The Ahern Brothers Collection, page 57
“So, we’re going to your house tonight?” I change the subject.
“No, actually June invited us to the house.”
Her words feel like a slap in the face because, fuck, she moved out without even telling me. I knew she was going to leave because neither one of us has an excuse to stay together but still.
It stings.
“Abby, leave,” I say.
“Sterling,” she sighs. I ignore her.
Instead of working with clay, I go to the changing room and get ready to work with metal. I can’t deal with anything else. I have to destroy.
Abigail remains standing in the same place. Her face saddened as usual. She’s pitying me.
“I won’t see you tonight, will I?” she says.
“Goodbye, Abs.”
I storm to my workshop in the next room, slamming the door shut.
I swallow the anger and put the hammer down as my arms shake of exhaustion. I close my eyes trying to get ahold of my emotions. I’ve been doing this for hours and the tightening feeling continues clogging my throat. My anger comes like an impossible build up of steam, burning on the way out.
Why did Abby’s visit leave me this angry?
Because June left the penthouse. That’s it. That’s my breaking point.
She left me.
When I open my eyes, I realize it’s not anger. It’s sadness. It’s a hollowness that holds shards of glass between my soul and body. That’s pain. Pain of losing June.
Fuck, have I made a mistake?
When it comes to my future, I always thought I was in charge and I had everything figured out. It’s not. Thinking I had everything I needed was the biggest lie of all. Until now, I was empty. It’s fucking scary when you realize there’s something missing in your life.
I finally recognize that my life is a sham. Art is my trade but not what completes me. I’m lonely. I don’t live in the moment. I hide behind my creations. There’s an empty space in my heart. And what a fucking twist of fate when I realize that the only thing I need to fulfill my life is my family—the one June and I are creating.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
June
What was I thinking?
The problem is, I haven’t been thinking much—if at all. I’ve been playing make believe with a guy who lives in a different reality. Since we had dinner with my brothers, it seemed logical at the time to invite his family to spend some time with us.
Now I have a table set up for five people, dinner in the oven, and a text from a woman named Abby apologizing that an emergency arose, and her family won’t be showing. What she didn’t say is that the family included Sterling.
I knew this would be over when we came back to Denver. But after this morning I was hoping it’d be different. It’s ten o’clock at night and he never showed up. I turn to look at the tree I trimmed earlier and the house that now looks like a home. Why did I go crazy decorating the house? It looks as if Santa set up a subsidiary of the North Pole. I had hoped he’d stay with me at least for the remaining of my stay in Colorado.
Not gonna happen. Let’s erase every idea I concocted in the past few days. Having my parents over for Christmas is going to fill the void. I hoped Sterling would get to know Jeannette and my parents, they’re important to me. But this is for the best.
If this is it, he should at least send me a text, give me a call, or something.
My fingers play with the phone. I’ve been writing texts to Sterling and erasing them before I get the nerve to hit send. There’s nothing to say, is there?
Message received. He didn’t want to move the party to a bigger place. It’s over. Time for reality, plans, and a future where we don’t exist as … nothing. We aren’t a couple.
Who are you kidding, June? You were never anything.
Still, I’m afraid there’s always going to be some small emptiness in my heart that will never go away. He’ll be around, hopefully. We have to sit down and define our future—if he wants to be a part of it.
Having a baby is my dream. I’ve been ready for this moment. His decision won’t affect me directly. I should call my lawyer tomorrow to have him draw up the paperwork. On second thought, I should email him now.
Once I set everything in motion, I start cleaning the kitchen. Setting the leftovers in my new containers. The ones I planned on using for the next couple of weeks to send Sterling with food. Though, I also found the perfect room for him to set up a studio. Actually, it’s the pool house. How crazy was I to think that maybe he could set up something and … I sigh and continue working when I hear the door open and a big thud sound.
“You couldn’t fucking call me?” Sterling yells. “Is there something wrong with your phone?”
I frown at him, crossing my arms. “Who do you think you’re talking to?”
“Why did you leave a note when you knew I wouldn’t read it until I came home?”
I frown and hold my breath. His face is red, his eyes on fire. He’s wearing a T-shirt and a pair of unkempt jeans. His hair is tousled and if I know him well, I can say he just came from the studio.
“Hi to you too,” I say, immune to his temper.
He waves the paper I left taped on the fridge and sets it on the countertop. “Let’s move the party to the house. Seriously? What am I supposed to do with that, Juniper?”
I shrug because I’m too tired to understand what he’s doing in the house or fighting with me.
“What does this mean?” he asks. “What party are you talking about? For a woman who is so methodical, this doesn’t make any sense.”
I was too busy trying to make today perfect. Another great example of how my behavior is affected by him.
“I was busy, it made sense to scribble the note,” I begin my explanation, but it doesn’t make much sense, so I expand. “Your sister-in-law called my phone to invite us to dinner. I suggested they join us. I had to decorate since my parents arrive tomorrow and I want to be ready. Also, the penthouse isn’t child friendly. By the way, she agreed with me. At the time it seemed like a good idea to just pack my things and move in here. Maybe you’d join me. Earlier it—”
“You want me here?” he interrupts me.
I nod, having trouble speaking, not because I’m afraid of this version of him. It’s because I’m trying to understand what’s happening. Are we fighting? Why is he upset? I’m confused as to what we’re discussing, even when it seems pretty clear.
He marches to where I am, his body pressing mine against the counter and his arms caging me. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“When I’m working, I hate to be interrupted. You don’t like interruptions either. I’ve watched you. You said you’d come for lunch, but your sister-in-law called at nine and I had to leave to get everything ready.”
He closes his eyes and slumps his shoulders.
“I can’t anymore,” he says, leaning his forehead on top of mine.
The hot drift of his breath, his mouth so close to mine. I’m desperate for a kiss. My heart thunders inside my chest. My body weakens and I don’t understand what he can’t do until it hits me.
Stay with us. Don’t leave me.
Instead, I say, “It’s okay.”
At least I emailed my lawyer. He answered back, explaining to me my options. In a few days, he’ll send the documents for Sterling to sign. It’s his choice. Visitations, custody, rescinding his parental right. Tomorrow, Mom is going to insist I go home where she can help me.
There’s a strange pang of pain in my heart. It’s not love, I insist. We just met, but perhaps, I gave up a lot more of myself than I wanted to. “Really, I get it.”
“No, you don’t,” he argues. “You’ve no fucking idea of what’s happening to me.”
He’s right, because even with the anger in his eyes he kisses me tenderly, molding my body against his. His warm and sturdy arms secure me firmly. My hands search for an anchor, his neck. I link them behind his head losing myself in the kiss.
The things he does with his mouth, his tongue, how he deepens the kiss hungrily and so urgently. It’s as if the world is about to end and this is the last second we have left. He’s taking his last meal, his last breath, and his last beat.
Perhaps he’s trying to give me one last kiss before we part ways. Our story won’t have an ordinary happy ending. So, it’ll never be about the ending but the loving and how happy our kids will be after all the loving we did during our chapter.
One last time, I think and turn off my mind, letting him take whatever he needs tonight. To give me everything I need from him. He finally unravels me, and I let chaos invade me.
“June,” he says, breathing hard. “I need you.”
I understand him because I need him just as much.
There’s this pull I’ve been fighting for these past few days that’s getting stronger every day. I don’t understand it, but it’s hard fighting it.
Even if I try to stop him, I can’t anymore. Not tonight.
I have to feel close to him.
Let him make me feel alive one last time.
He’s so different than any other man and I know that if I stay any longer, he’ll destroy me. But if I pull away right now, my skin will wither without his touch. It’s been craving his skin just as much.
“Sterling,” I whisper before his mouth finds mine again.
Somewhere between the hot, hungry kisses, we begin to pull at each other’s clothes. The need sharpens. No goodbye has ever felt this right, this incredible. Just as intense as our first encounter and I’m afraid that nothing will ever feel as intense as this moment. As him.
So, I decide to beg him. “Take me to our bed, please.”
The first and only time we will share it as an us.
“Please,” I ask again and kiss him with lust pulsing through me.
He lifts me; I hug his waist with my legs. He takes several long strides toward the staircase and then up the stairs. We make it to the room in record time.
“Tell me if you want to stop,” he says when he lowers me over the bed. “I know your boundaries and your rules and the last thing—”
“I understand,” I say, pulling him down to me. “I want this, us, right now.”
Nothing is real or has been real since we met. For some crazy reason since I met this guy, I let him touch a part of myself that no one is allowed to see. I allow myself to be greedy and enjoy what he offers me.
He sucks on my nipples, his tongue circling around them with the same expertise as when he kissed me. One then the other. Tugging the tips of my tits while his skillful fingers tease along my thighs, parting them. He runs them all the way to my apex. My body tightens as his thumb caresses my slit.
“I love foreplay as much as you, but tonight, don’t make me wait,” I order. “I need you inside.”
His weight slides over me, his legs spread mine wider. My thoughts implode as I feel the pressure of him working slowly right outside my entrance.
“My sweet, June,” he says and enters me, sliding his thick length inch by inch. Hot, sweet, maddening sensations playing inside my body.
A loud moan stirs in my throat.
He places his hand on my hip, pulling me higher. Every thrust is a full-bodied embrace. The raw sensation between us, the sound of his heartbeat, and his kiss is consuming me. We feed off each other’s lust, moving frantically. The ache I felt for the past few hours weighing down my heart finally dissolves when the waves of pleasure make my body jerk and tremble.
What’s going to happen tomorrow?
Chapter Thirty
Sterling
I pull June’s sleepy body closer to me and kiss the top of her head.
What can I do to convince her to be mine?
In the big scheme of things, I am in charge of my life. Nothing is set in stone. Why is it that I’m not bending my own rules? I rebelled against my parents and anyone who tried to come between me and what I wanted. For the past twenty years, I’ve fought for what I believe is my future, for what I love, and I showed everyone that I’m capable of succeeding on my own. I’ve been making my mark through the world but today I realized that none of that matters.
They’re insignificant compared to June and our little ones.
I used to live under the illusion that I lived for me. This is a first. The day I come to realize that there’s more to what I’ve done in the past thirty-seven years. I used to control my emotions and June Spearman appeared in my life and proved me wrong—or showed me what’s right. The woman who lives to control everything around her, taught me to release my heart and let it feel.
Looking at her, I smile. This is what I want. Having June between my arms every night. She is who I want, who I need. The life we can forge together. Ever since Kara, I told myself the same lie again and again, that I don’t deserve love and I can’t love. I closed myself up to the possibilities.
Earlier, I tried to keep the lie alive but the thought of not seeing June or my children stopped me. I found the courage to fight for her. I could sit on my ass and claim that love isn’t for me. It’d be so much easier to give up before anything serious starts.
Who am I kidding? We’ve been trying to fool ourselves. The attraction began the moment I spotted her.
If I have to ask when was the moment we reached the point of no return…that’d be our first kiss. I recall the intensity, the heat, and how I started to fall. I’m still falling. This thing we share is fragile. Forged by lust, in the middle of a wildfire. I don’t dare to give it a name because it’s too early.
She releases a throaty moan while still sleeping. I smile and brush away some strands of hair from her face. I then caress her flat belly, wondering how things will be when the babies arrive. They'll flip my life upside down.
Just like June.
She was unexpected, and yet, in weeks she changed everything. I’ve yet to explain what exactly it is about her that made me fall for her. Maybe it’s the way she cares for me.
June makes me see myself in a different way. She cares for me in a way no one has ever cared. Fuck, how I wish it was love. Maybe it is and like me, she’s fighting it. Either way, I’ll try to win her over.
I can’t lose her.
My soul would die. I feel her sunshine fill my lungs each time we kiss. She’s more than air. She’s all I need to survive.
Am I ready to love her?
This feeling is so much different from what I’ve experienced.
I’ve never felt the magic I feel when I’m with June. She’s a gift.
June snuggles closer to me, molding her body perfectly with me. We’re imperfect, filled with flaws but she has everything I’m missing. She completes me. What is it that I have to do to prove to her that I’m not leaving?
“I love you,” I whisper before I close my eyes. Maybe soon, I’ll have the courage to say it out loud.
Chapter Thirty-One
June
I’m not surprised when I wake up and find myself alone in bed. The only witness to the best night of my life. It’s unlike any other night. I couldn’t call it sex. It was a delirious dance of tangled bodies, burning fires, and surrendering hearts.
My heart still throbs and all the emotions we let out continue flowing through my blood. What am I supposed to do with what I feel? What is he going to do? He can deny it, but I saw it in his eyes, the burning fire but also the affection.
Sterling Ahern cares about me, just not enough to stay.
Touching my belly, I send a prayer that these two are enough for him to let himself believe he’s capable of so much more than a birthday card.
The rest of this mess is on me. I’ll have to fix everything that broke, including my heart. Why did I let myself get tangled in his arms and his magical make believe?
It was a moment of weakness. I let the chaos take me over and gave him all—maybe even my heart. I don’t regret it. Not for a moment.
Now, it’s time to go back to the old June, the one who color codes every hour of the day. It was fun to color outside the lines. Order is what I know best.
“It’s going to be okay,” I say out loud.
I have some nice memories from Sterling, plenty of pictures to share from the short time we were together.
“He cares for you two,” I assure the babies. “He’s loving I know, if only he believed so himself.”
Since Mom will be here later today and already knows I’m pregnant, I call Jeannette. Keeping her in the dark for this long has been killing me. It’s time to search for my other half.
“Hey,” Jeannette answers immediately. “Finally, are you going to tell me what’s going on with you?”
“Well, you’re a little feisty today,” I say defensively. “What is wrong with you?”
“Hmm, well, you’re selling your company, Jackson found you at the neighbor’s house—with an I-just-fucked face, you have a security detail, and I’m yet to learn what you’ve been hiding from me for the past year or so.”
“Nothing.”
“June, I’ve let it go long enough but I’m starting to feel left out.”
“I was puking, not fucking,” I clarify. “Though, I let them believe that because it was better than saying something like, I was puking my brains because I’m pregnant.”
“You’re what?”
“I’m pregnant,” I repeat. “Remember the guy I slept with during Thanksgiving week …”
Pacing around the large master bedroom, I tell her everything from beginning to end. She doesn’t interrupt me.
“Congratulations on the babies,” she says dryly.
“But?”
“You confided in other people and not me. I’m your sister. Not only that, your twin. Are you still upset because I didn’t tell you about the wedding?”
“I wouldn’t use the word upset, more like pissed and still not over it. I’m your fucking sister. Your twin,” I claim, my voice getting loud. “We promised to be each other’s maids of honor and you eloped. But that’s not why I didn’t tell you. You were too busy, and I didn’t want to suck you into my drama.”
