Ride Hard, page 38
“Mom?”
“What?”
“I’d like you to leave.”
“Excuse me?” her brow crinkles revealing the lines etched on her forehead.
The doctor enters the exam room before I can argue with her. “Hello, Miss Neville.” He flips a paper on my chart and smiles at me. “I see you’ve had stitches. Your bloodwork all came back good. You have a mild concussion, but nothing to be concerned about. Everything seems normal with your pregnancy.”
Flames lick up the back of my neck. My mother’s hand goes to her clavicle. I have no doubt if she were wearing pearls, she’d be clutching them now. “Did you say pregnancy?”
He looks to my mother who appears on the verge of passing out. “And who are you?”
“Her mother.” Her head snaps in my direction. “You’re pregnant,” she hisses the word as though it’s toxic.
“Seems so.”
“Is it by that wretched Todd? I knew it. I knew this would happen.” She shakes her head, muttering under her breath about how wicked I am.
“Do you have someone here to drive you home and to look after you?”
“Yes.”
“Okay. I don’t see any reason to keep you any longer. You’re a very lucky girl.” He hands me my release papers and exits.
“Your father will have a coronary. I don’t know why you continue to pull these stunts.”
I ease off the bed. I’m sore and bruised. I’ve been here for hours. All I want is to crawl into my bed, pull the covers over my head, and hope that when I wake up this was all some horrible nightmare.
After I change back into my clothes, Nickel is waiting for me, and I’m grateful. I thought my mom showing up might be a good thing for our relationship, but I was mistaken. She’s never going to change. The woman will never see me as anything other than an inconvenience and a failure.
“What are you doing getting yourself twisted up with biker trash? He’s not the father, is he?”
“No, Mother. He’s a friend of Ruthie and James. You know the people who’ve done nothing but take care of me since you and Dad put me out. You don’t even know them.”
“I know enough. They’ll only drag you down with them. There’s no hope for you. You’re a lost little girl who can’t see she’s destroying her life. You’ll ruin everything in your path, including your bastard baby.”
“Hey, lady,” Nickel snarls. “Watch your tongue or I’ll cut it out your mouth after your husband watches you suck my dick.” He grabs his crotch, and I don’t know who appears more mortified her or the nurse who just overheard the exchange.
“Well, I’ve never. Don’t call me again, Alexa.”
“I won’t,” I whisper to her back.
“You okay?”
“You want the honest answer or the universal fine?”
“Right. I brought a cage so no worries about riding on my bike.” Out in the parking lot Nickel helps me into the cab of his truck. “You want to get food or anything?”
I shake my head. “I can’t think about food right now. How are you so calm?”
“I figure it like this. Death is a natural part of life, but my being upset right now won’t help or change anything. What I can do is what my Prez asked of me and that was to make sure you were good and have what you need. I compartmentalize shit.”
“Can I see him?”
“Got orders to take you to your apartment and stay as long as you need me to. I’m sure you can understand that Ruthie is losing her shit and your man ain’t in the headspace for anything or anyone right now. That includes you.”
I nod. It’s probably for the best I don’t see him or Ruthie for that matter right now. Because once I do, he will hate me forever.
Chapter Twenty-one
“This is nice, isn’t it? Just the two of us like old times.” Ruthie smiles over the brim of her wine glass before taking a hearty sip.
“I don’t know what fucked up fantasy you’ve been living in, but this has never been us. If this were like old times, we’d be having takeout pizza and sitting on crates while Rochelle played with her blocks.”
“Don’t be a sourpuss. We’ve come so far. Our little girl is growing up. You’re the Prez now. Everyone looking up to you. I’m the envy of all the other Old Ladies. They’re all jealous of us you know. We finally have it all. Don’t act like you don’t enjoy it.”
“Maybe if I wasn’t spending all my time cleaning up all the shit deals your father made. And the chaos he left in his wake. The shit he did to not only Alexa but other members of the club. Was fucking their wives in front of everyone to humiliate them. Had a brother bring his Old Lady to me and promised if she disappointed me, I could have his sister and daughter too.”
“He what?”
“You heard me. So no its not all fun.”
“Did you fuck her?”
“What are you gonna do if I did?”
She stabs her fork into her steak, cutting the meat quickly.
“Cat got your tongue?”
“I don’t want to fight. Have you given anymore thought to a son now?”
“You think I want another kid? Think I want to bring a son into this fucked up club and hope he fills my boots one day?”
“It’s what you’re supposed to do. You have a status to uphold.”
“Don’t tell me what I’m supposed to do. Coming here with you tonight was a fucking joke. Just like our marriage.”
“Now you’re only trying to hurt my feelings.”
“Didn’t think you had any left.” I top off my beer and wish I could smoke a damn joint right about now. My thoughts are miles away with Alexa. She’s pregnant and has no business going to a damn party. What am I gonna do...ground her? Tell her she can’t have friends? The look on her face at the house earlier about damn near killed me. Would serve me right if she found someone else. Sometimes I wish she’d quit me. But I know if she did, I’d just drag her back into my world.
My cell phone goes off. It’s the clubhouse. “Gotta take this,” I inform Ruthie when her cell starts buzzing too. I’m happy for the interruption. “Talk to me.”
“Cops are here looking for you. They won’t say why,” Grudge tells me.
“I’ll be there in ten.”
Ruthie gives me a funny look.
“What?” I snap.
“That was Mrs. Medoza from next door. She says there’s a cop looking for both of us. What did you do?”
“What the fuck makes you think it’s something I did?”
“Let’s just go see what this is about. Do I need to get our lawyer on the phone?”
“Not yet.” I pay our bill, and we ride out to the clubhouse. When we arrive there’s a police cruiser sitting outside the gate. I roll up next to them and cut off my bike.
“You James Thatcher?”
“What’s this about?”
“Is there somewhere private we can talk?”
“Here’s fine.” I throw my leg over my bike and Ruthie gets off after me.
“I wish you’d reconsider taking this matter elsewhere. I’m sorry to have to tell you that your daughter was involved in a single vehicle motor vehicle accident.”
Ruthie clutches my hand. “Is she okay?”
“Ma’am.” His gaze darts to his shoes and the world seems to tilt off its axis. “I wish I could tell you differently, but Rochelle Thatcher was pronounced dead at the scene along with her passenger Colter Riggs. An Alexa Neville was transported to the hospital with minor injuries.”
My legs nearly give out. I drop to the pavement. His lips keep moving, but all I hear is static. Rochelle, my brown eyed girl ready to set the world on fire since the day she was born. The first person to show me what it truly meant to love someone else and put them first. The baby I cradled in my arms, slept with her on my chest the first three months of her life because she’d cry whenever I put her down. I watched her take her first steps. I swore I’d always protect her. That she’d never want for nothing. My child is gone from this life and onto the next.
Ruthie’s blood curdling scream forces me to snap my head up. The officer has his arms around her, offering the comfort I’m unable to give. “Not my daughter. Not Rochelle,” she sobs. “Please. No. You’ve made a mistake. James, tell him he’s made a mistake. It’s not her. Tell him.” She falls to her knees. The gate behind me opens up. Grudge picks Ruthie up. Nickel holds a hand out to me.
I’m supposed to be strong, but nothing prepares you for the loss of a child.
**
One of the officers I spoke with called it a tragic accident. Said Rochelle was driving, and they believe toxicology reports will show she had alcohol in her system. None of it makes sense. Rochelle had her permit but knew not to drive unless her mom or me were with her. She nor Colter were wearing their seat belts, but Alexa was. I need answers and there is only one person who can give them to me.
Ruthie is at her mother’s. Had to give her a damn sedative to knock her ass out. I wish someone would put a bullet in my head and make the pain stop. It’s more than I can bear. I can’t drink or smoke it away. I don’t do pills and will never stick a needle in my arm but fuck me if I’m not tempted by the thought of making this ache go away if even for an hour. Never knew anything could hurt like this. Hurts so damn bad I want to drive straight into oncoming traffic.
I have Slick drop me off at the apartment. When I walk in Nickel is asleep on the couch. I tap his shoulder and send him on his way. He doesn’t hesitate. I think he knows by taking one look at me now isn’t the time to offer his condolences. There will be time for that later. Right now is the time for Alexa to tell me what the fuck happened to my daughter and why she’s still breathing and Rochelle isn’t. My brain knows that the seat belt could have saved her life, but my heart can’t accept the truth. Not until I hear the details from the only person alive to tell the tale.
I enter the bedroom. Alexa isn’t in our bed. She’s standing at the window staring out at the moon. The moonlight spilling through the window casts a glow on her. Her blonde hair hangs over her shoulder, wet and dripping onto the carpet. Standing in a tank top and bikini style panties I can see the perfect shape of her growing baby bump. The sight is beautiful yet haunting. I wonder if losing Rochelle is my punishment for knocking Alexa up.
Her gaze meets mine. “You came.”
“You okay?” Angry and heartbroken I’m still drawn to her.
“No. You?”
I shake my head, and she crosses the room to where I stand frozen in place. I kiss her forehead next to her stitches. “I’m glad you’re okay.” I am fucking grateful I didn’t lose her too.
“I’m not. Rochelle...Colter...” her voice cracks.
“Shh.” I pull her into my arms. “The baby’s okay?”
“The doctor said I have a mild concussion, but the baby looks good. I got to hear her heartbeat.”
“Her?”
“They did an ultrasound. They couldn’t tell the sex. But I think maybe it will be a girl.”
I swallow down the knot forming in my throat.
Her trembling fingers stroke my cheek, and I rest my palm on her belly. “I’m so sorry, James.”
“Yeah. Me too. I know you’ve been through a lot tonight, but I need you to tell me what happened.”
“I will. I’ll tell you everything, but first will you hold me? Please. All I’ve wanted is you.”
I kick off my boots and lead her to bed. “You’re freezing.”
“The cold reminds me that I’m still breathing. That my heart is still beating when it shouldn’t be.”
“Don’t talk like that.” I tuck her into my side, stroking the rough pads of my fingers up and down her arm.
“You say that now.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“When I tell you...you’re gonna be done with me, and wish I were dead, but don’t worry I wish it enough for the both of us.”
“Tell me now,” I growl.
“I love you.” she cries. “I love our baby. I loved Rochelle.”
Chapter Twenty-two
Tears blur my vision. My chest constricts. I find it hard to breathe, but I know I have to tell him. I have to tell James everything even if it means I will lose him forever. It’s what I deserve after what I did. “I need you to know I never wanted to hurt you. Rochelle. Hell, not even Ruthie. She’s been good to me, and I don’t deserve her kindness. I don’t deserve you, but I love you, James. I love you so much that it makes me physically sick and thought of losing you...I wish I had died tonight. I don’t know why God didn’t take me instead. Maybe there is no God.”
“Lex,” he starts, but I press my finger to his lips, and he kisses the tip.
“Please listen. I need to say this.”
He stares at me long and hard, and I can’t find the words I need to say to him. My heart is going to beat out of my chest.
“Easy. Breathe. You being this upset isn’t good for the baby.” He blows out a whoosh of air. “Let it wait till morning. I think we’ve both had enough bad for one day. Whatever you want to tell me I sense it’s nothing good. Nothing I’m gonna want to hear. It won’t change the fact that my daughter is laying on a metal slab at the funeral home. Won’t change the fact that Papa has to bury his son. I don’t know if there’s a God, but never wish yourself dead, Lex. Not for me or anyone. Tomorrow I have to make arrangements for Rochelle. Tonight I need you to be you. Be strong for me. Need you to make everything else disappear in the way only you are capable of. I need you, pretty girl. I need you to remind me that I have something worth fighting for.”
His hand slides to my hip then curves to the shape of my stomach. Our lips meet, tongues connecting in a slow dance that only we know the steps to. Nothing or no one can bring me to life like he can. His warmth washes over me giving me false hope that we can survive this.
“Even on the worst fucking day of my life all I wanted is you, babe. Couldn’t get to you fast enough.”
“You shouldn’t want me. You should hate me, and you will. You’re going to leave me. You won’t want me or this baby. You’ll stop loving me.”
“Stop pushing me away, Lex. You asked me to take your pain away now I’m asking you to do the same.” He swipes his fingers along my cheeks then kisses the last of my tears away.
“You give me too much credit.”
Hooking his thumbs along the waistline of my panties, jerking the white lace over my thighs in one swift motion he says, “Need you skin to skin.” My tank top is pulled up over my head and tossed to the floor.
“However you want me, I’m yours.” I help my shattered man out of his clothes. I’ve never seen him like this, and it’s all my fault. The sight of his broken spirit nearly kills me. It’s my fault. All of it. Him. Us. Ruthie. Rochelle. Colter. All the hurt leads straight back to me. I destroy everyone I love.
“Want to bury myself so deep inside you I disappear,” he whispers into my ear, teeth sliding against the shell. I want it more than he knows. To disappear. For us to get lost and never find our way back.
“Follow me into the dark and leave all your troubles behind.” I brush my lips over his.
“Let me lose myself in you for a few hours.” Dragging his lips down my throat, he nips the thin skin there with his teeth, and I scratch my nails down his back. We do our best to crawl inside one another to escape our heartache.
Hot, thick, and rock hard, James guides his cock inside me. I gasp at the welcomed intrusion. He doesn’t move. His gaze meets mine, tortured and uncertain of what the future holds.
“Don’t talk. Just listen.” He caps a palm to my lips. “I know I’ve had a fucked up way of showing it, but I do love you, Alexa. I love you more than I can ever show you. I’m in a bad way. My head is in a dark place. I’m gonna say and do shit I don’t mean. I’m gonna hurt you, baby. I don’t want to, but I will. I’m angry at the world. I want to watch it burn.” He removes his hand.
“I’ll give you the match,” I promise, and he has no idea how true my words are. When I tell him what happened, I’ll be first on his list. The thought of losing him terrifies me, but we’ll always have tonight. Our love will live on forever in our baby and in my heart. A tear escapes, rolling down my cheek.
“Don’t cry, pretty girl.”
“I wish you hadn’t done that.”
“What’s that?” He slides out and back in slowly, rolling his hips in the most delicious way.
“Told me you love me.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m never going to be able to keep you.” I slide my palm down his neck to rest over his heart. “It hurts. The thought of you not belonging to me and not wanting me. It’s killing me. I won’t survive if you leave me.”
Threading his fingers through mine, he brings my palm to his lips, kissing the soft contours. “I ache for the day I get to truly make you mine, Lex, but right now I’m no good to no one. Not you. Not my club. I’ve failed everyone. But I needed you to know the way I feel about you. No more words. I’m gonna show you.”
His tortured soul mates with mine. Fevered kisses. Broken promises painted and fractured on my skin with the imprints of his teeth. Body moving with mine like the whisperings of poetry in a darkened alley between forbidden lovers. We are one. The rest of the world forgotten. Nothing else matters but this. Tonight. Us. Our love.
My biker making love to me like only he can.
Skin ablaze he takes me in every position I’ve ever imagined while discovering new ones I want to experience over and over again with him. Only ever him. Every I love you that leaves his mouth is a blade stabbing into my heart. My sins bleed out through my sweat begging to be unleashed onto the world. Soul aching, I cry out his name. The bitter truth daring to drip off the tip of my tongue slow like honey.
“Fuck yeah,” he grunts, hammering me into the mattress. The headboard knocks against the wall. James grabs my pillow and places it between the two to stop the noise. With slow, deep, punishing strokes he regains his torturous rhythm, dragging me to the edge of my orgasm and snatching it away again. Over and over again.
