From Pemberley to Paradise, page 14
She could not imagine surviving without his hands on her skin, she needed more, she needed all.
“You, I want you!”
She shouted as the lava began to burst throughout her whole body, she shivered in his hands and trembled as no other woman had done before. And this she-devil maintains she is not my woman,—he thought.
They attained the ponton in just an instant but did not reach the cottage.
“The baby,” she said.
“The baby will be fine!” he said as he laid her on the blanket.
“Will you remember this time, Elizabeth Darcy?” he asked, looking at her while she just shut her eyes smiling, “Maybe I shall need more than once…to remember!” she whispered before forgetting everything but him.
At long last, he took her to the bed, “You thought it was this bed that I brought you for!”
“And it was not?” she asked with the same smile.
“No…I wanted to love you under the cascade and in the water, but now we need the bed to practice.”
Chapter 22
“Is what we are doing right?” Elizabeth asked when returning from the Lake House, as it was named for many generations at Pemberley.
“Right? I do not understand what you are saying. For two days now, you are my wife.”
“Under some conditions,” she said.
“Under no conditions, you are my wife, what the future will bring is another problem.”
“You know that is not what I am saying.”
“I know, but I wanted to be with you.”
“Even if you love another woman…”
“Elizabeth,” he interrupted her in haste, “I am not comfortable discussing this subject. It is my problem. A man is not like a woman, we can be with a woman without madly loving her.”
She was glad he could not see the disappointment on her face; he could be with her without loving her…yet she still wanted to be with him.
They were alone in the chaise, riding slowly. Looking at her face, he enjoyed the dark circles under her eyes that reminded him how happy they were.
“The question is more interesting in the other sense,” he said, smiling, “why did you accept?”
She hesitated, however, she wanted to tell the truth.
“Our agreement or…the contract forbids me to marry again…maybe a woman could also be with a man without loving him, thinking it might be the one and only occasion to be with a man.”
He laughed at her words, “Then I shall make you remember this time, my lady…for now, let us live this year we have together without discussing the problems around our marriage. You are at ease at Pemberley, we are friends—I hope—and this day at the Lake House showed we can be together. I think we have much more than many other marriages!”
“Most marriages have the hope of a life together!”
“Well, you decided otherwise, so let us take what we can have.”
∞∞∞
Georgiana was the first to welcome them, a broad smile on her face. However, she had some difficult moments when they were gone. Luckily Lady Deighton, Jane and Eleonor stayed with her the whole day explaining, again and again, that Darcy’s marriage only meant she had a new sister and that she had not lost a brother.
“I have two brothers,” Lady Deighton told them. “Each time one got married, I suffered. Your chance is…Elizabeth—who is a special lady. You two could have a good relationship while Darcy will always remain your loving brother!”
“Be sure,” Eleonor laughed, “when you marry, he will suffer too…”
They all laughed imagining Darcy suffering at her wedding.
“And you have two sisters, not one!” Jane said, inviting Georgiana to forget her sorrow.
“It is how real life is, now you have to come to London and prepare for the future! It is an important moment in your life; you are no longer a child but a young lady who needs to learn to be independent!” Lady Deighton was speaking to her like a mother and Georgiana finally smiled.
Fortunately, they had a day full of events; they rode and walked and in the evening the marchioness invited them to a late dinner. Georgiana seemed to understand the new situation, while all her family and friends tried to make her feel she had arrived at her adulthood.
∞∞∞
The first thing Elizabeth did, when they returned, was to ask Georgiana into the violet parlour for a private discussion. The young girl was still circumspect, but she tried to look happy.
“My dear,” Elizabeth said, “I have to announce something important for your brother, myself…and I hope for you too!”
“A happy event,” she added in haste not to let Georgiana worry.
“You are now a young lady and we want you to take part in all the events of our life. You understand that your brother and I decided to get married some time ago…but the fire disrupted our immediate plans!”
Elizabeth decided to stick to that story as it was convenient for the announcement she wanted to make.
“To be short, as our commitment to marry was firm, we decided to begin our life together before the marriage.”
Georgiana looked surprised at her new sister-in-law. It was a particularly intimate discussion, so she was somewhat embarrassed but also pleased.
“Well, my dear, you are going to be an aunt in the spring!”
The girl’s eyes shone from amazement but also with pleasure. She liked having a secret and it proved that her brother and his new wife were ready to consider her a grown-up. She felt wholly accepted in their family life and many of her doubts faded away.
She looked at Elizabeth’s stomach as often as she could. In the past, she tried to forget what had happened with Wickham, but knowing Elizabeth’s secret she wondered what would have happened if she had a child at fifteen. She shivered at the preposterous thought. She had hated her brother but now she approved his apparent severity and the way he solved the problem. Wickham turned to be a horrible character only in search of her wealth, lately tricking Elizabeth’s sister into marrying him.
“How are you feeling?” Georgiana whispered. In the end, it was so good to have a sister and a secret, to be an adult.
Elizabeth embraced her and whispered, “He is sending his regards to his aunt!”
They were laughing when Jane and the other ladies entered the parlour—a splendid sign Georgiana was finally content with her role and new situation.
∞∞∞
Jane was looking attentively at her sister to see if she was happy and the trip had been a success. The ladies passed the afternoon on a shaded terrace, with cold drinks and biscuits wondering about the beautiful place Elizabeth had visited.
“I do not believe you swam!” Jane exclaimed worriedly.
“Do not be worried,” Georgiana exclaimed with a smile. It is a small lake and I am sure my brother took good care of her!”
It was true; Elizabeth blushed slightly making Lady Deighton remember her youth and Eleonor wanting to be in London where a certain Earl was waiting for her to be back.
“Yes, Darcy tried to teach me how to swim, but I guess I need more than one lesson!”
“Are you going to swim again?” Jane asked almost outraged.
“Oh yes, dear sister, it is a pleasure we did not know to exist!”
Miss Trollope, for the first time, entered the conversation saying, “Indeed, we have a little lake near our house and I used to swim with my nanny all the time.”
Elizabeth was silent while the ladies discussed the pros and cons of swimming. She remembered how they had swum in the moonlight. If she closed her eyes, she could recall the night smells and the sound the water made, enveloping them in a magic cocoon. He loved her in the water. She did not imagine it was possible, but the sensations were so profound that just before departing, she undressed and entered the water waiting for him. From the edge of the lake he smiled but did not hesitate, in just an instant he was naked near her whispering, “You little enchantress, you surely know how to attract a man!”
She hoped her cheeks did not reflect the turmoil in her body, if she could, she would have climbed the stairs directly into his bedroom.
It was what she did after dinner, but to her despair, Darcy did not come. She thought at first he stayed longer with the colonel and the other men; however, when the clocks from downstairs beat one o’clock, she knew where he was.
She went to her room and cried then fell asleep so angry with him, yet she forgave him in the morning when he woke her up with a kiss, whispering, “Mrs Gibbert sent me to bring you tea and biscuits!”
He watched her eating, but he was in a hurry, so he took the cup from her hand and the half biscuit from the other, undressing before her astonished eyes. She was still shy to see him naked, but she did not have time to protest, he loved her, whispering in her ear how beautiful she looked in the morning.
“Next time, please be naked in the morning,” he laughed.
Next time, please do not come into my room after being with the marchioness… she wanted to say but did not, happy that, in the end, he returned to her.
Chapter 23
Living between despair and happiness, she suffered when he was away and became instantly happy when he returned. She tried hard not to care that he was not entirely hers. Each time they were together he was so passionate... making her forget the whole world. Almost every day in the afternoon, when everybody rested, Darcy silently came into her room and lay down near her. He usually asked her if she was all right, but each time he took her into his arms and loved her. But often it was she to come closer to him knowing he would not resist.
She descended to her guests remembering their passion, the feeling making her blush often. She had a good excuse, she was pregnant yet lately she was not fooling herself anymore. It was lust, passion, that were driving her into his arms.
He loved her in the morning, sometimes during the daytime while the nights he was away making her heart break. She cried for long hours, but then she had to admit that it was what she wanted…in the beginning.
The agreement between them was the best solution she could have asked for. The alternative was a life of shame, in her parents’ house with a baby born out of wedlock, hardly able to imagine what her life would have been with no money and no future for her child. She was so grateful for his generosity and the capacity to understand her refusal to be his wife. In the end, she would have her own home and a convenient income and the means to take care of her mother and, eventually, of her unmarried sisters. It was the perfect arrangement in such a disastrous situation. She still remembered the first night, after their discussion, how happy she was and confident in her future.
That time seemed so far away, that woman was not her anymore. Her heart was filled with sentiments for Darcy—related not to his human qualities but to his excellence in the conjugal bed. It was so frustrating not being able to speak to Jane, but she was sure that, for once, her sister would not understand and support her. And then she had to keep the secret about her marriage’s conditions, till the moment she would leave Pemberley. But just the idea of leaving him and Pemberley made her sick. She loved everything around her, her bedroom and her parlour, the park, the memory of the cascade that she wanted so much to see again. That splendid mansion was her home but the owner was not hers.
She wondered for long sleeplessness hours about the nature of his sentiments. He had indeed loved her in the past, but because of the way she acted, most probably, his love was gone. However, he wanted to be with her…it was such a difficult problem to solve when he came to her daily and she was his wife. He clearly liked her as a woman, but he was free to go to the woman he wanted to live with after…
The marchioness was a reality and he had declared his love for her. How could she compete with such a beautiful and intelligent woman? Some months after the birth of their child she would have to leave. She could not but ask herself what would have happened if that first night, when he proposed to her, she had said yes from her heart.
Chapter 24
They were now alone for some time, the guests departed.
A considerable surprise came for Georgiana who accepted Lady Deighton’s invitation to go to London for the Season. Darcy was so astonished he could hardly talk while Elizabeth could see how sad he was because of her leaving. He tried to smile and encourage her, but he was not at all as pleased as he declared.
“She did not ask permission to go,” he told Elizabeth that evening, a rare time when he chose to stay with her.
Elizabeth gently laughed and caressed his hand, “You are sad…” she said.
“I am mostly worried!” he answered, making Elizabeth understand how responsible he felt for her. It was not only brotherly love but also a parent’s worry for a child who left home.
“She will be safe!” Elizabeth reassured him. “Lady Deighton will take good care of her and do not forget your family—Lord Matlock and your cousin. She is now a young lady who has to think about her future.
“What shall I do?” he asked, pacing the bedroom. “I shall not give her my permission to depart!” he said.
“Come, lie down near me, my dear!”
To her great surprise he came and she took him into her arms, “She does not need your permission, my dear,” she whispered in a mild tone, caressing his face. “She is an adult now!”
“It is so strange to be alone in Pemberley…each time when we were apart, it was I departing…”
“I am here…” Elizabeth said but stopped abruptly as she wanted to add, “and I shall never leave you!”
Jane was the last to depart, they wanted to arrive in London and the road was difficult for a pregnant woman. The sisters cried a lot, promising long letters, hoping they would have their children almost on the same day.
“Imagine,” her sister said with an amused expression on her face, “we…well, we did it almost at the same time.”
They laughed no longer so shy.
“I shall tell Mama and Papa how well you are!”
Mrs and Mr Bennet and Mary were expected to come to Pemberley just before the baby would be born in accord with Darcy’s demand, while Kitty would go to London with Jane and Charles.
∞∞∞
Even the colonel was no longer a permanent guest. As his regiment was stationed in Matlock, he stayed in his family’s manor, which was nearer. They were alone. Excepting the nights they passed almost all the time together. Elizabeth enjoyed accompanying him on his travels around the property, admiring his way of solving problems or speaking to his tenants. He was firm but benevolent and he knew all of the issues his people had. He asked about the work in the fields or about the fish in the lakes but also wanted to know if the one tenant’s wife was better or the children of another.
When he was not around, Elizabeth concentrated on the child to come and the duties a mistress had in such a large house like Pemberley.
“I am so thankful, my lady, for your help!” Mrs Gibbert said.
“I am afraid Mrs Gibbert, I am not of much use these days!” she smiled, remembering the long periods when she just sat on a sofa in her parlour. While when she was up, she preferred to go with Darcy than to be home and supervise the household.
“It is so normal, my lady! It is the first child. But you cannot understand how important it is for me to have you to discuss the daily problems. It was exactly what the late mistress did with my dear mother, every day.”
Elizabeth left the house in Mrs Gibbert’s hands as it had always been, but she began to be preoccupated by other problems.
“I want to meet the people who are living in Pemberley Village,” she told Mrs Gibbert one day, I saw them at our party, but I need to know them better.”
Mrs Gibbert put on an earnest face reminding Elizabeth of her mother.
“But you cannot walk now; I shall not let you make such an effort!”
Elizabeth smiled and let her order the chaise.
She wanted to know the people from the village, those who worked for them at Pemberley, to find out their problems and in the end, she wanted her presence at Pemberley to be remembered.
She had compassion in her own character and was interested in the persons living around her—it was not something unexpected—but in the present situation, she initiated a strange competition between herself and a future mistress who would come to Pemberley when she would be gone.
It is pride, Lizzy! She kept scolding herself, but she could not escape that feeling. Sometimes invaded by sorrow and regrets, it was all she could do, making Darcy compare her…to her rival.
It is vain, Lizzy, when it does not come out of pure compassion and empathy… She wanted to be a perfect wife…much better than the one who would come after her and then…maybe, he would regret her some time.
When resting in the afternoon, she had a daydream about a time in the future when Darcy would come to her new home to see his child but also tell her that he made a mistake and he loved her, asking her to go back to Pemberley!
Each night she waited for him to come back, installed in his bed but most of the times she was asleep and Darcy carried her into her room or just slept near her when he was too tired.
∞∞∞
“I spoke to some of the persons in Pemberley Village,” she told him one day while they sat together in the library, reading, an occasion she enjoyed most of all.
“I know, you took them from their work,” he said, smiling in total discord with the words. He was not scolding her; on the contrary, she reminded him of his mother who planned parties for Christmas and distributed gifts and who knew every new-born or sick person on the vast domain.
“I am sorry,” she said. “I just wanted to know them. It is strange how they did not tell me about their daily problems, but most of them were happy to do something for their children.”
He did not understand what she was talking about…a sign the news was not reaching him as she thought it did, so she continued, “I intend to organise a school…if you agree!”
