The Perfect Holiday, page 26
“What do you mean?” Claudia vaulted to her feet. “This is unfair, both of you against me.”
“Against you?” Cooper echoed. “Come on now, Claudia, you seem to have misjudged everything.”
“No I haven’t.” Tears welled in her eyes, burning for release.
“I think it would probably be best if I left the two of you alone.” Ashley stood and excused herself, returning to the kitchen.
Claudia shot her an angry glare as she stepped past. Some friend!
“I hope you’ll talk honestly with me, Claudia,” Cooper began. “I’d like to know what’s got you so upset that you’re a stranger to your own best friend.”
“Nothing,” she denied adamantly, but her voice cracked and the first tears began spilling down her cheeks.
She was sure Cooper had never seen her cry. He looked at a loss as he stood and searched hurriedly through his suit jacket for a handkerchief. Just watching him made her want to laugh, and she hiccupped in an attempt to restrain both tears and laughter.
“Here.” He handed her a white linen square, crisply pressed. Claudia didn’t care; she wiped her eyes and blew her nose. “I’m fine, really,” she declared in a wavering voice.
“It’s about Seth, isn’t it?” her uncle prompted.
She nodded, blowing her nose again. “He wants me to marry him and move to Alaska.”
The room suddenly became still as he digested the information. “Are you going to do it?” he asked in a quiet voice she had long ago learned to recognize as a warning.
“If I knew that, I wouldn’t be here blubbering like an idiot,” she returned defensively.
“I can’t help but believe it would be a mistake,” he continued. “Lessinger’s a good man, don’t misunderstand me, but I don’t think you’d be happy in Alaska. Where did you say he was from again?” he asked.
“Nome.”
“I don’t suppose there’s a med school in Nome where you could continue your studies?”
“No.” The word was clipped, impatient.
Cooper nodded. “You were meant to be a doctor,” he said confidently as he rose to his feet. “You’ll get over Seth. There’s a fine young man out there somewhere who will make you very happy when you finally meet.”
“Sure,” she agreed without enthusiasm.
Cooper left a few minutes later, and at the sound of the door closing, Ashley stepped out of the kitchen. “You aren’t mad, are you?”
At first Claudia had been, but not anymore. Ashley had only been thinking of her welfare, after all. And thanks to her friend’s interference, now she knew where Cooper stood on the subject and what she would face if she did decide to marry Seth.
* * *
—
“Oh, Seth,” she whispered that night, sitting up in bed. He hadn’t contacted her since his return to Nome, not even answering her long letters, though she had eagerly checked the mail every day. Once again, she understood that the next move would have to be from her. Her Bible rested on her knees, and she opened it for her devotional reading in Hebrews. She read Chapter 11 twice, the famous chapter on faith. Had Rebekah acted in faith when the servant had come to her family, claiming God had given him a sign? Flipping through the pages of her Bible, she turned to Genesis to reread the story Seth had quoted when he had given her the engagement ring and they had argued. She had said that Rebekah probably didn’t have any choice in the matter, but reading the story now, she realized that the Bible said she had. Rebekah’s family had asked her if she was willing to go with Abraham’s servant, and she’d replied that she would.
Rebekah had gone willingly!
Claudia reread the verses as a sense of release came over her. Her hands trembled with excitement as she closed the Bible and stopped to pray. The prayer was so familiar. She asked God’s guidance and stated her willingness to do as He wished. But there was a difference this time. This time the peace she had so desperately sought was there, and she knew that at last she could answer Seth in faith, and that her answer would be yes.
Slipping out of the sheets, she opened the drawer that contained the jeweler’s box holding the engagement ring. With a happy sigh she hugged it to her breast. The temptation to slip the ring on her finger now was strong, but she would wait until Seth could do it.
Claudia slept peacefully that night for the first time since Seth had left. And the next morning she stayed in her pajamas, with no intention of going to school.
Ashley, who was dressed and ready to go out the door, looked at her in surprise. “Did you oversleep? I’m sorry I didn’t wake you, but I thought I heard you moving around in your room.”
“You did,” Claudia answered cheerfully, but her eyes grew serious as her gaze met Ashley’s. “I’ve decided what to do,” she announced solemnly. “I love Seth. I’m going to him as soon as I can make the arrangements.”
Ashley’s blue eyes widened with joy as she laughed and hugged her friend. “It’s about time! I knew all along that the two of you belonged together. I’m so happy for you.”
Once the decision was made, there seemed to be a hundred things to be dealt with all at once. Claudia searched the internet for the number she needed, then phoned Seth’s company, her fingers trembling, and reached his assistant, who told her that he had flown to Kotzebue on an emergency. She didn’t know when he would be returning, but she would give him the message as soon as he walked in the door. Releasing a sigh of disappointment, Claudia replaced the headset in the charger.
Undaunted by the uncertainties of the situation, she drove to the university and officially withdrew from school. Next she purchased the clothes she would be needing to face an Arctic winter, along with a beautiful wedding dress. Finally, focusing on her luck in finding an available dress that was a perfect fit and not on the difficult conversation to come, she drove to Cooper’s office.
He rose and smiled broadly when she entered. “You look in better spirits today,” he said. “I knew our little talk would help.”
“You’d better sit down, Cooper,” she said, smiling back at him. “I’ve made my decision. I love Seth. I’ve withdrawn from school, and I’ve made arrangements for my things to be shipped north as soon as possible. I’m marrying Seth Lessinger.”
Cooper stiffened, his eyes raking over her. “That’s what you think.”
It was dark and stormy when the plane made a jerky landing on the Nome runway, jolting her back to the present, away from the memories of the difficult emotional journey that had brought her to this point. Claudia shifted to relieve her muscles, tired and stiff from the uncomfortable trip. The aircraft had hit turbulent weather shortly after takeoff from Anchorage, and the remainder of the flight had been far too much like a roller-coaster ride for her taste. More than once she had felt the pricklings of fear, but none of the other passengers had shown any concern, so she had accepted the jarring ride as a normal part of flying in Alaska.
Her blue eyes glinted with excitement as she stood and gathered the small bag stored in the compartment above the seat. There wasn’t a jetway to usher her into a dry, warm airport. When she stepped from the cozy interior of the plane, she was greeted by a solid blast of Arctic wind. The bitter iciness stole her breath, and she groped for the handrail to maintain her balance. Halfway down the stairs, she was nearly knocked over by a fresh gust of wind. Her hair flew into her face, blinding her. Momentarily unable to move either up or down, she stood stationary until the force of the wind decreased.
Unexpectedly the small bag was wrenched from her numb fingers and she was pulled protectively against a solid male form.
Her rescuer shouted something at her, but the wind carried his voice into the night and there was no distinguishing the message.
She tried to speak but soon realized the uselessness of talking. She was half carried, half dragged the rest of the way down. Once on solid ground, they both struggled against the ferocity of the wind as it whipped and lashed against them. If he hadn’t taken the brunt of its force, Claudia had a feeling she might not have made it inside.
As they neared the terminal, the door was opened by someone who’d been standing by, watching. The welcoming warmth immediately stirred life into her frozen body. Nothing could have prepared her for the intensity of the Arctic cold. Before she could turn and thank her rescuer, she was pulled into his arms and crushed in a smothering embrace.
“Seth?” Her arms slid around his waist as she returned the urgency of his hug.
He buried his face in her neck and breathed her name. His hold was almost desperate, and when he spoke, his voice was tight and worried.
“Are you all right?” Gently his hands framed her face, pushing back the strands of hair that had been whipped free by the wind. He searched her features as if looking for any sign of harm.
“I’m fine,” she assured him and, wrapping her arms around him a second time, pressed her face into his parka. “I’m so glad to be here.”
“I’ve been sick with worry,” he ground out hoarsely. “The storm hit here several hours ago, and there wasn’t any way your flight could avoid the worst of it.”
“I’m fine, really.” Her voice wobbled, not because she was shaky from the flight but from the effect of being in Seth’s arms.
“If anything had happened to you, I don’t know…” He let the rest fade and tightened his already secure hold.
“I’m glad we won’t have to find out,” she said and lightly touched her lips to the corner of his mouth.
He released her. The worried look in his eyes had diminished now that he knew she was safe. “Let’s get out of here,” he said abruptly, and left her standing alone as he secured her luggage. Everything she could possibly get into the three large suitcases—along with whatever she could buy locally—would have to see her through until the freight barge arrived in the spring.
They rode to the hotel she’d booked herself into in his four-wheel-drive SUV. They didn’t speak, because Seth needed to give his full attention to maneuvering safely through the storm. Claudia looked out the windshield in awe. The barren land was covered with snow. The buildings were a dingy gray. In her dreams she had conjured up a romantic vision of Seth’s life in Nome. Reality shattered the vision as the winds buffeted the large car.
The hotel room was neat and clean—not elegant, but she’d hoped for a certain homey, welcoming appeal. It was not to be. It contained a bed with a plain white bedspread, a small nightstand, a lamp, a phone, a TV, and one chair. Seth followed her in, managing the suitcases.
“You packed enough,” he said with a sarcastic undertone. She ignored the comment, and busied herself by removing her coat and hanging it in the bare closet. She gave him a puzzled look. Something was wrong. He had hardly spoken to her since they’d left the airport. At first she’d assumed the tight set of his mouth was a result of the storm, but not now, when she was safe and ready for his love. Her heart ached for him to hold her. Every part of her longed to have him slip the engagement ring onto the fourth finger of her left hand.
“How’s everything in Seattle?” Again that strange inflection in his voice.
“Fine.”
He remained on the far side of the room, his hands clenched at his sides.
“Let me take your coat,” she offered. As she studied him, the gnawing sensation that something wasn’t right increased.
He unzipped his thick parka, but he didn’t remove it. He sat at the end of the bed, his face tight and drawn. Resting his elbows on his knees, he leaned forward and buried his face in his hands.
“Seth, what’s wrong?” she asked calmly, although she was far from feeling self-possessed.
“I’ve only had eight hours’ sleep in the last four days. A tanker caught fire in port at Kotzebue, and I’ve been there doing what I could for the past week. You certainly couldn’t have chosen a worse time for a visit. Isn’t it a little early for Thanksgiving break?”
She wanted to scream that this wasn’t a visit, that she’d come to stay, to be his wife and share his world. But she remained quiet, guided by the same inner sense that she had to take this carefully.
Quietly Seth stood and stalked to the far side of the small room. She noticed that he seemed to be limping slightly. He paused and glanced over his shoulder, then turned away from her.
Uncertainty clouded her deep blue eyes, and her mind raced with a thousand questions that she didn’t get a chance to ask, because he spoke again.
“I’m flying back to Kotzebue as soon as possible. I shouldn’t have taken the time away as it is.” He turned around, and his eyes burned her with the intensity of his glare. His mouth was drawn, hard and inflexible. “I’ll have one of my men drive you back to the airport for the first available flight to Anchorage.” There was no apology, no explanation, no regrets.
Claudia stared back at him in shocked disbelief. Even if he had assumed she was here for a short visit, he was treating her as he would unwanted baggage.
Belying the hurt, she smiled lamely. “I can’t see why I have to leave. Even if you aren’t here, this would be a good opportunity for me to see Nome. I’d like to—”
“Can’t you do as I ask just once?” he shouted.
She lowered her gaze to fight the anger building within her. Squaring her shoulders, she prepared for the worst. “There’s something I don’t know, isn’t there?” she asked in quiet challenge. She wanted to hear the truth, even at the risk of being hurt.
Her question was followed by a moment of grim silence. “I don’t want you here.”
“I believe you’ve made that obvious.” Her fingers trembled, and she willed them to hold still.
“I tried to reach you before you left.”
She didn’t comment, only continued to stare at him with questioning eyes.
“It’s not going to work between us, Claudia,” he announced solemnly. “I think I realized as much when you didn’t return with me when I gave you the ring. You must think I was a fool to propose to you the way I did.”
“You know I didn’t. I—”
He interrupted her again. “I want a wife, Claudia, not some virtuous doctor out to heal the world. I need a woman, someone who knows what she wants in life.”
White-lipped, she stiffened her back and fought her building rage with forced control. “Do you want me to hate you, Seth?” she asked softly as her fingers picked an imaginary piece of lint from the sleeve of her thick sweater.
He released a bitter sigh. “Yes. It would make things between us a lot easier if you hated me,” he replied flatly. He walked as far away as the small room would allow, as if he couldn’t bear to see the pain he was causing her. “Even if you were to change your mind and relinquish your lofty dreams to marry me, I doubt that we could make a marriage work. You’ve been tossing on a wave of indecision for so long, I don’t think you’ll ever decide what you really want.”
She studied the pattern of the worn carpet, biting her tongue to keep from crying out that she knew what she wanted now. What would be the point? He had witnessed her struggle in the sea of uncertainty. He would assume that her decision was as fickle as the turning tide.
“If we married, what’s to say you wouldn’t regret it later?” he went on. “You’ve wanted to be a doctor for so many years that, frankly, I don’t know if my love could satisfy you. Someday you might have been able to return to medical school—I would have wanted that for you—but my life, my business, everything I need, is here in Nome. It’s where I belong. But not you, Red.” The affectionate endearment rolled easily from his lips, seemingly without thought. “We live in two different worlds. And my world will never satisfy you.”
“What about everything you told me about the sign from God? You were the one who was so sure. You were the one who claimed to feel a deep, undying love.” She hurled the words at him bitterly, intent on hurting him as much as he was hurting her.
“I was wrong. I don’t know how I could have been so stupid.”
She had to restrain herself from crying out that it had never been absurd, it was wonderful. The Bible verse in the mirror had meant so much to them both. But she refused to plead, and the dull ache in her heart took on a throbbing intensity.
“That’s not all,” he added with a cruel twist. “There’s someone else now.”
Nothing could have shocked her more. “Don’t lie to me, Seth. Anything but that!”
“Believe it, because it’s true. My situation hasn’t changed. I need a wife, someone to share my life. There’s”—he hesitated—“someone I was seeing before I met you. I was going to ask her to marry me as soon as I got the engagement ring back from you.”
“You’re lucky I brought it with me, then!” she shouted as she tore open her purse and dumped the contents out on the bedspread. Carelessly she sorted through her things. It took only a couple of seconds to locate the velvet box, turn around, and viciously hurl it at him.
Instinctively he brought his hands up and caught it. Their eyes met for a moment; then, without another word, he tucked it in his pocket.
A searing pain burned through her heart.
Seth seemed to hesitate. He hovered for a moment by the door. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Slowly he lowered his gaze to meet hers.
She avoided his look. Nothing would be worse than to have him offer her sympathy. “I’m sure you didn’t,” she whispered on a bitter note, and her voice cracked. “Please leave,” she requested urgently.
Without another word, he opened the door and walked away.
Numb with shock, Claudia couldn’t cry, couldn’t move. Holding up her head became an impossible task. A low, protesting cry came from deep within her throat, and she covered her mouth with the palm of one hand. Somehow she made it to the bed, collapsing on the mattress.
