Waiting in the Wings, page 4
part #7 of Off Screen Series
Jeff’s mouth dropped open. “You just said…”
“I said that Em supports the idea of me writing a new screenplay.”
“Addison, Genevieve is Off Screen.”
“She certainly was its original centerpiece,” Addison agreed.
“You lost me. Was its centerpiece? Addison, come on. I don’t get it. Why would she want you to write Off Screen without her?”
“I told you when you brought this to me the other day—the only role that Emma is interested in right now is Mom.”
“Yeah? So, what? Tons of actors bring their kids on set. Hell, she had Vicki with her the entire last season,” Jeff reminded Addison.
“True.”
“So? We can make that work again.”
Addison smirked. “I don’t think so, Jeff.”
“Why on earth not?”
“Emma’s pregnant,” Addison explained with a smile. Jeff collapsed into a chair that sat on the far side of the office. Addison chuckled. “You okay there?” she asked him. “You look a bit pale.”
“Emma’s pregnant? Again?”
Addison laughed. “Well, I certainly hope she hasn’t been pregnant for three years.”
“Funny,” Jeff replied gruffly.
“Look, I know you are disappointed,” Addison said.
Jeff looked across the room at his friend and sighed. His reaction evidently hurt Addison. “Aw shit, Addison, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it isn’t. I guess this was planned,” he tried to smooth things over.
Addison couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah, well… It sort of works that way with us. As much as I am willing to try….”
Jeff held up his hand. “Okay, I got it. I guess, I am a little slow on the uptake today, huh? I take it Emma is happy?” he surmised. Addison smiled. “And you?” he asked cautiously.
“We’re both happy.”
“But?” Jeff prodded.
“No. No but. I was surprised is all.”
“Why? I mean, why would you be surprised if you planned it? Why didn’t you just tell me that in the first place?” he asked.
Emma had posed that same question to Addison. Addison had been giving it a great deal of thought over the last forty-eight hours. She’d been honest with Emma. Addison was afraid. And, she’d begun to realize that part of her simply did not want to reboot Off Screen without Emma. The entire concept had been born as a love letter to Emma. Addison wasn’t sure that she wanted to create something new on that front without Emma.
On the other hand, Emma’s idea to write a show from Jack’s perspective intrigued Addison. She’d fallen in love with the character of Jack over the years. Jack was assertive and aloof on the surface, but underneath she was an immensely romantic and sensitive soul—and, she loved Genevieve. In many ways, Jack mirrored Addison. And, Addison was beginning to realize that was part of the problem. Immersing herself in Jack’s life without Genevieve meant embarking on an emotional journey that in many ways would entail Addison contemplating life without Emma and Vicki. That was not an adventure she felt a burning desire to take.
Addison sighed heavily. “I should have told you. I know. I should have. I didn’t know if Em wanted me to tell anyone. We haven’t even told her folks yet; I mean, that we’ve been trying. I didn’t know about the baby until I got home the other night,” she explained.
“You okay?” Jeff asked. “You seem kind of—I don’t know? Quiet?”
“I’m okay,” Addison promised. “I just blew it. I should never have even suggested the idea to her.”
“I thought you said she supported you writing it?”
“Yeah, for Jack. I don’t think she planned on telling me about this baby that way. You know? Like she was breaking the news instead of giving me this great surprise.”
“Uh-oh.”
“That’s an understatement,” Addison said.
“She still pissed?”
Addison shook her head and smiled. “Nah. But, she’s not going to be doing any shows for a while. That much I do know,” Addison said.
Jeff nodded. “You really think you want to approach Bellson with the idea of a story that puts Sandra in the driver’s seat?” he asked. Addison shrugged. “Addison?”
“She could handle it,” Addison said assuredly. Sandra was a talented actor. Addison had no reservations about her ability to carry the weight of the show.
“What? You don’t think there’s a story in it?” he asked.
“There’s a story in everything, Jeff. You know that.”
“True. I get it. You’re probably right on the money. Like I said, Bellson will never go for investing in the project without Emma.”
Addison took a deep breath. “Bellson doesn’t own the rights,” she reminded him. “I do.”
Jeff’s head snapped up. “You want to go it alone?”
“I’m not sure that I want to make a go of it at all,” Addison confessed. “Em made some compelling arguments,” she snickered.
“You’re going to try and write it,” he guessed.
Addison nodded. “Yeah, I guess, I am. But, first I think we need to see if Sandra would even be interested in that concept. I suspect part of her desire to do it is to get back to working with Em.”
Jeff nodded sadly. “She misses Emma.”
Addison smiled knowingly. “Ever going to tell her?” she asked. Jeff’s face flushed and then went pale in another instant. “Just going to play Uncle Jeff and pretend to be her best friend forever, huh?”
“She’s been through enough,” he said. “Besides, that’s what I am to her—her best friend. I’m no Dan Starr, Addison.”
“No, I guess not. What makes you think she wants to replace Dan?”
“She doesn’t; that’s the point.”
Addison considered Jeff silently for a second. “You love her.”
“Enough to let it be,” he replied.
Addison shook her head. “Well, be careful with that,” she warned him. “I thought that way once.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked.
“I thought being her best friend was my role. It is, but it’s a lot more than that.”
“Yeah, well, Sandra’s not Emma, Addison.”
“Nope. But, Sandra deserves someone to love her and Brody. Dan would have wanted that for both of them.”
“How did this conversation become about me?” he asked gruffly.
Addison shrugged and sighed. “Maybe it isn’t—about you, I mean.”
“Uh… Addison?”
Addison shook her head, got up from her desk and paced toward the window. “I’ve never done it without her,” she said quietly.
“Done what without who? Addison?”
“I don’t know if I can, Jeff. Worse? Part of me wants to, and that makes me feel like total shit.”
Jeff scratched his brow. “Lost me.”
Addison took a deep breath and turned back to face her friend. “Off Screen is Emma,” she said. “I don’t mean she was the star; I mean that she’s the entire reason it ever existed. I wrote it for her, for me to tell her in some way that I loved her.” Addison chuckled uncomfortably. “For me to pretend that she might love me—to imagine it.”
“She does love you.”
“Yeah,” Addison replied. “Crazy, huh?”
“A little,” he teased.
Addison nodded. “Thing is, Jeff, this show? Doing this means doing the opposite. Imagining life without her.”
“I think I get it,” he said. “But, Addison? That’s all it is—imagining. Imagining what that might feel like, to lose someone you love. And, besides, how do you know that Jack won’t get her happy ending?”
“You sound like you want me to write it,” Addison surmised.
“Well, now you’ve got me interested,” he admitted. “So? You want to pitch it to…”
“No,” Addison stopped him. “Talk to Sandra.”
“You want to try and produce this on our own?”
“Why not?” Addison asked.
“Because it won’t be cheap and as much as I love Sandra, Emma’s the cash cow.”
Addison coughed. “Don’t let her hear you say that.”
“Oh, you know what I meant.”
“Yeah, and I need you to help me pull this off, so I need you alive.”
Jeff laughed. “Okay. I’ll talk to Sandra. You have some ideas about financing?”
“A couple.”
“Okay. Addison?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t forget.”
“Forget what?”
“You’re not Jack and Genny,” he said as he stood to leave.
“Yeah.”
Addison sat back at her desk as Jeff closed the door. She leaned back, closed her eyes, and exhaled a long breath. She opened up her laptop, stared at the blank screen for a few minutes, took another deep breath, and placed her hands on the keyboard.
“Okay, Jack… Where are you now?”
***
“What did Addy do that I deserve lunch by the pool?” Tamara asked Emma as Vicki played at her feet.
“What makes you think that Addy did anything?
“Yeah, right,” Tamara drawled. “Nice try, Mrs. Blake,” she said. Emma’s smile intrigued Tamara. “Why are you so deliriously happy?”
“I don’t know about the delirious part, but I am happy,” Emma replied as she took a seat across from Tamara.
“Uh-huh.”
“How do you feel about becoming an aunt again?” Emma asked.
“No way! Are you seriously preggers again?”
“Seriously preggers again.”
“I knew Addy did something.”
Emma burst into laughter. “So to speak, I suppose.”
“Okay? So, what gives? You were all cryptic on the phone this morning.”
Emma nodded. “I’m worried about Addy.”
“Why? Hell, Emma, Addy would probably write you into some lesbian version of The Waltons if she could.”
“Did they have a dog?” Emma asked somewhat seriously. Tamara looked at her as if Emma had hit her head—hard. Emma chuckled. “Never mind.”
“Why are you worried about Addy?”
“Jeff wants her to reboot Off Screen. At least, he wants her to try.”
“Uh… Won’t that be a little tough now? I mean, unless Genevieve is going to be knocked up by some other wayward actor.”
“I told her that I was out.”
“Uh-huh.”
“I think she should write something for Sandra.”
“Okay? I know, I am a little slow on the Addy and Emma uptake sometimes, but uh… You lost me completely this time, Emma.”
“There’s this part of her, Tam that still worries about losing me. It seems like no matter how far we go, some part of her thinks I’ll leave.”
Tamara sighed. “She does. I don’t know, Emma. Addy wasn’t always like that; you know?”
“You mean before her mom died.”
“Yeah. I think she feels like she failed somehow; you know? I mean, with her dad. It’s like her mom was gone and her dad disappeared—even though he was still right there.”
Emma nodded. “I know all of that. I just wish I knew how to make her feel secure, I guess.”
“What does this have to do with a new project?” Tamara asked.
“Well, I can’t say that I am totally sure. That project was something we created together in a way. She wrote it. She wrote it about us. She wrote it for me. I pitched it. We rode that wave together until it crested and broke. Know what I mean?”
“I think so. Look, Emma, Addy just worries about letting you down somehow. That’s what it is, I think.”
“She’s never let me down.”
“I know. That’s Addy. You’re a lot like her mom. I think she sees that even more now with Sprout here.” Vicki looked up at Tamara and grinned.
Emma was surprised by Tamara’s revelation. It was the second time in a few days that someone had made that comparison. “How so?”
Tamara shrugged. “Don’t know how to explain it exactly. You’re also really different,” Tamara said. “But, Addy’s mom was… Well, she was genuine; you know? Like, she was this crazy beautiful woman who had no idea how beautiful she was. And, she loved Addy. They were like best friends in a way. In a different way than Addy and me, but they were. I don’t think there was anything Addison didn’t tell her.”
Emma had seen many pictures of Vicki Blake. Addison’s mother could easily have been a model. Then again, so could Addison. And, she understood the idea of a mom being a best friend. Emma felt that way about her mother, and hated to admit that she sometimes took that relationship for granted. She looked over at Vicki and shook her head. “I hope she feels that way about us,” she commented softly.
Tamara smiled. “You think Addy is afraid to do a show without you?”
“A little.”
“Yeah, she probably is,” Tamara agreed. “She likes having you close,” Tamara laughed. “I don’t mean she needs you close all the time; I just mean that I think she is used to that. You know?”
Emma tilted her head in confusion.
“Well, you know it’s like what happened when her mom got sick. From what I know, they had been inseparable before Addison came to college. Addison had friends, but you know, where she grew up is like Daniel Booneville,” Tamara said. Emma snickered. It was a bit like the wilderness. “Anyway, Addy felt different. That much I do know. I don’t just mean being gay. I mean that she never wanted to stay there. She always had this idea of becoming a famous writer—since she was a kid. Like, Sprout age,” Tamara said.
Emma smiled. Vicki already had a million stories to tell. She was positive that Addison’s influence was the culprit. It wasn’t difficult to imagine that Addison had been an imaginative child. And, as much as Addison loved home, Emma understood that Addison had a desire to explore. Writing allowed Addison to travel to distant places without ever having to leave the security of home. But, Addison did have a yearning to explore the real world in a tangible way. Emma sighed.
“What?” Tamara asked.
“Just realizing something,” Emma replied.
“Care to share?”
“Well, the last time we visited Addy’s dad, he said something. I didn’t think about it much at the time.”
“This should be rich,” Tamara said.
“He’s not that bad, Tam,” Emma said. Tamara pursed her lips and shook her head. “I know how you feel,” Emma continued. “I hate the way it hurts her. He does love Addy. It’s obvious when you see them together.”
“You’re a better person than me.”
“No, I’m not,” Emma disagreed. “There’ve been times I wanted to call him and tell him to go to hell,” she admitted. Tamara’s eyebrow shot up. “Well, there have been. I hate seeing her hurt, Tam. You know that. What Addy wants is Adam in her life. And, if I can help make that happen, I will.”
“So? What did Daddy Dearest say?”
Emma chuckled. “I don’t think he ever beat her with wire hangers.”
“Uh-huh.”
Emma took a deep breath and let her thoughts drift back to a few months earlier. She and Addison had made the trip to Maine to visit Addison’s father for a week. The first few days had been tense. Emma likened it to walking on hot coals; you never actually found your footing. But, after a few days, things had begun to ease. Emma hadn’t given it much thought until now. She realized that she had spent more time with Addison’s father than Addison had. It was as if she were the broker in their relationship. Something about her conversation with Tamara had triggered memories of that trip.
“Emma? What did Adam say?”
“We were sitting in the kitchen after dinner one night. Addy had taken the sprout to give her a bath. He just started talking, recalling her when she was a kid. I guess it struck me because he seemed as though he disappeared for a minute. Like he was back in that time.”
“What did he say?”
“He said that Addy had been lonely. There weren’t a lot of kids nearby. Addy and her mom did everything together. And… Well, he said that Addy was always dreaming big, but when it came time to leave she told them she was going to stay close to home. I guess Addy’s mom wasn’t having that. She pushed Addy to go away to college and explore the world.”
“Well, yeah; I knew that,” Tamara said. “She told Addy that Addy needed to see the world she was always writing about.”
“Yeah, but I wonder…”
“What?”
“Well, think about it, Tam. I’m no psychologist, but imagine that you did go, kind of nervously; thinking it would be okay because you could always go home.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah, shit. Home never felt like home to her after her mom died. Maybe in some way she thinks it’s because she left. I know how hard things were for her, still are at times,” Emma said. “Addy likes to pretend she has it all in hand.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“I just think that all the changes… Starting a family, her dad being back to some degree, being home with us so much… Well, now she is looking at setting off on her own as signaling some impending doom or something.”
“Okay, but she’s not moving,” Tamara pointed out. “I mean, what? She might have to go to a studio or even a location. So what? It’s not like when she left home.”
“Maybe not to you or me,” Emma said. “To Addy, it is. And, the last time she did that…”
“She lost her mom,” Tamara finished the thought. “Maybe you should be a shrink.”
Emma laughed. “No, I don’t think so.”
“I don’t know; you’re pretty good at this figuring Addy stuff out. Come to think of it; you’re pretty good at figuring most of us out.”
Emma smiled. “I think you give me a little too much credit, Tam. Most of my life I spent watching other people. You know what I mean by that? I guess for me studying people is part of what makes acting interesting—imagining what it is like to walk in their shoes for a while—live in their skin. When it comes to Addy, sometimes I’m not sure what she is thinking.”
“You two are like the perfect couple,” Tamara commented.
