Always the One, page 8
part #1 of Always and Forever Series
“Yeah! That would be fun, we could go as a group.”
I nod, taking another sip of my water to keep myself from saying anything about Kings and Lana. I don’t want to go behind Kingston’s back, but I also hate hiding things from her.
I’m thankful when the waiter comes and takes our order, distracting her. I saw her looking at me with a weird expression; she could obviously see my unease.
Lying in Shay’s bed later that night, we talk about me seeing my pops tomorrow. Shayla tensed up a little when I told her I was gonna fill him in on everything happening between us. My dad fucking loves Shay, but Shay has her doubts. We all live with hidden insecurities and sometimes they come out to play. Her fearing my dad won’t support us as a couple is ridiculous, but that’s her cross and all I can do is prove to her that it’s the furthest thing from the truth.
I change the subject and distract her enough until she’s softly snoring on my chest, in her spot. I fall asleep thinking about seeing my dad tomorrow.
I know he’s going to talk about my mom, and just the thought alone has my palms sweating and my tongue going dry. He wants me to forgive her because he thinks she’s holding me back from falling in love. Little does he know, I slipped into love with Shayla years ago.
I really wish she didn’t still affect my life, but she does. So much so, that just hours earlier at dinner, her actions haunted me again. Shay started talking about Evan and the photo shoot, and with the mere mention of his name, I felt hot and violent. I could’ve punched through a brick wall and only left a scratch on my knuckles; my adrenaline was that high.
I know she wouldn’t cheat, but part of me still thinks anything is possible. If she gets a good look at my demons she just might take off running for the next best thing, someone who can give her what I can’t. Knowing about my mom and the hole it left is one thing, however my jealousy issues extend further than what she’s already seen. I need to find a way to get that shit under control, before I go too far and push her away for good.
Trey
I WOKE UP EARLY this morning, sneaking out of bed reluctantly so my girl could sleep, and head out to see my dad. When I moved to Seattle he didn’t want to be far, so he bought a house in Portland, that way I’d be within driving distance. Shay’s dad lives not too far from my father, moving with us, too. I swear we are like the Brady bunch. Where one goes, we all fucking go. I invited Shay to see her dad, but he is out of town until tomorrow.
My dad has three homes, one each in Portland, Salt Lake City, and San Diego. He mainly stays in the Portland house so he can be close to me. My dad’s an entrepreneur, owning multiple companies that specialize in helping smaller businesses grow, making him very wealthy. He offered to help Lana and Shayla, but they refused—saying it was a handout and they wanted to do this all on their own. It’s admirable.
When my mom left, he drank for months. Then one day something changed. When I woke up he was dressed in a suit and tie, and had this look in his eyes; it was determination, no longer sadness.
Within a year, we had moved out of our small apartment and into a four-bedroom home, big enough for a family of five, but it was just us two. From there he taught me how to be a man, becoming my best friend. I learned everything I know from him, he’s truly my best friend.
Pulling up the horseshoe driveway, I put my truck into park outside the front door. I wait a second before getting out of my truck; I need a moment to muster up some courage to tell him everything.
The sound of the front door catches my attention. Slamming my truck door I walk around the front, my dad’s smiling face greets me. He looks so similar to me, or I should say I look just like him. He has sandy blond hair, with a touch of gray throughout, a strong jawline, and the bluest eyes. There’s no doubt I’m his son.
“Hey, Pops,” I say, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him in for a hug. He lets out a loud huff of air, letting me know he’s aware that I need him. Man, is he right; I need to talk to my dad. How he can tell by just my appearance and a hug, I have no idea.
“Son. I’ve missed you.” His hug takes me back to when I was a little boy. He would teach me new things, giving me a hug anytime I learned how to do it right. He’s the definition of the greatest dad.
No one understands our relationship because no one was with us in that home. No one was there when my mom would come home drunk or hungover, with the smell of another man’s cologne on her. No one saw the way my dad would fall to his knees and beg my mother to love him and stop leaving every night. No one was there when my dad watched her walk out for good. No one, not one person, but him and me. This has made our bond so much stronger. We’ve been through fucking hell together. You can’t break what we’ve built.
“I’ve missed you too, Dad. Sorry I haven’t been out to see you, things have been crazy. We just took on three more bands.” He nods in understanding, turning us toward the door.
“Come in, bud, and we can catch up. Kathy made us some lunch.” Kathy is my dad’s wife; they’ve been married for seven years. Most kids hate when their parents remarry but not me. She is a queen to my dad, treating him better than anyone ever has, and I thank her for being his rock for the past several years. I consider her my mother and never once did she force that on me. I welcomed her with open arms because she was the first person, besides me, to put a real smile on my dad’s face again. Any woman that could do that for my dad got my seal of approval.
I follow behind him, shutting the door and taking in the familiar smell of cookies. Kathy makes cookies every time I come to visit. It’s her way of being a mother without being too invasive.
“Kathy, honey, Trey’s here!” my dad hollers as we make our way toward the kitchen at the end of the entry hall.
“Oh, yay! The cookies are ready and so are the sandwiches, but you can have cookies first because this is a special occasion,” she finishes as we enter the kitchen. I smile at the sight before me. Kathy is a short, brunette spitfire with brown eyes that can cut you if you cross something or someone she loves. My only memories of a mother that don’t hurt are from her.
“Hey, Mama Kathy, it smells amazing in here.” At six foot two I tower over her five foot three frame as I lean down to kiss her cheek.
“Thanks, baby, I try. I made your favorite! White macadamia nut,” she says, clapping her hands together in excitement.
She really is a blessing to our lives. Whenever she and my dad are in the same room, his eyes are on her. They never leave her unless she leaves the room, even if he isn’t talking to her and the room is crowded. It’s fucking beautiful and reminds me that this is what I wish I saw growing up, but instead I saw poison. No wonder I wasted so many years fighting my feelings for Shayla. How could I not?
“Thanks, I’m starving, so I’m going to steal one.” She winks at me, and I take a bite of the warm cookie. My mouth waters, it’s warm and gooey, just like I like them, just like I bet Shayla’s pussy tastes. I calm myself down before my parents see a raging tent in my jeans.
“Don’t worry, I won’t tell your dad that you’re spoiling your lunch,” she whispers in her soft voice, acting like my dad really can’t hear her. She really is something. Truly amazing.
“I can hear you, beautiful. You never were good at keeping secrets.”
Looking back at my dad over the kitchen counter, I smile. He’s still a stud with mad game. What can I say? I learn from the best.
“Charles, you don’t know me that well then, because I have plenty of secrets.” I watch him cross the kitchen fast, coming up behind her and grabbing her gently on the sides, making her giggle. He kisses her neck as she tries to break from his hold, but when he pulls her back to his front in a bear hug, she relaxes into him.
“You have secrets, huh, Well, maybe later I’ll have to force them out of you.” I watch him bite her lip and she goes stiff, and I know it’s because I’m in the room. In no way does my dad showing his wife affection make me uncomfortable, I’m the same way with Shayla. Shit, even with her brother around.
“Charles, back up. Our boy’s here and we don’t want to literally spoil his lunch.” My dad laughs and kisses her one more time on the cheek before stepping back to give me his attention.
“Let’s let Kat finish prepping the plates and we’ll go talk out back.” We grab a couple of glasses of water and make our way out to the patio, settling on the chairs by the fire pit. I sit quietly and wait for him to say something first.
Feeling my phone vibrate, I reach into the pocket of my jeans while adjusting my ball cap, putting it on backward. My heart constricts when I read Shay’s new name in my phone. I’ve become that classic love-struck fool—hearts, flowers, and all the sappy shit.
Baby girl: I woke up and you were gone. I’d much rather wake up to your perfect…bed head.
Me: My bed head, huh? I thought you liked my nice six-pack, but that works, too.
Baby girl: You have a six-pack? I never even noticed.
Me: You’ll be spanked for that one.
Baby girl: I’ll be waiting. Now hurry back, I’m cooking dinner for all of us, and tell your dad I say hi! See ya tonight, drive safe. xoxo.
Me: See ya, baby.
“What’s her name?” I’m brought back to the present when my dad notices me smiling like a cheeseball. I look up at the sky, not even sure where I should begin. Shay and I are a fucking whirlwind of how the fuck did this actually happen, and I don’t know if I can explain in detail what’s going on because I’m still trying to process it.
“Dad, it’s not just a girl, it’s the girl.” I pause. He reaches over and squeezes my upper arm, letting me know that it’s okay and he’s ready to help me through this.
“Dad, I’m with Shayla. No, actually, I’m in love with Shayla.” Dropping my head back down, I bury my face in my hands, using my thumbs to rub my temples in hopes it’ll relieve some of the pressure. I thought he was going to be shocked, but I’m the shocked one when he starts laughing at me. My head shoots up, and I squint my eyes at him. What’s going on? Why does everyone laugh when I tell them about us?
“Son, seriously, it’s about damn time.”
What?
“You two were always flirting and pining over each other, it was just a matter of time before you two got together.”
Obviously, Shayla and I weren’t very good at hiding our feelings for each other from everyone else. How did I not realize she was as into me as I was into her?
“Really, you thought this the whole time and you didn’t say anything?” He looks at me with a conflicted gaze, and I get the feeling that this may get pretty serious pretty fast.
“Trey, I couldn’t tell you because I know that you had and still have resentment toward your mother.” He pauses. “I never wanted to push you, because I feared if I did you would hurt not only her but also yourself. You weren’t prepared to love her without regard.”
“What happened with me and your mother, Trey, won’t happen to you. It won’t because Shayla will never hurt you. That girl has always looked at you like you had the answers to the universe. Your mother never looked at me like that.” He looks back at the house and quickly rubs his hand over his lips repeatedly.
“You know who has?” I don’t have time to answer, he knows that I know. “Kathy. That woman has looked at me like I’m a fucking king and she’s my queen. So checkmate, son, that woman is your destiny.” He puts his hand on my shoulder, and I feel the instant comfort only my father can give, just like I’m a young kid again. He’s right, Shayla is my checkmate, my flag at the finish line, my final prize.
“I’m scared, Dad, because we’re to a point where we can’t just go back or walk away. I have so many demons that I need to fight and overcome, but I’m fearful she won’t be able to handle all of them. Shit, Dad, I don’t even know if I want to put her through it.” He nods his head in agreement. He knows how much she means to me without me having to tell him, and like I said, my dad and I had to face hell alone. We understand the hardship that my mother caused, the disaster, because it ripped through our hearts.
“I really do love her, Dad, so much. I want to make her and I work.”
“Then do it. But you need to be honest with her, and you need to remember that you and her are a different story,” he counters back.
She is different, there’s no arguing with that. The entire time I’ve known her she’s never left my side, so why would she now?
I’m mulling everything over in my head when I hear the faint sound of footsteps coming toward us. My dad helps Kathy set the sandwiches down and then pulls her into his lap, halting our conversation for now. He said everything he needed to say and it was just enough to get my brain spinning. I obviously have things I need to fix and some hard realizations to come to.
We enjoy the rest of the day with light conversation and talk about the studio, discussing all the new bands that we are recording. Before I leave, we make a plan to go to Park City for the holidays. Not only will Shay and I get to spend time back home in Utah, but we’ll also get to spend time with my father. Spending time with him and Shayla, my two favorite people, is something I’m desperately looking forward to.
Shayla
“CAN YOU PASS ME the garlic salt please?” I ask Lana while cutting the peppers for the spaghetti sauce. Tonight we’re making dinner for the boys; all the while I can’t stop thinking about how excited I am to see Trey. I’m not sure if this is healthy for us, but being with him the past few nights has been amazing. I feel we should slow down before we abuse our time together and end up getting sick of each other. I wish I knew what would be better for us; my mind and my heart are in constant disagreement.
“Here.” I notice the monotone replies she’s been giving me for the past three hours. Okay, she needs to spit it out. I told myself I would continue this conversation earlier, and I fully intend to finish it now.
“Do we want wine, water, or beer tonight?” she asks, standing in front of the fridge, the light casting a shadow over her face. I can see in her brown eyes that she’s hiding something.
“What’s wrong, L?” As if she didn’t hear me, she continues to make a decision for her beverage of choice.
“Wine it is. Red or white?”
Oh no, we’re not playing the avoiding game. She may have been silenced for years, but not with me. I stare at her side silhouette and I know darn well she feels it, because her eyes keep shifting to the corner and looking at me. She puts the wine on the counter and fidgets with the corkscrew. I see it building…here it comes.
“I slept with Kingston, Shay. I slept with him and now he wants more, and I’m not willing to give it. Last night we shared a beautiful moment and when it was done, I choked up and we had a fight. It was terrible.”
There it is, ladies and gentlemen.
“Lana.”
“I know. I’m an idiot. Please don’t be mad at me. I know he’s your brother, but we just got caught up in the moment.” She’s rambling and making big movements with her hands. Sure, I would prefer she not sleep with my brother unless she plans to be with him, but they are grown adults. If they want to play with fire and keep burning each other, that’s their choice. All I can do is be there for them when the fire burns out. I’m not gonna be mad at her for that.
“Hey, hey. I’m not mad and you aren’t an idiot.” I grab her and embrace her, feeling the sobs racking her chest.
“I am though, Shay. He wants to be all cuddles and flowers. While I, on the other hand, want nothing but to break his heart and run away.”
Wow, I didn’t know she felt that way about all men. I knew she was a bit of a tease. She would date guys until she had them invested and then she’d walk away, hands clean, with the poor fool lying in the mud. Never more than that, I thought.
“You can’t keep this all in, Lana. You need to let it out. You can always talk to me.” She nods, running the back of her hand over her now tear-stained cheeks. I can still see the reservation on her face.
“Everyone says that I need to forgive Joel in order to move on with my life. Maybe that’s why I keep comparing Kings to Joel, because the past still holds me captive.”
“Are you?” Her mouth opens and closes as if she isn’t sure. It’s a valid question. Why else would she not want to be with my brother? He’s a hot mess sometimes, but he’s the greatest guy I know.
“Maybe.” That’s all she says, and I embrace her again, holding on tighter than I did before. I thought she still had some issues from her past relationship with Joel, but never did I imagine that they would be this detrimental to her everyday life.
“I know he’s my brother, but you’re my best friend. So I will say only this and only say it once. He is not Joel. He is better than that. Way better than that. Don’t let that piece of shit who destroyed you for all those years, destroy the rest of your life.”
“I love you, Shay. You’re the only sister I’ve ever had. Thank you for being my best friend and sticking with me when I needed you the most. Everyone else jumped ship but you, you stayed true.”
I really love Lana like a sister and I would never do anything to risk our friendship. Every day I have to work at her opening up to me, but I am willing to do that because her recovery in mind, body, and spirit, is important to me.
“Always and forever, girl.” I wipe the tears from her soft face, her round cheeks lifting with a smile, her dimples showing. I’d never jump ship with this one, but I’ll say she does need to work on recovering; she’s a survivor, not a quitter. I want to see her learn to love and accept love.
We get back to cooking when we hear footsteps in the hall outside our apartment door.
“They’re here. You sure you can do this, L?” I ask, making sure she doesn’t feel like she’s entering a war zone.
“Yeah, yeah, I think I can. Thanks, babe.” The door opens and Trey walks in, followed by Kingston. I instantly feel my insides do a happy dance when I see Trey. Never has a man made blue jeans, a white tee, and a backward snapback hat look so damn yummy. Even though Trey and I are okay, I know he can feel the tension in the room when Kingston looks at Lana and she avoids his gaze.
