Lucrezia Floriani, page 19
“I don’t know if I would be able to go away, even if I wished,” answered Karol, who was extremely unhappy at being compelled to reply clearly. “I believe I wouldn’t have the strength to do so and yet I ought to.”
“You ought to because…”
“Don’t ask. You can guess the reason yourself”
“So you are still as mentally reluctant as ever when it is a matter of dealing with the dull subject of real life?”
“Yes, all the more reluctant as I have been further away from it for some time.”
“So you want me to do as I always do: that I should think for you, that I should discuss things with myself as if it were with you, and that I should find good reasons for proving to you that it is right for you to do what you wish to do.”
“Well, yes,” replied the prince, with the serious look of a spoilt child. Not that in the present situation he needed the advice of another person so as to know the strength of his love; but he was very pleased to hear Salvator judge of his condition, for it would enable him to read into his friend’s secret feelings.
“Very well,” said Salvator, gaily, suspecting no trap because he had no ulterior motive. “I will try, though it is not so simple now. Everything about you has changed: it is no longer a question of knowing if the climate of this country is healthy, if you are enjoying your stay, if the inn is well kept and if the heat or cold will force you to leave. The summer of your passion would warm you even if the June sunshine were not sending its beams down upon you. This country house is beautiful and our hostess is not unpleasant … Come, aren’t you even going to smile at my wit?”
“No my friend, I can’t Speak seriously.”
“By all means. Well, I shall be brief You are happy here and you feel intoxicated with love. You cannot foresee how long it will be before it becomes clouded and dark. You wish to enjoy your happiness as long as God will allow. And after that? I repeat, after that? Answer! Hitherto I have stated things as they are. It is what will happen afterwards that I am anxious to know.”
“Afterwards, afterwards, Salvator? After the light there is nothing but darkness.”
“Excuse me, there is twilight. You will tell me that that is still light of sorts and that you will enjoy it until the final extinction. But when night falls, you will have to turn towards some other sun, won’t you? Whether it is art, politics, travel or marriage remains to be seen. But tell me, when we have reached that stage, where shall we meet? To which island in the ocean of life must I go and wait for you?”
“Salvator,” cried the prince in terror, forgetting for the moment the sad suspicions that haunted him, “don’t speak to me of the future. I tell you now that I am more incapable then ever of foreseeing anything in the future. You predict the end of my love or hers, don’t you? Well, speak to me of death; that is the only thought I can associate with the one you suggest to me.”
“Yes, yes, I understand. Well, let’s say no more about it, since you are still in that paroxysm when one cannot think of either putting an end to happiness or making it endure. Perhaps it is unfortunate that some measure of attention and foresight is not possible at such times; for every ideal rests on earthly foundations and a little planning could contribute to the stability or at least the prolongation of happiness.”
“You are right, my friend. Help me then! What must I do? Is there anything possible in the strange situation in which I find myself? I thought that that woman would love me forever!”
“And you no longer believe it?”
“I no longer know anything. I no longer see anything clearly.”
“I must see for you then. Lucrezia will always love you if you can arrange to go and live on Jupiter or Saturn.”
“Heavens! Why do you jest?”
“No, I do not. I am talking sense. I know of no heart more passionate, more loyal or more devoted than that of Lucrezia. But I know of no love which can preserve its intensity and exultation beyond a certain time on this earth of ours.”
“Leave me alone … Leave me alone,” said Karol bitterly. “You do nothing but hurt me.”
“My object is not to attack love,” continued Salvator calmly. “Nor do I purpose to prove that your love is ordinary and that it cannot resist better than any other man’s the laws of its own destruction. On this subject you know more than I do and you know Lucrezia from an angle which I have only been able to surmise and guess. But what I know possibly better than both of you – in spite of all the experience of that adorable wild creature of a Lucrezia – is that the environment in which lovers live affects their passion in spite of them and in spite of everything. You may have heaven in your heart, but it is to no avail: if a tree falls on your head I defy you not to feel the effects of it. Well, if outer circumstances help and protect you, you can continue loving one another for a long time, possibly for ever! – until old age comes to teach you that the ‘for ever’ of lovers is just an idea … If on the other hand, without anticipating or analysing anything, you allow evil influences to approach and reach you, you will ultimately succumb to the common fate, that is, you will see troubles come to confuse and destroy you.”
“I am listening. Go on. What must I fear and anticipate? What can I prevent?”
“Madame Floriani is as free as the air, she is rich, independent of all former associations, and it seems that she had a foreknowledge of what suited her happiness when she broke with the world even before she met you and came to bury herself in this solitude. These are excellent conditions for the present, but will they last for ever?”
“Do you believe that she feels the need to return to the world? Oh God, if that happens … Heaven help me!”
“No, no, dear child,” said Salvator, stricken by the despair and terror of his friend “I don’t mean that, I don’t believe it. But the world can come and seek her here and beset her in spite of herself. If I had not been as silent as the grave in Venice with all those people who spoke to me about her, if I hadn’t said evasively to those who actually knew she was here, ‘She is possibly planning to settle there, but nothing is definite, she is going away, maybe to France…’ everything that Lucrezia herself had suggested I say in answer to indiscreet questions if I had not done so, believe me, you would already be flooded with visitors. One cannot postpone things for ever. The day may come when you two will no longer be alone here. What will be your attitude towards the former friends of your mistress?”
“Oh horrible, horrible!” cried Karol, striking his breast.
“You take everything in too tragic a manner, my dear prince. It is not a question of giving way to despair over it, but to expect it and be prepared to strike tent when the necessity arises. Thus this disaster would not be without its remedy. You could depart and go and seek some other temporary solitude. There is a certain art by which one can utterly discourage visitors, and that is never to allow them to be certain of meeting you. Lucrezia understands this art very well She will help you out of your plight So calm yourself!”
“Are there no other dangers then?” said Karol who, as changeable as ever, was moving from exaggerated panic to easy over-confidence.
“Yes, my child, there are other dangers,” replied Salvator, “but you are going to excite yourself again, more than I would like, and maybe you will tell me to go to the devil.”
“Keep on talking.”
“When you have surrounded yourselves with solitude there will be the danger of satiety.”
“That is true,” said Karol, overcome by this thought “Perhaps you already sense it on her part, and rightly, too. Oh yes, I have been ill and morose these last few days. She must have become tired of me and bored. Has she told you so?”
“No, she has not told me so. She has not thought it and I don’t believe that she will grow tired first. It is for you much more than for her that I fear emotional lassitude.”
“For me, you say?”
“Yes. I know that you are an exceptional being, I know of your perseverance in loving a woman whom you did not know intimately. (Allow me to say so now.) I also know in what exclusive and admirable manner you loved your mother. But all that was not love. Love wears away and because yours is so utterly incapable of enduring the attacks of reality it will wear away quickly.”
“You lie!” cried Karol with an ecstatic smile which was both sublime and naïve.
“My child, I admire you, but I pity you. The present is radiant, but the future is veiled.”
“Spare me your commonplaces.”
“Please listen to one only. Consider your noble family, your former friends, that very restricted and therefore highly selective and rigid section of high society which has been your milieu and even, if I may say so, the very air you breathed. What part will you play in it?”
“I renounce it forever! I have thought about it, Salvator, and its consideration has weighed less than a straw in the scale of my love.”
“Very good. When you return to your noble relatives they will undoubtedly absolve you. But that will not prevent them from saying that it was wrong of you to have been the lover of an actress for so long a time and so seriously. These virtuous friends would forgive you more readily for having a hundred casual pleasures than one love.”
“I don’t believe you. But even if it were so, that is all the more reason for breaking without regret with my family and all my old ties.”
“Splendid. Noble relatives are admirable people but also great bores; I have been allowing mine to talk for a long time without interrupting them. If you wish to be refractory too, it is very unexpected, very amusing … and upon my soul, it pleases me greatly! And yet, dear Karol, there is another family which you have not thought about. It is Madame Floriani’s and they are witnesses of your love and hers.”
“Ah, at last you are touching the painful spot,” cried the prince, shuddering as if bitten by a snake. “Her father, yes, that wretch, the one who takes us for starving play-actors who are receiving charity here in the form of board and lodging! It is hideous and I nearly left when I heard him say so to Biffi.”
“Does old Menapace do us such an honour?” replied Salvator, bursting out laughing. But seeing how seriously Karol took the ridiculous incident he attempted to calm him down.
“If you had told Lucrezia of this farcical adventure,” he went on, “her answer would have comforted you, and this is what that wonderful woman would have said:
‘My child, all my lovers were paupers – so terrified was I to be regarded as a kept woman. You have millions, people may think that you render me great services, but I love you so much that I have never given it a thought nor do I give a rap for what people think. So forget my father’s and Biffi’s nonsense, as I forget the whole world for you.’
“You see, Karol, you ought to be grateful to her for not being so sensitive on the subject of public opinion. But let us speak of her children. Have you given any thought to them, my friend?”
“Don’t I love them?” cried the prince. “Would I wish to separate them from her for a single moment?”
“But won’t they grow up one day? Will they never understand? I know that they are all illegitimate, that they do not remember their fathers and that they are still at that innocent age when they can be persuaded that in order to be born only a mother is necessary. How she will one day extricate herself from this quandary in relation to them, and what sublime or lamentable drama will be enacted in the bosom of this family concerns neither you nor me. I have faith in the wonderful instincts of Madame Floriani to find a solution with honour. But that is no reason why you should complicate the situation by your continued presence. You will never be able nor will you ever wish to lie. How will you deal with the problem?”
Karol who was unable to express his emotions in a flood of words when he was in the depths of despair now hid his face in his hands and did not reply. He had already had a premonition of this horrible problem. It was the day when the children’s laughter and cries had caused him such physical pain and a vision of the future had passed vaguely before his eyes. The idea that one day he would become the natural enemy and the unintentional bane of these adored children had naturally associated itself with the first moment of boredom and displeasure they had caused him.
At last he spoke. “You have torn open the heart of truth and flung its bleeding fragments in my face. So you wish me to renounce my love and die? Then kill me now. Let us depart!”
21.
Salvator was astonished at the violence of the feeling which still dominated Karol. He was far from anticipating that instead of diminishing, this violence would increase in proportion to the suffering. Salvator sought happiness in love and when he no longer found it there, his love gently departed. In this he was like everyone else. But Karol loved for the sake of loving; no suffering could discourage him. After exhausting the phase of intoxication, he was entering on a new phase, that of pain. But he would never experience the phase of cooling off. Instead it would be that of physical agony, for his love had become his life and whether sweet or bitter, it was beyond his power to escape it for a single moment.
Salvator who knew his character so well but did not understand its basis, was convinced that the fulfilment of his prophecy would only be a matter of time.
“My friend,” he said, “you do not understand me or rather you are thinking of something else, something we are not talking about. Heaven forbid that I should wish to tear you away from the first moments of a passion which is far from approaching its exhaustion. On the contrary, my advice is that you should not resist happiness and that for the first time you should yield entirely to the gentle caprice of fate. But what I have to say next is that when happiness retreats you must not persist in attempts to force it. A day will come, sooner or later, when you will notice some failing of light in the star which is pouring its rays down upon you to-day. When that happens you must not wait for disgust and boredom before you leave your love. You will have to flee resolutely – so as to return, you understand, when you once again feel the need to rekindle the torch of your life from hers. As you see, I accept that your constancy will be eternal, which is all the more reason for lightening the yoke which binds you. This can be achieved by avoiding the overwhelming pressure of being perpetually and wholly alone together. Everything which has begun to offend you here will disappear when you are away from it and when you come to face it again on your return you will see that the mountains are grains of sand. All the real dangers of a situation which you have just realised will vanish when once you are no longer the sole and exclusive guest of the family. The children will have no cause to reproach you, for if people suspect their mother’s preference for you, they will be unable to prove it. You will no longer give the impression of defying public opinion, but of maintaining a noble and lasting friendship by frequent meetings. Even if you were merely the friend and brother of Lucrezia, like me, for example, it would still be wrong and dangerous to live for ever under the same roof But as you are her lover, you owe it even still more to her dignity and to yours to hide the passion somewhat from the eyes of others. You possibly think that I am taking great care of the reputation of a woman who has taken none herself. But you would hardly be the one who would doubt the sincerity with which she had resolved to rehabilitate herself beforehand for the sake of the future honour of her daughters, by leaving the world and breaking all previous ties. Nor would you be the one to wish to make her lose the price of the sacrifice she had just made, the good resolutions which were already beginning to make her so happy and above all to prevent her from being a virtuous mother, something on which she prided herself in all solemnity on the day we knocked at her door. That door was closed, remember! I would have it eternally on my conscience that I forced my way in and then almost flung you into the arms of that trusting, generous woman if one day, she came to curse the fatal hour when I destroyed her repose and shattered her dreams of calm and peace.”
“You are right,” cried the prince, flinging himself into the arms of his friend, “and this is the way you should have spoken to me right from the beginning. Of all reality there is only one thing which I can understand, and that is the respect I owe to the object of love, the care I must take of her honour, her repose, her domestic happiness. Ah! if in order to prove my blind devotion and my idolatry I must leave her this very minute, I am ready. Doubtless it is she who has charged you with suggesting to me the reflections which you have made. When she saw that I was giving no thought to anything, that I was lulled by happiness, she told herself that I must be awakened. She has done well Go and beg her pardon for my short-sighted selfishness. On the day of my departure she herself will fix the duration of my absence – and will perhaps also fix the day of my return.”
“Dear child,” replied Salvator smiling, “I would be wronging Lucrezia if I thought her more reasonable and prudent than you. It was of my own accord and without her knowledge that I spoke to you as I did, at the risk of breaking your heart. If I had asked her permission, she would have refused, for a lover like Lucrezia has all the weaknesses of a mother and if we say a word about departure, not only will she not approve, but we shall have a battle on our hands. But we shall speak to her about her children and then she will yield. She will understand that a lover must not behave like a husband and settle in her home like the keeper of a fortress.”
“A husband…” said Karol, as he stared at Salvator. “Suppose she got married?”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” replied Salvator. “There is no danger of her being unfaithful to you in that way.” He was amazed at the effect the casual mention of the word “husband” had had on the prince.
“You said a husband,” continued Karol, persisting in this sudden thought. “A husband would be the rehabilitation of her whole life. Instead of being the enemy and the bane of her children, if he were rich and worthy he would become their natural support, their best friend, their adopted father. It would be a noble duty that he was accepting, and how well he would be rewarded! He would never leave this adorable wife, he would be a rampart between her and the world, he would beat off calumny and defamation, he would watch over his treasure and not waste a single day of his happiness through cruel and tiresome conventions. Be her husband! Yes, you are right! Without you I would never have thought of it You can see that I am stricken by a kind of idiocy in everything which concerns the conduct of social life. But now my eyes are opened: love and friendship will have done me the service of making a man of me instead of the child and madman I used to be. Yes, yes, Salvator, to be her husband – that is the solution to the problem! With this sacred title I shall never leave her and I shall serve her instead of harming her.”
