Nothing Is Left, page 9
part #11 of Forever and Ever Series
“What do you expect me to do? Talk about gay sex all day long? Do you talk about straight sex all day long?” Derision was in his voice.
“No…”
He stood up straight, his body tense. “Roland.” He stared me straight in the face. “Yeah, I’m gay. If you have a problem with that, then that’s your deal. If you don’t want to be friends with me anymore, then fine. It’s your loss.”
“Of course I still want to be friends.”
“Then why have you been treating me differently all week?” he asked. “You’re straight. I get it.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “I don’t know…I’ve never been good friends with a gay person before.”
“Well, it’s not much different than having a straight friend.”
“I know…”
He sighed then walked to his window. He stared at the city for a long time.
I knew I hurt his feelings and I felt terrible about it. I walked to his side and looked out alongside him. “I’m sorry I offended you. Of course I don’t care if you’re gay. I’m sorry I didn’t handle it very well…”
He stared straight ahead like he hadn’t heard me.
“You’re still a really good friend to me. That won’t change.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I apologize for snapping. Coming out and being honest about who I am hasn’t been easy. Even in the most progressive city in the world, I still feel persecuted. I’ve lost a lot of friends because of my sinful ways, and I’ve been judged before ever speaking a word. I’ve been the victim of hate crimes, and I’ve been teased mercilessly for whom I love. People see me as some sort of freak. When I met you, I thought you knew. Or, at least I thought you caught on to it. And the fact you accepted me made me feel good. And your friends have been nothing but nice to me. I guess…having that taken away was painful.” He didn’t look at me, choosing to stare at something only he could see.
“I’m sorry…”
“If you don’t want to be my friend anymore, that’s your right. Just tell me.”
“Of course I want to, Heath.”
“Really?” Emotion was in his voice.
“Yeah. You just hid it so well. I had no idea…”
“I don’t wear it on my sleeve.”
“Well, maybe that’s why.”
“I just don’t want people to feel uncomfortable around me.”
“I’m not,” I said.
“Okay…then why did you act weird around me this week?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know…”
“You know, most people who are homophobic have homosexual desires.”
My heart sped up in my chest. My pulse pounded in my ears. “What’s your point?”
“I’m just saying…”
“Well, I like girls,” I said.
“Okay.” He didn’t argue with me.
“I don’t like men,” I repeated.
He turned to me. “Okay. I’m not accusing you of anything.”
“Good…” I breathed hard and felt my skin flush in heat. My palms were sweaty and I ached everywhere. My knees felt weak. I was suddenly aware of my body and how close Heath was to me.
Heath turned away again. “So…we’re okay?”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “Nothing needs to change.”
“Okay.” He turned away from the windows. “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” He rubbed the back of his neck while he moved to the door.
I watched him walk away. “Actually, can I hang here?” I didn’t know why I said it. I just wanted him to know that I really didn’t care about his lifestyle. My words weren’t empty. And knowing he was hurt made it impossible for me to walk away. I wanted everything to be okay. I thought staying was the best way to prove that.
He gave me a small smile. “Okay. You want to watch the game?”
“Yeah.”
“Beer?”
I nodded.
He went into the kitchen.
I moved to the couch then kicked my shoes off.
He handed me one then sat on the other couch, just like he usually did. “Roland?”
“Hmm?”
“Thanks for being my friend.”
My heart burned at his words and I couldn’t think of anything to say. So I just nodded.
Chapter Nine
Conrad
“Let me get this straight,” Dad said. “I’ve already done two favors for you, and now you’re asking me for a hundred grand?”
“I’ll pay you back,” I argued.
“I just spent a fortune on your education. Now you want more?”
“I’m starting up a business. It takes money.”
“I’m aware of that,” he said with a growl.
“I’m going to pay you back.”
“But if the company goes under, I’m screwed.”
“Like you’ll even notice the money is missing…”
“That’s not the point, Conrad,” he said darkly. “It’s my money, not yours.”
“You know, if your answer is no, that’s fine.”
He eyed me suspiciously. “Really? Then how will you get the money?”
“I got a bunch of other relatives to ask.”
“Don’t you dare go to Sean,” he threatened. “I’ll rip your eyes out.”
“Fine,” I said. “Will you back me?”
He sighed. “I guess…”
“Thanks. I’ll pay you back every penny.”
He drank his entire glass of brandy then refilled it. “You really should do some research before you get into this. The two most important things about running a successful business are location and marketing. If you don’t have both, then don’t bother.”
“I think we’ll be okay.”
“You think or know?” he snapped.
“Well, how can I know?”
Mom came into the living room, eyeing us warily. “Sounds like a fight is about to break out.”
“Your son just asked for a hundred grand,” Dad said.
“What for?” she asked.
Dad patted the seat next to him, silently calling her over.
Instinctively, she sat beside him.
“I’m opening up a martial arts studio with Theo,” I answered.
Mom seemed incredulous. “And what made you decide this?”
“It was an idea Theo and I had,” I explained. “I think it could work.”
“Is Theo putting money on the table?” Dad asked.
I nodded. “The other half.”
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked. “Because you already owe me for two favors.”
“This isn’t a favor,” I argued. “I’m asking for money.”
“If that’s not a favor, I don’t know what is,” Dad said with a laugh.
“Fine,” I said. “I owe you for three.”
“Then I’ll do it,” Dad said. “If this crashes and burns, at least you’ll learn something.”
“It won’t crash and burn,” I said with a sigh.
“So, how’s Beatrice?” Dad asked.
My parents were more interested in her than me. “Good.”
“What’s she up to?” Mom asked.
“She’s just going to school.”
“Does she like it?” Dad asked.
“Seriously, I feel like I’m being interrogated,” I snapped.
“Fine,” Mom said. “Your father and I will ask her to dinner.”
“Without you,” Dad said.
“Whoa…if my lady is there, then I’m there,” I said.
“I thought you didn’t want to be interrogated?” Dad asked sarcastically.
“I need to protect her from the two of you,” I noted.
“Beatrice loves us,” Mom said.
“Uh, no,” I said. “She just knows you might be her in-laws someday.”
“In-laws?” Dad asked. “You thinking about marriage, kid?”
I gave him a glare. “You think I would have introduced you to her if I didn’t think we would last?”
Mom beamed. “We could have grandchildren soon.”
“No,” I snapped. “None of that.”
“Yeah,” Dad agreed. “Conrad is too immature to be a father right now.”
“You’re still immature,” I noted.
He finished the rest of his brandy. “Immature men don’t drink brandy.”
I stood up, tired of this visit. “Alright, I’ll let you know when I have more information.”
“Are you going, honey?” Mom asked.
“Yeah.”
Mom put her arm around me and walked me to the door. “Come by anytime. We love having you here.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
“I love you, baby.” She kissed my cheek.
“I love you too.”
Dad came up next then clapped my shoulder. “See you later.”
I was glad I was finally getting out of there. “See you.”
***
I was watching TV at home when my phone rang.
It was Beatrice’s father.
I hadn’t spoken to him in a while. I was surprised he hadn’t called sooner. “Hello?”
“Hey, Conrad. It’s Stan. How are you?”
“I’m well. You?”
“Good. I was hoping I could see you tonight, take you out to dinner or something.”
I turned off the TV. “Actually, I moved to New York City.”
“Oh, why?”
“Well, my family lives here.”
“What about my little girl?”
“She’s here too. She’s in law school.”
“Good for her,” he said enthusiastically. “She was always so smart.”
“Yeah…”
“Well, I’d still like to see you.”
Did he expect me to drive to him?
“Just give me two hours. You want to meet at Smith’s?”
He was coming all the way here just to hear about his daughter. “Sure. That’s fine.”
“I’ll see you there, Conrad.” He hung up.
I put the phone down then drank my beer.
Beatrice texted me. I had such a long day. How was yours?
It was good. You need a massage?
It wouldn’t be the end of the world…
I’ll come over before bed.
Why don’t you come over here now?
I hated lying to her but I didn’t know how to get around it. I have plans. But I’ll come afterwards.
Thankfully, she didn’t ask what I was doing. I guess I’ll wear these stockings some other time…
My heart stopped beating. You’re mean.
Hehe.
***
I found Stan at a table and joined him.
“How’s it going, kid?” He patted me on the back with a smile.
Our relationship had changed since we first met a year ago. He’d come to be a weird form of a friend. The one thing we had in common was Beatrice, so that’s what we talked about. No longer did I see him as Beatrice’s enemy, just her father. “Good. You?”
“I got to take my new Maserati for a spin,” he said with a laugh. “I’d say I’m doing well.”
“Cool,” I said. “What color is it?”
“White.”
“Sweet,” I said.
“Yep. And she goes fast.”
“I bet.” Dad always drove fast cars since I could remember. He and Uncle Sean both had a thing for it.
“So, what’s new with you, Conrad?” He drank his iced tea.
“Nothing much,” I answered. “I may be opening up a martial arts studio with a friend.”
“That sounds…interesting.” He didn’t seem that impressed.
“Yeah, I think it’ll be a success. But, of course, it’ll be a lot of work too.”
“What does my daughter think of it?”
I shrugged. “She’s a little indifferent. She wants me to do whatever I want. If I told her I wanted to be a plumber, she wouldn’t care.”
“So, she’s extremely ambitious but she doesn’t expect her partner to be?”
“I don’t think she’s ambitious,” I answered. “I think she just has a goal she’s trying to reach. She doesn’t care about power or money. She just wants to make a difference in the world.”
He nodded, but his gaze became sad. “The way you talk about her, she sounds like the most interesting person in the world.”
“Well, she is.”
“She’s so hardworking, smart, and…cool.”
“When we first met, I couldn’t believe how cool she was. I even told her she was the coolest chick I ever knew.”
He felt the condensation from the glass with his fingertips. “Does she…ever talk about me?”
I felt bad for giving him the answer he didn’t want to hear. “No.”
“William?”
I shook my head.
He sighed in sadness. “I feel like a ghost.”
“Yeah…” I didn’t know what else to say.
“So, anything new in her life?” He cleared his throat.
“She has her own apartment. It’s just a few blocks from me.”
“Is it in a good area?” he asked immediately.
“It is,” I said. “She’s looking for a job.”
“Something part time?”
“Yeah,” I answered. “I told her just to concentrate on school but she needs money for her phone and insurance.”
He sighed. “I wish she would accept money from me.”
I laughed. “She won’t even accept money from me. Every time I try to pay for dinner, it’s like World War II.”
“She’s headstrong…like her father.”
“I guess.”
“So…are you planning on proposing?”
That was an awkward question. “No. I wouldn’t ask her until I had a solid career. My dad would kill me otherwise.”
He chuckled. “I understand. But money isn’t everything. It clearly means nothing to Beatrice.”
“Well, I’m not in a hurry. I don’t think Beatrice is either. She’s concentrating on school.”
“She’s got a good head on her shoulders, like her mother.”
I’d never met her mother so I didn’t understand the comparison.
He sighed. “I know I said I wouldn’t try to talk to Beatrice, and I will abide by that promise. However, I’d really appreciate it if you tried to get her to give me another chance….”
I stared across the restaurant, unsure what to say.
“She’s my daughter, Conrad. I need her to know that I love her.”
“Nothing I say will make a difference. You just told me how stubborn she is.”
“I know…but please try. Her brother just got engaged and…he really wants her at the wedding. He wants her to meet his fiancée.”
“He did?” I asked.
“And she’s pregnant,” he said. “It’s a bit of a shotgun wedding.” He didn’t sound disappointed or upset.
“Beatrice is going to be an aunt?”
“Exactly.”
That changed things slightly.
“You’ve gotten to know me for the past year. I truly love my daughter with everything that I have, and I would do anything just to have a relationship with her. I know she thinks I didn’t love her mother. Of course, I did. I just didn’t express my emotions very well—not that it makes my behavior acceptable.”
I stared at the table, unable to meet his gaze. “The problems she’s had with you have severely affected our relationship. She thinks there’s a possibility that I’ll stop loving her, and when she dies, it won’t make a difference to me. She’s pushed me away because of it, and I’ve had to work very hard to earn her trust. I don’t think I can risk what I have with her just for the chance that she might want a relationship with you.”
“But if I can show her she was wrong, then it will fix her insecurities forever,” he insisted. “She won’t have trust issues and she won’t be scared. Wouldn’t it be the best thing for her?”
It might be. “I love Beatrice very much, but when she has her mind set, she won’t change it.”
“It’s worth a shot.”
I wasn’t so sure…
“William really wants Beatrice to be a part of his life. He knows she keeps her distance because he works with me, but he doesn’t want it to be that way anymore. He’s beginning to resent me, and I desperately need to keep a good relationship with him because I have a grandchild on the way.”
I wanted to help him. I really did. And I agreed it would be best for Beatrice as well. But selfishly, I didn’t want to risk our relationship. If she knew I had been talking to her father behind her back, she wouldn’t be happy. She’d probably leave me, actually. “I’m sorry. I really am.”
He sighed and looked across the restaurant, the depression heavy in the sag of his shoulders. “It’s okay, Conrad. I understand. It’s a complicated situations.”
“Extremely complicated.”
“I just hope…that maybe she changes her mind someday.”
I had a feeling she never would.
Chapter Ten
Thomas
Theo didn’t bother me again for the next week. I was relieved he finally gave up and left me alone. His apologies hadn’t softened my shell, and I knew everything he said wasn’t sincere. He felt guilty for everything he had done, but he didn’t want a relationship with me. All he wanted was absolution.
Just as I predicted, the office buzzed with gossip about the new secretary, Rome, and me.
“I can’t say I’m surprised,” Josh said. “You’re definitely the youngest guy in the office, and you’re good-looking. I guess none of us old farts had a chance.”
I poured my coffee and tried not to get upset. “I’m not seeing Rome.”
“But you’re sleeping with her, right?” Josh pressed.
“No, I’m not,” I said firmly. I held my cup in my hand and stared him down, daring him to say otherwise. “I’m very professional. I always have been and always will be.”
“If you’re so professional, why did you swap secretaries with Giles?”
I didn’t want to feed the fire with more gossip. “It was just easier on everyone else.”
“Yeah, sure,” he said sarcastically. “I’m sure Rome is really—”
I got in his face. “Don’t talk about my secretary like that. She’s a human being, not a piece of meat.” I was tall and all muscle, not someone you would want to fuck with. I never lost my temper or my cool. But I couldn’t let this harassment continue right under my nose. The biggest womanizer I’d ever heard of owned the company. Taking the issue up with him would do nothing. If anything, it might risk my job since he would assume I didn’t approve of his lifestyle. The only option I had was to scare the men into backing off. A man would never tell another man he feared someone, so I knew that piece of gossip would never spread.
