Magdalena's Shadow, page 30
Coco’s hand shook as she set the last roller. Today I’ll need waterproof makeup and a black dress, she thought, feeling as if she were dressing for her own funeral. She chose soft sandstone colored lipstick and a copper colored eye pencil that she followed with waterproof copper mascara. Less is best, she thought, while staring into her reflection, especially when I’ll probably end the day crying.
Coco sat at her desk at nine o’clock, her hair set in a pile of flattened ringlets high on her head. Only a few dark curls fell in corkscrews around her face and throat. The black dress she had chosen had a scalloped neck and very short sleeves. She wore small gold hoop earrings and her mother’s cross. This was her armor against the day. Feel like a lady and I might just survive, she thought, and waited for Rob to arrive.
At ten minutes after nine Rob walked into the room. He wore a gray silk suit with his usual perfect grooming, but he lacked the healthful glow she had seen the day before. His eyes looked tired.
“Good morning.” Coco watched him walk toward her.
“Good morning,” he responded, setting the hated briefcase down between them.
Coco held her coffee mug between her hands; the heat comforted her while she studied the wood grain of the desk. “Coffee?” she asked glancing up. He set the offer on the desk before her and sat down.
“Thanks.” He didn’t look up.
Coco rose slowly; in the hall she found an intern who returned minutes later with a fresh cup.
Then they were alone again.
“I googled you last night.” Rob looked slowly up at her. “It’s funny, when I ran Coco Rodriguez I found nothing, but run N.V. and it explodes.”
“I’ve been busy.” Coco reached again for her cup. “I hope you didn’t believe any of the articles. No one ever prints the truth about me.” Rob didn’t respond. Coco glanced up, suddenly worried. He was looking at the offer, his eyes silver flecks, his jaw set. “None of it’s true,” Coco repeated.
“So you said,” Rob answered, his tone biting.
Coco shrugged. “Believe what you like,” she said, wishing to God they could just talk like they used to.
“Coco, you can ask for a different lawyer to go over this with you. We don’t have to do this.”
“Yesterday you said you’d help me through this and today you’re quitting on me? I told you none of those articles are true, Rob. You don’t need to tuck tail and run because a few tabloids dragged my name through the mud. And even if I did misbehave, you have no right to judge me.”
Rob’s cold eyes held hers without flinching. “What you do with your life is your business.”
“I’m glad you have finally figured that out.” They stared at each other as a long pause ensued.
After a while, Coco decided to change topics. “Rob, I never got to thank you for helping me that night.” She watched him watch her. “I would have died in the snow if you hadn’t helped me. Thank you.”
But Rob only scowled more. “That….” he couldn’t finish. “Don’t thank me, I….” After a long pause, he reached for the offer.
“And I never got to tell you how sorry I am for lying to you.” She placed her hand over the document before he could open it. “And for pushing you out of my life. I should have been honest with you. I’m sorry. I made a lot of mistakes.”
“You are not the only one.” He looked at her hand as it rested on the offer. “It’s in the past.” He took the offer gently from her. “I’m going to request that a new lawyer make you this offer.” His voice was soft now. “I don’t see how we can get through this.” He stood up and placed the offer back in his briefcase.
Coco stood quickly. “We need to talk. Business can wait. I have something I have to tell you.”
“No, Coco. I think we’ve done all the talking we need to do.” He moved for the door.
“Fine, run away again.”
“Me? Don’t blame me. I didn’t run away, you pushed me out, remember?”
“You ran away. We could have worked things out if you had had the balls to stick around. Instead you flew to New York without a word.”
“I had committed statutory rape, and you were a screaming, sobbing wreck. I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t comfort you; I couldn’t talk to you….”
“You and your damned labels. Don’t you call what we did that ever again! I was of the age of consent. So what if you are eleven years older. I loved you and I loved being with you. We didn’t do anything wrong. You make it wrong when you call it something it never was.”
“What we did was wrong. We have laws to protect little fools like you from rotting old men like me. Christ, Coco, you don’t even –”
“Old men?” she interrupted. “You’re thirty. Knock it off with the old crap. You got scared that your pretty little friends and your nice law firm would find out because you cared more about your reputation than you did about me.”
“And don’t forget the pretty little court trial if anyone had found out. Do you have any idea how hellish statutory rape cases can be? Even if you testified as my consensual girlfriend you were seventeen. I would still have had to prove my innocence. There would have been no surviving that kind of humiliation. I could have lost Mila and my career, everything. I still ended up losing my place at the firm.”
“You cheated your firm out of the fees. I would have paid you. You lost your job on your own.”
“Like I would have charged you after what happened?”
“Everything that’s happened to us is because of you and your ego and your self-loathing, and your lack of trust in me and your –”
“DON’T YOU DARE BLAME ME!” Rob’s voice rose for the first time. “DON’T.” He sat down suddenly, his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands.
There was a knock at the door and Carmen peeked in.
“We’re okay.” Coco snapped, waving Carmen off before sinking down into the second guest chair beside Rob. She watched him for a long time. When he finally raised his eyes he looked exhausted.
“Rob, I’ll never get over you. I’ve tried, but you are it for me.”
“That’s ridiculous. I’m too old for you and you’re too damned young….”
“Stop it. You are the kindest man I have ever known. I loved watching you with Mila. You are a good dad, a good friend, and I love you.”
“You have no basis for comparison, Coco. Look at the scum you have been subjected to.”
“For a whole year you hardly made a move on me. We were friends and I loved that. I miss the way we talked and the way our girls lived like sisters. I miss us!”
“I was the only man you ever knew, that’s the reality. And I wanted you from the moment I met you, so don’t think my intentions were ever pure.”
“I wanted you too. I wanted you in every possible way and I liked the attention.”
“That’s how girls are. They like attention. They feed on it and I dished it to you. You’re, what, twenty now? Wow, such a big girl….”
“Who are you, Rob?” Coco stared at him, tears glistening in her eyes. She shook her head in disbelief. “There were times when I felt so completely loved by you, and yet now you act like you never once cared for me. All along you told me you went bad when your father took you; maybe that was your only moment of honesty.” She stared at him for a long time, her eyes seeking some truth while he turned to stare fixedly on the wall behind her. “Was it all a game then? Love… marriage? Was that a game to get me in bed?” Her heart broke with her words.
“We never made it to bed. Remember?” His eyes remained fixed in the distance.
Coco wanted to strike him more in that moment than even on the night he had confused her with her mother. Her hand rose impulsively.
Rob’s fingers closed around her wrist, his eyes locking onto hers. “Never strike me again.”
He didn’t hurt her; he just held her there while the memory of the last time she had struck him passed between them. All of Coco’s reserve broke when she looked into those dark steely eyes. Tears ran down her face when she saw him, saw the man she loved distorted by pain and grief. Had she ever really known him or had she fallen in love with the idea of him? Slowly her other hand rose to his face, tracing the hard line of his cheekbone down to the inflexibly set jaw.
“After you left I believed that you never loved me. I’ve spent the last two years convincing myself that I was wrong.”
Rob suddenly released her, his expression softening. “It’s better like this. You’ll….”
Coco silenced him before he could finish. She moved forward, her lips coming to his. The kiss was light, like a child’s kiss before bedtime.
“It’s not better, not better….” She stared into his eyes. “Goodbye, Rob.” She stood slowly and walked to the door. She felt Rob watching her as a lifetime of regrets passed between them.
“Coco?” Rob’s anguished voice broke the silence. But no sooner had he broken down and called her name than there was a knock at the door and Paolo walked in.
“Hello, my darling. How do you like my present?” Paolo didn’t see Rob sitting in the chair.
Coco felt unable to smile through yet another shock, tears still streaming down her cheeks.
“What’s the matter? You don’t like it? It’s a good present.”
“I don’t understand. What are you doing here?” Coco froze as Paolo reached to kiss her. Before his lips touched hers, she heard Rob shift behind her. “Paolo,” Coco drew back, “please don’t.”
“Did you sign?” Paolo turned, his eyes catching Rob’s movement. Rob looked away, his face an expressionless mask, his eyes still fixed on the window.
“What?” Coco looked at Paolo in confusion.
“My gift… my offer to buy this troublesome label of yours for an outrageously large price! After this, all you will have to do, my love, is design, model, go to parties, and be happy. It’s a good present!”
“You’re trying to buy La Sangre?”
“Yes, of course. My name is in the contract.” Paolo moved from her to Rob. “I was told the offer arrived yesterday.”
“And was asking Rob to present the offer another part of the gift?” Coco looked at Paolo with contempt.
“No, he’s your business, my darling, and as I have warned you before, it is best not to look to the past.”
“But here he is,” Coco raised her hand in Rob’s direction, “working for you, in my office. Please don’t try to tell me this is a coincidence, Paolo.”
“I would not if I had an answer. I didn’t hire him, Coco. I promise. The offer went through our corporate lawyers before it was faxed to a firm we work with here in New York. I don’t know what he is doing with it.” Paolo looked at Rob with guarded suspicion. The two men locked eyes for a moment. Paolo was the first to look away. “It doesn’t matter, my love. This man is your past. I am your future and the offer is a good offer no matter which paper pusher presents it. Sign it, Coco, so we can eat.” He turned from the room to knock on Carmen’s door.
Coco shrugged sadly and walked to the desk, her eyes tired from crying, her spirit broken.
Rob watched her stare at the document.
“Don’t sign it.”
“I have no intention of signing it until I have gone over it. I’m not stupid, and I’m not going to be pushed around by either of you.”
“Good, because you need to read it. You need to read it and you need to have your lawyer go over it with you.”
Coco stared at him for a moment. “I’m in between lawyers at the moment. Besides I trust Paolo. He’s my friend. Now you tell me why I shouldn’t trust him when he says it’s a good offer.”
“You shouldn’t because he’s trying to take you for everything you have and everything you are! I’ve read this thing and you shouldn’t sign it, not without one hell of a lot of amendments. Read it, and you’ll see what I mean.”
“Okay, and then what? You’ll help me write a counter offer? I’m tired, Rob, and I’m heartbroken and I don’t want to fight with you anymore. Besides, aren’t you here working for him?”
“That bastard can fend for himself. If you give me time to help you understand what this offer really asks for, I promise there will be no fighting.”
“You’ll help me?”
“For as long as you need me.”
When she looked at him his face was soft, all the earlier ferocity gone.
“We had a baby.” The words slipped out before she knew what she was saying, fresh tears streaming down her face. “Rob, we had a baby.”
“I know.” Rob’s eyes were unable to meet hers. “I saw the photos last night. I thought you’d find a good man, but instead you found Paolo. How could you have a child with a man like that?”
“Come, Coco,” Paolo’s voice broke through the room. He stood in the doorway having overheard Rob’s words.
“Not now, Paolo!” Coco watched Paolo look at her before walking away. When she turned back to Rob he wouldn’t meet her gaze.
“You can’t think that Paolo….”
“I don’t think anything, Coco. I’m here to do a job not to judge you, remember. I don’t have the right to.”
“Yet you are judging me. You’re judging me because you stayed up all night reading internet trash and looking at paparazzi photos. Did you even try to find the email I sent you? Did you even look at the pictures of our son?”
Rob ignored her words. Instead he took the offer and locked it in his briefcase. “Don’t tell him you didn’t sign it. Go and have lunch with him. Talk to him about your son. God knows that baby ties you to that man in a way that can’t be undone. I’ll be here when you get back.”
Stunned into silence Coco watched Rob walk from the room.
Lunch passed in a flurry of one-sided conversation. Paolo spoke and Coco listened. She had always loved his conversations – how he made her see what he had seen, taste what he had tasted. Even in her current mood, Coco couldn’t help smiling when he talked of skiing, the Alps, and all the people he had met.
“I’ll take you, my love. We’ll ski and drink wine and be happy.”
“I would like that.” Coco smiled when he took her hand.
“Yes, there is so much to see, so much to do. You shouldn’t stay here shut up with business and children, Coco, you should see the world.”
Coco’s small joy fostered by his company faded. She didn’t feel confined by her children. The realization that he wanted to separate her from them caused her fresh pain. Tia was right on every level. Paolo’s one goal was to separate her from the world she knew in order to sweep her into his own.
Paolo remained oblivious to her sudden grief. “Do you remember when we made love and talked of butterflies?” he continued softly, his eyes brighter than she had ever seen them.
“Of course, I never forget a single minute with you.”
“I want to offer you everything I have, Coco. Be my butterfly; let me keep you all your life. Let me love you and care for you, surround you with beauty, luxury, and pleasure. As my queen, everything you want will be yours.”
At first Coco didn’t reply because she didn’t know what to say. “Paolo.” Coco squeezed his fingers affectionately after a long silence. “You take my breath away. You are too kind.”
“Then you’ll come.” He laughed with confidence, never doubting his power over her.
“No.” Coco shook her head. “I do love you, and once being your kept woman would have been wonderful but….”
“Why would you say no? I’ve offered you the world. Think about designing in Italy, of modeling, of me and all the love I can give you. Think of the worlds I can show you. I know I can never be your husband but –”
“Paolo, I can’t,” Coco interrupted. “Not now. I don’t know what I want. What I do know is that James and Bebe come first. I don’t want to be with them only when I’m not with you. I don’t want to hurt you, not ever, so I’m telling you now what I told you before: this won’t work. You have raised your children. Now I need to raise mine.”
When lunch ended, Paolo took her back to her building, kissing her lightly as he said goodbye. He had regained his free and joyful mood. In that moment, Coco knew he hadn’t given up, that he never gave up on what he wanted. But Coco knew she would never again allow herself to be isolated from the world the way she had been isolated in #2 under the strict management of the Keeper. No single person or situation would ever again manage her life for her. She was her own person now and she would die independent.
In that moment, she envied Paolo his light heart and the careless way he passed through life, one adventure moving happily onto the next. She would sign his contract, free herself from the label and her poverty, and maybe she would find that same kind of carefree joy or at least something like it.
When Coco turned toward the Blackwell building she felt weighed down by what she faced. Rob hated Paolo because he knew they had been lovers. He hated him because he believed that Paolo was James’s father and that she would never escape him. He had already pitted himself against Paolo, and now he would work on her loyalties in the guise of protection, making one final stand for her honor before he left her alone again.
When Coco entered the building, she found Rob in the atrium on his cellphone, his face still wearing its professional mask. She went up the stairs to her office to wait. Five minutes later he was there, looking as polished and efficient as he had before their fight. Coco felt disheveled and weak, her broken heart hanging on her torn sleeve.
Rob slipped into the chair opposite her. He flipped the offer open and began outlining the document in clear, easy to understand terms. After half an hour Coco understood that his fears were real.
“Paolo wants,” Coco slowly organized Paolo’s demands on her fingers, “eighty-five percent of the label which is to be relocated to Italy, the rights to Magdalena’s image, this building, a fifteen-year fully exclusive modeling contract that restricts me from doing work for anyone but him, and my relocation to Italy as a contributing designer?” Rob nodded. “Yet the amount of money he offers doesn’t even cover the current value of this building.” Coco shook her head. “Why would he do this to a friend?”
