Death's Rival, page 7
“Sorry. Long day.”
“Ah, yes, your training with that witch. Guinevere, is it?” I didn’t say anything, and she gave me a flippant wave of her hand. “I was surprised Headmistress Fairmane was able to find someone.”
“Yeah, me too.”
She glanced behind me and up down the hall. “I’m surprised you’re alone. Where are those lovely vampires of yours?”
“Busy,” I said, gritting my teeth and debating taking another step back. How did she know I was still hanging around Aleister and Gentry?
Her lips twitched, and the gleam of amusement in her eyes made my gut twist in knots. “Yes, busy. Some interesting rumors are spreading through the Eternal Ember right now—most of them revolving around Brolan and his heir apparent. I hear there’s quite the rift in the House of the Red Moon. Some of the vampires are siding with Gentry, and Brolan’s not happy about that, not happy at all. It sounds as though his heir’s life is about to become messy if they can’t work out their differences.”
Had Gentry’s situation really become that bad? I figured if it got any worse between him and Brolan, Aleister would’ve let me know. He’d never said for sure if Brolan was going to disinherit him or kick him out of the House. I hadn’t wanted to believe the situation was so dire that vampires were taking sides. I should’ve asked Gentry about it weeks ago.
Some friend I was.
“Oh, well, what difference does it make to me if the vampires have a scuffle over power.”
I frowned at her lack of care. “You’re a member of the Eternal Ember. Shouldn’t you worry if one of the vampire Houses is about to fall apart?”
She laughed harshly. “Not in the least.”
“Why are you even here?” I blurted, mostly wanting her to shut up about Gentry.
Her brow arched, but she answered. “I’ve come to offer several students the same proposition I made to you and Rose. Your friend, it would seem, is considering changing her mind.”
“What are you talking about? Rose won’t join you.”
Cassandra’s smile only widened while she winked and walked around me, her heels clicking loudly down the corridor. “I’ll be seeing you again soon, Emery. I suggest you keep working on your training. It’d be a shame if you were to be kicked out of the academy before we all got to see your true potential.”
Buried in her words was a threat. I might not have known precisely what she was trying to tell me, but her tone was more than enough to let me realize my troubles for this semester were only going to get worse. If I couldn’t get my shit together long enough to understand what was going on with my magic and my emotions, we were going to be in trouble.
For the next three days after I’d bumped into Cassandra, I didn’t see Rose at all. Every time I thought I spotted her across the hall or out in the courtyard, by the time I caught up, she would disappear. Was she avoiding me?
The horrifying notion that Rose was planning to become part of the Order to get information on what they were up to had me anxious to talk her out of whatever plan she had. And she thought I was the reckless one.
Unless Cassandra had done something to her to make her join. I needed to speak with her and find out. Each time I tried her dorm, she didn’t answer my knock. I even sat outside the door for a full day, waiting to catch her. She never showed.
I meant to find Aleister, too, so I could figure out how bad things had become for Gentry. Before I realized it, though, the day was over, and it was nearly four in the morning. I’d been at the library in the small study room on the fourth floor and hadn’t paid much attention to the time.
Grunting, annoyed, I stared at what I had left to do homework-wise and decided I’d knock it out later today. I had another training session with Guinevere this evening. Going there without any sleep was a terrible idea. Not that my sleep of late had been restful in any regard whatsoever.
My nightmares were getting worse, but it was the dreams about Gentry that left me flustered for hours afterward. My entire body would be on fire. I’d fallen asleep in one of my classes yesterday and startled myself awake to find several students eyeing me funny. I didn’t need them to tell me I’d probably been muttering in my sleep.
“Just meditate before you turn in, and you’ll be fine,” I told myself, packing up my notebooks and tossing my pen into my tote. “If you can even meditate anymore. Goddess, why am I such a mess?”
I’d been asking that for weeks, and like everything else in my life lately, there was no answer. Nothing. Only silence that irritated me even more. Exhausted and not looking forward to another long day, I sleepily made my way out of the study room, around the corner, and ran right into a hard, unmoving body. Two hands closed on my elbows, righting me. Without looking up, I knew who held me.
My breath caught, and every inch of me perked up while my left wrist gave a familiar throb. When I finally lifted my gaze, a pair of brown eyes flecked with copper turned red.
Gentry’s lips parted, and for half a second, I thought he was going to kiss me.
He gave his head a shake, the glow dissipated, and he set me back on my feet. “Still running into people,” he said, his voice gruff.
“Bad habit.” Heart pounding, I licked my lips, fighting against the urge to move with him when he took a step back. “What are you doing here so early?”
“Took a walk. Ended up here.”
“A walk?”
“Needed to do something.”
I’d been too distracted by the emotions rushing through me to notice how bad he looked. But I saw now and hated myself for dragging him into the mess that had become my life. His hands twitched almost continually at his sides, matching the tic in his right eye. The muscles in his neck were strained, and his jaw was clenched so hard it had to hurt. He looked about as bad as he had when he arrived in Cedar Valley, weak and needing blood. Was he not eating? The situation with Brolan, everything Cassandra said, it all had to be true if he was this out of sorts.
Guilt assailed me, and without thinking, I reached for his right hand with my left. Heat bloomed in my hand, flowing up my arm, making it hard to think straight. Now more than ever, I had to. I had to make sure Gentry’s life wasn’t destroyed because of me.
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled.
“For what?” he asked quietly, not pulling away.
“Meeting you in the first place,” I replied, a swell of sadness rising inside me at my words.
He squeezed my hand when I started to step back.
I cleared my throat. “I did this to you. I caused you all this pain, and you’re about to be disinherited because of me. Maybe even kicked out of your House. It’s not fair to you, none of this. You’ve got a target on your back, and it’s my fault.”
“Emery—”
I shook my head, telling myself to stay strong. “I think it’d be best for you if you cut ties with me,” I blurted. “Tell Brolan you’re no longer helping me and get back to the life you had before I screwed it up.”
I hadn’t felt heartache like this since the night Gentry and I were first over. It tightened my chest in a vise so brutally I couldn’t breathe. This was the only way to keep him safe. I planned on having the same conversation with Aleister, but something told me it wouldn’t hurt this much. This torment was unbearable. Why? It wasn’t like we’d seen much of each other lately. I should be okay with this.
But you have seen each other, that annoying voice chimed in.
I hung my head, not bothering to argue. I might not have spoken with Gentry, but he’d been watching over me from afar, same as he had last semester when I was in trouble. How many times had our gazes locked from across the dining hall or the corridor? Even if I hadn’t seen him, I’d sensed him nearby. I tried to convince myself it was only because of the bite. Deep within my very being, I knew it was more than that—his taking my blood amplified what we already felt. I knew now those emotions would never go away, not easily.
“I won’t be the reason you have no House,” I insisted, pushing past the hurt of losing Gentry.
“Emery, look at me,” he whispered, voice thick with longing and worry. He tipped my chin. “You mean everything to me now. I will leave Brolan and my House behind if it means I get to be with you.” His fingers brushed against my left wrist, and I gasped at the heat blossoming from his touch.
I wanted to throw myself in his arms and kiss him but remembered belatedly I was still seeing Aleister.
“You don’t have to say anything tonight, or ever, but I had to let you know. I can never simply walk away from you, and I don’t want to.” Gentry smiled softly and let me go, reluctance shining back at me in those red eyes. “Even if this is all I get to have with you, I’ll take it. Goodnight, Em.”
He walked away, and I let him go, torn between following and scolding myself for feeling so fiercely for the vampire I wasn’t with anymore versus the one I was. Giving myself a hard shake, I rushed out of the library to my room, ignoring Stuart’s curious glance. He hadn’t seen my encounter with Gentry, thankfully, and didn’t ask me what was wrong.
Once alone, I chucked my bag onto my bed, madly running my hands through my hair, cursing vividly under my breath. Why did he have to say that? Why was he so willing to give up everything for me?
I stomped around my room, mind feeling a tornado had ripped through it, leaving nothing behind but destruction. I needed to do something to clear my head, but there was no way I’d be able to meditate now. In a rush of anger, I kicked the wardrobe, knocking open the doors. At least I still had my boots on. A broken toe would’ve been a great way to end this night. The doors swung open, and a few sweaters tumbled out. I left them on the floor and went to sit down so I could remove my boots.
A biting cold came from my shoulder, and the raven’s wings fluttered.
“What?”
He did it again, and I gasped when the force of his agitation pushed me to my feet. He didn’t stop until I was back in front of the open wardrobe.
“I don’t get it. What are you telling me?”
I started to close the doors when he fluttered his wings even harder.
“Fine, there, they’re open,” I said, letting the doors swing back. “Now what?”
Not sure what I was supposed to see, I bent to pick up the sweaters and uncovered an envelope with my name on it in Gentry’s handwriting.
The letter he had given me while I was in the infirmary. I’d never read it.
How had it ended up in my wardrobe? The clothes on the floor were the ones Rose had brought me while I’d been stuck in recovery. Guess I’d thrown everything in here at the end of the semester and forgotten about it. Sitting on the floor, my hands shaking, I broke the wax seal on the envelope and pulled out the letter.
Two sentences in, tears burned in my eyes, and I was tugging hard at my raven necklace. Halfway down the page, I stopped trying to hold back the waterworks and let the tears fall down my cheeks.
Chapter 6
Aleister
I finally decided to turn in when dawn approached. I’d been trying—and failing—to find any more information about the incident that destroyed the Twisted Thorn Coven. As massive as that explosion had been, there should’ve been some record of it somewhere. But I’d turned up nothing, nor had I discovered anything more on Cassandra’s life from way back when. I didn’t doubt what Emery saw. I just wanted something I could hold in my hands to show Roderick. Cassandra was not who she claimed to be.
I had to do something instead of sitting around, pretending like nothing was wrong.
That was impossible to do when everything was falling apart. It wasn’t merely the fact that Emery and I were holding onto something we shouldn’t be. I was watching someone who had become a close friend slip down a slippery slope of chaos and confusion. Every day, she tumbled further down that slope until I feared she’d completely lose herself. She’d told me how bad her training sessions with this Guinevere Gray were going. And that she couldn’t meditate, hadn’t for weeks. I wasn’t even sure she’d managed a trip into the spirit realm since returning to the academy. She was all over the place, had been since our trip to Ireland. She might claim nothing happened in that clearing, but either those sigils or what she’d witnessed, or something, was messing with her.
My eyes slipped closed when a banging started at the door to my apartment. Emery yelled my name, and I rushed to get the door, not bothering to throw a shirt on.
I yanked it open, and she sped inside.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, shutting the door behind her. She whirled around to face me, her cheeks red and streaked with tears, her eyes wide and wild. Her pulse was racing, and her breathing was ragged, chest rising and falling so rapidly, I expected her to pass out any second. She looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack. Clutched in her right hand was a piece of paper, and she waved it at me.
“Why couldn’t he have said this shit to my face, huh? Why?” she ranted.
I realized what was in her hand.
“Gentry’s letter,” I whispered.
She scoffed. “Yeah, his letter. His freaking letter that tells me everything he feels for me and how sorry he is, and if he could take it back, he would.” She balled it up and threw it across the living room with a furious shout. “He says he loves me. What am I supposed to do with that? What? He puts me through all that bullshit and then comes out with that word like I’m just supposed to accept it? He even says in there that he doesn’t expect me to love him back. That he doesn’t expect anything from me, and tonight, I see him and he—” She sucked in a harsh breath and sank to the floor. “He said I mean everything to him. He’s about to lose his status as heir and might even be kicked out of his House, but none of that matters because all he wants is me.”
I started forward and opened my mouth to calm her down, but she was back on her feet, pacing. She threw out her hand to cut me off.
“Then there’s you and me. How am I not supposed to feel like shit right now because of this?” she yelled, motioning between us. “All this time, we’ve been what? Leading each other on? Or I’ve been leading you on. Shit, I don’t even know anymore, and I didn’t mean to come here to vent to you, but I can’t do this anymore. I’m so lost and confused when I’m around one of you, or both of you, and nothing makes sense.” Her chest heaved when she paused to take a breath, her eyes filled with so much uncertainty and anguish, it was like a knife to the gut. “I’m a horrible person,” she mumbled, burying her face in her hands, her shoulders sagging.
In hindsight, laughing probably wasn’t the best thing to do, but it slipped out. In my defense, I was exhausted.
Her head shot up, and she glared at me.
“You’re not a horrible person.”
“You sure about that? Look at what I’m doing right now. I came here to complain to my boyfriend about another guy. Who does that?” Her cheeks burned bright red, and she glanced at the door. “I shouldn’t be here. I don’t know what I thought because apparently, I can’t think straight anymore.” A mad laugh escaped her mouth. She bolted for the door, but I quickly stepped into her path.
“Slow down, alright? And as much as I appreciate the boyfriend comment, you and I both know this was never really a thing between us.”
She nibbled her bottom lip and grimaced. “Aleister—”
“Hear me out,” I interrupted. “What you went through your first year here, what we went through together, it was terrifying. Traumatic. That’s bound to create feelings between people that might not really be there. After Gentry, you needed someone to lean on so that you weren’t alone, and I was okay with being that person. I still am, but I think we both know that you and I, the connection we share, is more like friends. Close friends, but friends.”
When she didn’t seem convinced, I rested my hands on her shoulders and waited for her to look me in the eye.
“I knew the minute Gentry fell for you, he’d never let you go. Yeah, he messed up, we both did, but he loves you. And as much as you probably try to tell yourself you want nothing to do with him, you love him, too.”
“How can you say that so calmly?”
“Because it’s the truth. I think I’ve known it for a while, but some small part of me hoped I was wrong. It was nice, having someone,” I said quietly, reaching for her hand. “I finally realized I’ll still have you, just not in that way.”
“You don’t hate me?”
“No,” I said, chuckling. “I don’t hate you.”
I meant to simply tuck her messy hair behind her ears and give her a friendly hug. The moment she was in my arms, that same intoxicating sensation took over, and we were kissing. Her tattoos pulsed in time with her beating heart. At the same time, we pushed each other back.
I cleared my throat. “Sorry. I don’t know why I did that.”
She glanced from her right arm to me. “It’s my magic. It’s calling to you for some reason. It’s been doing it the whole time we’ve been together.” She took a firm hold of my hand with hers, and the tattoos pulsed again. The same intense urge to drag her into my arms grew, but I resisted. Her gaze turned calculating, and she whispered, “It’s like it knows your magic.”
“How? Even this summer, I wasn’t able to use my magic around you.”
“You don’t think,” she said, paused, and tilted her head.
“Do I think what?”
“Never mind.” Her hand slipped out of mine, and she wrapped her arms around herself like she was cold. “I don’t understand. How can I feel like I do for Gentry and have this reaction around you?”
I wished for an easy answer, but there wasn’t one. “Maybe it has something to do with how Gentry was able to pull us out of the spirit realm. Or how we lent you our strength when you needed it most.” I walked to where Gentry’s letter had ended up. “Maybe,” I said, grabbing it and handing it back to Emery, “there are some things we’re not meant to understand yet. But what I know is putting aside what our magic seems to do to each other, you have become one of my closest friends. And I love you for that. And I also know that everything Gentry said on this piece of paper is the truth.” I closed her hands around the balled-up page, smiling softly. “Stop fighting your feelings.”
