Little Wolf's Handy Book of Peoms, page 2
A rude Insect
Ladybird ladybird
Ever so spotty.
Spots on her wingy and spots on her…
(hem hem, bit rude.)
Eek eek
Eek, eek, the mice do skweek,
When they want their mummy.
So do your skweeking practiss,
If you want wun in your tummy.
CRAFTY TRICK PEOMS
Hedgehog tricking
Hello Mister Hedgehog,
Can I hold your coat?
Thank you, now you won’t get stuck
Halfway down my throat.
(only kidding, not really)
So there
Smellybreff, Smellybreff
Fly away home.
The lair is on fire,
Your teddy has gone.
Har har, I tricked you!
Your brane is so small.
That is because of you
Driving me up the wall.
Crocodiles are crafty
Crocodiles are Crafty
And I will tell you Y.
If you go to say hello,
They whisper back
goodbye.
Crafty woodworms
Dad said to a woodworm, “Tuh!
All you do is chew!”
The woodworm said, “Oh, sorry mate,
Was I boring you?”
Mister Twister
He is very crool and crafty,
Plus a master of dizgize (cannot spell it).
He will come and be a stealer,
When it’s time for beddy-bize.
So if you smell sum pepper
And you are not eating stew.
Be careful, Mister Twister might
Come creeping up on you.
He whispers very softly
And says, “Look into my eyes”.
And if you do he gives you
A big horrible surprise.
Do you like getting splinters?
Do you want to have a blister?
Then maybe you would like to
Have a friend like…
Mister Twister!
My box of tricks
I have got a lot of tricks,
I keep them in a box.
There is an arrow-through-your-head,
Plus a sign to trick a fox.
There’s a mouse that runs up trousers,
Plus a little clockwork flea.
Plus sum funny itchy powder,
Plus a cush that goes Whoopee.
There’s a rattle with a snake on,
Plus fake caterpillar poo.
There’s a little skweezy froggy,
That will do a skwirt on you.
But my best tricks are celery sticks.
You stick 2 up your gums,
And say, “Have you seen the werewolf?
Oh no, look out! Here he comes!”
Dizgizzes (cannot spell it)
It’s good dressing up as a granny
To trick small Riding Hoodies.
You get into bed and you say, “Hello Red,
Do you mind if I eat up your goodies?”.
It’s good dressing up as a sheep,
And tricking Miss Little Bo Peep.
You do a Baa twice, and she goes, “Ah Nice”,
And then you drive off in her jeep.
But it’s bad dressing up as a bunny,
I did that just wunce for a dare.
A farmer got hasty, saying,
“Hmm you look tasty”,
And bang went his shotgun, not fair.
POEMS TO MAKE YOU GO “HMMMM?”
Isn’t it funny about caterpillars?
1st they eat nettles
That are very very stingy.
Then they go hard and
Then they get wingy.
(Hmmm?)
Ant, wasp, hornet, bee
Ant, wasp, hornet, bee,
Which wun do you like to see?
Best of all,
I like ants,
Because they are the funniest if…
You get them down your pants.
ect
If you ever get fed up of writing down
‘And all that kind of stuff’,
You can say it in a short way,
(3 letters are enuff)
Sum poshies write down etc,
Or even etcetera.
But I like writing ect best,
So nah nah nah nah nah.
If I was a teecher
If I was a teecher
I would be very nice.
If somebody said, “Can I go to the lav?”
I would say, “Yes, go twice.”
If I was a teecher
I would make sums fun.
I would say, “Here is a hard kwestion.
What is wun + wun ?”
If I was a teecher
I would not give DTs.
I’d say, “Well done you naughty boy,
Have a sweety pleeze.”
If I was a teecher
I would not say, “Be quiet!”
I would say, “Today, for a change
Let’s have a lovely riot.”
If I was a teecher and
It got to half-past 9,
I would say, “Enuff for today
Buzz off, it’s go-home time.”
So come on all you teechers,
Do not be strict and crool.
Be noble to your pupils,
Let them muck about in school.
Say boo to blue
If you feel a little blue
And lonely in the night,
Make friends with a line painting gang,
And then you’ll be all white.
Sand
Sand is OK
For pits and pies.
But not much good
For ears and eyes.
I like sand
That is underneef.
Not on top
Or in your teef.
HANDY PEOMS
Stick to glue
Glue is very handy
When you write a letter.
You could close the envelope with a hammer and nails,
But I think glue is better.
My small handy hero
Who is that flitting
Round my house?
A bird, a plane
Or a Supermouse?
No it is not.
Sorry about that.
It is not a hero,
Only a bat.
But yes he is a hero,
Hip hip heroeee!
He eats flies and , stingy things,
And it keeps them all off me.
Handy peom about not having a tail
To be a wasp or slimy snail,
Would be handy in a way.
OK, somewun might tred on you,
But they would not pull your tail, eh?
Handy tricks for when you itch
I will not itch when I get rich.
I will pay 2 chimpanzees
To have a good old feel around
And capture all my fleas.
Also, I will buy myself
A fence post on a spring.
So I just stand there and get scratched,
While the post goes bing bong bing.
Short handy peom for testing if you have got a rude habit
Listen to this kwestion and answer it kwick.
What does this remind you of? pick
roll
flick
(Har har got you, that was a NOSY trick!)
HANDY TIPS FOR SMALL WOLFCUBSITTERS
Tip 1
Toothies
Just because his teeth look small
And his mummy calls him “Love”.
Best not hold your finger out.
(Not without a glove, OK?)
Tip 2
Keep hoping
Have sum handcuffs handy,
Also a piece of rope.
Plus a fire xtingwisher,
And never give up hope.
Tip 3
Bouncing you baby cub
Bounce him in the bouncer,
Till he dribbles down his chin.
Bounce bounce bounce,
BOINGGG!
There he goes again.
Bounce him in the bouncer,
Panting like a dog.
Out go his legs like
A flippy floppy frog.
Bounce him in the bouncer,
Till he does his party tricks.
Down there, up in the air,
Whoops, no nicks.
Bounce him in the bouncer,
Mind the pussy cat!
Bounce bounce bounce bounce,
Miaow, squashed flat.
Baby cubs like bouncing,
They like their bounces ruff.
So when he hits the ceiling
You say – TUFF!!
Tip 4
No hard Skweezing
Babies are kwite dangerous,
This is what they do.
Wah wah hick burp,
Sick puddle poo.
If you give them piggie backs
Or 2 much rabbit stew,
(Remember)
Wah wah hick burp
Sick puddle poo.
Tip 5
Do a nice shocking lullaby
1, 2, 3, 8, 6,
Once I ate some Goosabix.
4, 7, 9, 8, 10,
But I sicked it up again.
Y did you let it go?
Because it made me itch my toe.
Then what did you do,
Bashed it’s head in with my shoe!
Tip 7
Do another shocking lullaby
Rockaby wolfcub,
Up in the tree.
How did you get there?
Was it windee?
Yes it was windee,
Now I am stuck.
Whoops now I’ve squashed you.
Jolly hard luck.
Dear Mum and Dad,
I got your letter today saying yes, your peoms are handy, they have stopped the draft under the back door of The Lair. Not fair, just because I was harsh 2 Smells and he is your darling baby pet.
Anyway, I am doing them all again in a neat book because Yeller and Normus say they are kwite good hem hem. Also Stubbs says they are Arks-cellent. Now I will probly sell them and get rich, so try not to get 2 jealous, eh? Also, just in case Dad likes fly peoms, I am sending this wun as a PS but no more, OK?
Yours arm-achely
L Wolf (peot)
Flies, what is the point of them?
I do not see the point of flies,
They just go round and round.
Dad hits them with his paper
And they fall down on the ground.
They buzz against the window,
But if you skwash them flat,
A load of others come along.
What is the point of that?
They are fond of Uncle Bigbad,
They want to be his friend.
But he is like a horse’s tail.
Swish, bonk…
Other Books by Ian Whybrow
Click on the covers to read more from Little Wolf…
And don’t miss these hilarious meerkat stories!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ian Whybrow has written over 100 books, ranging from picture books to novels for older children and his stories have been translated into more than 20 languages. He is best known for his original humour and says he always writes with adult readers as well as children in mind: “For me, that's the acid test for any book – that there's something in it for everyone to enjoy.” Little Wolf is one of his best-loved characters.
ABOUT THE PUBLISHER
Australia
HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street
Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia
http://www.harpercollins.com.au
Canada
HarperCollins Canada
2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor
Toronto, ON, M4W, 1A8, Canada
http://www.harpercollins.ca
New Zealand
HarperCollins Publishers (New Zealand) Limited
P.O. Box 1
Auckland, New Zealand
http://www.harpercollins.co.nz
United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
http://www.harpercollins.co.uk
United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
195 Broadway
New York, NY 10007
http://www.harpercollins.com
Ian Whybrow, Little Wolf's Handy Book of Peoms
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Ladybird ladybird
Ever so spotty.
Spots on her wingy and spots on her…
(hem hem, bit rude.)
Eek eek
Eek, eek, the mice do skweek,
When they want their mummy.
So do your skweeking practiss,
If you want wun in your tummy.
CRAFTY TRICK PEOMS
Hedgehog tricking
Hello Mister Hedgehog,
Can I hold your coat?
Thank you, now you won’t get stuck
Halfway down my throat.
(only kidding, not really)
So there
Smellybreff, Smellybreff
Fly away home.
The lair is on fire,
Your teddy has gone.
Har har, I tricked you!
Your brane is so small.
That is because of you
Driving me up the wall.
Crocodiles are crafty
Crocodiles are Crafty
And I will tell you Y.
If you go to say hello,
They whisper back
goodbye.
Crafty woodworms
Dad said to a woodworm, “Tuh!
All you do is chew!”
The woodworm said, “Oh, sorry mate,
Was I boring you?”
Mister Twister
He is very crool and crafty,
Plus a master of dizgize (cannot spell it).
He will come and be a stealer,
When it’s time for beddy-bize.
So if you smell sum pepper
And you are not eating stew.
Be careful, Mister Twister might
Come creeping up on you.
He whispers very softly
And says, “Look into my eyes”.
And if you do he gives you
A big horrible surprise.
Do you like getting splinters?
Do you want to have a blister?
Then maybe you would like to
Have a friend like…
Mister Twister!
My box of tricks
I have got a lot of tricks,
I keep them in a box.
There is an arrow-through-your-head,
Plus a sign to trick a fox.
There’s a mouse that runs up trousers,
Plus a little clockwork flea.
Plus sum funny itchy powder,
Plus a cush that goes Whoopee.
There’s a rattle with a snake on,
Plus fake caterpillar poo.
There’s a little skweezy froggy,
That will do a skwirt on you.
But my best tricks are celery sticks.
You stick 2 up your gums,
And say, “Have you seen the werewolf?
Oh no, look out! Here he comes!”
Dizgizzes (cannot spell it)
It’s good dressing up as a granny
To trick small Riding Hoodies.
You get into bed and you say, “Hello Red,
Do you mind if I eat up your goodies?”.
It’s good dressing up as a sheep,
And tricking Miss Little Bo Peep.
You do a Baa twice, and she goes, “Ah Nice”,
And then you drive off in her jeep.
But it’s bad dressing up as a bunny,
I did that just wunce for a dare.
A farmer got hasty, saying,
“Hmm you look tasty”,
And bang went his shotgun, not fair.
POEMS TO MAKE YOU GO “HMMMM?”
Isn’t it funny about caterpillars?
1st they eat nettles
That are very very stingy.
Then they go hard and
Then they get wingy.
(Hmmm?)
Ant, wasp, hornet, bee
Ant, wasp, hornet, bee,
Which wun do you like to see?
Best of all,
I like ants,
Because they are the funniest if…
You get them down your pants.
ect
If you ever get fed up of writing down
‘And all that kind of stuff’,
You can say it in a short way,
(3 letters are enuff)
Sum poshies write down etc,
Or even etcetera.
But I like writing ect best,
So nah nah nah nah nah.
If I was a teecher
If I was a teecher
I would be very nice.
If somebody said, “Can I go to the lav?”
I would say, “Yes, go twice.”
If I was a teecher
I would make sums fun.
I would say, “Here is a hard kwestion.
What is wun + wun ?”
If I was a teecher
I would not give DTs.
I’d say, “Well done you naughty boy,
Have a sweety pleeze.”
If I was a teecher
I would not say, “Be quiet!”
I would say, “Today, for a change
Let’s have a lovely riot.”
If I was a teecher and
It got to half-past 9,
I would say, “Enuff for today
Buzz off, it’s go-home time.”
So come on all you teechers,
Do not be strict and crool.
Be noble to your pupils,
Let them muck about in school.
Say boo to blue
If you feel a little blue
And lonely in the night,
Make friends with a line painting gang,
And then you’ll be all white.
Sand
Sand is OK
For pits and pies.
But not much good
For ears and eyes.
I like sand
That is underneef.
Not on top
Or in your teef.
HANDY PEOMS
Stick to glue
Glue is very handy
When you write a letter.
You could close the envelope with a hammer and nails,
But I think glue is better.
My small handy hero
Who is that flitting
Round my house?
A bird, a plane
Or a Supermouse?
No it is not.
Sorry about that.
It is not a hero,
Only a bat.
But yes he is a hero,
Hip hip heroeee!
He eats flies and , stingy things,
And it keeps them all off me.
Handy peom about not having a tail
To be a wasp or slimy snail,
Would be handy in a way.
OK, somewun might tred on you,
But they would not pull your tail, eh?
Handy tricks for when you itch
I will not itch when I get rich.
I will pay 2 chimpanzees
To have a good old feel around
And capture all my fleas.
Also, I will buy myself
A fence post on a spring.
So I just stand there and get scratched,
While the post goes bing bong bing.
Short handy peom for testing if you have got a rude habit
Listen to this kwestion and answer it kwick.
What does this remind you of? pick
roll
flick
(Har har got you, that was a NOSY trick!)
HANDY TIPS FOR SMALL WOLFCUBSITTERS
Tip 1
Toothies
Just because his teeth look small
And his mummy calls him “Love”.
Best not hold your finger out.
(Not without a glove, OK?)
Tip 2
Keep hoping
Have sum handcuffs handy,
Also a piece of rope.
Plus a fire xtingwisher,
And never give up hope.
Tip 3
Bouncing you baby cub
Bounce him in the bouncer,
Till he dribbles down his chin.
Bounce bounce bounce,
BOINGGG!
There he goes again.
Bounce him in the bouncer,
Panting like a dog.
Out go his legs like
A flippy floppy frog.
Bounce him in the bouncer,
Till he does his party tricks.
Down there, up in the air,
Whoops, no nicks.
Bounce him in the bouncer,
Mind the pussy cat!
Bounce bounce bounce bounce,
Miaow, squashed flat.
Baby cubs like bouncing,
They like their bounces ruff.
So when he hits the ceiling
You say – TUFF!!
Tip 4
No hard Skweezing
Babies are kwite dangerous,
This is what they do.
Wah wah hick burp,
Sick puddle poo.
If you give them piggie backs
Or 2 much rabbit stew,
(Remember)
Wah wah hick burp
Sick puddle poo.
Tip 5
Do a nice shocking lullaby
1, 2, 3, 8, 6,
Once I ate some Goosabix.
4, 7, 9, 8, 10,
But I sicked it up again.
Y did you let it go?
Because it made me itch my toe.
Then what did you do,
Bashed it’s head in with my shoe!
Tip 7
Do another shocking lullaby
Rockaby wolfcub,
Up in the tree.
How did you get there?
Was it windee?
Yes it was windee,
Now I am stuck.
Whoops now I’ve squashed you.
Jolly hard luck.
Dear Mum and Dad,
I got your letter today saying yes, your peoms are handy, they have stopped the draft under the back door of The Lair. Not fair, just because I was harsh 2 Smells and he is your darling baby pet.
Anyway, I am doing them all again in a neat book because Yeller and Normus say they are kwite good hem hem. Also Stubbs says they are Arks-cellent. Now I will probly sell them and get rich, so try not to get 2 jealous, eh? Also, just in case Dad likes fly peoms, I am sending this wun as a PS but no more, OK?
Yours arm-achely
L Wolf (peot)
Flies, what is the point of them?
I do not see the point of flies,
They just go round and round.
Dad hits them with his paper
And they fall down on the ground.
They buzz against the window,
But if you skwash them flat,
A load of others come along.
What is the point of that?
They are fond of Uncle Bigbad,
They want to be his friend.
But he is like a horse’s tail.
Swish, bonk…
Other Books by Ian Whybrow
Click on the covers to read more from Little Wolf…
And don’t miss these hilarious meerkat stories!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Ian Whybrow has written over 100 books, ranging from picture books to novels for older children and his stories have been translated into more than 20 languages. He is best known for his original humour and says he always writes with adult readers as well as children in mind: “For me, that's the acid test for any book – that there's something in it for everyone to enjoy.” Little Wolf is one of his best-loved characters.
ABOUT THE PUBLISHER
Australia
HarperCollins Publishers (Australia) Pty. Ltd.
Level 13, 201 Elizabeth Street
Sydney, NSW 2000, Australia
http://www.harpercollins.com.au
Canada
HarperCollins Canada
2 Bloor Street East - 20th Floor
Toronto, ON, M4W, 1A8, Canada
http://www.harpercollins.ca
New Zealand
HarperCollins Publishers (New Zealand) Limited
P.O. Box 1
Auckland, New Zealand
http://www.harpercollins.co.nz
United Kingdom
HarperCollins Publishers Ltd.
1 London Bridge Street
London SE1 9GF
http://www.harpercollins.co.uk
United States
HarperCollins Publishers Inc.
195 Broadway
New York, NY 10007
http://www.harpercollins.com
Ian Whybrow, Little Wolf's Handy Book of Peoms
