Always the One, page 2
part #1 of Always and Forever Series
“Sure, yeah,” I reply quickly, staying quiet the rest of the way.
Settling in, we both fall mute, he’s sitting adjacent me, with his back against the TV stand we have in here. I look around nervously, not sure if I should say something or just wait patiently for him to open up. This is the place we first met and I take time to reminisce while he ponders his own thoughts.
“She didn’t understand the pain she would cause if she left. She left and created a fucking cold shield around my heart.”
I gulp. His mom. He’s talking about his mom. This is the first time he has ever opened up to me or anyone else about this, I’m sure.
“I’m sorry.” It’s all I can offer or even muster up to say. Really though, what can I say to make this situation better?
“You have nothing to be sorry about, I just don’t think loving someone is something I can do.”
I furrow my brows, my eyes studying his distraught face. Emotional Trey. This is the raw Trey, bare for the world to see. Except I’m the only one in this tree house, I’m the only girl who gets to see this. The rise and fall of a broken man.
“Why do you say that?” I’m really confused about why exactly he is bringing up falling in love during the topic of his deadbeat mother. She left before we even met, when he was eight. Sure, she may cause him to feel lonely in her absence, especially on this monumental day, but love? What does him falling in love have to do with this?
He looks up at me, his eyes drowning with emotion and his face growing heavy with sadness. “My dad found love after my mother left. Kathy is fucking amazing, yes. But how he found love, after what my mother did to us, shocks me.” He shakes his head. “Then today he asked me why I never bring my girlfriends around, and I told him I don’t do the girlfriend thing. I said love is for fools.” He chuckles sarcastically, causing my back to straighten and my heart to feel weighed down. I don’t want him to think love is jaded or overrated, love is beautiful.
“Trey, you can find love again, you just have to let go of your mother and the mistake she made. That—and you have to find the right girl.” I smirk, but he doesn’t return it. Instead, his eyes search my face, looking vacant and disconnected. Like he is processing what I’m saying but from another planet.
He’s so handsome, his blue eyes etching into my memory, his lips searing my skin with the thought of them connecting with mine. The pain he is feeling is something I so badly wish I could take away from him, something I could cure. With love.
“I don’t want love, love turned my dad into a fool and he nearly lost himself in the ashes of my mother’s fire.”
“But love resurrected him, too. It saved him,” I say, referring to Kathy and the relationship her and Pops—Trey’s dad—built. I am a victim of a broken home too, but there is one person in this world who makes me feel alive, fell the desire to be loved and to love. Trey.
“I pity the woman who tries to love me, I’m nothing but a shell of a man. A product of broken love and shattered fairytales.” His deep voice slices through my heart, like a switchblade knife. The man I love—my best friend—could never love, which means he could never love me.
“I think you deserve and will find the purest of loves, Trey. I hope you know that.” I state, scooting closer to him and grabbing his hand into mine. I watch a flicker of hope scorch in his eyes then see it flee as fast as it came. My hope for ever being able to tell Trey my feelings vanishes just as fast as that look did, and I feel the world around me stand still, waiting for someone to come knock it out of orbit.
“I want to believe that. You make me want to believe that, Shay. God, I love you. I would be lost without you,” he confesses, pulling me in his arms. I do my best to keep my tears at bay and my emotions in check. And for just a moment I let him hold me, and for another moment I pretend we are more than best friends. No, I pretend we are lovers and he is loving me in his strong arms. Oh, how I wish.
I SNAP BACK INTO reality. My thoughts only taking me where I didn’t want them to go. Where I would talk myself out of following my heart. I’m a lost cause, and I know it. I damn well know it.
Trey
“PASS THE BALL, FUCKER!” I yell at Kingston from across the basketball court, knowing damn well he won’t pass it to me. He likes to show off for the girls who gather to see guys play in here after their workouts. If I’m being honest, they’re attractive but a little too desperate for me. I’m a man who has his sights set on something I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to have—Shayla Donovan.
“If you want the ball come get it, bro, don’t stand by like a little bitch.” Kingston smiles and throws a wink at his own personal fan club.
I roll my eyes as the girls eat it up. I hear them giggling and trying desperately to stand out and get noticed. That’s what they are, girls, not women, the exact reason why I’m trying to avoid them like the plague. I used to be into random one-night stands and no strings attached sort of thing. But as of lately, I want someone I can talk to and bond with on a more intimate level than sex. I’ve never done relationships, but I want to try with Shay. She engages me in everything—conversation, adventure—and to top it off, she turns me on. That’s a first for me; all of this is a first for me, really.
If he wants to play, game on. He could use a reality check for his oversized ego. Running up to him, I swipe left then right as fast as I can before he has a second to catch on. Running with the ball, I take off for the net.
“Oh, nice, you think you are gonna make it? Fat chance, bro.” I hear the sound of his shoes squeaking against the hardwood finish of the court floor, and I jump to take the shot before he can knock me on my ass. I shoot, and I score. Booyah!
“Boom, hotshot! How’s that for a little bitch?” I joke as I dodge his fist just before it makes contact with my shoulder.
“You think you’re the greatest thing since Kool-Aid because you made one shot on me today. Dude, I still won if we are counting points.” He laughs. “Which I am, dumbass.” The girls are still cheering for me, and I take the moment to add fuel to his fire.
“Thanks, ladies,” I tease. “I’ll be here all week.” Flexing my arms, I turn to face them. Kingston hits the back of my head with a loud smack, making my arms drop. Taking this opportunity, he puts me in a headlock.
“All right, pretty boy, you’re cut off, let’s get the fuck out of here. We’re going out tonight and you, my friend, smell like BO.” We head for the locker room to grab our gym bags and make our way out to my black Titan truck.
“Remind me of why we’re going out tonight. You know, Kings, just because it’s a Friday night doesn’t mean we have to go out,” I say as we approach my truck, throwing our bags into the cab before we both climb in. Just then his phone rings and he picks up, putting our conversation on hold.
Starting the truck, I head for home. I look out the windows and take in the scenery. We live right in the city, but the best part is the bursts of green we get. It’s the best of both worlds, having the city and forest. I never thought I would like the rainy city, but I do. This is home. Rain begins to pelt the roof of the truck when we pull up to a stoplight. I’m brought back to our conversation when I hear him say good-bye to whoever called.
“No, it doesn’t, but what do you propose we do, stay home and rent some movies?” Looking over at him, I roll my eyes as he elevates his voice to sound like a girl. “That sounds so romantic, Trey. What should we rent, the Titanic?”
God, he can joke so much sometimes. No wonder this guy can’t find a serious girlfriend, he can’t even be serious for more than five minutes.
“Dude, Kings, can you be serious for a second, or does that take too much brainpower for you, Tarzan?” I start flipping through the stations in hopes that he’ll just pipe down so I can get home and get ready for another night out. Another night filled with desperate women and booze. Man, this is getting old.
“Wow, what’s going on over there, Mr. Deep-in-thought?” Looking over, I expect to see his Cheshire Cat smirk, but I’m surprised when he’s looking straight at me. I raise my eyebrow to signal my shock.
“You really want to know?” I question, looking over at him. He doesn’t look like he has a joke to crack, so I go for it.
“Yes, I asked, didn’t I? Whatcha got? Hit me!”
“I’m just over going out all the time, getting drunk, and not really finding anything to keep me engaged,” I tell him while I look straight ahead, because I’m not good with expressing my emotions. I haven’t been since my mom walked out on my dad and me when I was eight. When she left, it created a gap in my heart, making me angry and resentful. It caused me to be void of all intimate feelings and left me fearing any sort of romantic relationships. Building any sort of intimacy, outside of sex, is non-existent for me and I’m truly over it. There’s only ever been one woman who’s found a way to let me feel something more; she brings out a possessive side to me. Shit, even some obsession. That girl is Shayla; she’s my best friend and a girl that I’d lay my life on the line for. She’s the one woman who I’d give anything to be with, but I can’t. She deserves a lover, not someone as emotionally numb as me. I couldn’t give her what she needs, could I? This really has me second-guessing myself.
“Wow, I didn’t know you felt that way, man, I didn’t mean to push you,” he responds, then lightly punches my shoulder in remorse. “You don’t have to come tonight if you don’t want to.”
I pause and seriously debate his offer. Maybe I’ll stay in tonight. Call Shay over to watch a movie. Get some cuddle action? Yes, we’re those friends, ones who cuddle, ones who cuddle while the horny fucker, played by me, has to try and not get a boner. Friendly cuddles are not fuck-me cuddles.
I pull into the parking garage to our apartments, and that’s when I see her. Shayla, in her perfect fucking skinny jeans and white V-neck. Shit, she wrecks me. Ignoring his last statement, I throw my truck into park and jump out.
“Shay. Hey, wait up!” I yell, hoping she hears me before she closes her car door. Thankfully, she does. She steps back out of her car and stands in the wedge of the door.
“Trey, hey, what’s up?” She bites that plump and pouty bottom lip of hers, and I have to keep from picturing myself between her legs, making her bite that lip the same damn way she is now.
Fuck, calm it down, Trey. Down, boy, down.
“Where ya headed? The boutique?” I ask, in a desperate attempt to postpone her leaving. I’m greedy when it comes to spending time with her, even if it’s only for a few more minutes.
“No, I’m off to get my hair cut, it’s unruly.”
I can show her unruly hair, if she’d get under me. I really have no sensor where she’s concerned; my thoughts are too perverted. My mind settles when she laughs and a little snort makes its way out. I’m seriously screwed, she’s so perfect.
“What about you? You guys just get back from lifting?”
My sly smile comes out, showing my best cocky grin, she was thinking about me lifting.
“Oh, were you checking out my muscles? Are you saying I look ripped, baby?” I watch as a slow blush whispers across her cheek, and I feel another chip in my cold, icy heart, break off.
“I didn’t mean that…I mean…I just noticed…the um…workout attire, so I assumed.” She moves the hair from her face as she stutters, and I know if I don’t end this torture, she won’t last two more seconds.
“I’m kidding. I was just giving you a hard time. Anyway, Kings and I are heading to the Rose Bar tonight. You and L should come.” I know I wanted to stay in tonight, but maybe a more laid-back, fun setting will make her more relaxed—perhaps even open to what I’m going to tell her. Tonight, I’m gonna fucking tell Shay how I feel, no more holding back and no more being a pussy.
“Yeah, you should bring Lana,” Kingston pipes in, and we both shoot him a weird sideways glance.
“What? She’s fun to be around, and you don’t want the dynamic to be off, I mean three or four people? You decide.”
You can see the conflict in his eyes as he grasps at straws. I thought I was bad at showing my emotions. What the fuck is with us? Two grown men acting like pussies today. I need a damn drink.
“Fuck it, just bring her, Shay. Be a good sister and help your brother out. Okay?” he says, making praying hands at her.
He looks more desperate than a dog begging for a bone. He has tried many times to put himself on Lana’s radar since she left the hospital. They have been hot and cold lately, one minute you would think she is letting him in and the next she’s breaking the poor dude’s heart. They’ve had this connection even before and during her time with Joel. The same one Shay and I have. The silent force that draws us together but keeps us at a safe distance. No one wants to get hurt, I guess.
“Yeah. Fine, okay, we’ll be there.”
Score! I get to spend some time with my favorite girl tonight.
Shayla
I LEAVE THE SALON feeling refreshed and brand new; my burgundy locks now have a hint of brown hues mixed in. Now, to make my face feel as good as my brand new hairstyle. Passing the shops on my way to the car, I almost make it when I’m stopped by the perfect window display. Holy mother of hotness, I need to have this dress. The black sleekness, with a touch of sexy, is so unlike me, and that’s exactly why I have to have it. I mean, I know it won’t make a difference, but I want to feel sexy, because I hope to catch the eyes of a certain dirty blond, with eyes like the dang Caribbean. He may not take the bait, but he might like the show.
Shooting a quick text to Lana, I make my way into the store.
Me: Girl! Trey invited us out tonight, and I couldn’t resist his face. We’re going! I’m buying this amazing dress, pics coming your way soon!
L-town: Oh, are we? Damn that face. #amIright :p
I giggle and roll my eyes.
Me: I know, I’m hopeless, freaking screwed I TELL YA!
L-town: Is Kingston going to be there? <3 <3 I mean, say yes or you may be literally screwed. I need something to do while you soak your tarp, aka your panties!
I swear Lana can be so dang vulgar for someone with a wide vocabulary.
Me: Really? GOD YOU ARE SO NASTY! But yes, as a matter of fact, he told me to invite you.
I know my brother likes Lana, he has since we were younger; no one could deny or miss the tension rising between them. Lana talks a big game about me needing to man up and go after Trey, when she’s doing the exact same thing with Kingston. So, pot meet kettle.
Not even twenty seconds after I press send, my phone starts vibrating in my pocket.
“Hello, L”—I laugh—“that didn’t take too long.” I hear her heavy breathing coming through the phone.
“Are you trying to kill me, or are you trying to kill me?” Walking into the fitting room, I lock the door and hit speaker.
“Nope, I was actually trying to be casual, but you took it for what it was.”
“Bullshit, all the bells and whistles were alarmed with your last text, jerk!” She pauses. “Maybe he does like me… Nah, no, probably not!” The battle in her mind is almost as palpable as the dilemma that is Trey and me. “Ugh, get home, we need to get ready asap! I have to look a little slutty, but not like I’m desperate.”
“Aren’t you though?” I laugh and turn to face the mirror. “Shit.”
“What?” she asks me in a rushed whisper.
“This dress is amazing, I’m buying it, I’ll be home soon. Okay, bye!”
Hanging up, I look closer at my reflection and notice the details on the little black dress. It hits just above my tanned knees, so not too long, but not too short. It is sleeveless and has a diamond cutout at the chest area, highlighting my generous breasts. Talk about an eye catcher.
Sold!
Walking in the front door, I hear Drake playing on the overhead speakers in our apartment, and not even five steps in I’m bombarded by Lana.
“Let’s go, we only have two hours until we leave, and this hair”—she grabs the ends of her long brown hair—“will take at least forty minutes of that to tame!” Laughing, I follow her into the bathroom, only hoping that this night will be a game changer for me, for Trey—for us—or at least I’m hopeful.
Two hours later, we’re ready and we make it to the bar early. Trey and Kings had to run back to the studio to pick up something, so we agreed to meet here instead of going together. Thankfully, Lana and I took a cab, because I’m already downing my second shot and checking the door every five seconds. I swear I could break it down, or cut out a hole with my laser like stare. I look suspicious to all the bar goers, but I don’t care, I’m so nervous I could vomit. Honestly, I don’t know what’s come over me. Never before have I found the courage to even flirt with Trey, but all of a sudden I’m some love-struck teenager, giddy and ready to live in this fairytale world, filled with hearts and Mrs. Trey Adams written everywhere. Maybe I’m way too ahead of myself, him asking me to come out tonight isn’t unusual. He asks me to hang all the time, because he’s my best friend.
Oh my God, I’m going to screw this up. Just as I’m about to call off this whole night, I feel the shift in the air and know he’s here, even before I see him.
“Well, well, look who’s here! Drink up, girl, time to put some hair on your chest,” Lana yells into my ear over the loud techno song that’s blaring from every angle.
“Having hair on my chest will for sure seal the deal. Lana, I can’t do this.” I feel myself panicking, overwhelmed with the fact that I’m dressed up for Trey and ready to tell him how I feel. Grabbing my tense shoulders, she turns my body in direct line with hers before she starts in on me.
“You can and you will do this. Stop hiding what you feel and waiting for these feelings to pass, they won’t, trust me.” I roll my eyes at her; she can be so poetic when she is giving me the ‘go get ’em, tiger’ speech. What I wouldn’t give to have and embrace her bold outlook on life. She’s so confident, and I’m just this quiet suffer-in-silence type. Woe is me.
