Everyday Enlightenment, page 5
Children Like More: Children Like Less:
new toys old toys
fun and excitement boredom
play work, chores
treats things that are good for them
physical pleasure and enjoyment physical discomfort or drudgery
stable routines change in a routine
getting things self-sacrifice
What are we to do with that information? How do you engage, excite, and attract the support of your subconscious mind? You do so by applying the second key. To access subconscious stores of motivational energy, you have to provide rewards that address the three vital interests of your subconscious mind: security, pleasure, and power.
Those of us seeking a more spiritual life tend to reject cheap thrills in favor of higher, abstract motives like service to humanity, bettering the world, or achieving enlightenment. Although admirable, such broad and high-minded ideals don't appeal to the simple desires of children—or of our subconscious mind. High-minded motives rarely work to energize us in the trenches of everyday life.
The Realities of Motivation
In my athletic career as a gymnast, I strained and stretched, swung and soared, fell often and sweated with exertion for hours each day. Yet I didn't feel that I needed discipline or willpower, because for me training was fun, exciting, thrilling, and adventurous. Most important, I found a recurring source of motivation.
See if you can deduce which of the following factors motivated me to train with such diligence:
• I intuited that this work might prepare me for my future as a teacher and writer.
• I knew that healthful exercise was good for me and would contribute to my longevity.
• I felt it would build my character and develop excellent work habits—that training in gymnastics was training for life.
• I wanted to attract females.
If you selected the last option, you get an “A” on the quiz, because you now appreciate that to access a wave of motivational energy, you have to connect your goals to rewards such as fun, security, excitement, pleasure, and personal power.
Daydream Magic
When your day-to-day challenges at school or work don't seem at all exciting, you can apply the third key to generating motivation: Use the power of daydreaming to conjure up images of the pleasures waiting for you when you reach your goal.
Since your subconscious mind doesn't clearly differentiate between what you visualize and what you see with your physical eyes, imagining scenes that appeal to your sense of security, pleasure, or personal power can stimulate subconscious support. You might want to imagine yourself at work as a highly regarded professional in your field, or imagine the fruits of your labors—cruising the highway in your dream car (that's paid for), or feel the fresh ocean breezes on the luxury cruise ship or quiet beach, skiing at a European resort. In this way you can restimulate feelings of drive and motivation to get through the tough times.
At the same time, you can appreciate that you will also serve people, and make a positive difference in the world, and use your work as a means of spiritual growth. But in the business of motivation, acknowledge your basic humanity before you stretch for sainthood.
Daydreaming about pleasurable outcomes has its place in getting through the difficult or dry times. But even during periods when you don't feel inspired or motivated, you never lose the power of your will.
Motivation and Will
In this world, persisting toward a goal requires either a want or a will.
When you want something—when you act out of desire—you depend upon feelings of motivation, interest, or excitement to carry you past problems to your goal. You don't need will.
When you will something—when you act out of duty, commitment, loyalty, or integrity—you depend only upon your power to act. You don't need motivation. You persist because it is the right thing to do, or because of the consequences of not doing it, or simply because it needs doing. You call upon the sleeping giant within you, the power of your will.
Motivation is a welcome wind at your back. But winds are changeable and fickle; motivation comes and goes.
Will is a faithful friend, at your side in both the sunlit days and dark nights of the soul, speaking quietly of what is important and good. You can depend upon your will, because it comes from within you.
So sail the winds of motivation when they blow, but in the calms and dry spells, rely on your will to carry you through.
Motivation in Perspective
In service of a more realistic perspective, I will sometimes seem to contradict something I have stated before. For example, after emphasizing the critical importance of self-worth in the first gateway, I reveal in this and later sections how it is possible to practice everyday enlightenment whether or not you happen to feel worthy.
Similarly, in this section, after pointing out how to access the motivational energy flowing forth from your subconscious mind, we return to the central theme that your will does not have to rely on whether you feel motivated, that motivation is helpful but not essential to reaching your goals. Granted, it seems easier to accomplish a task when you feel motivated (or inspired or confident, for that matter)—and there is nothing wrong with such feelings—but you cannot depend upon them over time.
In a lecture, Dr. David Reynolds related Dr. Shoma Morita's words this way: “If it's raining and you have an umbrella, use it.” So use motivation when you find it, but rely on willpower when you don't. While writing this book, I sometimes felt inspired, but other times I felt tired, doubtful, or weary; that was when willpower pulled me through.
Effective people are not necessarily smarter or more talented than their less successful counterparts; they are only more disciplined. Many smart people fall by the wayside because they strive only when they feel motivated. Successful people strive no matter what they feel by applying their will to overcome apathy, doubt, or fear. Motivation works in the moment, but you can count on the staying power of your will—persistence, perseverance, and endurance.
Michelangelo had to endure seven years on a scaffold to paint the Sistine Chapel. Vladimir Lenin spent thirty years preparing for his revolution. Inventor Chester Carlson pounded the streets for years before he could find backers for his Xerox photocopying process. Margaret Mitchell's Gone with the Wind was rejected by fourteen publishers before it was accepted. No major studio would touch Star Wars. Marathoner Joan Benoit had knee surgery seventeen days before the U.S. Olympic trials, but her determination enabled her not only to make the Olympic team, but also to become the first American to win the gold medal in her event. Walt Disney went to over three hundred banks—and was told no by every one—before he found a bank that would take a chance on his theme park idea.
Practical Guidelines for Getting Things Done
Life is training. You can train harder or you can train smarter. Here are some easier, smarter ways to move with will and intention in the direction of your dreams.
Keep it Simple
A little bit of something is better than a lot of nothing. You are more likely to do, and continue doing, what is convenient and simple. Better to meditate, contemplate, or pray for only sixty seconds every day than for an hour once every week.
If you don't exercise every day but would like to start, then get up tomorrow morning and remember to do one jumping jack; then, the next morning do another jumping jack; and the next morning, and the next. That one jumping jack every day is a profound step in the right direction, because it gets your foot in the door—you are forming the habit of dedicating a portion of your day, no matter how small, to exercise. The following month you may decide to trade in your daily jumping jack for a brisk walk around the block or two minutes of free-form movement and deep breathing—or you may even invest four minutes a day to complete the Peaceful Warrior Workout, which you will find in the next gateway. To transform your life, begin simply, with a foot in the door.
Draw Upon What You Have Already Accomplished
The idea of doing what you need to do even when you don't feel motivated to do it may seem unrealistic or out of reach. Yet you have applied the power of your will many times—doing what was necessary in school, at work, or at home whether or not you felt energized, or interested, or motivated. Notice the sacrifices you have made and the persistence you have shown learning a sport or musical instrument, going to work each day, raising children, building a long-term relationship. Recall any accomplishments that required patience and diligence over time—doing what you needed to do whether or not you felt like it—and apply that same willpower to the challenge at hand. Whenever you are tempted to give up, remember that you never have to take more than the next step—and be guided by the English proverb reminding you, “Often the last key on the ring opens the door.”
Apply Time-Limited Discipline
Years ago I participated in a forty-day training that required a strict dietary regimen designed to maximize alertness and energy. But Saturday nights from eight to ten P.M. were declared pig nights, when we could eat whatever desserts we wanted. It worked well, because we didn't have to forsake our favorite treats, we just postponed them for a time. Instead of suffering temptation when we walked by an ice-cream shop, candy store, or bakery, we'd look forward to Saturday night.
The same time-limited discipline can apply to cruising the Internet, playing video games, or watching television—any behavior you wish to moderate or limit. You can look forward to enjoying the activity while applying your will and reducing its negative effects by decreasing the time you engage in it.
Apply Quantity-Limited Discipline
For some of us, limiting quantity works better than limiting time. For example, I've always had a sweet tooth. But some years ago it struck me that I was not obliged to finish a sweet or snack. I continued eating whatever appealed to me but allowed myself only one bite per day. I thoroughly enjoyed that bite. Then I gave away or threw away the rest. To paraphrase Epictetus, one should act in life as one would at a banquet—by taking a polite portion of all that is offered.
These guidelines are intended not as rigid formulas that apply in every case, but to help you create your own empowering strategies and apply time- and quantity-limited discipline wherever and however they best serve to reclaim and apply your will.
Just Stop
Some behaviors don't lend themselves to cutting back slowly. If you are a smoker or alcoholic or addicted to other substances, or if you commit violent or criminal acts, you need to stop right now, stop every time you feel the impulse to do it again.
If you want to quit smoking, for example, you have a heroic battle ahead, since nicotine is one of the most addictive substances known. The best method for most people is to just quit—not once, but every time you feel the urge to smoke, until finally the cravings fade and you form the habit of not smoking.
To just stop, you first have to want to stop—really want it in the same way someone drowning wants the next breath. If you decide you want to stop, then you just have to put your life on the line—no safety net, escape clause, or back door. Do it, or die to what you can be. Make yourself an offer you can't refuse. Reclaim your will and regain your self-respect.
Such advice may seem simplistic or unrealistic. But it is far more realistic than looking for tricks, shortcuts, miracles, pills, lotions, self-hypnosis, or magical formulas in order finally to take control of your life.
Work Hard, Play Hard, and Treat Yourself
Another useful willpower strategy is to reward yourself with a treat when you've accomplished a set goal. After completing each chapter of this book, I treated myself to a video rental. When I was halfway done with the book, I treated myself to a massage. When I completed the book—well, that was a reward in itself.
The reverse strategy is to earn each treat through constructive acts of discipline, by completing a task first. If your goal is to lose weight but you also want to eat some cheesecake, go right ahead—enjoy a slice—but only after you've taken a brisk walk around the block. That earns you one thin slice. Want another? Sure, enjoy it! As soon as you return from your next lap.
Make Desired Habits Convenient and Undesired Habits inconvenient
Make any positive behavior as convenient as possible. To break my habit of snacking in the evenings, I keep dental floss and a toothbrush in the downstairs bathroom near the kitchen. Right after dinner I floss and brush. I'm far less likely to snack, because if I eat something, I have to floss and brush all over again.
Make any negative behavior as inconvenient as possible. To smoke less, keep only one pack of cigarettes at home, in a small locked safe under some luggage in the closet in the garage. You might also put the television in that same closet, so you take it out only for special events, and use your old TV time writing that book, painting that picture, or learning a new language. In this way you replace old negative routines with new behaviors, pouring new energy into a new you.
Realities from the Control Tower
The heart and core of will involves self-control leading to self-mastery. Master yourself—your habits and tendencies—and you can accomplish what you will.
Imagine your will as a form of light. If the beam is too broad or diffracted, it does little; but if focused, it can work like a laser, cutting through anything in its path. So rather than applying it to things over which you have less control, you can focus your will intensely on the one thing you can control. Consider this version of the Serenity Prayer by Reinhold Niebuhr:
God, give us grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed, courage to change the things which should be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.
There is no sense in trying to apply your will to that which you cannot control. In order to use your will effectively, you'll need to determine what you can, and cannot, control by an act of intention. Take out a sheet of paper and make two columns. Consider carefully, then write whatever you can in each column before reading further.
What I Can Control: What I Cannot Control:
Whether or not I speak The movement of my arms… The behavior of other people Whether someone likes or loves me…
In writing your own list, you may have discovered the following:
The list of things you cannot control—by willing or intending it—might include the government, the weather, your partner or children, the outcome of a game or business venture, how long you or anyone else will live. (You can't even consistently control your thoughts or emotions.)
The list of things you can control should have only one entry: your behavior. Your behavior is the only thing in this world you can control by direct application of your will. No matter what you might learn in this or any other similar book, living effectively comes down to applying your will to control your behavior.
Doing so cannot guarantee desired results but will increase the likelihood of living longer, thinking or feeling positively, achieving success, winning a basketball game, creating a happier marriage, and improving your neighborhood, country, or world. You cannot guarantee such outcomes, but you can make the effort. As Shoma Morita, M.D., reminds us, “Effort is good fortune.”
In the game of life, you can't be certain of making a basket, but you can take a shot. And in doing so, you celebrate one of life's treasures—a simple act of self-control, the power of your spirit.
Transcending Tendencies: Your Emancipation Proclamation
Discipline leads to freedom, according to an old spiritual law. This seems a contradiction, since most of us view discipline as doing something we don't want to do and freedom as doing whatever we want. But those of us who have achieved financial freedom, social freedom, the freedom to travel where we wish, the freedom to share the fruits of our labors and learning with others, and the freedom of good health have done so through self-mastery. The greatest human freedom is the power of free will. But we are free only to the extent that we have liberated our will from servitude to our tendencies.
Life Is Full of Tendencies
If you are hungry or upset or lonely, you may tend to eat sweets. If you are an alcoholic, you tend to have another drink. Tobacco addicts tend to have another cigarette. Some tendencies are genetic; others are psychological traits or behavior that you modeled from others. You may tend to underwork or to overwork, tend to eat too much or too little, tend to be shy or outgoing. Tendencies tend to shape your life. If you let them, they shape your destiny.
Tendencies describe a certain momentum. Newton's first law of motion states, “A body at rest tends to remain at rest, or a body in motion tends to remain in motion…unless acted upon by an outside force.”
Or an inside force—the force of your will.
Your tendencies produce patterns that appear fixed, unconscious, and automatic. One of life's greatest challenges and satisfactions involves exerting the force of your will to change your tendencies.
Give me where to stand,[and a long enough lever] and I will move the earth.
—Archimedes
To change the course of your life, choose one of two basic methods:
1. You can direct your energy and attention toward trying to fix your mind, find your focus, affirm your power, free your emotions, and visualize positive outcomes so that you can finally develop the confidence to display the courage to discover the determination to make the commitment to feel sufficiently motivated to do what it is you need to do.
2. Or you can just do it.
Daily life provides us with many opportunities to confront and transcend our tendencies, thereby gaining both self-control and detachment. Here are some you might try—not habitually, of course, but on occasion:
• The next time someone offers you dessert and you want it, decline; and if you don't want it, accept.
• Be especially kind to someone you dislike.
