Gateway (The Gateway Trilogy, Book 1), page 9
“What about Reds?” I asked, doing my best to sound calm even while my stomach twisted.
“How do you know about Reds?” Crystle asked.
“Just a term I heard today,” I said, feigning nonchalance. “They look human, right? With red eyes?”
“That's what they say,” Crystle shrugged. “I've never seen one, thank God. I'm pretty sure most of the stories about them are exaggerated, though.”
“But what are they, exactly?” I toyed with my food, my appetite having disappeared.
“Marked ones that chose the wrong side,” Bridget answered. “You'll learn all about them in class. Some were born with the mark and just happen to also be bad people, but others just weren't found in time. Instead of going crazy the voices were able to convince them to be their emissaries. In exchange they get certain powers, like strength and speed. Speaking of which, how were you able to go this long and not go nuts or become a Red?”
I hadn't wanted the conversation to come back to me. I struggled to come up with an explanation for something that was still a mystery to me. I wasn't used to thinking of myself as fortunate in the sanity department. Had the Voice been trying to turn me evil? But It was the one that convinced me to take the pills. What good would I be to It dead? I was missing an important piece to this puzzle.
While my head spun, something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye. It was Taren, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, looking at me.
I stood. “Excuse me. There's someone I need to talk to.”
All three girls followed my eyes.
“Oh, yum,” Crystle said. “Lucky you. It was Taren that brought you in?”
“He brought both of us,” Callie said, her voice filled with affection. “He's so nice.”
“Yeah, nice,” Crystle said with a sly smile. “Nice eyes, nice butt…”
“Oh, stop already. You're a taken woman,” Bridget said, rolling her eyes.
“Taken, but not blind. Taren is a total—”
Whatever Crystle thought Taren was, I didn't hear. I was already halfway to where he was standing. He smiled at my approach, but I could see a wariness in his eyes.
“Hey,” I said. “Not hungry?”
He shook his head. “No, but I didn't mean to interrupt your meal.”
“It's a good thing you did. They were starting to ask questions I don't have answers to.” It was hard to keep the edge from my voice.
He sighed. “I was afraid of that. You want to go for a walk?”
***
The sun was setting and the sky was streaked with pink and orange. It was my favorite kind of Los Angeles evening—just cool enough to need my jacket, but mild enough to enjoy being outside. I would have considered it romantic were it not for the fact that I still wasn't sure whether Taren and Kat were dating, or if I was one hundred percent human.
“So I hear that there aren't any demons on this side of the Gateway,” I said once we were out of earshot.
A look of alarm took over Taren's face. “You didn't tell them, did you? What you saw at the mental hospital?”
“I can keep a secret,” I said, annoyed. “But aside from telling me not to say that I had seen a demon, it might have been helpful if you'd told me that it shouldn't have been possible for me to have seen one.”
“I was trying not to bombard you,” Taren said, “and I didn't think it would come up so soon. How did it, anyway?”
“Crystle and Bridget were talking about how things have gotten weird lately. Secret meetings, extra Keepers and Guardians at the Gateway…”
Taren gave me a sideways glance. “You got into all of that over the first ten minutes of dinner?”
“Never underestimate the ability of teenage girls to disseminate information,” I said. “I also hear Crystle's boyfriend has arms like tree trunks.”
He broke into a wry smile. “Well, that part is true, at least.”
We reached a stone bench and Taren motioned for me to sit. He joined me and I became acutely aware of our proximity.
“And the rest of it? The meetings, the extra people—that isn't?”
“I can't talk about that,” he said, pressing his mouth into a firm line. “I've been forbidden to.”
“You can't be serious.” I said. “After everything that's gone on in the past twenty-four hours you don't trust me? I've done everything you've asked of me and you promised me answers. Well, Annys and Dogan were a veritable font of bizarre information, like I might be a space alien, but nothing they told me made me less confused. And you promised to come find me, but instead you bailed to go on a hike and I was left alone to try and not completely flip out.”
I was rambling and my voice was an octave too high but I couldn't help myself. I felt my eyes begin to water and I willed myself not to cry, not in front of Taren. He thought I was strong. What would he think if I started bawling like a baby?
Taren turned to me and when he spoke his voice was as tender as when he'd been trying to bring Callie back from the brink. “Ember, I'm sorry. Everything you said is true. You've been asked to carry an incredible burden. It's not that I don't want to tell you—”
“Then tell me! Tell me something, at least. Why don't people here know there are demons running around? Shouldn't you be preparing them to—” My eyes widened with recognition. “They do know. The secret meetings, the increase in patrols, the extra Guardians at the Gate. The Elders know, and the Guardians know. But the Keepers don't… at least, not the ones in training.”
Taren was silent, but his expression told me I was right.
“So the extra patrols are to hunt them down and the extra Guardians at the Gateway…” My heart pounded in my chest. “There's been a breach, and the demons have gotten through.”
Taren shook his head in disbelief. “Anyone ever tell you you're too smart for your own good?”
“Yeah,” I said when I could speak, “but this is the first time I've agreed.”
I had spent most of my life longing for a different one—any one—but the one I had. And now it was different. So different and so frightening I longed for my old life. Even if I'd been forced to spend a month at Windsor before I'd been let out, I'd gladly have gone back to the uncertainty of my mother's moods and my outsider freak status at school.
So what if I had a Voice in my head? In my old life it was either my guardian angel or a figment of my imagination. In this reality it was a demonic entity. One that wanted me dead. One that could come for my mind if I left this small patch of the world, and apparently could come after me physically not only via possessed humans, but maybe even in the flesh.
“Are you alright?” Taren's voice brought me back to the present.
A bitter laugh escaped my lips.
“No, I am definitely not alright,” I said. “I am so far from alright it would take the light from alright a thousand years to reach me.”
“Would it help if I told you you're taking all of this really well?”
Easy for him to say, he wasn't privy to my racing thoughts. I wanted to run screaming from this place, but where would I go? I sat very still and focused my attention on a smooth, black pebble on the ground.
“Where are you?” Taren's voice came from far away.
I broke my gaze and looked at him. “What do you mean? I'm right here.”
“You were staring at the ground and you got calmer. Your breathing got deeper and your shoulders relaxed. Were you meditating?”
“Meditating? No, I was just… staring. Trying to make sense of all of this.” I wasn't going to get sidetracked. “Why don't the Keepers know what's happened? Or is it just the students who don't know? And don't tell me you can't say, because I swear I'll start telling everyone in that dorm what I've seen. Annys neglected to cover that part in her threat of expulsion.”
Taren considered for a long moment and then exhaled, his shoulders sagging.
“The Keepers know, he said. “It's the students—neither Keeper nor Guardian—who don't, not yet. We're hoping to contain the situation so that when we tell them, the danger will have passed. They aren't skilled enough to help and it would only frighten them. It's important they stay focused on their studies, just as it's important for you to try to forget about everything else and throw yourself into learning to become a Keeper.”
“So, you think it's true? That I'm a space alien?”
“Being Daemon doesn't mean you're an alien,” he said quietly, and for a moment he was the one who seemed far away. “That's just one theory based on speculation. But, yes, I do think you are part Daemon. It's the only thing that makes sense.”
“And that doesn't freak you out?” I searched his face for a hint of revulsion, relieved to find none.
“We're all freaks in our own way,” he said softly.
“Oh yeah? What's so freaky about you?” I asked, then flushed at the unintentional suggestiveness of my question. “I mean…”
He grinned. “Well, I like you. If you're to be believed, that automatically qualifies, right?”
My stomach did a somersault and a smile spread on my face. “Yes, liking me qualifies. Though if you claimed to understand me, I might suggest you check yourself back into Windsor.”
“Well, then I guess it's a good thing you're still so much of an enigma.”
His words made me feel different, but in a good way—not like a mutant, but a mystery he wanted to solve layer by layer.
I was locked in place by his gaze and felt myself being drawn forward, closer to him. He put his hand on my cheek, tilting so that our foreheads met. His touch sent a current throughout my being and my breath caught. He closed his eyes and exhaled, the warmth of his breath passing through my parted lips.
And then he was standing, turned away from me. It took a moment to get over my shock. He hadn't been just comforting me for feeling like a freak, he had been about to kiss me, I was sure of it.
“I'll take you back now,” he said finally. “You should get to know the other students.”
Why wouldn't he face me? Was I that repulsive?
“Right, get to know them,” I said, trying to keep the bitterness from my voice. “As long as I don't tell them the truth about anything.”
I started down the path back to the dorm, heedless as to whether Taren was following. But he was, the crunch of his boots just steps behind.
“Ember, I'm sorry…” he called after me.
I turned. “Sorry for what?” I could think of a few things, but I was curious how he would answer.
“That I can't—” He looked away and then back. “That I didn't tell you about the breach. I was following orders.”
That wasn't what he had been about to say, I knew. But the moment had passed, I could tell by the set of his jaw.
“How was the Gateway opened?” I asked, seizing the opportunity. “Is it closed now? And why now after all of this time?”
A look crossed his face and he was about to say he couldn't tell me, but instead he said, “Demons trying to break through isn't new, and there have been some close calls over the centuries, but we've always managed to stop them before they succeeded. This time we weren't so lucky.”
“So the Gateway, it's open? Or broken, or something?”
We were alone, but Taren glanced around before replying. “It's closed again. The Keepers are able to channel the part of the symbol they are marked with. They form a link with each other, and that link reinforces the strength of the seal that holds the demons in their prison. About six weeks ago, the demons were able to break the link. Only a handful got out before the link was reformed, but that's why you saw the Dahrak demon, and why there are extra patrols.”
“So it's closed again? Other than the few that got out, there's no more danger?”
I was relieved. For once something wasn't as bad as I thought.
“It's closed,” he said, his face grim, “but it's not locked.”
Chapter 10
I lay on my back staring up at the ceiling of my new bedroom. The mattress was firmer than I liked. I giggled at the absurdity of that. The Gateway that kept a pissed off army of demons in check was “unlocked” and I had complaints about my mattress. At least something had replaced my top fear that I was something other than human, which had replaced my long-standing greatest fear that deep down I was really crazy and was going to end up living like my mother, maybe even having a child just so I'd have someone who couldn't leave me no matter how messed up I got. I laughed again. Taren had said they were “working on it” when I'd asked what the plan was to lock the Gate. Well, of course, what else would you do but work on it? I clamped my hand over my mouth to stop the peals of laughter that threatened to come forth.
After his admission about the current state of the Gateway, Taren had clammed up, even when I pressed him. He finished walking me the short distance back to the dormitory and left, without a mention of when I would see him again. Inside, the atmosphere was lively, with more than a dozen students in the living area, but I hastened up the stairs to my room. At least I was used to the loner reputation I was sure to be garnering.
I decided to take a shower, knowing I'd want the extra minutes of sleep the next morning. In the middle of changing into my bathrobe I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and my breath caught. My tattoo. It was the real reason I'd been given my own room. How could I keep it secret if I were sharing with three other girls? The thought hadn't occurred to me and I was relieved Annys had had more foresight.
I slunk into the shower, only disrobing once I'd shut the frosted door behind me. I came off as a complete prude to the other girls about to shower, but it was the only way.
The iciness of the water was shocking and I pressed myself against the tile to avoid the spray. It warmed quickly, and as I worked the shampoo through my hair my thoughts drifted to Taren. Why hadn't he kissed me? I hadn't realized how much I'd wanted him to until he'd almost done it. Now it was all I could think about.
It wasn't like I'd never been kissed before—done more, in fact—it was just that Taren seemed different. My first boyfriend, Corey, had been when I was fourteen. We would hang out for hours drinking espresso after espresso and talk about music and art. He played guitar, and once during an open mic night he sang right to me.
And then one night my mom came home in the middle of an episode. She accused Corey of trying to poison her when he offered to get her a soda. She railed at him for ten minutes until I shoved him out the door, his eyes as big as saucers. The next day at school there was a note in my locker saying things had gotten too serious with us and he thought we should break up. I tried to talk to him, to tell him that we didn't have to hang out at my place ever again, but he just shook his head and told me it wasn't about my mother, he just needed some space. Three weeks later he'd had enough space and was dating someone else.
And then there was Matt, blue-eyed and on the football team. Our relationship consisted of us making out at parties when he was drunk. That was back when I still went to parties. He was always so sweet when it was just the two of us, but at school he ignored me completely. Once I had asked if he was ever going to hang out with me when he was sober and he just looked at me, confounded, and said, “Why?”
I finished my shower and opened the door just enough to stick my arm out and fish around for my towel. I pulled it inside with me and dried off before tugging on my robe and exiting the stall.
Which is how I now found myself stretched out on my new bed counting ceiling tiles and contemplating Taren, demons, Daemons, and Gateways. And the Voice. What was I to make of the Voice? It had encouraged me to kill myself. But it had also told me to trust Taren. Why would a demon want me to trust the one person who could introduce me to a group of people fighting demons? People who had built an Institute on the one place I could go and be free from the Voice. I wondered at that. Did I want to be free from it? I wasn't convinced it was demonic. If I heard it here, while on consecrated ground, wouldn't that prove it wasn't? That maybe it was my friend? I mentally reached out, willing the Voice to come to me.
Please, prove to me you're not evil.
But there was nothing.
Chapter 11
I woke up grainy-eyed and disoriented. At some point during the night I had crawled under the covers. The robe was bunched up around my waist, evidence of my tossing and turning. And yet, as I rolled over to quiet the alarm clock, I was aware that I actually felt rested in a way I had forgotten was possible. The vague sense of foreboding that usually greeted me upon waking was absent as well. I was nervous, yes, for my first day of classes, for needing to keep track of who knew what about me, and a host of other reasons, but there was an odd sense of calm. I wondered if the consecrated ground was responsible.
My room was dark, the sun not yet having risen. So this is what five a.m. looked like. I had balked when I'd seen the daily schedule posted on the back of my door: morning meditation at 5:15, breakfast at six, class at seven.
I pulled on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, then ran a brush through my hair. I studied myself in the mirror. How often had I done that, wondering who I was. Now I was wondering what I was.
I exited my room and padded down the hall, a handful of sleepy-eyed girls doing the same. I was glad I wasn't the only one who thought it much too early for conversation. A couple of them smiled, but continued walking in silence. Once downstairs, the group was a mix of boys and girls, some more awake than others. A handful of hushed conversations filled the air.
I wasn't sure where the meditation hall was, but everyone seemed to be going in the same direction, so I allowed myself to be swept along by the growing tide of people.
We exited the dormitory and walked a short distance to a large yurt. Once inside I saw Callie seated cross-legged next to Bridget and Crystle. The meditation cushions were placed in several rows forming a semi-circle. Sitting completely still at the head of the room was Master Dogan, his gaze unfocused and soft. I chose an empty seat not far from where Tom was sitting. So the Guardians in training meditated? Interesting. I supposed that meant Taren did, too. I stopped myself from looking for him. This hall was filled with students; he was probably fast asleep in his house in the hills.
