“I’m a friend of David’s, Mrs. Cavill,” Cassidy answered, watching a rollercoaster of emotions on the older woman’s face—from confusion to disappointment to hopeful again.

  “Ah, so my David has finally found a good girl.” Damn, the woman looked so happy. So why did he seem utterly miserable? She didn’t know what to say, so it was good that his mother kept going. “We haven’t met one of David’s girlfriends since Marla, the last one, and she turned out to be…”

  His body tensed, and the veins in his neck twitched. “Ma—enough already!”

  She waved him off. “That Marla.” His mother practically hissed out the girl’s name and then made a spitting sound. Her mouth opened, ready to vent further on about the ex-girlfriend, when a loud thump came from upstairs, then successively louder steps came towards them.

  And sure enough, there was a handsome, far less built, slightly older version of David coming down the stairs. His clothes were all wrinkled, and his hair was overgrown and all over the place, as if he’d just woken from a deep sleep.

  This must be Dante.

  Following close behind was an aged version of both David and Dante—she guessed it was their father. Like David, Mr. Cavill looked as if he worked out. His hair was more grey than brown. The minute both men saw Cassidy, they stopped in their tracks, looking dumbfounded.

  Dante was the first to recover.

  “Looks like baby brother finally brought me a decent birthday present,” he mumbled. There was a slight slurring to his words, and even though he was saying something crude and lascivious, his whole tone sounded flat, without real emotion. “Sorry to disappoint you, but they gave me one of my shots last night, so it’s gonna be a while ’til I can work up enough wood for you to blow me right.”

  His parents looked as if they were about to die from embarrassment, and David seemed ready to take him out with his bare hands. But Cassidy didn’t let the comment phase her. She recognized something was off about Dante, and she knew from her time with patients that it wouldn’t help anyone to lose her temper.

  “Hi, you must be Dante. I’m Cassidy. I’m actually a friend of your brother’s. I’m not your, um, present. Happy birthday, though. I brought some cookies over. I would have gotten you a present, had I known.”

  Dante was off the stairs and was taking steps coming toward her when David blocked his brother’s way.

  “Let’s slow down.”

  Dante blinked several times, hard, in an almost mechanical fashion. “But what about Marla?”

  David gave his brother a pained smile. “Marla hasn’t been around for a long time, man.”

  “Hello, I’m Frank, the father around here,” the older man said, trying to lighten the tone. He reached out his hand, and she shook it. His hand was warm, calloused, strong, and his gaze upon her apologetic and appreciative. “It’s great to meet David’s girl.”

  “Dad, she’s not here for him,” Dante said. “She’s here to give me a birthday blow job, aren’t you honey?” He gazed in Cassidy’s direction. His eyes never met hers, though. Not from embarrassment, she guessed, but more like he was stuck inside his own head.

  She’d encountered his type before at her job, and she had sympathy for him. In some ways, she could understand his suffering. What must it be like to be trapped inside himself, not just unwilling, but unable to escape the garbled mess that was his mind?

  She opened her mouth to say something to ease the situation, but Dante plowed forward.

  “I only let the girls give me head because if I stick my dick in them, the government uses their snatch to stick tracking devices into me. I caught onto that trick back in 1985, and I’m certainly not falling for that again!”

  Cassidy nodded. There was no use arguing with him. “Well, as I said, I came by to see your brother. I’m not here to service you.”

  He went on as though he hadn’t heard her. “You’re lucky not to have tracking devices hidden in your snatch. I hear it hurts something awful.”

  “Yes.” She offered a half smile. “I got lucky that way.”

  David stepped forward. “Ma…Dad, I’ll get you all home in a minute. I need to talk to Cassidy outside.”

  He took Cassidy’s hand, closed the door, and led her to the bottom of the stairs, far enough from the door that they could be alone, but close enough that she could feel a part of him was still inside, with his family.

  She wanted to reach out to him so badly, to comfort him in any way she could. With her words, her body, her soul. But anger was coming off of him in hot waves, suffocating her.

  “Is your brother’s illness your secret? Is that the burden you’ve been carrying around all this time? Because you don’t have to do this alone, you know.”

  His eyes slid over her, an expression of disbelief on his handsome face. “You call it an illness, like he’s got a cold.” He rubbed his eyes, and when he spoke again, his voice sounded tired. Empty. “Call it what it is. My brother’s a paranoid schizophrenic.”

  “I know,” she answered, her voice quiet, hoping he’d elaborate once he saw that she wasn’t repulsed or freaked out.

  “He started showing symptoms when he was nineteen and I was fifteen. Went downhill fast from there.” He turned his head and shook it, lost in his own thoughts for a moment. “I can’t even begin to tell you how much it ripped me to shreds to see the brother I worshipped like a fuckin’ god become a paranoid, conspiracy theory obsessed train wreck.” He focused on her again, his hands on his hips, his body still wired and tense. “You know he used to go to Columbia?”

  “No, I didn’t know that,” she answered. But she’d listen. If telling her what had happened would help him, she’d listen as long as he wanted.

  “He was studying pre-law,” he said. “Fuckin’ brilliant mind. Still is when he’s going through a lucid spell.” He studied her as she stood in front of him, quiet and patient. “I first learned how to track a missing person by having to locate my brother. I can’t begin to tell you how many times he’d go off his meds and go missing, only for me to find him under a bridge or in some shit house, getting head from some crack whore.”

  She wanted to touch his shoulder, anything, but when she lifted her hand, he turned away from her.

  She swallowed. “That sounds horrible.”

  David frowned and shook his head. “If he gets his hands on enough money, he’ll go to the track, or poker games. Between court fees and hospital bills and bailing him out of trouble with bookies, my parents almost went bankrupt. So now I support the family, and their only job is to keep him in line.”

  She’d seen this before. How trying to save one life cost the family their own. They never knew when to open up. Never knew when to accept outside help.

  “They’re getting older, David. They can’t do this forever.”

  “Try telling them that!” he roared at her. “My mother, Christ, she’s wonderful, but she’s from the old country when it comes to this shit. Thinks that family keeps this kind of thing to themselves, as few outsiders involved as possible, and never, ever sends them away.”

  “Would you like me to try and talk to her?”

  He just stared at her as if she’d grown a second head. “This has not one thing to do with you. I still don’t know why you’re even here.”

  She focused on the words she’d come here to tell him. “I came to tell you that you don’t have to open up to me right now. I came to tell you that I’m here for you if—when—you’re ready to talk to me.”

  “Well, now you know,” he said. “There’s nothing left for us to talk about, so you can go.”

  She sucked in a breath, his words lacerating the calm she’d built. Of all the ways she’d imagined he would respond, total rejection hadn’t even entered her mind.

  “So what are you saying? I’m just here for you to tie up and fuck?”

  That got his attention. He turned to her. “No. That’s not what I’m saying.” He rubbed his eyes then said, “I have to go. I’m heading out tomorrow. I know it’s early, before the two weeks are up, but we should end this now. Before this gets any worse.”

  She hated herself for letting her anger explode, but he was pushing her away. Not just for now, but for good.

  “So what? All those times you asked—no, take that back—insisted I share with you the pain of my life, you planned all along to get me to open up, then leave me?”

  “You know that’s not what I wanted. We agreed from the start that I’d help you, but that’s it. This was never going to be permanent.”

  “That’s not it, though,” she said. “You made sure of it. All your talk about mutuality. But it was never about that.”

  He didn’t respond. He didn’t say anything.

  Very well. She’d gotten this far by being the one to bear her soul. If this was how it was going to end, it was only fitting that it happened with her giving him everything she’d held back.

  He was going to leave anyway. She could see it in his eyes. Hell, he’d said as much.

  So to hell with boundaries. And to hell with fear. If he was going to bolt, at least let him do it knowing what he was giving up.

  “You told me this was about mutuality. A true collaboration. But it never has been, because you’ve never given back to me as much as you take.”

  He shook his head. “Cass—”

  “You asked me to trust you with everything I have,” she said. “And I did. You told me to claim my desires, and I did.” She squeezed her fists shut. “You asked why I’m even here. It’s because I love you. And you’re supposed to be there for the people you love. In any way you can.”

  David flinched as she said “I love you,” and she bit hard into her bottom lip in order to quell the rising cries in her throat from surfacing.

  The social worker part of her was proud of herself for being vulnerable, for taking a chance on love. The street-smart part wanted to smack the social worker—and all the other parts of her psyche—on the side of the head for letting a guy into her heart in the first place.

  But she couldn’t help it. He’d helped her find her true self, the part she’d repressed yet always longed to set free.

  He took a couple of steps, getting right into her face, their noses almost touching. She squared her shoulders and raised her chin in an attempt to ready herself for whatever else he was going to lay on her. Because she recognized that steely determination in his eyes. Before, he’d been strong for her. And now, though it took everything she had, she would make one last, desperate gamble by being strong for him.

  “Go home, Cassidy.”

  “Don’t send me away. Please…” Goddamn, she was actually begging him. She didn’t know why she bothered, because she could tell by the resigned look on his face that he was already gone.

  “Listen, it’s been a lot of fun, but I’m sorry. I just don’t love you.”

  That was it. The final nail driven deep.

  It didn’t matter whether he meant it or not. Whether he felt the love for her that she felt for him. The fact that he was in a place where he’d tell her he didn’t love her meant this was wrong. All wrong.

  She pressed her lips together. Hard. Anything to not lose it in front of him. To not break down, collapse in a puddle on his doorstep, spineless.

  Don’t say you weren’t warned.

  Standing there, watching him see through her, turned her bones to ash and her heart into an open wound.

  “It’s done then,” she told him, her voice so small, back to the tiny thing she’d originally come to him with two weeks ago. “I’m gone, okay?” For a second, she thought she saw a flash of pain run across his face. “Take care of yourself.”

  She turned and walked away. Not looking back. Not knowing how she managed to put one foot in front of the other when the very ground beneath her was crumbling into dust.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Never thought I’d say this to you, of all people, but you are one Grade A fucking asshole.”

  David knew he shouldn’t have opened the door for Leo, especially since he was about to leave for an overseas assignment, one that would be particularly risky, as well as long. He’d be gone for a month—and that was only if everything went according to plan.

  It was a job he originally was going to refer to another security group, but after breaking up with Cassidy, he desperately needed to get away. A distraction. Hostile insurgents, flying bullets, a mission so dangerous and politically explosive that his own government had been afraid to touch it, thus hired his team to handle it instead. Anything to try to expunge that look on her face when he lied and told her he didn’t love her.

  “Nice to see you, too,” he answered, only mildly surprised when Leo barged forward into his place. “Come on in. Make yourself at home, why don’t you?”

  Not that he expected Leo to wait for an invitation, but he was surprised that he stalked past the foyer, looking madder than David had ever seen him.

  “Man, if you came here to hassle me about Cassidy, I don’t want to hear it.”

  Leo dropped his arms and rested his hands on his hips. He was shaking his head, almost wide-eyed. “Just tell me why, man. That woman was made for you and you threw her away. I don’t get it.”

  David brushed past him, bumping his shoulder on the way. He wasn’t trying to be a dick, but talking about Cassidy made that permanent burn he had going in his gut ache even more. He went straight for the whiskey, poured himself two fingers’ worth, and downed most of it in one shot. Without looking away from the rim of his glass, he answered his buddy.

  “Leo, man, you know why I did what I did. I know she’s upset now, but trust me. Someday, she’s going to meet someone else and get married and have lots of schizophrenic-free babies, and I’ll be just a memory. I won’t be the one who got away. I’ll be the disaster she narrowly avoided.”

  Leo leaned his hip against the kitchen island, nodding while scratching his chin. “Yeah, man. You’re right. Cassidy can definitely do better than you. Good thing you decided that for her. Being the independent woman that she is, practically raising herself and coming out shining like a diamond after growing up in filth, it’s a damn good thing you’re looking out for her. She’ll appreciate that in time.”

  David gave a glare that might as well have shot daggers straight through Leo. “I know what you’re doing, and it ain’t gonna work. So leave it alone.”

  He put both of his palms up in surrender, “Hey, no problem! Consider the subject dropped. I don’t know why I even brought it up.”

  “Good,” he spat. “I’m glad we understand each other.” He drank the last of the whiskey in his glass and wiped his lips with the back of his hand.

  “Yep, we do. And just as well. Cassidy has moved on, too. Or is about to. She finally came in for her interview.”

  He lowered his head. “Did she?”

  “Yep. And I let her know yesterday she’s been accepted as a member.”

  He’d known something like this would happen. Of course she’d moved on. He just hadn’t expected it would be at Serve.

  At least it wasn’t likely he’d see her again, not when he was leaving for a new mission so soon. Hell, if he had his way, he’d stay on missions from now on. No time off. No vacation.

  “Fine,” David said.

  “She’s already got her first scene set up. I think she’s meeting with Ethan tonight. It’ll be their first time together.”

  His head snapped up. “What the fuck did you just say? Ethan? Ethan Price from the club?”

  “Oh that’s right,” Leo drew out, enjoying playing his friend like a fiddle. “I forgot. You haven’t been coming to Serve.”

  “Cut the shit and tell me what you know.” It felt like his blood was boiling, through his veins, under his skin.

  “I don’t know if Ethan’s going to be her Dom or if they’re going to go for the mutual Shibari sharing thing you two did,” Leo said while rubbing his neck and chin, as if deep in thought. “But she asked me to pair her up with a man who’s capable of teaching her the whole nine. In the private rooms.” Leo gave him an apologetic shrug. “Sorry I don’t know more, man.”

  David’s chest felt heavy. Constricted. And his hands felt like they were on fire. “I need to hit something,” he said.

  “Hit yourself, you big idiot,” Leo said.

  David leaned his hands on his knees and fought to catch his breath. If Ethan Price had been standing there, he would have hit him. Knocked him to the ground like a caveman defending his territory. And then he’d have taken back his woman.

  Except she wasn’t his woman. He had no claim over her. He’d made sure of that when he’d told her he didn’t love her. But the truth hit him like a punch in the gut. He did love her. And the words, once realized, were waiting to explode out of him.

  He slowly stood up.

  Leo clapped him on the shoulder. “You ready to win back your woman?”

  He looked away from his friend, out the window. The city of Brooklyn in his view. His birthplace. The city he expected to die in. Did he expect to live this life alone? Did his brother’s illness have to be his mark of Cain for the rest of his life?

  Cassidy hadn’t even blinked when Dante had come at her with that trash mouth of his, spouting his whack conspiracy theories. Then she’d really showed where she was at by telling him she loved him.

  “She’s the bravest person I’ve ever known,” David said. “She makes me and my men look like a bunch of cowards. I don’t know if I’m worthy of that kind of woman.”

  “Why don’t you let her be the judge of who’s worthy of her? You taught her to claim what she wants. Let her decide if that should be you.”

  He grabbed his motorcycle jacket and headed outside, but he stopped at the door. “I’m not gonna survive if she doesn’t want me.”

  “No guarantees out here in this mortal coil, my brother. Gotta take whatever sweet we can and savor it. Suck out the marrow. Take in lungs full of clean air when we find it.”

  He nodded, went outside, and climbed on his motorcycle.

  “Hold on!” Leo said. He rushed over and got on the back of the bike.

 

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