Burning Love (Hell Yeah! Cajun Style), page 19
She had sprinted across the hard wood floors and through the heavy double door. But by the time she had made it out on the porch; he was nowhere in sight. Glancing around, she didn’t see him. Her heart was hammering in her chest. Unwilling to give up, she took off into the parking lot, weaving her way through the cars and pickups. She even stooped and looked under vehicles. What would she do if she found him? Well, her planning didn’t go quite that far. A hand touched her shoulder and immediately Harley went into defense mode. She was just about to use her elbow and her weight to throw her attacker when he said one word.
“Baby.”
Harley went limp. “Beau.”
“What are you doing? What’s wrong?”
“Just a minute, I’ve got to keep looking.” She pulled from his hold and headed around the restaurant to the water’s edge. A boat motor in the distance answered her question for her. If it was Fox, he was long gone. She heard Beau’s footfalls behind her. “He must have gone around the back. I lost him, he got away.”
“Stop, Harley.” He grasped her arms, turning her to face him. “What’s going on? Who are you chasing after?”
“I don’t know,” she pushed her hair off her forehead. Beau could see she was upset. “It looked like Fox Crocker, the man who raped me.”
He put an arm around her and pulled her to his side, putting himself between the waterfront and her. “Where did you see him?”
“In the restaurant, he was standing by the table closest to the door.” She shuddered in his arms, and he kissed the top of her head. “Do you think I’m imagining things?”
“What was he wearing?” Beau had an uneasy feeling.
“Camouflage coveralls, you know – those one piece jumpsuits.”
Damn. It was the same man. “Let’s go in and eat, Sweetheart. We’ll talk about it and see what we can come up with.” He didn’t like it; he didn’t like it at all. They returned to their table and Beau held out her chair. “Did the man make eye contact with you?”
Harley took a long sip of tea, trying to settle her nerves. What was wrong with her? She was turning into a girl! “Oh yeah – he sneered at me. It took me a second or two to process who it was, or who I think it was.”
“Eat, then we’re getting out of here. We’ll come back another time. I’m not risking taking you out in the open with some nut following you around. We’re going back to my stomping ground, so I can protect you.”
“You can’t stay with me all the time, you have things to do,” Harley protested.
“Watch me.” Beau was dead serious. “I have no trouble setting priorities in my life and you are #1, nothing else even comes close.”
Harley fell silent. She had never known such concern for her well-being before.
“Look at me, Nada.” She did. “I love you. You realize that, don’t you?”
“I’m beginning to.” Feelings of joy warred with a sense of dread. She was responsible for Beau’s happiness. He was her hostage to fortune, and that scared her to death.
Chapter Eight
“You can take care of the office for a few days, Dandi. Just have Indiana bring me those specifications so I can take a look at them – yes, the ones for the Ferret Scout vehicle. I’m working on a plan to add some riot control equipment. The New Orleans Police Department has contacted me about converting a fleet of them for their SWAT team.”
Her rug would never be the same; Beau was pacing a hole in it. He would walk to the window and look out and then march to the door and look through the glass. Harley had plans to take some precautions also. She had looked up a number for a security company; they were coming out in several days to give her an estimate on an alarm system.
“Sounds good, and tell Rick that I want to see him, too.” Beau snorted at something Dandi said. “Yes, I’m staying with Harley and if I have to leave for some reason, I want Rick to be available to take care of her till I can get back.”
Harley glared at him and he smiled the sweetest, sexiest smile, it made her knees go weak. How could she get mad at him? It was impossible. As he was taking care of business, she retrieved Dr. Wagner’s number and gave him a call. Her original appointment was scheduled for tomorrow, so the likelihood of getting in to see him today was small. But she was anxious to make love to Beau – so she was prepared to beg.
“Good morning? Dr. Wagner’s office. How may I help you?” The receptionist syrupy drawl made Harley smile.
“This is Harley Montoya and I would like to see if I could move my appointment up to today. I was scheduled to come in tomorrow.”
“Hold on a moment, please.” After a few moments, the receptionist returned and Harley was told to be there in an hour.
Looking out the kitchen window, she was surprised to see a movement in the bushes down beside the bayou. Her property was fenced and no one should have been on the place except her and Beau. She stood on tiptoe and looked again. This time she saw no one. Maybe her imagination was working overtime. Or perhaps it was just an animal.
“Did you get ahold of the doc?” Beau came up behind her and enclosed her in a bear hug.
“Yeah, I get to go in an hour.” Should she tell Beau what she saw?
“I’ll drive you. There’s a man I need to meet in Lafayette, he has a canon he wants to sell me. It won’t take but a minute; I could catch him before our appointment if we leave now.”
So, she wouldn’t tell him – not now anyway. “Okay,” she knew better than to argue about them going together. He had made it pretty clear that he didn’t want her to be alone. “But I don’t want you to talk to Dr. Wagner this time. I want to do it by myself. Okay?”
“Why?” Beau nudged her around, so they were facing one another. He looked confused.
“Just let me handle it this time, you know all of this is embarrassing to me. And now that we’ve done intimate things, the idea of the two of you talking about me makes me extremely uncomfortable.” Maybe, she wasn’t being reasonable, but it was how she felt.
Beau took a deep breath, knowing what he had to say wouldn’t go over very well. “I guess I should tell you that the Doc and I have talked on the phone a few times. I’d rather you hear that news from me, rather than him.”
Humiliation flashed over Harley, making her redden with unease. “You’ve been talking to the doctor about what we’re doing in bed?” She placed her hands over her cheeks, trying to imagine what their conversations had been like. “Did he tell you what to do? Has any of this been real at all? Did you tell him I masturbated in front of you? Or that I begged you . . .” she couldn’t go on.
He took her by the shoulders, not roughly, but he had a good grip on her. “You know better than that, Nada! I gave him the barest of explanations. He’s a doctor – a sex therapist, helping us is his job.” When she lowered her head, unable to look at him, he cupped her cheek rubbing a thumb across the dampness under one eye. “You know I would give my life for you. For you to be healed and able to accept me in your bed is my greatest desire. Embarrassing you or laughing at you is the farthest thing from my mind. The only reason I spoke to him at all was so I wouldn’t make any stupid mistakes – I didn’t want to rush you or do anything that would harm you. We were just trying to make sure that I did what was right for you.”
“And what is right for me?” Through tears, she looked into his eyes. This was Beau, she had to remember that. He would never hurt her. Would he?
“What is right is that you feel safe and loved - have I done that so far?”
“Yes you have,” she couldn’t lie about that.
“So why don’t you want me to speak with the doctor this time?”
“It’s difficult for me to explain.” Harley needed to voice her doubts and fears to the doctor and she didn’t want what she had to say to get back to Beau, in any way, shape or form.
“Very well,” he conceded. Beau didn’t like it, but he wasn’t going to push her.
*****
“So tell me – how was your trip?” Dane was leaning back in his chair, with his feet on his desk looking entirely too relaxed and smug to suit Harley.
“I presume you already know – I understand you have been talking about me with Beau.”
“He wasn’t phased by her accusative tone. “That’s right; Beau was determined to not make a mistake with you. He talked to me so I could advise him, that’s all. There were no details or male locker room talk. I can assure you of that.”
“I’m still not sure how I feel about that.”
The doctor pressed on. “So what have you been doing – how do you feel about your progress so far?”
Harley blushed. This was going to be impossible. “I think we’ve made some headway. We’ve slept in the same bed and kissed and touched.” That was enough detail. Wasn’t it?
“Have you had intercourse yet – full vaginal penetration?”
Ye gods – apparently not. She covered her face. “No, not yet.”
“So you tell me – in your own words. Are you satisfied with where you are or do you want to go farther?”
“Like I said, we have kissed and touched . . .” she stopped.
“Is that all?”
The man was sadistic – Harley gritted her teeth and answered. “Well, the kissing and touching did lead to lower kissing and touching.” For heaven’s sake! She was a grown woman – why was this so hard?
“So you participated in oral sex? Cunnilingus or fellatio?”
“Yes, both,” she croaked.
“Do you want to make love with him?” Dane’s voice softened.
“Yes, but I’m afraid,” Harley could only whisper the sentence.
Dane came around his desk to sit on the edge of it, right in front of her. “I don’t think you have anything to fear. If you have already been intimate to that extent, full penetration should be achievable. Explain your reservations to me. Are you afraid of the pain?”
Taking a deep breath, Harley pressed on. “Maybe, a little bit. Penetration – full penetration – I’m afraid it will remind me of the rapes.”
“Beau knows to be gentle with you. He wants to help you more than anything. So are you afraid of the panic attacks? Not being able to go through with it to climax?”
God, the man was clinical. “No, I’m afraid he will leave.”
For the first time, Dr. Wagner looked confused. “Leave? What are you talking about?”
“At first, I didn’t realize how men felt about – you know – how turned off they are about touching someone who’s been raped. And once I understood that, I knew not to expect . . .”
An understanding came into to the doctor’s eyes. He was always amazed at how rape could warp reality for people. Frankly, this was one of the most amazing looking women he had ever laid eyes on. She was totally hot, and didn’t have a clue that every man she met found her absolutely stunning. Rape was a hideous crime, but what it had done to this woman’s self-confidence was barbaric. “Harley, what you are feeling is normal. Many women feel changed after a rape. Somehow, you get the idea that is strips you of your sex appeal and your worth…” She didn’t let him finish.
“I tried to date a few times, but it didn’t work out. A couple of men flatly stated that they couldn’t stand the thought of touching me, much less having sex with me.”
“Some men do feel that way, and they need therapy as much as the victim does. However, their feelings of rejection or no more correct than your feelings of insecurity.”
Tears were beginning to come into her eyes. Dane’s explanation was heartening, but it wasn’t his opinion that mattered. “So, can you guarantee that Beau won’t act like that? Can you give me assurance that one day Beau won’t realize he’s making love to a tainted woman?”
“No, I can’t. But, if I were a betting man – I’d put every dime I had on Beau LeBlanc. That man cares more about you than he does himself. If you are attracted to him, if you want to be a woman with him – my recommendation is that you go home and enjoy one another. You deserve to know the joys that intimacy can bring into your life and I see no reason that can’t happen between you and Beau.”
He had waited for her. It had been an eternity. When she had emerged from the doctor’s office, she had been subdued. Beau felt it wise not to push. But, he couldn’t help but ask. “Are you okay, Baby?”
“Yes, I’m fine. Can we go home now?” They made the trip in relative silence. The only breaks came when he told her about the canon and the work he was doing on the Ferret. Since leaving Uncertain, he was uncertain. What if she decided that she couldn’t be intimate with him? Her mood was hard to read. It had been a long day. What with the turmoil and the long drive, he hadn’t even unloaded their luggage from the trip. Now, all he wanted to do was get her in bed and in his arms. If anything else happened, he’d be ecstatic, but having her close was essential to his existence. They were pulling into the driveway, when he had an idea. “Why don’t we run back into town and get a pizza and just come back home and crash. It’s been an emotional time – what with that idiot Crocker and your visit to the…”
Her unexpected statement stopped his thought in midsentence. “I want to try and make love to you.”
Beau was out of the truck and getting luggage faster than a wink. He had them on the porch and through the door – looked around and realized he had left behind the most important ingredient - Harley. “Hell!” She was almost out of the truck when he reached her. He went back after her, opened the door and kissed her. “You’ve got me so turned on – I don’t know whether I’m coming or going.” Picking her up, he pushed the truck door closed with his hip and carried her into Willowbend.
She tried to calm down, but her heart was fluttering like a hummingbird’s wings. She couldn’t help it; she was excited, yet apprehensive. This was such a big step for her, and she prayed she didn’t do something to screw it up. “I don’t want to disappoint you,” she mumbled as she rested her head on his shoulder.
Beau climbed the stairs and set her down to open the bedroom door. “Okay – before we go in – let’s get one thing straight.” He framed her face and looked deep into her eyes. She felt small and fragile next to his wide, hard body. “There is no way under heaven you could ever disappoint me. This isn’t a performance, and it’s not a game – this is me and you getting a second chance at forever.”
“I’m nervous,” she confessed as they stepped into her bedroom. No matter what happened – she would never forget how Beau looked standing in her private space. Never had she expected to share her life or body with a man.
“If it helps, I am too.” The bed was big – good. He needed room to work. Sitting her down, he began to undress. She began to pull at her clothes, too, but he stopped her. “No, let me do that. I want to touch you while I peel away the layers. I’ve dreamed of doing that – I want to fulfill that dream.” Her hands stilled and she just watched him as he disrobed.
Gone were the images of Pell and Crocker. Standing before her was male perfection. Big biceps, powerful shoulders, sculpted pecs and defined abs that proved the term six-pack to be woefully inadequate. His upper body was a powerful wedge that drew her eyes downward to the evidence that he really – truly – desired her. “I’m on the pill, so please don’t wear a condom. I want to feel you and know it’s you.” She didn’t say so, but the other two had worn rubbers and that was one of the sensations that had stuck with her – the uncomfortable drag of alien plastic over her dry tissues. Oh, she had been grateful they had worn a condom; it had been the one thing that had kept her sane. There had been a barrier – a thin one – between their perversion and her body. Plus a baby or an unwanted venereal disease would only have compounded her nightmare.
As he pulled the last of his clothes off and tossed them aside, he took his cock in hand and ran his palm up and down the length of it. “Baby – I have never not worn a rubber with a woman.”
“Oh, okay,” she replied and looked away quickly. His adamancy was unmistakable. “I don’t blame you – after all, I’ve been . . .”
“Until you. I want nothing between me and you – ever.” Placing one knee on the thick comforter, he pushed her shirt off her shoulders. “I love you in this camisole – it’s sexy as hell. Hold up your arms.”
“Thanks,” she said as the tight garment skimmed over her head muffling her words. “It unhooks in the back, you know.”
Beau chuckled, his dimples flashing. “Yeah, but this way is more fun and quick . . . damn! No bra.” He pushed her back and straddled her. “Tell me – stop me. Let me know anytime or anyway, if I make you nervous. I know I’m big, and I want you so much. Harley, I’m an alpha male and right now, every instinct in my body is screaming out to possess you. Do you want me?”
“Yes,” no doubt about that. She lifted her hips as he worked her pants down and off.
“I’ve never wanted anybody before, only you.”
He stopped and just looked at her, raking his eyes from top to bottom, then closed his eyes as if in prayer. “You’ve got a body that will make a man drop to his knees, Nada.”
Harley could see he was visibly shaking.
“I will be gentle, I promise. But I want this to be good for you, and I’m scared to death, Baby. I don’t want to do anything you aren’t ready for me to do.”
He waited and she held out her hand. “Love me; that’s all I ask.”
“Done.”
This would be her first time – the first time that counted. Her body wanted to respond, but an icy uneasiness was tingling down her spine. Harley bit her lip, determined to be the kind of woman Beau would enjoy having sex with. She didn’t know what to expect, but when he laid down and pulled her on top of him, her back to his front – that wasn’t it. Kissing her neck, he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tight. “You feel good in my arms.” At that simple declaration, she let out the breath she held, letting her whole body relax on his. Here, she was completely and utterly safe.
“I do?”
Her husky voice did wild things to his libido. “Lord, yes. You do.” He took a handful of her hair and tipped her head back. “Kiss me.” Helping her turn over on top of him, he fit their mouths together. Slanting his lips over hers, he kissed her hard. She shivered and he wondered if it were from arousal or nerves. A wild core of lust pushed him to bury his cock deep in her lush heat. In his fantasies, he had fucked her over and over until she was so full of his cum it would run down her thighs when they were through. It was a primal instinct. Beau wanted to place his brand on her so any man would know who she belonged to. Soon, he promised himself.
