Redemption's Road, page 8
part #3 of Five Points Series
I hung up and walked back down the hall. The group was huddled together, hand in hand. I listened, as they prayed for my parents to feel the love of the heavenly Father around them. Words I’d heard a thousand times and said myself to those I was comforting during moments like this. As I heard the murmured amen, my phone rang. I saw Ellie’s name on the display and stepped away. “Hey, you.”
“So, she actually spoke to you?”
I sighed. “Briefly, as long as no one else was around. She’s surrounded by several elders and their wives, including Sam.”
“You’ve got to be shitting me?”
“I wish I was. Seeing Dad, that was shiver worthy. He’s hooked up to every machine known to modern medicine. The stroke was catastrophic. In practical terms, he’s gone. It’s only his body that doesn’t know it yet.”
“Why are they keeping him alive?”
“I think Mom’s waiting for you to get here.”
“Like I give a fuck about him.”
I closed my eyes. “Easy little sparrow, I’m right there with you on that. If I know Mom, it’s all about respect and appearances. For me, it’s about taking back something I left behind. You’ll have to search your own heart as to why you’re making the trip.”
“I came close to canceling my flight. I couldn’t find a good reason to come other than I need for us to be together.”
I smiled at my sister’s words. I was well aware she was coming for me, as I would have done for her. We were still healing from my perceived abandonment when I left the band. There was only one person who knew how close I’d come to permanently abandoning life itself. “I’m with you on that. How long before you get here?” I looked at my watch. It had been nearly five hours since I’d first called her.
“I’ll get into Dulles around five thirty. There weren’t many flights available, so we took what we could get into an airport on the east coast. I’ve got a charter flight to get us to Richmond. Marlon booked us the executive suite at Omni. I’ve got your name on the list, so you can go over there anytime you want.”
“Thanks, I’m going to try and hang in here for a few more hours.”
“Bek, I don’t want you to sit there at that hospital by yourself all day. I know what’s going to happen. They’ll all fawn and pray all over Mom, while giving you the great cold shoulder to make you pay for your sins. That’s not fucking happening on my watch. I’ll be damned if I’m going to let you take any more beatings, literal or figurative. I mean it.”
I leaned against the wall. “Ellie, I promise, I’m fine. Their shaming tactics only work for someone who wants what they have to offer. That straight and narrow path they guide their followers along is paved with broken glass that bleeds away free will, while they dangle eternal life in front of you like a carrot on a stick. They aren’t the gatekeepers for my salvation. Add in that I’m an unrepentant lesbian and irrevocably doomed to the second death. Amazing what freedom feels like when you recognize you’ve already been to hell and found redemption’s road out.”
Ellie sniffled into the phone. “You know what I consider the greatest moment of my life?”
A tear escaped the corner of my eye and ran over my cheek. “I have an idea.”
“The minute we passed that Charlottesville, Virginia city limit sign. It was as if someone pulled a cold, soaking wet, wool blanket off me. Even though it was pitch dark, I felt the warmth of the sun for the first time.”
As she spoke, one of the brightest rays of sunlight I’d ever experienced broke through the clouds. Warmth poured in the large, plate glass window and heated my skin. At that moment, I felt love that didn’t know the bounds of earth’s orbit. In a few simple words, my sister had described my own experience.
“Me too, Ellie. Me too.”
Chapter Ten
THE KEYCARD SLID INTO the door lock. I was frustrated when I got a red light and tried again with the same result. Exhausted from the day, I shut my eyes and leaned the top of my head against the door. With the square of plastic between my thumb and forefinger, I rotated the card until the magnetic strip was on the left side instead of the right. The green light allowed me to push the heavy door open with my hip. I carried my duffle bag and an acoustic guitar inside. The suite was pleasantly furnished, though it wasn’t as big as some we’d shared over the years. I laughed when I saw the king-size bed. Those first few weeks after we’d run from our parents, we stayed in the cheapest motels and slept in a double bed. I held Ellie when she cried and promised her it would be all right. The outside world, beyond the sheltered one we’d grown up in, was terrifying.
My phone rang, and I answered it without looking at the display.
“Rhebekka Deklan.”
“How are you?” That voice had wrapped around me in my darkest hours and now sheltered me in its comfort from hundreds of miles away. I sighed into the warmth she poured over me, like standing in front of a blazing fire after being lost in a blizzard.
“Naomi.”
“I hope it’s okay I called. You sound exhausted, Rhebekka.”
I let her words blanket me. “It’s more than okay. You were always good at needling the truth out of me, so I won’t even try to lie. I’m shaken and worn out. The reasons for both are a bit more complicated than the lack of sleep. Twenty years is a long time.”
“I’m sure it was hard to be there. Did your mom speak to you at all?”
I told Naomi about the early morning call. I suspected Ellie had filled her in on the rest. Personally, I was grateful to hear her voice and for the comfort she offered. We spoke for twenty minutes about ways to handle my time around the people who had left such a negative impact on me.
“I’m waiting for Ellie to get here. Mom went home, and we’ll meet back up at the hospital tomorrow morning. Hopefully, I’ll have Ellie chilled out by then.” Between the two of us, Ellie was slightly more volatile when it came to our father. She’d never been what most would consider rebellious. It was that she was more vocal about her feelings than I was. This led to violent exchanges that put me between my sister and our father’s belt, more than a few times.
“He can’t hurt either one of you now, and unless you let them, neither can the people surrounding your mother.”
“I know. The hard part will be the visitation services. Ellie and I will be allowed to stand with Mom, but while everyone is paying their condolences, none of the Witnesses will speak with me. Ellie is their wild card. They could try bringing her back into the fold or treating her as disfellowshipped. People from our neighborhood and family from outside the Kingdom Hall will be at the funeral home.”
“No matter how many times we talk about this, Rhebekka, I still don’t understand. The God I know is one of love. He doesn’t want his children to suffer. Your former religion’s attempts at bringing people into compliance speaks of anything but love to me.”
“It’s all mind control. They isolate your whole life in every way they can. You’re dependent on them for your social structure, your relationship with God, and your worth within the isolated community they build for you. When you do something they don’t like, you’re relegated to the back of the hall to exist with no contact beyond what is necessary within the family. Until you show a level of repentance they find acceptable, you sit starving and looking in the window, while others feast at a full table. It’s soul-wrenching. I watched husbands unable to speak to their wives and children expected to shut out their fathers. The society talks about wanting strong families, when what they truly want are mindless followers who question nothing.”
I ran my hand through my hair, exhausted. The day had been incredibly draining. I heard a click from the door and looked up to see my beautifully bedraggled sister push into the room.
“Our little songbird just flew in. Ellie looks like I feel. Naomi?”
“What, love?”
“Thanks. You always know what I need.”
“It comes from loving you. Now, hug Ellie and call if you need me.”
“I always need you. Never doubt that.”
“Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
Every time she brought up that scripture, another piece of the guilt I felt cracked and fell away. “Love never ends. Call you soon.”
I put my phone down and held out my arms, as Ellie melted into them. “It’s good to see you, baby sister.” I succeeded in making her laugh.
“How old do I have to be until I’m not a baby? I’m well into my thirties, Bek.”
“Sorry, El, I’ve only got one baby sister, and you’re it. How are you?”
“Exhausted.”
I took her wheeled bag from her and pulled it farther into the room. “I see you at least upgraded us to a king size.” I nodded toward the bed.
Ellie’s smile let me know she understood my reference to the past. She pulled off her coat and hung it up.
“I figured we left this hell hole to sleep in a car, so we deserved to come back and enjoy a little luxury.”
“It made me smile, and to be honest, I haven’t done much of that today.”
As she emptied her suitcase, I took out Grandpa’s Gibson and started to strum go-to songs. Ellie jumped on the bed beside me.
“And that is why you’re my favorite sister.”
I rolled my eyes at her and snickered. “As I pointed out earlier, I’m your only sister, you nut case. How was your flight?”
“Long. The storm was still raging when we got to Dulles. We had to circle forever, while they attempted to clear the runways. I was afraid we were going to get diverted. It’s a good thing we got in when we did. I wouldn’t be surprised if later flights were canceled. Have you eaten?”
“I grabbed something on my way here. I’d had all the hospital coffee I could stand.”
“Want to go grab a drink in the bar?”
“I think that’s an excellent idea. Is Marlon here too?”
“He’s like a second skin after what happened with Tre.” She ran a hand through her long hair. “If Marlon had his way, he’d have someone in the room with me. The only reason he isn’t freaking out right now is he knows you’re here.”
“I can’t say I blame him. I might even give him a big hug, after I put a boot up Tre’s ass. Promise me you won’t ever let anyone do that to you again, Ellie. Honestly, I don’t want to go to jail, but if anyone ever touches you like that, I’ll be asking God for a great deal of forgiveness. Trust me, I already have enough to atone for.”
She crossed her heart. “I promise, you’ve taken your last beating for me.”
“Let’s go get a drink.”
We spent the next few hours catching up and slowly sipping our beers. I’d missed her more than I could have imagined. Ellie knew me well, all the forms and renditions of myself. After our second beer, we both admitted we were exhausted and made our way back to the room. I took a shower, then slipped into a pair of loose boxers and a Redemption’s Road T-shirt. Once Ellie had done the same, I moved over into the lounge area to say a few quiet prayers before bed. Ellie let Marlon know we were tucked back in the room. We crawled into bed, and I wrapped my little sister in an embrace. I held her tightly, the same way I had every time she was stressed. Ellie had frequent nightmares her whole life. They intensified once we’d broken away.
“Remember when we were little? You used to sneak into my room dragging Peppy the rabbit?”
“I hated sleeping by myself. There were monsters in my room, and you were the only one who made me feel safe, Bek.”
“It was my favorite job ever. Go to sleep, El. Tomorrow’s going to be rough, trust me.”
“At least we’ll be together.”
I squeezed her tighter and kissed the top of her head. “Yes, at least we’ll be together.”
Chapter Eleven
AFTER BREAKFAST IN THE hotel restaurant, we left my vehicle in the lot. The service Ellie had hired allowed us to steel ourselves against what was to come instead of stressing about where we should park. Marlon would stay close to us. It was always possible Ellie could be recognized as the lead singer of Regal Crimson. I’d already witnessed several people discretely taking cellphone pictures of us at breakfast. My departure from the woman I’d been when I was with the band shielded me in many ways. It wouldn’t take long for people to put two and two together.
“You ready?” I wrapped an arm around her shoulder, as we made our way to the hospital elevator. I could see tears on the brink of spilling over her lashes. “It’s going to be okay. He can’t hurt either of us, and neither can any of the others, if we don’t let them.”
She didn’t speak, nodding her agreement, as we stepped inside the metal cage that would carry us into the lions’ den. I knew the reception we were likely to receive and could only hope there wasn’t a huge delegation waiting with Mom. It was Saturday. Many of them would be out in the service, knocking on doors and questioning the resident if they wanted to talk about God. I hoped they hadn’t met their monthly quota. I prayed that supporting my mother in her time of need wasn’t as important as the chance to convince someone that only Jehovah’s Witnesses had the path to salvation. I’d always found their belief that God Almighty favored only them incredibly egotistical.
“Here we go.” I grabbed Ellie’s hand, and we stepped into the waiting area. I was grateful to find only my dad’s sister, Aunt Dinah, sitting with my mom. They rose, and I watched as Ellie stood rooted in place like a statue, her jaw clenching and releasing. Aunt Dinah approached and gave us each a hug. Ellie clung to her like she was a small child again, while our mother watched us.
“You look good, Bekka. I like the hair.” Aunt Dinah was a beautician. She mussed the layered cut that faded from black to burnished copper near my neckline, pulling a strand or two where she wanted them. My hair always looked casually windblown and was intentionally a mess.
“Glad you approve. It’s good to see you.” I grinned.
She pulled me into another embrace. I had a fleeting feeling that, just maybe, Mom understood what it felt like to be the outsider. I would need to talk things through with God for enjoying that karma moment.
“Hello, EllieAnna. I wasn’t sure when you’d be arriving.” My mother approached the group.
I stood and watched the stare down between Ellie and the woman who gave birth to us. We both felt she’d chosen to turn her back on us. I was sure she would say it was for our own good, though Ellie and I were unable to find anything good about what had happened to us. Only after we were no longer tied to a set of ridiculous ideals had we found peace.
“Bek said that there are decisions to make and that you were waiting for me to get here. Well, I’m here.”
Mom nodded and looked around. She went back and withdrew her phone from her purse. Her thumbs tapped slowly across the screen.
Aunt Dinah scrunched her brow and scowled at her. “Irene, who are you texting?”
“I need to let the elders know I’m going in to talk to the doctor.” She tucked her phone back in her purse, then slung it over her arm.
Aunt Dinah put her hands on her hips. “Do you have to tell them when you take a shit too?”
“Dinah, language!” It was my mother’s turn to scowl.
This might get interesting. I caught a smirk on my sister’s face, and we stood back from our mother. Aunt Dinah turned to us and pulled our hands into hers. “I’m right here girls, and I’ll still be here when you come back out, no matter how long it takes. Someone should be, and I think she’s got her own support. You two were the best thing my brother ever accomplished in his life, even if he had no clue.”
Ellie and I watched our mother walk to the door to request entrance. I held my gentle sparrow around the shoulders, and we followed behind her. As we approached his room, Ellie stiffened. I stopped, not forcing her to move forward. I’d had my moment of shock. She could have hers in the safety of my arms. We could see him through the window, lying there. The same noises of life support filled the air, met by the pungent smells of sickness and antiseptic.
I leaned my head against hers and whispered into her ear. “We’re as free as the sparrow that sings in the wild. Everything that made him the monster he was died days ago. Now, only the vessel remains. Psalms tells us when their spirit departs, they return to the ground. On that very day, their plans come to nothing.” I hugged her hard before holding out my hand. “Together.”
My beautiful sister wiped her eyes and placed her hand in mine. “Together.”
***
We’d spoken with Dr. Varetti and asked that life support be discontinued. At six that evening, my mother stood with Sam, as well as Brother and Sister Raymond. Bibles in hand, they prayed for my father.
A muted click silenced the machines, and Wesley McNally’s body joined his spirit in death. Ellie and I left the room and walked out of the intensive care unit without a word. To us, he’d been dead for years. There was nothing left to say to a mother who’d made her own choices. Not even his memory could hurt us anymore.
Aunt Dinah caught up with us as we passed the waiting room. She and Dad hadn’t been close since he’d followed my mother into the world of being a Jehovah’s Witness. The male hierarchy of the religion appealed to him. The order that women be submissive to their fathers and husbands was right up his alley. He’d also keep doing whatever the hell he wanted behind their backs.
“I’m sorry my brother never followed the example our own dad set. Daddy loved my mother and never treated her as anything other than his equal. He certainly never treated me the way Wesley did you. I want you to know, I understand why you never came to me. He’d have dragged you back. Just know I love you both, and you are always welcome in my home.”
One more obstacle fell away as Aunt Dinah held our hands. She’d always reminded me a great deal of MaMaw. “Thank you. We won’t lose touch again.”
Ellie gripped our aunt’s hand tighter. “That goes for me, too, Aunt Dinah. Now, I could really use a shot of Jack Daniels Black Label. You know this isn’t completely over. She’s going to want us there.”
