Habitat, page 19
part #1 of The End Series
I took my time getting ready because I wanted to look my best. When I finished showering, I did my hair as carefully as I ever had. I looked in the closet to get the outfit my mom found. For a moment, I missed her. After slipping on the dress, I noticed the tiny embroidered purple violets. It made me think of Mr. Hap’s wife. It may be petty, given everything I had learned over the last two weeks, but I was still a normal girl with normal feelings, and I missed Bram. I wanted him to be the one I spent my life with, but that was impossible now. My port chimed.
“Hello?” It was Ana.
“Are you still at home?” she asked.
“Yes, why?”
“You won’t believe who I spoke to earlier.”
“Who?”
“Bram. He’s here and wants to talk as soon as possible. He acted as if it was an emergency. I didn’t let him know I knew what he was. You know, the “A” word. That sounds incredibly weird coming from my mouth.”
“Ana, our lives complicated enough. I don’t have time for him.”
“Ellis, if you think I believe you’re over him, you’re stupid. Can I say it any plainer? I’m not suggesting you two should get together and start naming your weird-looking hybrid-children, but you need to be honest with yourself.”
There was a knock at the door.
“I’ve got to go. I’ll meet you at our regular spot. See you soon.” I tapped out of the port and opened the door.
“Wow, who is this adult? Have you seen my little girl, Ellis?” my dad asked. I laughed. He held out his hand to me as he had hundreds of times before in my life. “Ready?” I nodded. He squeezed my hand and kissed my forehead. “Excellent, let’s find out what Ellis Bauer’s future holds.”
The Beginning Celebration was crowded, and most families were already at the park. My dad and I arrived fully prepared with lounge chairs and coolers of drinks and food. The park was packed with many types of amusements, including games for little kids to win candies and older kids to win Take credits. One of my neighbors, an art teacher at the Hobby Center, was face-painting beside several tables of vendors selling their handmade crafts. The main stage hosted big events—the high school seniors and kindergarten students would graduate, and the Placement Program would announce work assignments. Each year cooking, art, crafting, and flower contests created lots of excitement. At the end of the evening, before the fireworks, the Council Chairman always delivered a speech.
We found our spot by recognizing Mrs. Hamilton’s large hat on their picnic blanket. Dad put up a small canopy tent for shade while I scanned the crowd looking for Ana. A small part of me hoped Mom might come to see my placement. This year would be very different for our family. Before, Dad and I always entered the three-legged race. We never won, but still had fun. Since I was dressed up for the placement, there would be no races for us this year. I paused; there would be no races ever again for us here. Everything would change soon. For a moment, I began questioning my decision to reveal the truth. I looked around; everyone was happy. I would be responsible for ending the joy I saw before me now. If we were going through with our plans, I had to stay strong.
“Dad, I want to find Ana. I’m sure she and her mom are at the pie contest now. I’ll be back soon.” As I walked away, my Dad’s miniport chimed. It had to be Mom, so I was glad to be leaving. I made my way across a slight knoll to the main stage area. In the distance, I saw Ana speaking with a man I didn’t know.
“Ellis.”
I turned. Bram was behind me.
“Why are you here?” I asked.
“Please, I have to talk to you. Something has happened. I can’t lose you this way. I believe you still care for me,” he said.
“The person I cared for doesn’t exist because you created him.”
“Don’t say that, Ellis. Please come with me so we can talk.”
“If you’d been honest with me from the beginning, maybe we could’ve worked through some of the issues, but be realistic. You are what you are. I am what I am. I can’t live like a prisoner, Bram.” The last part I said in a hushed tone, but still, he shushed me.
“Ellis, you need to keep your voice low. I need to tell you something.
“Ellis, who is your friend?” Without turning, I knew Dad was behind me. I froze, my eyes glued on Bram, who was frozen, as well. Dad walked around me to face him. The two men in my life stared at one another with blank expressions.
“Dad, this is…” He’d soon learn the realities of our town, so I refused to lie more than I had. “Bram Potter. Bram this is my father, Alex Bauer.” The moment was tense because neither moved nor spoke.
After an uncomfortable hesitation, Bram finally spoke. “Hello, Mr. Bauer. I am pleased to meet you.” Bram extended his hand.
My father did not attempt to shake it. I had never seen my dad act this intimidating. “Hello,” he said. “Ellis, your mother is at our spot, and she needs to talk to you privately. I will keep Bram’s company while you speak with her.”
I felt uncomfortable leaving the two together; clearly, Dad was upset about something.
“Happy Beginning, Bram.” I walked away without waiting for a response. Surely, my bland goodbye to Bram sent a message to my father he need not worry this boy was trying to steal his little girl.
My mother stood at our spot, looking agitated.
“Hello, Ellis,” she said. “You look so grown in your dress.”
“Thank you. Are you staying for the picnic?” I asked.
“Yes, if you don’t mind,” she responded.
“You’ve moved out, haven’t you?”
“Yes, although I haven’t gotten all of my belongings, yet. One day you will understand. Several reasons make our staying together impractical,” she said, reaching across to pull a string off my dress. “In our world, Ellis, being strong and independent is difficult. I want you to rely on your own strength and talent. You have become such an intelligent, sensitive young adult. However, you must be prepared for what the future may hold. A day may come when Horizon is different, and I want you to be ready to survive whatever lays ahead. You must realize what I’m doing is best for many people. It may be difficult to understand, but never forget, I am on your side.”
She leaned toward me and placed her hand on my shoulder. She gently kissed my forehead—something she’d done only a few times during my life. I didn’t know this side of my mother. Her words struck me as sincere, but there were volumes she allowed to go unsaid. In the farthest part of my mind, for an instant, I wondered, could she know the truth of Horizon? Is that why I needed to prepare? The thought vanished—I had now officially become paranoid.
“You missed the contest, Ellis. Hello, Mrs. Bauer,” said Ana. Her mother stood behind her, holding half of her famous caramel-apple empanada pie.
“Hello, Ana. María, how was the contest?” asked my mother.
“Always the same. Josie McCoy won again. Listen, honey, what can you do? This time, she had something called egg custard pie. Five years in the row, she has won. Oh well, maybe next year.”
My dad appeared. “Ho-la Ma-ría, ¿Có-mo est-ás?” Ana and I laughed. My dad had such a low, serious voice. He spoke in such choppy, over-accented syllables—his Spanish sounded comical.
“Muy bien, gracias. Look at you. Your accent is getting better, Alex. Oh, I made those fajitas you enjoy so much,” she said, half speaking and half singing her words.
As Mrs. Hamilton searched through her picnic basket, I noted my mom’s reaction. Could Ana’s mother have been the reason for Mom and Dad separating? No, that was absurd; I was letting my imagination go on a rampage.
The announcements for placements began at two o’clock, so we had another hour. Ana and I sat on our blankets under the tent, and we feasted on our combined picnics. It was nice and somewhat relaxed. I kept trying to judge my dad’s behavior for a sign of how he felt meeting Bram. I couldn’t decide if he withheld discussing Bram because of Mom or because of Mrs. Hamilton and Ana, but I was surprised meeting a boy I was talking to didn’t come up in conversation. ‘So tell me, who is Bram?’ or ‘I don’t know this boy’s parents.’—nothing—my dad said nothing. Instead, everyone was on their best behavior, and no one could have suspected anything was wrong. When we finished the last of Mrs. Hamilton’s delicious desserts, I looked around at the entire scene. The people of Horizon were happy and appreciative they were alive, and they were content. What I wanted, no…what I was doing would destroy everything.
An announcement rang out for placement students to come forward. The results were being presented in fifteen minutes. Without thinking, I turned to my mother. “Wish me luck?” For a second, I thought, why did I reach out to her for emotional support? She took my hand, squeezed it, and smiled.
Ana and I walked toward the main stage to line up with the rest of our class.
“Did you see him yet?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said, looking back to judge whether we were far enough from our family to continue the conversation. “He had something to tell me. My dad walked up on us, and I choked.”
“Holy cow. What did you say?”
“I introduced them as if I had run into a friend and nothing more. Except, Dad acted weird. He acted as if he knew Bram and I weren’t casual friends.”
“You imagined that part,” she suggested, “he couldn’t know him.”
We reached the stage and climbed the steps where our instructor, Professor Zhào, was waiting.
“Hello, girls. You look lovely, indeed. Take your places in line; we will begin shortly. I am so pleased for you.” Professor Zhào, who was about a hundred and fifty years old, must have taught school for seventy of those years before The End. Ana told me I had no concept of age, and she was most likely sixty-five.
“Are you meeting him later?” Ana asked.
“Bram? No. I can’t. When I look at him, I want to melt. I want to forget what he is and where we are—a part of me wants to live the lie. But I can’t and I won’t. That makes sense, right?”
“I understand you’re caught between following your heart and following your head. Only you can decide which will win out,” she said.
“Hey, that’s smart advice. You’re not trying to get my therapist job, are you?”
“Me?” she asked. “Umm, no. What misery, listening to people yak about their problems all day. Ugh, kill me if I get that assignment.” She laughed. “So, what if Bram tries to see you again?”
“I have a speech already written in my mind, but it’s complicated,” I said.
“You’re being very secretive today,” Ana said. “So that means it’s my turn tomorrow. Just remember that, okay?”
I laughed. Instantly, I felt the need to thank her for being my friend. I couldn’t imagine not having her in my life. “Ana, I want to tell you…”
“Welcome.” The school superintendent, Dr. Williams, was at the microphone. She had to bend forward to speak because of her height. Before The End, she had been a professional basketball player who quit to pursue what she called her true joy—education. Her duty was announcing the placements. Twenty students were in our class, but several looked to be absent, and I couldn’t imagine why. No one misses their placement day.
“Let us begin with a moment of silent reflection and gratitude.”
Everyone became still. Some lowered their heads in prayer. Some people just stood, but everyone respectfully became quiet. This was the observed ritual of our community gatherings. But this was the first time I had a front-row seat looking out over the entire town. Every one of these people, those I knew and those I didn’t know, would have their lives ripped apart by what Ana and I would do. I felt overwhelmed. The responsibility became more real, seeing how many lives would be affected.
“Thank you. I have the privilege of announcing the Career Placement results for the class of 2052. Let me first thank Professor Zhào for her continued excellence in helping our Horizon youth find and utilize their talents that benefit our community.” Everyone applauded, and the professor bowed her head to the audience in gratitude. “When I call your name, please come forward to accept your placement.” Professor Zhào, who now held a stack of papers, joined Dr. Williams.
“John Frederick Anderson, communications.” John stepped forward and gave a quick wink to Ana. He took the certificate, shook hands with both adults, and gave a big wave to the audience before exiting the stage. I looked at Ana; she liked him. Now, she knew he liked her. She lowered her head, but not before I saw her enormous grin.
“Isabella Blythe Bailey, food services.” My nickname for Bella was BeBe, and she was a fantastic cook who brought our class treats all the time. She looked relieved and let out a high-pitched squeal of delight. I could hardly breathe; I was next. Please let it be a therapist. I took a step forward.
“Ellis Elizabeth Bauer, patient services.” I stumbled forward and stopped. What did she say? I looked over to where Ana stood. She motioned for me to walk forward. It must have been a mistake. Patient services was a help desk to answer questions and make appointments.
“Ellis, that’s you.” She pointed forward, where I walked in a fog to receive a meaningless piece of paper.
“Congratulations, Ellis,” said the superintendent. She reached to shake my hand, and instead, I walked to Professor Zhào.
“Congratulations, dear,” said the Professor as she placed her hand on my back and maneuvered me toward the stage exit. I descended the steps, not taking my eyes from the paper in my hand.
“Wynn Karsyn Grey, patient services,” said Dr. Williams.
This is crap. So my tests proved I would be effective in helping people find the hospital bathroom? I don’t know how long I stood at the bottom of the steps, but Wynn tapped me on the shoulder to get by.
“Hey Ellis,” Wynn said. “I got patient services, too. We are working together. Isn’t it awesome?”
I was mute.
“Hi, Wynn.” I looked at my dad standing in front of us. “Congratulations to you,” he continued to speak to Wynn. “Ellis, come, let’s go to our spot.”
“Ana Gracia Hamilton, Archives.” At least, she received the position she wanted.
“Dad?” I said, letting myself be led by his embrace around my shoulders, “Why?”
“We’ll figure it out together, I promise.”
“My calling is to help people, Dad,” I said.
“It is, Ell. I believe you are meant to help people. There are many ways to help, and you will. Be strong.” We walked back to where my mother stood. She looked as if she were truly sorry for me.
“I’m sorry, you didn’t get the position you wanted,” my mother said. “You would make a magnificent therapist.”
“Thanks. I think I’ll walk around and see the booths.” I had to get my thoughts together. “I’ll be back soon. I just need to be alone.”
I walked aimlessly through the crowd winding up in the spot I’d come to three times during the last week. The first time I visited the knoll overlooking the lake with my dad, I felt calm, but I didn’t realize how often I would seek this place for its solace and privacy. I sat on the ground, not caring if I stained my dress. I had two more hours to act as if everything was perfect in Horizon. I intended to commit a crime which might cause my family and me serious trouble, so I needed to stay away from Bram and convince myself I didn’t care what placement I’d received. I was acting stupid. The placement was no longer of any consequence. The way we lived our lives wouldn’t exist much longer.
I stood and dusted grass off my dress. I wanted to return and have time with my parents. Ana and I would be leaving for the Archives soon. This might be the last time we were together as a family. It might also be the last time to see the town together and happy.
“Ellis.”
I jumped. “I’ve been trying to find you everywhere. I thought I was too late.”
“Forget it, Bram. I can’t do this.” He tried to take my hand, but I brushed away from him and began walking back to join the others.
“I love you, and you love me,” he pleaded.
I stopped without turning to face him. “You’re wrong—that was a different Ellis, and I’m not her anymore.”
When I arrived back to our spot, Dad was alone.
“Hey, Ell. You okay?” he asked.
“Better than okay. I’m sorry I overreacted with my placement. In the grand scheme of life, my career isn’t my primary focus now…”
“I don’t want you to downplay your feelings. You have every right to be disappointed. Many times life presents hurdles. We will find a solution together. Someone once told me, ‘We are not defined by our challenges, but by how we attempt to overcome them.’”
“That’s very inspirational, but I wonder if the speaker ever really lived through a series of crappy events.”
“I think so; it was my father,” he said.
“Dad…Dad, I’m sorry. I didn’t…”
“Everyone has crosses to bear. It’s important to focus on the real blessings. We might not see someone’s burdens, but that doesn’t mean they don’t exist. So many times, we are saddled with disappointment. Ask yourself, could it be worse? If the answer is ‘no,’ then you are at a very desperate place. But if the answer is ‘yes,’ then be thankful.”
“That’s the first time you’ve ever mentioned your family,” I said.
“And that has been a mistake. I think it’s time for the rules to change. We can learn a great deal from the world before. Do you see, Ellis? You have helped me understand the importance of memories. Whether you are a therapist, or something entirely different, you are meant to help people.”
“Thanks, Pop.” I hugged him as tightly as I could. “Where is Mom?”
“She went back to the house to pick up personal items. She thought it might be easier on us if we weren’t home while she packed.”
“So, no change there?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Everything will be fine, perhaps even better. Time will bring new and interesting changes for us. As long as we stick together, nothing else matters, right?”
