Magdalena's Shadow, page 23
In the front seat, the cab driver watched her as often as he watched the road, but she didn’t care. Rome rushed past in a blur of cars, people, shops, Vespas, and buildings. Coco prayed the whole way, desperately trying to still the nervous grief that filled her chest, constricting her breath. “God, I need help…” At that moment a phone rang. The sound came from her bag, a plaintive electronic ringtone played from a phone Coco didn’t own. Peering into her bag she found the sound came from the black package Paolo’s driver had given her. Opening the package, she found a check for twenty-five thousand euros and a flat square box containing a diamond necklace, matching earrings, and a slim smartphone.
“Hello?” Coco answered the phone.
“I’m too old to hurt this badly,” Paolo sighed, his voice hushed with grief.
“And I’m too young.” Tears sparkled in her eyes.
“Can you forgive me?”
“No.” Coco wiped away the tears with the back of her hand.
“I’m coming to Chicago in two months. Please let me see you.”
“If you must.”
“Have a good flight home.”
“Tell me something first?”
“Anything, sweet girl.”
“You have been in this industry for a long time. You knew my mother. Did you know my father? Is Blackwell my father?”
“There were rumors.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Tia met Coco in the lobby with James on her hip. Bebe ran to Coco, her hands outstretched.
“Bebe!” Coco swept the little girl into her arms. Tears filled her eyes. “I missed you so much.” James babbled in Tia’s arms, his face lit with a smile the moment he saw his mother. Setting Bebe down Coco took James from Tia, kissing her son. Together they walked toward the elevator and home.
“You are on the cover of all the gossip magazines.” Tia handed Coco a cup of tea and indicated a stack of magazines on the kitchen table. Coco flipped through the magazines, reading the outrageously fabricated headlines.
“Well, at least they haven’t made me a post-op transsexual Martian with a drug problem,” Coco laughed, flipping through the glossy pages. Tia walked back to the table, slipped the Star out of the pile, and flipped it open. Under Coco’s picture read the caption: Magdalena’s lost daughter addicted to prescription drugs and prostitution.
Coco read the article carefully, stopping when she was sure it didn’t mention her son. So far Tom hadn’t made good on his threat.
“Are you still taking the painkillers?” Tia drew Coco’s attention from the paper.
Coco nodded slowly, knowing that she should have stopped taking them weeks ago.
“Do you need them or just want them?” Tia asked, sitting down across from Coco, her eyes fixed on her.
“Both,” Coco answered truthfully.
“You have lost a lot of weight. Have you been starving yourself?”
“No, they don’t cater the shoots so I had to find food when I could. Honest, Tia, I’m not starving myself anymore.”
“The article says you were openly stoned at a party. Is that true too?”
“No… Yes.” Coco looked away, not wanting to see the look on Tia’s face. “Tom gave me something. I had no idea it would affect me like that.”
“What about the prostitution?”
“That’s not true at all,” Coco laughed, the check for twenty-five thousand euros feeling red hot where it was tucked into the bodice of her dress. Tia didn’t find humor in the moment.
She looked at the new jewelry Coco wore, her face lined with grief. “Who gave you the diamonds, Coco?”
“A friend.”
“And did you have sex with this friend?” Tia’s eyes sparkled with unspilled tears.
Coco shrugged, looking into the living room to where the kids played: James in his swing, Bebe on the floor.
“And here I thought you had some sense.”
“I like him. He’s kind and mature and rich and he adores me.”
“Of course he adores you. Bad men make you feel like you’re the only woman in the world. Just how mature though? Mature like Rob or older?”
“He’s forty-five, I think.” Coco pulled the tea bag out of her mug. “You’ll meet him when he visits in a couple of months.”
“Good God, Coco, he could be your grandfather!”
“No, he couldn’t. He wasn’t even thirty when I was born – definitely not old enough to be my grandfather.”
Tia glared at her. “He’s probably a pedophile.” She turned her back on Coco, too upset to go on.
As the weeks passed their relationship didn’t improve. Coco tried to explain that she hadn’t done anything terrible, but Tia couldn’t hear her. The old Christian’s ideas on right and wrong were strict and inflexible. Things would have continued to deteriorate between them if not for a phone call from Coco’s probate lawyer.
“We’ve found a will tucked behind a portrait of you in Argentina. It was in the Miramar beach house. Your mother left everything to you. The other parties may still contest it, but this is a huge gain for us. If everything goes smoothly you could be in possession in just a few weeks.”
“What other parties?”
“The other parties that are seeking to inherit. There’s a business partner and an old friend who are challenging you at present. After this they may back down.”
“Who’s the business partner?”
“Delilah Ramirez, she runs Magdalena’s label.”
Coco found Tia in the kitchen preparing lunch. Her stern silence filled the room. Coco poured herself some tea, sitting down next to Bebe, who was eating apple slices.
“They found a will.” Coco watched Tia, who stood with her back to Coco.
The old woman stopped working and turned slowly toward her. “What does it say?”
“It says I get everything.”
“Thank God.” Tia sank into a kitchen chair, genuine relief on her face. “Thank God. I hope this means no more modeling?” Tia turned to look at Coco.
“No, I’ll do as I please. I love you, but you’re not going to tell me how to live my life. I’ve told you I didn’t do anything wrong in Rome, and it’s true but you still judge….”
“And love and care, nurse, feed, and worry about you. How do you think it feels watching you go out into the world? It’s like sending a hamster into a snake pit.”
“I’m the hamster?” Coco laughed. So did Bebe, chunks of apple flying out of her little mouth. James laughed from his highchair, banana dripping from his fingers while Tia looked from one face to the other, her sharp eyes softening. A slow sad smile spread across her tired lips while large tears formed in her eyes.
“It’s too much, Coco. I love this fragile little family. You have been hurt already, almost killed. You have got to take better care of yourself, for their sake if not your own. Without you there is no us. Without you, everyone gets broken apart.” Tia spoke so only Coco could hear.
“I know.” Coco put her arms around Tia, pulling her into a hug. “I’m sorry.”
“No more drugs, Coco.”
“No more, Tia. I promise.”
“You okay?” Bebe asked, a look of worry on her face.
“We’re fine,” Coco smiled, “don’t worry, Bebe, everything’s fine. I think we should celebrate the end of probate.” Coco lifted James out of his highchair. “Let’s go to the zoo. We’ll eat junk food and look at animals.”
Bebe shot out of her chair bouncing happily in circles around them. Tia sat quietly, too tired and relieved to do anything but blink back tears. Coco looked at her little family with new eyes. For the first time, she could see the delicate threads of love that kept them bound together – how many times had they been strained to breaking point? For years they’d been quietly inconspicuous just to stay together. Now their lives were public and nothing would ever be the same.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Paolo called Coco every morning; he said he liked the sound of Coco’s voice when she had just woken up. He began each conversation with Good morning, my darling, you’ll never guess what marvelous thing just happened. He would then launch into a fantastical story of luxury, travel, and style that awoke Coco’s deepest longings for love, pleasure, and the adventure that came with living a full life. After each call, Coco felt herself more emotionally reliant on Paolo than ever before. It wasn’t that he made her any solid, lasting promises; it was more that he shined a light on the drab grey tones of her world while painting his own luxurious life in splashes of wild drunken color. The stories he told her of Italy, of Europe, of parties, friends, and travel were enough to turn the most solidly rational woman’s head.
“I miss you, Paolo.” Coco felt her jagged loneliness lift each time he called. The first calls had been strained, but by the third call he had won a renewal of her trust and affection, both of which she was grateful to give.
“I miss you, too, my darling. In two weeks I’ll be in Chicago. Then I’ll kiss you and make love to you and we’ll be happy again.”
Coco laughed, loving the way he always voiced his thoughts with absolute honesty. They talked about everything. She told him about the kids, about Tia, Rob, and Magdalena’s will. He knew everything there was to know about the lawsuit against Blackwell, the beating, and how Magdalena had led her through the snow to Rob’s law office. In turn Paolo talked about his estates, Italy, business, and pleasure. Coco liked their conversational simplicity. She liked the solid way their chats floated between the deeply personal to a broader world experience with ease.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
“Blackwell has declared bankruptcy,” Coco said. Carmen was driving her to the doctor because her ankle had swollen again.
“How do you know? Did your lawyer call you?”
“Yes. I may get nothing out of this but more legal bills. I have to fly to New York to meet with the law firm who’s representing me.” Coco didn’t tell Carmen that it was Rob’s law firm or that she’d signed on with them when she was too medicated to notice his name in the letterhead and too sick to think of using her own lawyer. Instead, Coco stared out the window trying not to think about Rob or Blackwell’s bankruptcy or the rumor that Ryan Blackwell was her father. She was down to one painkiller every four hours, but one didn’t fight the pain or stop the anxiety. She felt emotionally strained by her legal troubles. She and her lawyers were working to extract her from Tom’s contract, while settling her mother’s estate and overseeing the suit against Blackwell. Without the numbing effects of the drug she wasn’t sure how much longer she would last.
In two days they would read Magdalena’s will, but there might be only debts and mortgages to inherit and now Blackwell was filing for bankruptcy. The thought sent her reeling. Coco had a lawyer for everything, but no money coming in save Paolo’s check that she still hadn’t cashed. If she took the money it would make her a whore. If she didn’t she might also be filing for bankruptcy. Instead of worrying, she let her mind wander to the house in Miramar and the memory of her mother.
“Carmen?”
“Hmm?” Carmen pulled into the medical center’s shadowy parking garage.
“There’s something I’ve never told you, and you’ll probably think I’m nuts. I can’t tell Tia or she’ll freak.”
“If it’s about your ancient Italian lover, I already know. So does Tia. She called me before you got home. There were pictures in Vogue, you and him at a fashion show. She was totally unhinged.”
“No wonder she grilled me so hard.” Coco frowned, remembering how Tia had called Paolo a pedophile. “But it’s not about that. When I was left in the snow I saw something. I thought it was a hallucination for a long time, but now I’m starting to believe it was real.”
“What did you see?” They were deep in the parking garage, cars passing like blurs of color. “I saw my mom. I didn’t know it was her for the longest time. She was a shadow by my side, but she kept telling me to get up and keep walking. I would have lain down and died if it weren’t for her. I could never have willed myself to live through that.” Carmen didn’t say anything at first. When she did speak, her words were startling.
“That is complete bullshit, Coco!” Carmen said angrily, “You’re the toughest cat I know. You come off all sweet and shit, but you kick ass when necessary. You kicked your own ass that time. You thank yourself for that – not that bitch supermodel. Don’t you dare give her credit, Coco; she wasn’t there for you when she was alive so I can’t see her dragging her ass out of hell on a snowy night just to keep you from dying.” Carmen rammed the car into a spot, hitting the brakes so hard they screeched. Before Coco knew what was happening Carmen got out, leaving her behind.
“What’re you doing?” Coco stepped out of the car, watching Carmen walk toward the elevator.
“I’m walking,” Carmen snapped.
“What did I say?”
“What did you say?” Carmen turned on her, her eyes flashing. “How about I would have lain down and died if it weren’t for her? How the hell can you say that when you know it’s not true? You lived. You lived because you are tough and because your kids need you – because we all need you – not because Magdalena Rodriguez decided to give a shit.” Coco took a step forward, but Carmen waved her off. “It’s our job to survive, no matter what. We keep fighting, we survive, and we fucking thrive. There are no other options.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t….”
“Knock it off. Stop being so damned nice all the time. Stop apologizing, and stop giving everyone else credit for how amazing you are. The idea of you suffering like that just rips my heart out, and then for you to give credit for your survival to that… that bitch, just rips me up all over.”
Carmen stomped to the elevator leaving Coco behind.
Tia, her face dark with unspoken anger, met Coco at the door of #2.
“If you’re going to rip into me, save it. Carmen just took my head off, and I’m not in the mood.”
“Il mio amore,” a voice called from the sofa.
Coco turned, her heart leaping in her chest, a smile touching her lips when she saw him sitting on the sofa. “Paolo!” Coco walked to hug him, kissing him sweetly on each cheek.
“You are happy now, my love?” Paolo held her face lovingly between his hands.
“Completely, now that you’re here,” Coco kissed him again. Somewhere behind her Tia sniffed and left the room.
“Your Tia is very opinionated. I think you have let her get out of hand. She sat here glaring at me for the last half hour.”
“I’m sorry about her, but you know very well that she’s more than a servant. She’s family.”
Paolo shrugged and kissed her again. “She’s like a Sicilian grandmother only without the black widow’s clothes – angry at anyone who dares to be happy?”
Coco couldn’t help laughing. “That’s exactly how she’s been behaving lately. She thinks I became a sinner in Rome. She thinks you led me astray. You will have to be very charming to win her over.”
“But, Coco, I’m always very charming.”
Tia returned in that moment with Bebe and James, plopping the still sleeping baby down in Coco’s lap before disappearing again, this time into the kitchen.
Paolo winked at Coco. “Is she now reminding you of your past follies and current obligations?”
“Right again,” Coco sighed and kissed James.
“Mama?” Bebe pointed sternly at Paolo. “There is a man in my house.”
Paolo burst out laughing, eying the sleepy little girl with her rumpled hair and pink princess pajamas. “Hello, Bebe.” He extended his hand to shake. She eyed him suspiciously before running to Tia.
“I think your women want to run me off?” Paolo laughed.
Coco returned the still sleeping James to his crib, but when she moved back down the hall toward the living room she found Paolo standing in the doorway watching her. For a fraction of a second Coco saw Rob. He had stood there that last night, his hands on the doorframe, his face a mask of anger and regret. Coco looked at the small wet bar to her right, her face flushed with the memory.
“You could have come with me.” Coco stared at Paolo, wanting him anywhere but in that spot. She glanced at the chair where Rob had sat, too grief-stricken to look at her in the moments before she had pushed him from her life.
“I think your Tia will hit me with her rolling pin if I follow you to your room.” Paolo laughed into the silent room.
Coco walked toward him, altering the scene to kill the memory. “Where do you want to go tonight?” She kissed his jaw, pulling his hand off Rob’s molding. Just imagining Paolo’s prints over Rob’s made her feel unsettled and sick. Her reaction shocked her: why was she thinking of Rob again? There had to be something she could do to break the hold he still had on her.
“I thought we could have dinner and then… whatever.” Paolo’s eyes sparkled chocolaty warmth in the dim light.
“Let’s do whatever first.” Coco held his gaze, her body moving against his with seductive grace. Sadly, the kiss that followed only intensified her memories. Coco compared it to Rob’s and the difference in passion and connection saddened her. “Besides, I’m not even hungry,” she added with quietly concealed frustration. What if it had been the drugs that made Paolo so appealing? She found it suddenly hard to look at him.
Paolo’s face was alight with anticipated pleasure. “Yes, that’s a much better plan.” He kissed her ear. “Two months without making love has been like torture.”
“Paolo,” Coco looked up surprised. “You haven’t been faithful, have you?”
“Coco, don’t be cruel. Of course I have. I’ve tasted perfection. How could I ever again settle for the mediocre?”
Coco laughed, shaking her head as she reached up to kiss his cheek. “I have something for you.” She took his check and the diamonds from her pocket.
