Seducing the Sheriff of Nottingham, page 39
part #5 of A Kinda Fairytale Series
“The whole kingdom worships him.” Nicholas went on. “He’s a shiny, blond asshole, who barely even sees Marion, except to steal her money. He just wants a Maid.”
“Why is this ‘Maid’ thing such a thing around here?” Trevelyan sounded genuinely confused by someone valuing chastity. “I don’t see the point. But then…” He surveyed Nottingham’s fanciest gala, with a dismal shake of his head. “This place is the boondocks of Hell, so I’m sure you people do a lot of pointless shit. Wrestle in Jell-O. Marry your sheep. Live in mud huts, dressed in smelly bugs and splattered dirt.”
“Robin Hood lives in a tree.”
“I take it back: He’s the most boring.” Trevelyan decided with great feeling. “Still, his living arrangements are quite the boon for you. No woman wants to sleep in the rain and snow, with birds shitting on her. You at least offer a roof. Try to work that into the conversation, when you proposition Marion.”
“I don’t want to proposition Marion.” Nicholas snapped. “I want her to love me back.”
“Oh.” Trevelyan shrugged. “Well, you’ll have to kill Robin Hood, then.”
“I want to. Obviously. But what will Marion feel afterwards? She might eventually come to hate me for it.”
“Don’t be such a child. It’s just one murder. She’ll get over it.”
“People don’t ‘get over’ an obsessed gargoyle stalker hanging their True Love.”
“Who would even want a True Love that so easily hanged?” Trevelyan seemed baffled as to why this was an issue. “I’d be flattered to have an obsessed stalker clear out the competition for my fair hand. I think it shows initiative.”
“That’s because you’re evil. Marion’s not.”
Presently, she was off to corral Cragg, who was standing alone in the corner of the ballroom. Nicholas had asked his lieutenants to keep an eye on her, in case any disgruntled partygoers wanted a confrontation, but the request had been wholly unnecessary. Marion hovered around the gargoyles, all on her own. She’d taken the men under her wing.
“But she has so many other attributes that compensate for the lamentable Goodness.” Trevelyan was enjoying his new role as a relationship counselor. Mostly because he just liked to talk and talk and talk. “Remind her you can provide running water and cooked food. That will smooth the waters, after Hood’s untimely demise.” He paused and then started speaking slower, like Nicholas might be struggling to keep up. “You people do cook food here, yes? You’ve evolved that far, at least?”
Nicholas pinched the bridge of his nose. “You never found your True Love, I take it.”
“No. And I don’t plan to. Dragons are far above that nonsense.” He lightly tossed his champagne flute away and the empty glass vanished in midair. “We choose mates for conquest and empire building.”
“No wonder your kind are almost extinct.”
“I’m still here. That’s all that really matters.”
Nicholas didn’t care about the future of the dragons, but if Trevelyan was one of their last hopes, then things were getting dire for them. “Marion wants a marriage like her parents had. She wants True Love. I can’t give that to her.”
“People say they want a lot of things. Start with fucking her. See how far that gets you.” He got a distant look, as if he was tapping into some fantasy. “I suspect the Good girls with the sparks in their eyes all like to be fucked hard by villains. You can just scent it on them.”
Nicholas wasn’t sure where to even begin responding to that shit. His first instinct was to punch Trevelyan in the throat, but he found he couldn’t move.
Trevelyan was introspective, now. “I really want to try one of those girls for myself. Just to see what life and purity and ideas feel like wrapped tight around me. They have magic. I can feel it, but I don’t know what kind it is. Most of them aren’t magical beings. So why do they have a type of magic that I don’t? I’m a dragon!” He looked legitimately irritated by the unfairness of anyone else possessing something he didn’t. “I need to investigate it. For science, if nothing else. But those women are so rare, their True Loves always seem to find them first and then lock them away.”
“That must be hard for you.” Nicholas said sarcastically.
Trevelyan nodded, like he felt terrible about his own suffering. “It’s difficult to seduce a Good girl away from her True Love. Believe me. You can get one that doesn’t sparkle, of course. That’s… fine.” He shrugged, half-heartedly. “I enjoy knowing I’ve corrupted their happily-ever-after, even if they never taste quite as sweet as they smell. Goodness is usually a lie, you know. Bland and boring. Often fetid, beneath the gloss.”
“Jesus…” Nicholas looked up at the ceiling, at a total loss as to why he was participating in this conversation.
“The girls I actually want…? The ones who look at you and you can see that extra something glistening…? They only give their glow to a chosen few. And then they are dismally loyal to their True Loves. I swear, most of their magic shines right at the bastards.” He patted Nicholas’ shoulder. “So, I know what you’re going through with this Robin what’s-his-name. Imagining that primate deep inside Marion… stealing all her light for himself… Well, it isn’t a pleasant picture for either of us.”
Nicholas jerked away from him and gave his head a clearing shake, because --for some reason-- he hadn’t killed the dragon yet. “Why the fuck am I standing here and listening to you talk about Marion? Why am I not ripping your goddamn head from your shoulders and…?” He hesitated.
Hang on.
Why was he sharing his deepest thoughts? Why was he talking, at all? To Trevelyan, Last of the Green Dragons, of all people? Something wasn’t right here. His head felt foggy and…
“Trev?” Marion came marching over and Nicholas lost his moment of clarity. “I need you.”
Trevelyan made a hungry sort of sound. “Music to my ears.” He murmured.
Nicholas barely heard him, consumed with how utterly amazing his fiancée looked. How utterly amazing she was. She stopped beside him and he knew he was the luckiest man ever born.
“Hey, sexy.” Marion gave Nicholas a quick kiss, not caring who saw them. She leaned against him, nestling her body close and it was like being touched by starlight. “You still doing okay?”
She knew the noise of the ball bothered him. “I’m fine.”
Marion snorted at that assessment. “You’ve been hanging out with the birthday boy, for half the night. How can you be ‘fine?’” The May Day Queen tiara glinted on her head, as she spared Trevelyan a brief glance. “Why are you harassing my groom?”
“I’m bonding with him.”
She wasn’t convinced. “You have time for a job or what?”
“Anything for you, Marion dear.” The dragon couldn’t have looked more helpful. His eyes skimmed over her lush body. “Your wish is my command.”
Nicholas’ grip on Marion’s waist tightened, pulling his attention away from her perfection. His eyes narrowed at Trevelyan, back to thinking about killing him.
Wait, why wasn’t he killing him, again?
“See that big motherfucker over there, flirting with the bartender?” Marion pointed over her shoulder towards Lampwick, the town’s blacksmith. The handsome redheaded human was laughing at something the muscular bartender was saying, their hands touching and their eyes devouring each other.
“Which motherfucker, now?” Trevelyan didn’t take his attention off her low neckline. “Give me a second to sort through them all.”
“Dragon?” Nicholas said quietly.
“Hmmm?”
“I will kill you right here, if you don’t stop. Now.”
Trevelyan made a face and reluctantly focused on Marion’s request. “The man with the shockingly subpar spray-tan?” He guessed with a sigh. “That motherfucker?”
“Yes. Him. That is Lampwick, winner of the May Day King Pageant. He was my friend Cragg’s secret boyfriend, but he broke up with Cragg tonight, crushing his heart. I think he’s been playing him all along. He says Cragg has to pay, from now on.” There was fury in her voice, as she related the tale. “And Lampwick is offering that surfer-guy bartender a blowjob, just to hurt Cragg and drive up the price for his ‘companionship.’”
Trevelyan arched a brow. “How entrepreneurial of him.”
Nicholas frowned, his gaze seeking out Cragg. The gargoyle was still standing by the wall, looking despondent.
“Lampwick said all this shit about how he was always too handsome for Cragg. And how no one will ever really love Cragg, because he’s a gargoyle. And how he should be thankful for what he’s getting.” Marion was flushed with the heat of her anger. “I’m not having that. The gargoyles are mine and I’m going to protect them.”
Nicholas felt his heart melt at her words.
“Which is where I come into this soap opera?” Trevelyan guessed. He seemed interested in the love triangle, his green eyes flicking between Lampwick’s gloating expression and Cragg’s dejected form. “I don’t remember which man is which, so I’ll hurt either one for a price.”
“I want to destroy Lampwick’s dreams.” Marion looked at Trevelyan expectantly. “He’s the dude-bro, spray-tanned, human one. Can you do that?”
“What will you pay me for this annihilation?”
Marion glowered at him. “You know there is a concept called ‘kodamara vadu.’ I learned about it in prison.”
“Never heard of it.”
“It translates to something like ‘a favor between friends.’ We do things for each other, because we value our relationship, not because we expect some kind of payment.”
“Dear God… Where’s the profit in that?”
“You really are the worst possible person, Trev.”
“But, I’m the very best at magic and isn’t that what you’re after?”
“Fine. I’ll trade you for the spell. I have six gold pieces or a stick of gum. Choose.”
“How about a kiss?”
“How about you eat shit and die?”
“I’ll take the gum.”
She slapped it into his hand, like she’d expected that decision all along.
Trevelyan’s mouth curved. For once, his smile wasn’t tinged with cold disdain.
Nicholas believed Marion about being imprisoned in the WUB Club. How could he not accept most everything she’d told him, at this point? It was hard for his predictable brain to fully conceptualize the idea, but he knew it was true. And he suddenly understood how this bright, mischievous, little creature had miraculously survived being locked up with the vilest evildoers in the world.
Marion identified with outcasts.
Gargoyles, Hatters, Pinocchio, even snarky dragons… she accepted them all as equals. She remembered their birthdays. She treated them with kindness and, if that didn’t work, she was willing to fight them face-to-face. There was always respect. Empathy for their feelings. Comradery. A belief that she belonged right there among them, standing on the outside of Good society, plotting to bring it all down in ruin.
Bad folks liked that. They liked her. Marion had lasted ten years in prison, because she was Marion. And everyone saw her spark.
Marion scowled over at Lampwick, missing Trevelyan’s genuine amusement at their exchange. “Make that vain jackass regret he ever set foot out of the stable.” She ordered and went hurrying off to comfort Cragg.
Trevelyan kept his eyes on Lampwick. “Does she want me to kill him, do you think?”
Knowing Marion? Probably.
Nicholas cleared his throat. “More in the ‘maim’ range, would be best.” A dead blacksmith on the floor was sure to put a damper on the celebration. “Or we could drag him outside and hang him.” Hangings were always neat and tidy.
“No… Maiming’s more fun that a quick death.”
Magic arced out, green and powerful enough to dim the lights in the chandeliers. Everyone looked up as the lamps flickered. And when they looked down again, Lampwick was sporting a pair of donkey ears.
Literal, brown donkey ears.
They grew out of the top of his skull, like two crescent moons. Jutting about a foot in the air, they began to twitch as they picked up on all the gasps that suddenly filled the room. Lampwick’s bartender hookup scrambled backwards in horror. Fingers pointed. Cameras flashed.
Nicholas arched a brow. Marion had said to “Make that vain jackass regret he ever set foot out of the stable” and Trevelyan had followed her request to the letter. “Nice.” He grumbled reluctantly, in an effusive barrage of unsolicited praise.
“I know.” Trevelyan smirked without a drop of humility, pleased with the chaos he’d wrought.
Lampwick reached up to feel his head, his grasping hands finding the ears. He gave a shout of alarm that came out as a braying mule sound. The partygoers laughed uproariously. Horrified and humiliated, Lampwick rushed for the door, tripping over his own hooved feet and sobbing out more hee-haws of panic.
As he fled the party, and possibly Nottingham, he stumbled past Cragg and Marion. Cragg looked perplexed as to what was happening. He glanced at Marion, who shrugged like it was all a huge mystery. Then, she sent Trevelyan a thumb’s up and a cheerful smile of thanks.
He lifted one shoulder in an arrogant shrug.
Nicholas didn’t like Marion smiling at the guy. He didn’t like her smiling at anyone but him. “I really hate you, dragon.” He muttered.
“Everyone does.”
“I hate you the most, though.”
“That’s because you’re an obsessed gargoyle stalker.”
Nicholas grunted, because that was probably true.
Trevelyan opened the stick of gum Marion had given him and casually folded it into his mouth. “I can make you human.” He offered out of the blue. “My magic is strong enough, and dark enough, and I don’t give a shit about rules. I could do it, right now.”
Nicholas blinked. For once, he didn’t choose to stay silent. He was simply too stunned to think of anything to say.
“We can make a deal, where no one is hurt.” Trevelyan’s voice was nothing but smooth promises. “Dragons love to make deals, you know. And I’ll trade you for something fair. Not like the bargain that blockhead Pinocchio made.” He leaned closer, his eyes watchful and swirling. “I’ll make you a real boy. …And you give me the woman.”
Gargoyles looked up at the night sky and wished for a moment like this. To become human. To be alive in ways that no one could ever question. To have opportunities and choices of your own. To walk the streets and have nobody staring or whispering as you past. Being human would change Nicholas’ life and future, forever. Men had killed for the opportunity. They had died for it.
And it was worth literally nothing compared to Marion.
“No.” Nicholas scoffed. “Not in a million fucking years.”
He’d always known Marion would be the cost, if he ever tried to become human. You had to give up what you loved most, if you wanted a wish that big granted. And Marion was the only thing he loved, at all. It was why he’d stopped looking into humanity spells. Because he knew he couldn’t pay that price.
At least, he hoped he wouldn’t.
If the deal had included harming her, it would have been simple to refuse. He’d never feared that he’d make that trade. Ever. But, magic was insidious. It looked for some weak spot and ego. He’d always been afraid --deep in his heart and soul-- that he’d fall for some trick. In an effort to become human and win Marion, he might lose her forever. She’d forget he existed, or he’d become invisible to her, or some other terrible loophole would steal her away. Even when he had so little of her, he hadn’t been willing to chance that outcome.
So, he’d never risked the test.
But, now that moment of reckoning had found him and Nicholas realized he’d worried over nothing. There was no doubt, at all. No temptation to bargain. If he lost Marion, he was dead, anyway.
She was all that kept him alive.
Trevelyan considered the emphatic refusal with a slow smile. “I’ll make you human, if you let me have a single, measly night with her, then.” He tried. “Just a few hours. You can convince her to do that, surely. What would be the fuss? I won’t harm the girl. You know that’s not what I want.” His voice was hypnotically persuasive. “Marion will be delivered back to your arms, tousled and happy. You’ll be happy. God knows, I’ll be happy. Don’t you want to make everyone happy?”
“No.” Now, it was a warning. And just as emphatic.
“This really is me playing nice. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime offer and you know it. Very few of the trapdoors that I usually work into these kinds of deals. A simple, harmless trade.” Trevelyan’s head tilted. “There’s nothing I can offer you to make this happen?”
Nicholas suddenly recalled Marion’s words to him, outside the casino:
Being human doesn’t give you anything you don’t already have. A heart and soul. Thoughts and emotions. Also, you’re very attractive. You should stay exactly as you are. You’re perfect, Nick.
“No.” He said simply. “I’ll stay just as I am.”
“Don’t you want to be really real?”
Nicholas wanted to tackle him to the ground and beat the shit out of him. …But he didn’t. For some damn reason. “If Marion was yours, would you make this deal? Would you make any deal for your mate?”
Silence.
“Absolutely not.” Trevelyan sighed, finally giving up. “Dragons don’t share. But few people are as smart as a dragon.”
“I’m smart enough to know I already have something really real.” He met Trevelyan’s eyes, so there could be no mistaking the threat in his own. “And I’m keeping her.”
Trevelyan chewed his gum, slouching back to being jaded and unconcerned. “Well, it was worth a try. I’m not surprised, though. The girls with the sparks always seem to have True Loves. And the True Loves always turn down my generous offers to buy them. It’s very strange, really.”
“Robin Hood is Marion’s True Love. Not me.” Nicholas reminded them both. It hurt to even say the words.
Trevelyan perked up. “So, you’re saying I should ask him, then?”
