COPYRIGHT

  First published by Collins in 2002

  This electronic edition published by HarperCollins Children’s Books in 2015

  Collins and HarperCollins Childen's Books

  are imprints of HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd,

  1 London Bridge Street,

  London SE1 9GF

  The HarperCollins website address is www.harpercollins.co.uk

  Text © Ian Whybrow 2002

  Illustrations © Tony Ross 2002

  Ian Whybrow and Tony Ross assert their moral right to be identified as the author and illustrator of the work.

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.

  HarperCollinsPublishers has made every reasonable effort to ensure that any picture content and written content in this ebook has been included or removed in accordance with the contractual and technological constraints in operation at the time of publication.

  Source ISBN: 9780007119042

  Ebook Edition © MAY 2015 ISBN: 9780008140144

  Version: 2015-06-19

  With love to Valérie and Judith

  CONTENTS

  Cover

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  Tips about Peoms

  My Family

  My Friends

  Having Adventures

  Snacky Peoms

  Best Wolfie Nursery Raymes

  Crafty Trick Peoms

  Poems to Make you go “Hmmmm?”

  Handy Peoms

  Handy Tips for Small Wolfcubsitters

  Other Books by Ian Whybrow

  About the Author

  About the Publisher

  Dear Mum and Dad, this is not a letter, This is a peom (They are posher and better). You say you hate peoms but I have done a load, Sum are a bit rubbish, but not this wun any road. Also I have done sum nice wuns about you and Dad, So go on, have a small read, or I will get sad. Yours rimbling rumbling rhyming-lee, from Little Wolf, your Number I cub-bee.

  PS Can you send a letter saying smellybreff, no drinking Little’s ink or else?

  Dear Mum and Dad,

  Thank you for your fierce letter, it made me jump. You say pack in riting peoms, you are rubbish. Also you say what are they? Will they let down the terrible name of Wolf?

  Answer no, they are posh and proud things. Plus they are handy if you want to say something spesh. Like Dad, if you get a sting, you can say:

  Gurr that bee,

  It blunking well stinged me.

  Oo ah ow ee!

  Handy, eh?

  Tell you what, I will do you a load. See if you change your mind. I will start with some tips to help you like them. Ready?

  Yours tipfully,

  TIPS ABOUT PEOMS

  Peoms ought to

  How poems like getting read

  When you read a peom,

  Do not scoff it like a stew.

  Give it a nibble like a flea,

  Before you start to chew.

  Also do not try to read

  A load of them at wun go.

  Just read a couple at a time,

  Or your brane will say, “Oh no!”

  Plus when you write a peom

  It makes you very proud.

  So do not read them in your head,

  They like getting read OUT LOUD.

  My best letter for peoms

  (Ow, my arm. I do not know Y I did that.)

  But no tip for Smells

  Smells is a hopeless riter,

  But he likes getting inky.

  If I do not hide my ink bottle

  He has a little drinky.

  It is just a waste of time

  Giving him peom tips.

  His idea of riting peoms

  Is making a mess with his lips.

  MY FAMILY

  (you will like these I bet)

  Peom for Grizzle, my wolfie mum

  Who taught me how to scratch and fight?

  My mum.

  Who showed me how a cub should bite?

  My mum.

  Who taught me badness in my crib?

  Who taught me how to cheat and fib?

  Who taught me never to DYB DOB DYB?

  (Sob) My mum.

  Peom for Gripper, my wolfie dad

  (But not Uncle Bigbad though)

  Dad, you look like Uncle,

  Only much fiercier.

  Your eyes are not so close together,

  But they are a lot piercier.

  If wun of you was going

  To make me into stew.

  I think I would much rather

  Get eaten up by you.

  My bad uncle (M. I. P)

  Bigbad was my uncle,

  He was very fierce and tall.

  And if you asked him kwestions,

  It drove him up the wall.

  Like, “Uncle, you know your trousers

  With holes in at the back?

  Is that so we don’t have to guess

  If your bott is white or black?”

  Like, “Uncle, when you were little,

  Did you have an axi-dent?

  Did you keep falling on your face?

  Is that Y it is so bent?”

  Like, “Uncle, you said you hate spinach?

  Do you know the stuff I mean?

  That squished-up, smelly, slimy stuff.

  So why are your teef so green?”

  But now he is a ghostie,

  Bigbad is dead at last.

  So all he does is Moan in Peace,

  Serves him right for eating beans too fast.

  If you ask him ghostie kwestions,

  It still drives him up the wall.

  And that is Y he bongs my head,

  Not fair, I am only small.

  Baby bruv Smellybreff

  Smells is such a miser

  And if he gets sum gold,

  He tucks it up and kisses it,

  Saying, “Night night, don’t get cold.”

  His brane is even smaller

  Than the smallest little winkle.

  That is Y his bestest noise

  Is money going chinkle.

  Plus, when my Dad made Smellybreff

  A garage with a key,

  He locked up all my dinky cars,

  Saying “Nah Nah, Har Har Hee”.

  Smells in the bathroom

  Smells is in the bathroom

  Getting undressed.

  This is the bit that

  He likes the best.

  Eating all the toothpaste.

  Skweezing the shampoo.

  Collecting all the bath toys

  And dropping them down the loo.

  Smells the conker bonker

  I like to see a conker

  On a little bit of string.

  I like to whizz wun in the air

  To get a proper swing.

  But I hate playing conkers

  With my bruvver in the yard.

  He never hits the conker

  But he always hits me hard.

  That is how annoying

  Our Smellybreff can get.

  So how come he is always

  Mum’s darling baby pet?

  Our lair

  Our lair is very cosy

  Plus it is nice and smelly.

  It’s nice for hibernaters,

  Because you can watch the telly.

  It is better than a burrow

  Or a bird box or a set.

  Normus Bear says dens are good,

  But I have not tried dens yet.

  I wunce had a look in a wasps’ nest,

  But that was 2 buzzy for me.

  No, I like Our Lair! I do, so there!

  Hip hip arrrooo times 3.

  MY FRIENDS

  Guess who?

  My friend S wears a Go Crow hat,

  He has never been a weasel or a shark.

  He does not bite or skweak,

  But he has a clever beak.

  And he does not say a lot, only Ark!

  His name is…?

  Now this wun

  His name is like a colour,

  (The same colour as his fuzz).

  He is also very noisy,

  He is my best friend and cuz.

  His name is…?

  One more

  He is strong and also scary,

  He likes bashing people in.

  He is big and nice and hairy,

  But not horrible and thin.

  His name is…?

  (xtra Clue)

  He is not Uncle Bigbad.

  He is not a fat pear.

  So I will give you wun more chance.

  His name is…?

  (So eeeeeesy!)

  HAVING ADVENTURES

  Adventures was its name

  There was a time

  When I was small

  I did not care for

  Bangs at all.

  And my friend Yeller

  Long ago,

  Got the trembles

  I n the snow.

  My friend Stubbs,

  I don’t know Y,

  Wunce was much 2

  Frit 2 fly.

  But then we had a sumthing,

  Like a scary sort of a game.

  And then we all liked being scared –

  Adventures was its name.

  What to go by on adventures

  If you have just normal fun

  You go by a scooter or a bike.

  But if you have adventures

  You can go by anything you like.

  Wunce I went by crocodile,

  Wunce I went by sail,

  Wunce I went by snowmobile,

  Wunce I went by whale.

  Wunce I went by picnic plates,

  Skating on sum ice.

  But my best way was by Stubby Crow,

  Hmmm, yes, nice.

  Zipwire adventures

  Zipwires are funny

  They are not like normal wire.

  You get a nice shock going down

  Then they bounce you off a tyre.

  My flying adventure

  I have a friend called Stubby Crow.

  Sumtimes he sits on wire,

  And if he feels like it

  He can go up even higher.

  Sum people fly in an air balloon,

  Or a blown-up rubber glove.

  But Stubbs just does a flippy flap,

  And up he goes above.

  I wunce flew off a lamp post,

  But I could not get the trick.

  I found the air was a bit 2 thin

  And the ground was a bit 2 thick.

  Bonk.

  Kind of an adventure peom but more muckabouty

  Normus brought his BEACH in a bag

  His BEACH in a bag

  His BEACH in a bag.

  Normus brought his BEACH in a bag and

  FLOPPED it on the floor. (PLONK)

  Stubbs came along with his SEA in a pan

  His SEA in a pan

  His SEA in a SAUCEpan.

  Stubbs came along with his SEA in a pan and

  He began to pour. (SLOSH!)

  Yeller brought his BUCKET and spade

  His BUCKET and spade

  His BUCKET and spade.

  Yeller brought his BUCKET and spade and

  SAT down on the shore. (PAT PAT PAT PAT)

  I counted up all the LITTLE sand pies

  All the LITTLE sand pies

  All the LITTLE sand pies.

  I counted up all the LITTLE sand pies

  Going 1-2-3-5-4!

  Then—

  Smells came along and JUMPED on the pies

  He JUMPED on the pies

  He JUMPED on the pies.

  Smells came along and JUMPED on the pies…

  That’s why his bott is sore! (OUCH!)

  SNACKY PEOMS

  Bakebean bangs

  I love bakebeans,

  They are delish!

  I am most happy,

  When they are in my dish.

  They are sweet and saucy,

  (Hem hem, a bit like me).

  You can get them canteen size,

  So handy 4 your tea.

  Best to eat them with a spoon,

  But never with a spade.

  If you do, then ask your mum

  To call the fire brigade.

  Remember Uncle Bigbad went

  Scoff Scoff and could not stop?

  He got the Jumping Beanbangs,

  And then he went off POP!

  So when you eat your bakebeans,

  Make sure that they get chewed.

  Or you might go bang at the table,

  (Funny, yes, but rude)

  3 noisy earwiggles

  3 noisy earwiggles

  Like sitting in a row.

  Pretending to be football fans,

  All shouting, “Earwig go!”

  If you come along and say,

  “Raaaah! It is me!

  Shall I eat you up?”

  They shout, “Hoy! Ref-e-reeee!”

  If you try to catch them,

  They all hide.

  If you lift their flower pot up,

  They shout, “Offside!”

  When you get the giggles,

  They run away.

  They are just the funniest snacks

  You will see all day.

  Jelly Peom

  Jelly in the water.

  That looks good!

  Pop it in a jam jar,

  Save it for my pud.

  Forget all about it,

  Leave it for a week.

  Jelly goes all wiggly.

  Tadpoles! Flipping cheek!

  Never mind, I’m hungry,

  Pop them in my dish.

  Little bit of custard on,

  Yum! Dee-lish!

  Feel a bit jumpy,

  Wonder how come?

  Sumwun’s done a trick on me,

  There’s froggies in my tum!

  Y mice?

  I think mice

  Are nice.

  They are just

  the right size

  For pies.

  Y deers?

  Deers are very nice in pies,

  But hard to get the crust on.

  Because of the hard things on their heads

  That sum teeth can get bust on.

  (Did you know that saying ‘deers’ is wrong? Good, because this is a naughty song. So deers deers deers deers deers deers deers deers etc)

  Rabbit rolls

  Rabbits are handy,

  (Also tastier than moles).

  Plus you can catch them easy

  And pop them in your rolls.

  Not fair snacks

  Moles are a bit like bats,

  They both need glasses.

  Only bats fly 2 high to catch.

  Also moles hide in underpasses.

  (Boo shame)

  Hedgehogs are not fair either

  Hedgehogs are not fair either

  All covered in prickles.

  Y can’t they just have fur on?

  Because fur only tickles.

  My best snack

  My best snack is mooses or pizza.

  But which wun I cannot decide.

  My dream is to have both together –

  A snack that is 2 metres wide.

  BEST WOLFIE NURSERY RAYMES

  2 little dickies

  2 little dicky birds sitting on the wall,

  Bagsy me the fat wun, you get the small.

  Baa baa black sheep

  Baa baa black sheep,

  Have you got a sec?

  Yes sir, yes sir…

  Aren’t you a wolf?

  Oo heck!

  Mary Had a little lamb

  Mary had a little lamb

  Her fleece was very hairy.

  The lamb was very tasty,

  But not as nice as Mary, har har.

  Hickery dicky

  Hickery dicky dock,

  The mousy had a shock.

  The clock struck three,

  I had him for tea.

  Serves him right for running up my clock.

  Old Macdonald

  Old Macdonald had a farm

  Ee – I – ee – arrroooo!

  And on that farm he had sum ducks,

  Chew chew chew chew chew.

 

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