Crow: Soulless Bastards MC So Cal, page 5
“What the fuck happened to you?” The growl that rips through me sends pain shooting through my chest. I cough and try to catch my breath but the pain is almost unbearable.
“Stop, Crow. You need to calm down. I’m fine. Let’s worry about you,” she says, her hand resting on my shoulder. Her warmth is something I missed.
“You left,” I say softly, as I lay my head back, closing my eyes.
“I needed some time. This is all going so quickly. You, the clubhouse, the girls. My life. It’s spinning out of control. I’m sorry,” she says, and that’s when I feel it. A tear drops onto my cheek. I open my eyes and see her crying over me with her eyes closed. I raise my hand to her cheek, her eyes instantly opening.
“If you need time away from me, take it. You come first, Lyric. Always remember that,” I tell her. She brings her hand up to cover mine and once again the world slows down. Nothing else matters but her.
Lyric shakes her head and says, “No. I just needed to breathe. You’re the best thing that has happened to me, Crow.”
If only she knew I felt the same way about her. But I can’t tell her. I want to but there is no way. I won’t leave her in this world when the time comes knowing that. She will fall apart and that’s not what I want for her. I shift my hand and bring our fingers together, bringing them to my lips. I press a small kiss on her hand before I look back up at her.
“Not today but you will tell me.” I nod toward her eye. She gives me a small smile before she nods.
“The guys are out there. I should probably go so they can come in,” she says softly. I squeeze her hand tighter, not wanting her to go anywhere but knowing that if it’s what she wants, I’ll let her.
“Stay.”
“Only for you, Crow. Let me go tell them you’re awake,” she says. She takes a step, our hands releasing each other’s. Lyric hesitates before coming back to my side.
“You really scared me, Crow.” Leaning down, she presses her lips to my head. “Don’t do that to me again.” She sighs before pulling away and heading to the door. I close my eyes and swallow hard. Will she be alright when the time comes? Clearly the fucking devil didn’t take me once again. I don’t know why he’s saving me. I don’t know why he won’t fucking reach into me and take every last piece of my soul. It’s already black. There is nothing left of it.
“Glad you’re awake, motherfucker.” Ruger strolls in looking as happy as ever.
“Somethin’ like that,” I grumble.
“Fucked your ass up pretty good. I feel like shit, brother. I knew you were off. I wish I didn’t let you go off on your own,” he says.
That’s the first time since I’ve known Ruger that he has ever said anything like that. The solemn look in his eyes bugs me. What the hell is this girly shit all about? Is there something they aren’t telling me?
“What the fuck are you talkin’ about, man? You sound like a bitch.” I chuckle lightly. My chest is on fire but my head spins. The door opens before he can say anything else. Hawk, Smokey, and Draven walk in with Mayhem of all people.
“If I knew I had to damn near die to see your sorry ass, I would have done it sooner.” I smile as Mayhem walks toward the bed.
“Heard that. Came down as soon as I heard about the accident. Wanted to make sure your sorry ass was followin’ directions. Dec will be down in a few days. Told Hawk we’d help out with what we can.”
I watch Mayhem for a minute. Something seems off with him, too. In fact, the more I look around the room, they all seem off. The door opens again and Lyric walks in with a doctor at her side. She wrings her hands together in front of her, nervously. What the fuck is going on?
“Someone gonna tell me why the fuck you all look like we’re headin’ to a funeral? Cause it sure as fuck ain’t mine.” I make the obvious known. Mayhem chuckles but Lyric looks sick to her stomach.
“Lyric? Come here, baby,” I tell her. She hesitates and looks around like the other guys might tell her no. My body wants to fight. I can feel it in me. I’m about to say more but she decides to move. She walks over and grabs my hand. I scoot over as far as I can and motion for her to sit.
“What the hell is goin’ on?” I growl. Lyric jolts a little before the doctor clears his throat.
“Mr. Marcus, we ran some tests when you came in the other day,” he begins. The other day? What the hell?
“How long have I been out?” I ask, looking to Lyric.
“Four days,” she says softly. Fuck! I look back to the doctor.
“You have what’s called Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, Mr. Marcus. The treatments can be started as soon as your head is healed up. I want you to be at hundred percent when we start the chemo.” Lyric sobs next to me, but all I heard was chemo. What the hell is happening to me?
“What the fuck, doc? I don’t know what that shit is,” I growl.
“It’s a form of cancer, Mr. Marcus. We can do treatments. A minimum of six months. You will spend a lot of time in the hospital. You will need plenty of rest at home as well as-”
“How long?” I cut him off and ask. Fuck his chemo. Fuck his stay in the hospital shit.
“It’s hard to say. With treatment we can prolong-”
“No. I don’t want it.”
“Mr. Marcus-”
“I said I don’t fuckin’ want it! In fact, get this shit off me so I can get the hell outta here,” I roar as I tear at the wires and IVs that lead into my arm. Lyric jumps off the bed, Draven and Ruger taking her place. They pin me to the bed by my shoulders. I look between them with venom lacing my veins.
“Get the fuck off me. I’m leavin’!” I roar once more. They share a glance before moving back. I sit up, my head spinning slightly. I hold still for a second to calm the urge to vomit.
“Baby, hand me my clothes,” I tell Lyric, my voice calming slightly. She moves to the little chair in the corner and brings me a pile of clothes, setting them next to me.
“You motherfuckers gonna watch me get naked?” I ask looking at the guys. They all groan and shake their heads before walking out of the room, the doctor behind them.
“You want me to help?” Lyric asks. I look over at her and smile.
“You want to get your hands on me already?” I tease. She just smiles and grabs my shirt.
“Actually, I wanted your hands on me, but since you’re the patient, I suppose I can help out.”
I laugh a little as she pulls the stickers off my chest. She tosses the wires to the side and pulls my shirt over my head. I stuff my arms in the holes as pain ricochets through my body.
“Fucked my bike up good, huh?” I ask her as she kneels in front of me with my jeans.
“You’re lucky you had a helmet. You have a shitty concussion,” she says as I stand and she pulls my jeans up my legs. I like watching her like this, so sure of herself. It fits her.
“So, that shit I heard you talkin’ to the nurse? It kinda make me hard, darlin’,” I tell her watching her cheeks flush.
“She had that coming. She has been a pain in the ass since you got here. She wasn’t going to let me in until I told her you were my husband.” Lyric stands in front of me stoically. I can tell the news is hurting her but she doesn’t let on. She bottles it up like I do and eventually it will break her if she doesn’t get it out. I would know. Now isn’t the time though.
“You gonna break me outta here, baby?”
“That depends. Can I stay with you a while?” she asks.
“You gonna play naughty nurse?” I ask her, raising an eyebrow. Lyric giggles and my heart melts.
“I think I can do that.”
Chapter 12
Healing from the accident has taken a toll on me. I thought I was ready to get my ass back into the swing of life but that concussion kicked my ass. I’ve been down for a few weeks and it’s making me crazy. Too many nights I’d lay awake and wonder why the world hates me the way it does. Why it can’t just let me go. I don’t understand the hold the universe has on me. Is it a form of torture? It’s doing a damn good job if it is.
I roll over and grab the bottle of Jack of the night stand, pushing myself up. If I can’t ride, I can still drink and fuck. And fuck I have. I’ve had Lyric wrapped up in my arms every goddamn night since I’ve been home. She leaves for a while during the day but she always comes back. We haven’t talked about that black eye yet but I hope she doesn’t think it’s been forgotten. I hear the front door slam as I down another gulp from the bottle. Drinking gives me a slight satisfaction. That and the fact that I know my own body is slowly killing me. The thought of doing the chemo crossed my mind for the briefest of moments. It was only because of her. How fair is that?
“You gonna drink ‘til you die, motherfucker?” Draven asks, dropping onto the bed next to me with a joint hanging between his lips.
“Maybe. Who gives a shit anyway?” I ask, taking another drink.
Draven chuckles before he says, “Got some word on Ancients. They haven’t set foot near Henley, but from what’s gettin’ said, they are formin’ an alliance with Road Ryders.” He inhales before passing me the joint. I take it and take a long hit before passing it back.
“Fuck the Ryders. They aren’t shit. One good shot and we take out half their army. Their soldiers are bullshit. So, is their prez. Hope Hawk knows that shit,” I tell him. I lay my head back as the world spins around me, the liquor and weed giving me a euphoric feeling.
“Yeah. He wanted you to ride out on that one. Got your bike up and runnin’ again,” He says. I place my hands behind my head and look at him.
“You did? When?” I ask with a grin.
“Week ago. Figured you’d wanna get back on it.” Draven sighs before shoving off the bed. “You want me to tell Hawk you’re in?”
I let his question hang in the air for a second before I say, “Fuck yeah. Ain’t doin’ no good layin’ up in the bed.” Draven nods with a slight smile on his face. I know I’ve missed a lot. I know they need me too. The front door closes again as Draven looks over his shoulder. Lyric walks in looking like hell once again.
“You been restin’, sweetheart?” Draven asks her. I know they all care about her and it’s surprised me how much they have taken to her. They don’t treat her like they do most of the girls here. They treat her better, with more respect.
“Yeah,” she says, walking past him. I watch her as she digs through the dresser, not saying a word to anyone. My chest tightens. Something is clearly going on in that head of hers.
“I’ll talk to you later, Crow.”
I nod my head and watch Draven leave before I shove off the bed. I walk up behind Lyric, wrapping my arms around her waist. As soon as I touch her, she sobs. My heart aches for her. I want to do anything in my power to make her smile.
“Talk to me, baby,” I whisper against her neck. I can smell the alcohol on her. Is she drunk too?
“I hate life, Crow. I hate everything about it,” she cries. I spin her in my arms, looking her in the eye. She looks as lost as she did the first time I saw her in that warehouse, which scares the fuck out of me.
“What happened?” I ask, my tone hardening a little more.
“Luther is a bastard. I wish I never had to go back there,” she cries.
“You don’t have to. Why the fuck do you still go there, Lyric?” Hearing that she still goes back to that place pisses me off. I knew she went out but I didn’t know she’d go home. Is that what happened to her eye? Is that why she comes back looking like shit all the time?
“You don’t understand.” She grits her teeth and pulls away from me. She walks toward the bed, grabs the bottle of jack, and brings it to her lips. I watch as she takes a long pull, swallowing it down. She’s in obvious need of a distraction of her own, and I won’t take that away from her.
“I don’t understand ‘cause you won’t tell me!” I snap at her. Her head snaps around, her eyes locking with mine.
“What do you want to know, Crow? Huh? How he used to stick his fingers inside me? How he used to kiss my neck like you just did? That’s the only place that’s home! I’ve never had any other home, Crow!” The tears fall down her face but they aren’t of sadness. They are tears of hate. I know those tears all too well.
“I’ll kill him,” I say with my jaw clenched tightly.
“How are you going to do that when you want to die to? Huh? How the fuck, Crow!” she screams. Lyric takes another long pull before throwing the bottle across the room. It slams into the wall next to me, shattering into a million pieces.
“You always knew my end game, Lyric. That never changed,” I say softly. She shakes her head before she walks toward the door. I’m pissed. My body is practically vibrating. I want to rip that motherfucker’s throat out for even looking at her wrong, but putting his hands on her? Fuck no. Add to that that Lyric is seething with her own rage and anger and I just about can’t handle anymore. I want to lose myself with her, but as I stand here thinking on it, I know what I need to do. I know what I need to tell her if we are going to make any kind of sense out of this relationship we have going on.
“Don’t you walk out of here!” I roar. Lyric stops and turns to look at me. She laughs. Out of nowhere she starts angrily laughing.
“What do you want from me, Crow?” she screams, throwing her arms out to the sides. She’s so damn beautiful. So damn perfect. I want so much from her but I can’t have it.
“Wait here,” I tell her, grinding my teeth painfully together. I suppose if we are being real right now, I might as well be real with her. I need her to know why my life will never amount to anything. I need her to know the whole fucking story of why I need this life to end. She has to understand me.
I walk into the bathroom and grab the razor from under the sink. In an angry drunken haze, I plug it in and start cutting off all my hair. Lyric rushes into the bathroom, her mouth hanging open.
“What are you doing?” she yells as she watches all my shaggy brown hair fall to the floor.
“I’m showin’ you. I’m showin’ you why I’m not meant to be here. I’m showin’ you how the world has turned on me and it’s slowly suckin’ the life from me. It’s taken all I have to live this long, Lyric. I need you to know why! I need you to know so that you can move on with your life without me one day!” I keep shaving until all my hair is gone. I look up in the mirror, setting the razor on the sink. I cock my head to the side, studying myself in the mirror.
“Where did you get that scar on your head?” she asks softly, moving to touch it. Slowly running the tips of her fingers over the length, tears fall down my face.
“One night. Four minutes. That’s all it took, Lyric. Four minutes.”
Chapter 13
Lyric grabs my hand, leading me from the bathroom. Once we’re in the bedroom, she pulls my shirt over my head, brushing off the hair that’s fallen on my skin. She takes her time, making sure my body is cleaned. Next, she removes my jeans, and I let her. Kicking them to the side, I sit on the edge of the bed in my boxers. My chest aches. My heart feels as if it’s being ripped out of my chest.
“I was with this girl once. I didn’t love her. Hell, I didn’t like her much. We weren’t even really together. We fucked and that was it. She got pregnant. Never wanted kids. I wasn’t sure I did either. But when the nurse passed me that little boy bundled in a blanket, my heart melted. He was seven pounds of perfection. Looked just like me. Even had my eyes.” Sighing, I take a breath and continue. I need to get this out. “Beth didn’t want him. She never did. She took off right when she got out of the hospital. Left me with a son that I had no idea how to care for. I did it, though. I learned how to take care of him by myself. He was everything to me. He became my world, and there was nothin’ I wouldn’t do for him.”
“Did the guys help?” Lyric asks softly.
I nod solemnly. “As much as I’d let them. He was my boy, I wanted to be the one carin’ for him. I did the best I could. He was happy. I was happy. We were our own little family… One day when Gabe was six, Beth showed up at the park we were at. She had a bunch of guys with her. Wasn’t a lot I could do one on seven. She was messed up, high outta her mind. They weren’t far behind; their eyes were wild with whatever they were usin’. There was this one guy that was really disturbin’. Every time he’d look at me or Gabe, somethin’ in me wanted to snap. My heart was beatin’ so fast, ready to explode when they grabbed us both. Took us to an old warehouse. Nobody said a whole lot and it made me worry. The silence was eerie. I had a split second to text Ruger and let him know what was goin’ down. I held Gabe close to me when the guy pulled a gun and pointed it right at me. Beth yelled about how it was my fault she had to do this. How that boy meant more to me than her. I hadn’t seen her in years. Didn’t even know she was alive,” I rasp, tears continuously flowing down my cheeks as I talk.
“Crow, you don’t have to do this,” Lyric says.
Looking over, I motion for her to come to me. I scoot into the middle of the bed, my back resting against the headboard. Lyric straddles me, sitting in my lap, facing me as I continue. “One of the other guys came and ripped Gabe from my embrace. I fought like hell. Punched, kicked, screamed - you name it. I fought to keep him in my arms. I told him everything was gonna be okay. I tried to calm him as he cried across the dingy room. The sick one, the one with gun passed it to another. They traded off. My son for the weapon. He held Gabe around the neck with this look in his eyes, like the devil himself. I saw it. I saw it all. He squeezed Gabe’s throat…” A sob rips my insides out. I can’t breathe. Forcing myself to take a few deep breaths I try to regain enough strength to finish this once and for all.
“Crow, stop,” Lyric begs with tears of her own. Redness rimming her beautiful eyes.
“I moved to go after him when the gun fired. I was thrown back. I hit the floor hard and my right eye was covered in blood. I couldn’t see what was happenin’. I moved the best I could, but the pain in my head wouldn’t let me get up. I fought, Lyric. Fuck, I tried to fight. I heard the gasps. I tried to shake the blood out of my face…and then I saw him. His lifeless eyes. That monster killed him, Lyric. That monster killed my son, right in front of me for no fuckin’ reason. His eyes will always haunt me. Those dark brown eyes that fill every goddamn nightmare I have. I looked into his eyes, Lyric. I saw the pleadin’ in them. The wonderin’ why his daddy was lettin’ this shit happen to him. He was silently beggin’ me with his eyes, but I heard him. His little voice. He sobbed the word daddy. That bastard didn’t care. He took his time. Tortured him. Made him breathe life back into his lungs before takin’ it away again.” I lose it then. I break down and there is nothing I can do to stop. My world crumbles at my feet. My heart feels dead. There’s nothing left inside of me now. Lyric has it all… Every ounce of me in the palm of her hand.
