Burning Love (Hell Yeah! Cajun Style), page 12
When he turned and started back, she hoped he wouldn’t leave. If he wanted her, she was going to try and be what he needed. She held her breath as he approached – would he turn to the driveway or come in the house? Her question was answered as he headed her way. She met him at the door. “I’m sorry, Beau.” This time she didn’t wait for him to pull her close, she threw herself at him and he caught her – deftly.
“You have no reason to apologize. For sixteen years, you’ve been living your life without me or any other man telling you what to do. And you’ve done a damn fine job of it – I remember Socorro now. Honey, you are the big leagues – you are considered to be THE expert in safe bomb disposal. When you’re talking weapons, you’re talking my language. I know something about this stuff and I respect you to no end. Still, that doesn’t mean my heart won’t be in my throat every time you get called out. Have you ever considered changing careers?” Walking deeper into the kitchen with her, he sat her up on the counter, and settled himself between her legs.
“No, not really. I’m good at what I do, and I’m needed. Most of the time I have an advantage – that psychic ability I told you about has never failed me yet.” When it looked like her answer didn’t satisfy him, she tried again. Reaching deep down in the hidden recesses of her dreams, she said, “I’ve never had a reason to consider quitting before. Being alone worked to my advantage; I had no hostages to fortune. I have no family, no one who would mourn if I,” she paused and looked away and whispered, “If I didn’t come home.” Lifting her face to him, she acknowledged how they felt. “Until now. Until you.”
“Would you think about getting out of it, for me?” He asked gently.
“I’ll consider the options.” She wouldn’t say ‘yes’, not yet. The last two incidents were troubling. Fox Crocker was dead, but something or someone was playing with her. Maybe. And until she figured that out, she couldn’t promise Beau, or anyone else, anything.
“That’s all I can ask. Well, no – I do have another question. I think you’ve already answered it, but I want to be clear, just for the record.”
“Okay,” she didn’t know what he was getting at.
“Are you ready to take the next step and let me love on you?”
He studied her face, his eyes roving over her features. She had his full and complete attention. This was new territory for Harley. A razor sharp shaft of dread sliced through her. What if she failed? What if she panicked? What if she disgusted him? She knew there was no physical evidence of the rapes remaining on her body, but the others – Jed and Sonny - had told her men didn’t like to be with a woman after she had been violated. And they had been very attracted to her before they knew - before they got too close. But Beau was here, and this was her chance at happiness or at least to know the pleasure that the rest of the world took for granted. “I’m willing to try.”
“Good,” he kissed her cheek. “Cause, I don’t know what I’d have done if you’d said no.” Now, when’s your appointment with that therapist fella?”
“In a month, but he said he could work me in if I called.”
“Call him and get your appointment moved up and tell him you’re bringing me with you.”
Chapter Six
“You want to go with me to the therapist?” Her voice got a little louder with each word. She didn’t dare say sex therapist; that was just too hard to think about. Part of her wanted to run screaming from the room. And part of her wanted to beg him to carry her to bed. The impulses were so different all she could do was sit still. “Okay. You do realize that scares me to death, don’t you?”
He gave her a big smile, smooched her right on the lips and put a hand on either side of her hips. “You scared? Impossible. Not of me. All I want to do is love you. Don’t you know that?” Yes, she did. Throwing her arms around his neck, she hugged him hard.
*****
Her nipples were so swollen and hard! Oh, she knew it would be like this, only it was better. God, his body was so beautiful. Rubbing her tits on his chest, she let her body drag over his, loving every luxurious sensation. “Am I pleasing you?” she asked feverishly.
“God, yes.” He took her by the waist and pulled her farther up. “I need to kiss your breasts.”
“Please, I’ve dreamed of that.” She held herself up by the arms and watched as he closed his eyes and took her nipple in his mouth. “Oh, oh, - oh, that feels good. I can feel the tugs between my legs.” She loved to watch him nurse at her breasts. He cupped her tit and feasted. She squirmed a little and he drug them both backwards until he was sitting leaning against the headboard and she straddling one of his muscular legs. And boy, did it hit the spot.
Letting go of her nipple, he pushed her breasts together and licked her cleavage. “Ride my leg, Nada. While I suck.” She was hesitant, but oh, she needed the stimulation. So, as he pulled at her nipple she rocked against the hard muscles of his thigh.
“Oh, Beau – my God, this feels so good.” Feverishly she humped his leg, each hard suck of his mouth sending zings of pleasure right to her clitoris. Clasping him by the head, she let herself go. No fear – no shame – no holding back. An orgasm hit her so hard, she screamed. “Beau!”
And woke herself up.
Trembling, she laid there, her lower body jerking with pure pleasure. Throwing her arm across her eyes, she moaned. It had all been a dream. A good dream. If only she could be brave enough to it come true.
*****
“Hand me that scraper tool,” Beau held out his hand.
“Here you go,” Indiana tossed it to him and Beau almost missed it.
“Ass.” With deft movements, Beau cleaned the carbon from the gas regulator of the M249 Squad Automatic Weapon – every Marine sniper’s gun of choice.
“What kind of modifications do you plan to make on that SAW?”
“Well, I have several ideas. It’s too heavy, for one thing. Mainly because the SAW is built like a box. This receiver assembly has more nooks and crannies for brass, carbon, and dirt to build up in than necessary. My thinking is that is needs be a little smoother and sleeker. If we smooth out these corners, it’ll be lighter and easier to clean.”
“What about the blank firing adapter?” Indiana leaned closer. “It never seems to fit right.”
“I agree,” Beau studied the end of the weapon. “Why don’t we create a longer screw assembly, one that can be modified easily to fit the M16.”
“That oughta work. You know what? We got a report of a nesting female gator on the Cypress Bend golf course up around Many.”
“Really?” Beau started to ask Indiana to take care of it, but thought it might be a fun place to take Harley after the tension of seeing the therapist. She had gotten her appointment moved up and he figured she would enjoy a trip after it was all over. “They’ve got a pretty nice clubhouse and hotel up there, don’t they?”
Indiana grinned, “Yea, they do. It’s scenic, romantic and secluded. Are you planning on taking your woman up there?”
“Maybe,” Beau wasn’t ready to talk about his relationship, yet – not until he was sure he had one. “Do we still have our membership at that shooting range up at Natchitoches?”
“Yea, we do. Gonna show off your skills to the little lady?”
Indy thought he was in the know, but Beau had news for him – news, he was surprisingly proud to share. “Actually, Harley has some skills of her own. I bet you’d never guess she’s former Navy Special Ops. My little girl is one of the premier bomb squad techs in the nation.”
“Dehellusaye!?!” Indiana was suitably impressed. “Shit! How does that mesh with your macho, old-fashioned, protective instincts?”
Beau grimaced and looked sheepish. “I’m working on it. Look, I’m meeting Harley in half an hour and if she agrees, I’ll head up to Cypress Bend and take care of that mama gator and then we’ll make a weekend out of it. You can reach me on my cell, but we’ll probably stay there or up on Caddo Lake.”
“Sure thing, Boss. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.” They had always shared good-natured ribbing about their love lives, but this time Beau didn’t bite. What he had with Harley was too fragile and too precious to kid about.
*****
“I’m nervous,” Harley admitted as she walked through the door Beau held for her. “I looked up this type of therapy on the internet and found out more than I wanted to know.”
“Good morning,” a grandmotherly receptionist clasped her hands together and greeted them like they were arriving at a family reunion. “We’ve been waiting on you. After you called this morning, I told Dane – ‘I think I’ll make some sugar cookies.’ They’re his favorite. And I’ve made a pot of pumpkin spiced coffee.” She patted Beau on the shoulder. “My name is Joyce, and I’m so glad you came with Ms. Montoya. Did you say your name was LeBlanc? I have some LeBlanc’s on my mother’s side. I wonder if we’re related.” She was talking so fast that Beau and Harley didn’t even try and interject a word. They just let her lead them back to the Doctor’s office and the connecting waiting room. “You sit here, Mr. LeBlanc and Dane will come out and get you when it’s time for you to join them.”
“Thank you,” was all Harley managed to get out before Dr. Dane Wagner joined them. She managed not to react, but he was one of the best looking men she had ever come across. Not as good-looking as Beau, of course. But having them both in the same room was intimidating.
“Harley, Beau – it’s good to meet you.” He shook hands with both of them. “Harley, if you’ll come with me, we’ll call for Beau in a few minutes.”
Beau sat down, reluctantly. He didn’t like Harley going off with that pretty boy. He didn’t like it at all. But he wanted her to get better, so he’d put up with it. “I’ll be waiting.” As they walked off, Beau tried to give the man that ‘she’s mine’ glare and the doctor picked up on it because he gave him a knowing, somewhat cocky, grin.
Taking her seat, Harley folded her hands in her lap and bit the inside of her lip, nervously.
Dr. Dane leaned back in his chair and tried to reassure her. “There’s nothing to be apprehensive about. We’re just going to talk. Dr. Young only told me the vaguest details, why don’t you explain to me about the rapes and how they’ve affected you.” She started to speak, but he lifted up his hand. “I only have one question that I need you to answer, before we start. And that’s very simple. Do you want to get better? Do you want to be able to have a normal sexual relationship with a man?”
“Yes, if that’s . . . possible. I mean, if he wants to have one with me,” Harley found herself stammering and stuttering. Clearing her throat, she tried to explain. “I don’t want to disappoint Beau. I’m afraid of making him feel rejected, if I get uncomfortable.” There was more to it than that, but she wasn’t ready to share the rejections she had experienced – not even with the doctor. Closing her eyes, she shut out the image of Dane Wager. He was a compelling man. Surely, he understood what she meant.
“I understand that Beau is interested in a relationship with you.” When she nodded, he leaned forward, speaking to her intently. “Any man worth his salt is going to understand how you feel. Putting you first and helping you get past your fear will be his main concern. I’ll talk to him and explain all of this. You don’t worry about him being disappointed or feeling rejected – that’s just a crock of shit – excuse my French.”
His comment made Harley laugh. His French wasn’t nearly as explicit and earthy as Beau’s had been. Sobering, she went on to explain why she felt as she did. “Beau and I have a history. He was my hero long ago when we were together in a runaway shelter in New Orleans. Due to a misunderstanding we were separated, but I never forgot him and our reunion has been totally unexpected and the fulfillment of a dream. If I were to ever love and trust anyone, it would be this man. And the thought of hurting him or making him think that I place him in the same category as my rapist horrifies me. But the flashbacks happen, I can’t help it. We’ve only kissed so far, he hasn’t pushed me, but I have felt the stirrings of panic. It’s unreasonable, I know.”
“No, Harley – it’s not unreasonable. What you are experiencing is totally normal. Flashbacks and anxiety attacks are to be expected.”
“So, what do you suggest?”
“After you answer some questions for me and I explain some things to you, I’m going to call your friend in and discuss a proposed treatment with him. Does that meet with your approval?”
Harley wanted to curl up and hide. Just the thought of these two men discussing her problem filled her stomach with butterflies. The only thing that kept her from fleeing the scene was her intense desire to get past this. It was true – she wanted to get better. Harley wanted to have sex with Beau. She wanted to be like any other woman. “Yes, I agree with your plan.”
“All right, then – let’s begin. Tell me about your early life and what led up to the first rape.”
An hour and half later, Beau saw the door open and Harley came out. Her eyes immediately sought his and he could tell she had been crying. Damn! He went to her; “Are you all right?” he looked at the pretty doctor who motioned for him to enter his office. Beau held up a hand, “I’ll be right there.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked him. “You don’t have to.”
“Yes, I do. It’s as important to me as it is to you.” He took her by the shoulders and kissed her on the forehead. “I printed out some information from the Internet this morning. It’s over there where I was sitting. While I talk to the Doc, you go check it out. And if you like what you see, we’ll go pack you an overnight bag and head north.”
Harley’s heart quickened, “A trip? Together?” He was so considerate. She knew he was doing this to get her mind off of things, and make time for them to be together. “Thank you. I can’t wait to see what you’ve planned.”
“You sit tight – I’ll be right back.” Tucking her hair behind one ear, he looked deep into her eyes. “And don’t worry. I’m going to take good care of you.”
“Sit down, Mr. LeBlanc. I’m glad you came.”
“I want to help Harley.”
“I know you do, and I’m going to do everything I can to make that happen. Harley tells me that you knew one another as children in a home in New Orleans.”
“Yeah, she was raped there because she helped me escape.”
The doctor wrote something down, Beau strained to see what it was. “So, I have to ask, Mr. LeBlanc. Could your interest in Harley now stem from gratitude and guilt?”
Beau snorted. “Are you kidding me? Are you blind? Did you get a good look at that woman?”
Dane Wagner grinned, “Good answer.”
“I have a connection with Harley, don’t get me wrong. This isn’t just sexual attraction; I have tender feelings for her. Having said that, I also intend to have her in my bed – permanently.”
“Understood.”
“So, tell me what to do to help her.”
“I’m about to. But first, I want you to remember that I’m looking out for Harley’s well-being – just like I’m supposed to. She is a very special, beautiful woman.” The doctor met his stare – look for look – and if Beau wasn’t mistaken, the good doctor would like the chance to step into Beau’s shoes with Harley, if he made even one misstep.
“I appreciate your help. She doesn’t realize it yet, but Harley belongs to me. I want to take responsibility for her. Her happiness is my happiness, and if her insurance doesn’t cover this, I’ll gladly pay.” Joining the doctor at the coffee pot, Beau poured himself a cup of what he generally termed – sissy coffee. “Plus, I want you to know that if there’s any sexual interaction to be done like touching or anything like that, I will be the one to do it. I’ll follow your guidelines, I’ll take your suggestion, but I don’t want you to even think about her naked.” Beau stood toe to toe with the other man and staked his claim. “I don’t know how you operate here, but I’ve done a little investigating about sex therapists on the Internet. I respect what you do, but I will be filling the role of her sex partner, exclusively.”
To Beau’s surprise, the other man didn’t argue. Rather, he smiled and clasped him on the shoulder. “She and I have discussed that very thing and we were just waiting on your agreement. Shall we get started with the details?”
“The sooner, the better.” They both sat back down and Beau started to take notes, but the Dr. handed him a small pamphlet. He gave him some verbal instructions as well.
“One of the main side effects of sexual assault is flashbacks. These vivid memories often occur during sexual contact. The flashbacks can be feelings, images, or thoughts and for a brief period the victim relives her trauma. This can be confusing, making the woman feel guilty for having any sexual desire at all. If they happen during sex, you may have to stop or just hold her till the discomfort and panic subsides. Over time, the occurrence of flashbacks can lessen. I think because Harley has been a rape victim twice, her symptoms are more complicated. You may find that just letting the flashback happen and talking her through them will make it lose its importance. The only thing I can tell you at this point is that Harley understands what is happening to her. She wants to get better and she wants you to be a part of that. In all actuality, she is a very brave and strong woman.”
“I agree.” One other topic he had researched online had been Harley’s company. What he had found had made him proud and scared the shit out of him simultaneously. “She faces danger and death regularly, better than most men. It baffles me how she can compartmentalize this tragic area of life and still function so well in all the rest.” They sat in silence for a moment. Beau leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees. “If she agrees, I’m taking her away this weekend to someplace romantic. What I want to know is how to start. I want to make her comfortable, yet make it clear that I want her more than anything. Doc, I want her to feel cherished, aroused and safe.”
