A Cowboy Never Quits, page 23
When the hour was up, Jessica and Chloe stood. On their way out of the office, she hugged Chloe tight. “Have to get the hugs out before you’re outside in front of your friends.”
“Or you’ll hug me so hard you’ll break my water bottle and drench me?” Chloe asked, but she was holding on equally tightly.
Jessica laughed. “Totally.”
Chloe dropped her arms. “I’m okay, Mom. It actually helps to know this is something I can deal with and not that I’m just paranoid.” She tipped her head toward the glass door that would lead her outside. “I’ve got to get to my next class. Will you be okay?”
“Of course. See you at dinner?”
“Yep. I’m more excited about wieners than I’ve ever been,” Chloe said with a giant grin. It was Friday, and they were roasting hot dogs and marshmallows outside to kick off the weekend. It was part of a reward for a great month, and everyone on the ranch had been talking about how much fun it was going to be.
Jess couldn’t resist one last hug, and then she was standing in the doorway, watching her daughter hustle across the yard. She smiled when Chloe caught up to the other kids, especially when she and Izzy launched right into a conversation that required a lot of hand gestures.
Relief flooded her.
Her daughter was going to be okay. They were going to be okay.
“How are you handling everything?” Liza asked from behind her, and she spun around.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to loom in your office doorway.”
“I don’t have any more appointments today if you want to discuss anything. I also want you to know that a lot of teens are dealing with off-the-charts levels of anxiety right now in America. A lot of studies blame all the social media time and the fact that they never get to unplug.”
“I could see that. I still have to keep up with my other job, but it’s been nice to be out in the country where it’s so much easier to unplug. I know that Chloe has a hundred more social media places than I do, and while back in high school I’d sometimes hear on Monday mornings about parties that I hadn’t been invited to, I didn’t have to see them unfolding real time with Snapchat pictures.”
“Exactly.”
Wade walked up to the group of teens and began talking with them, so much caring in his tenderly firm expression that Jess’s heart stuttered in her chest. Last night they’d rewarmed the steaks, eaten the salad and premashed-thanks-to-exploding potatoes, and then he’d asked if she’d be up for a movie, clearly sensing she wasn’t ready for more, even if she wanted to be.
“Since you claim to be an aspiring cowgirl,” he’d said, “it’s high time you see Quigley Down Under. Consider it part of your training.”
They’d cuddled through the movie, which she’d thoroughly enjoyed—the movie and the cuddling—and as the credits rolled up the screen, she’d said she was tired. Which she had been.
Ever the gentleman, Wade walked her home, and when he kissed her good night, she’d almost rethought going inside alone.
But she hadn’t gathered the courage to do anything about it, and she’d been kicking herself all day.
Jess leaned a hip on the doorjamb. “Shifting gears here, but I think I might need you to psychoanalyze me.”
Liza laughed and swept her arm toward her office. “Come have a seat.”
“Will you sit on the couch by me so it won’t be so weird? Although, fair warning, it’ll probably still be weird.”
Liza sat on the couch, and Jess plopped down beside her, tucking her leg underneath herself as she propped her elbow on the back of the couch and faced her friend.
“Whenever you’re ready,” Liza said, a kind, encouraging smile on her face.
Was she really going to say this? Out loud and everything? “I’ve got this hot cowboy who wants to have sex with me, and I want to have sex with him, but I can’t seem to…to…” The first part was easy enough to blurt out, but her tongue had suddenly quit working properly.
Liza raised her eyebrows. “Unholster the gun?”
“Oh geez, am I supposed to unholster it?”
“Well, there is the dry-humping option,” Liza said with a laugh, and when Jess shot her a faux dirty look, she clamped her lips. For half a second. “Sorry, not sorry. I should probably also add a disclaimer that I’m not exactly using technical therapist terms.”
“Nooo,” Jess said with all the sarcasm she could muster up, and then she dropped her head in her hands with a groan. “I couldn’t afford the therapy I clearly need anyway.” She peeked through her fingers. She’d gotten this far. Might as well confess it all. “Honestly, most of my adult relationships have really only reached the dry-humping stage. I could never pull the trigger.”
Liza snapped her fingers and then pointed at her. “Pull the trigger! That’s probably a better way of saying it if I’m gonna stick with the gun analogy.” She steepled her hands and adopted a more serious, professional facade as she tucked them under her chin. “I mean, go on…”
At this point, Jess didn’t have anything to lose, and she couldn’t get a better bargain than free therapy from someone who truly cared about her. “Okay, so there’s this side of me that feels like once we cross that line, he’ll lose interest. Whether it’s the faded stretch marks and mom bod, or that the challenge is over or…” Jess thought about all the nice things he’d said last night, and how he’d called her amazing. How he saw parts of her that no one else ever seemed to see. Which made her feel safer and more scared at the same time, in spite of that not making any sense. “I know Wade’s different than the other guys I’ve dated. He’s a good guy, and the complete opposite of Chloe’s dad, not to mention more mature, because being older than sixteen does that to a person.”
With every sentence Liza’s forehead crinkled more, and Jess replayed her words, trying to figure out what had been confusing, besides having a perfectly good guy right in front of her and freaking out about it. “Wait. Are you saying…?” The therapist mask dropped, and Liza switched into full friend mode as she shifted closer. “Have you not had sex since you were sixteen?”
The room suddenly seemed too hot and stuffy, and Jess could feel every throb of her rapid pulse. She’d never told anyone, because who would she tell? “It just sort of happened. Or didn’t happen.” She scratched the itchy spot on her neck. “I didn’t want to cross that line again until I was sure about a guy, both for myself and for Chloe. You know how it is. It’s hard to fit in anything when you’re a constantly tired, overworked single mom. I chose sleep over meeting guys a lot, and the few guys I met just weren’t keepers.”
Liza nodded. “I get that, I do. But all I’m saying is that there is a giant leap between fumbling teenage-boy sex and sex with a certified man, and you owe yourself that. Even if you decide Wade’s not the right man.”
Longing drifted up, her stomach along with it. Jess really wanted to experience that. Sex with a guy who’d care if she’d gotten there instead of just taking what he needed and leaving her in the back of the car, struggling to fix her clothes, while he returned to the party.
Liza placed her hand on her shoulder. “Jess, you don’t have to keep putting your needs last.”
“Easier said than done.” Now that it was out there, she was glad she’d told Liza, embarrassing or not. “Have you? Since the twins?”
“No.” Liza’s shoulders deflated. “Their father hurt me pretty badly, and like you said, it’s been nonstop busy, and I can’t simply bring a guy into their life. I’m not the casual hookup sort, either. Which means I’m the hypocrite telling you to get back on the horse while I’m standing safely on the ground, never taking any risks of my own in that arena.”
“Well, I’d rather have sex with Wade than get back on a horse. I’m sure it’ll be a more fun ride, too.” Jess laughed, and Liza joined in, but then seriousness crept back into her features, along with a gentle rebuke.
“I’m on to you, you know. You use humor when emotions get too real.”
“Guilty.”
“Don’t get me wrong. You’re really funny, and like I said last night, I appreciate how much I laugh around you. But sometimes you’ve got to drop the walls and take a chance on people.”
Jess nodded because that was what everyone did. But she’d already let Liza in, along with Kathy and most everyone here. Including Wade.
Since heartbreak was on the horizon either way, Jess told herself yet again that she might as well take advantage of the time she had before the aftermath came.
Right?
Chapter 26
Firelight danced across Jessica’s features, highlighting her smiling cheeks before flickering to her lips, her cute nose, and then her eyes.
Wade fed the fire another log, nudging it closer to the center of the pit with the toe of his boot. His gaze met Jessica’s through the flickering flames, and the flush of heat that coursed through him had nothing to do with the fire. It’d be highly improper to stride across the way, lift her into his arms, and kiss her before carrying her across the yard and into his cabin. Especially with all of the teenage witnesses looking on.
Izzy, one of the girls who’d been here the longest, stepped up next to him and shoved a hot dog on the end of her roasting stick. Her parents sent her here after they found some dark poems she’d written, and while sometimes poems were merely art, hers focused on suicide. After more digging, Liza and Nick discovered she’d been the victim of severe cyberbullying, and it’d taken weeks for her to come out of her shell. Now she was one of the most outgoing teens and the first to jump into a new task. She hardly looked like the same girl, the ever-present grin on her face matching all the happy colors in her hair.
At the end of the month she was due to go home, and as he often did, Wade wished he could wrap the kids in bubble wrap before sending them back into the real world. Give them a safer transition.
“Where do I put it again?” Izzy dangled the roasting stick over the center of the fire, where the flames engulfed it. “About here?”
“You’d think you’d want to put it right into the fire, but you actually want to hover it close to the coals around the edges.” He raised his voice. “Otherwise it’ll just end up black and burned to a crisp. Sort of like how Miss Jessica cooks.”
“Hey!” Jessica shot out of her camp chair and walked over, which was exactly what he’d been hoping for. “Do you really want to play that game? Because I seem to remember someone else who cooks like that. I’d say they even burned steaks blacker than anything I’ve ever made.”
He grinned and reached for the packet of hot dogs. He slid one onto the metal end of a roasting stick and extended the handle to her. “Here. I’d better let you cook your own. I’m not gonna be responsible for you having to eat two burned dinners.”
“Yeah, that’s my job. Literally.”
“I must’ve missed the part where we told you to burn dinner. I thought we hired you to just cook it.”
“The level of doneness was left open to interpretation, so really that’s on you.”
He laughed. He hadn’t seen her all day, and he worried she would pull away, the way she had last night. She reminded him of a flighty horse that’d been injured or mistreated. Just when things seemed to be going along smoothly, something would spook it and you’d have to start over. He knew better than to tell her that, though. While it’d taken longer than it should’ve, he’d eventually learned women weren’t fond of being compared to animals.
Jessica squatted next to Izzy and asked her a few questions, starting with favorite foods and then moving to whether she enjoyed riding horses.
The more he saw her interact with the teens and the rest of the staff at Turn Around Ranch, the more he thought Jessica fit right in.
Which was a dangerous thought, one he shouldn’t allow himself to think, no matter how true it was.
“This is taking forever,” Jessica said. “This is why I burn stuff. I have no patience.”
Izzy tugged Jessica’s arm back as she began to extend her hot dog closer to the flames. “No, Miss Jessica. It’ll be worth the wait. And I’ll sit and chat with you so it won’t seem so long.”
They both sank to the ground, their legs crossed, and talked as they spun their roasting sticks.
A few minutes later, the two of them came over to the table to dress their perfectly done hot dogs, and when Izzy drifted back toward the glow of the fire, Wade sidled up next to Jessica. A steady current of electricity hummed under his skin at her nearness, but as she licked ketchup off her lip, it spiked and arced and short-circuited parts of his brain.
They were partially hidden out here in the darkness, and he would make sure to keep things lighter if that was what she wanted, but he couldn’t stand to be around her any longer without giving in to the urge to touch her. He placed his hand on the small of her back, and a secretive smile curved her lips.
She twisted toward him a fraction, her gaze running up and down him in a way that suggested she was thinking very naughty things he couldn’t wait to hear more about.
“You should come over tonight. You’ll already have had dinner, so we’ll just stick to”—he lowered his lips until they were right next to her ear and gently bit the lobe—“dessert.”
Her sharp intake of breath spurred him on. He was going to have to work to keep himself under control, or they’d need more than partial darkness. She reached up and twirled her hair around her finger, affecting a ditzy vibe. “I’m so confused. I thought we were having s’mores for dessert. That’s what the flyer said.”
Wade grinned and slid his hand around her waist, hooking it on her hip. “I’d give you a horribly cheesy line about how you’d definitely want s’more, but I’m afraid it might blow my chances.”
Jess placed her hand on his chest, right over his rapidly beating heart. “That all depends on how well you can deliver on that line, cowboy.”
Not a second too soon, he realized they were about to have company, and they jumped apart like two teenagers who’d been caught.
The kids grabbed more buns before returning to the fire. Right when Wade was about to renew his flirting efforts, a laugh carried over to them, and Jessica turned toward the noise. Chloe and Aiden sat on a log on the other side of the semicircle, cooking their food, their heads huddled together.
Tension crept into the line of Jessica’s body as concern transformed her features. Chloe and Aiden’s closeness had worried Wade a bit, more because of the rules and avoiding drama than because he thought they’d get into trouble. Honestly, it was also good to see Aiden so happy. Besides, how could he give the kid a lecture when he was muddling the lines as well?
Wade ran his hand down Jessica’s arm. “Hey. They’re just friends.”
“Mm-hmm. I remember saying that same thing about us a few weeks ago.”
He laced his fingers with hers. “Come on. I want to show you something.”
Her feet remained planted in place, her attention on her daughter.
“It’ll just take a few minutes, and they’re surrounded by people. Remember how you’ve got to let the process work without interfering?”
Jessica frowned, but finally allowed herself to be tugged toward the barn.
* * *
A squeal escaped Jess’s lips when she spotted the tiny kittens. She couldn’t help it. They were a moving ball of multicolored fluff, all of them nuzzling but wiggling. “They’re so freaking cute!”
“Kita came out of here earlier today, so I figured she must’ve tucked her babies somewhere in here.”
There were a couple of gray-and-black-striped tabbies that looked just like their mom, one mottled tortoiseshell, and one ginger tabby. They were squeaky little things, constantly meowing as they walked over one another.
“Can I hold one?” she asked, and Wade nodded.
She carefully picked up the fluffy orange one and brought it close to her chest. Its meows were almost chirps, its eyes were tiny dark slits, not quite open, and its pink tongue stuck out as it yawned. “I’ve never seen any this young before.”
“We have a couple batches a year. We keep a few around to help take care of the mice, and then usually neighbors or people from town take a few.”
“Not this one, right? This one’s my kitty. I can already tell.” She patted the tiny head, her heart melting into a puddle of goo. “Don’t worry, I know how to take care of cats. Once you’re old enough, I’ll feed you bacon, like I fed to your mommy while you were in her tummy.”
“You fed the cat bacon?”
Jess put on her best innocent face. “No, where would you ever get that idea? What I meant to say is I work magic with animals. You probably noticed how the baby calves run toward me instead of away from me when I go out to the corral now.” Her secret was handfuls of dried corn feed. Along with love and cooing noises, of course. Jess lifted the kitten and rubbed its soft fur on her cheek. “A farm cat of my very own.” She grinned at Wade. “Am I a cowgirl now?”
His laugh filled the air, the deep noise echoing through her chest. One mushy sensation after another careened through her. The cat and the cowboy, and seriously, was this heaven? Who knew it’d smell like straw and manure?
The mama cat came to see what was going on with her noisy babies. Since Jess knew how strong the protective instinct was, she assured Kita she was only admiring her beautiful babies and gently settled the ginger kitten next to its mom and siblings. It wobbled around, and the mom licked its face so firmly the kitten fell over.
More squeaky noises escaped, and when Jess glanced at Wade, he was smiling at her like she was the adorable one.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and curled her to his chest. His lips came down on hers, and after he’d given her a kiss that robbed her of breath and flooded her with endorphins, he said, “You’re my cowgirl.”
