean? It’s been a few years without us spending much time apart, at least, not days or weeks. And, we’ve always been a part of what the other was doing in some way. It’s all of it.”
“Did Addison tell you this?”
“No. No, she wouldn’t tell me. I didn’t think about it until she wanted to start this project. I know she was disappointed that I didn’t want to get back into it. What I didn’t expect to see was the fear in her eyes.”
Sherry reached across the table and squeezed Emma’s hand. “That’s why you invited Adam.
“Partly. Only partly,” Emma said. “They do love each other. I just wish they could break through all that guilt. For a long time, I thought it was just Adam avoiding Addy. But, sometimes I can see the distance she places between them too. It’s like they both feel responsible somehow for the other’s sadness. The craziest part is that they miss each other so much.”
“I think I understand,” Sherry replied. “You know, when your Grandma Bronson died, your father shut down for over a year,” she said. Emma looked at her mother curiously. “It’s true. He was lost. She was his lifeline in many ways. Your grandfather—God rest his soul—was not an easy man.”
“I know,” Emma commented.
Emma had always known her grandparents as nurturing, affectionate people. She had learned in recent years that the demeanor they displayed with their grandchildren differed substantially from the way that they had raised their children. It had surprised her a bit. After taking some time to process it, Emma had begun to recognize the ghosts in her father’s eyes. He had changed over the years as well, softened, Emma would say. Grandchildren seemed to have a unique ability to do that.
