Landon: FBI Special Agent (FBI Brotherhood Book 3), page 17
Let’s see if it was really her. My heart jumps for joy when she shrugs.
“It’s cotton, not a Rolex. Relax.”
“Well, my neck doesn’t give a fuck about the Rolex, so it couldn’t be more grateful to you.”
She glances up at me, green eyes timid and afraid.
“Why are you so nice to me? What do you want? Just tell me. I can take it.”
She stiffens like I'm gonna deliver some kind of blow.
“I told you. I just want to see you smile.”
She lets out a breath. “You’re insane.”
“So I’ve heard. All the best people are.”
She’s quiet. Then, “How’s Ellie?”
My eyebrows raise more than slightly before falling back to neutral.
“She’s okay. She’s in grief counseling and she’s in a group with children who’ve been through similar experiences.”
“Oh, good.” She fidgets. “Did they touch her?”
Her voice is barely audible and she’s twitching. I know this pushes her ability to stay present.
“Now is not a good time to discuss the case. She’s safe and she really is okay.”
“It’s not a case to me!” Essie screams, chest heaving with exertion. “It’s my life,” she whispers softer.
“Shit. Essie, I know. I know, sweetheart. I know.”
She stiffens as I approach her, but tentatively lets me.
“Answer my question, Landon.”
“What was on that video?” I murmur.
She lurches, hands curling into fists.
“Ellie.”
“Was she being hurt or…?”
“No, just her and Simon. Together.”
“I see. How’d you get the knife?”
She frowns, but watches me with fear as I approach her step by step.
“The same man who showed me the video left it.”
“I see. Thank you. To answer a bit of your question about Ellie, I think Ellie’s gonna be adopted by one of us. An agent by the name of Shiloh. She put in the paperwork yesterday.”
Essie’s eyes widen. “Is that allowed?”
I smirk. “Technically, no. But, I'm no sexist, but when you’re the only female on a team of men, well, let’s just say Shiloh has those guys wrapped around her little finger. The funny part is that she doesn’t realize it or care. Anyway, I'm not on their team, but from what I know, Shiloh approached Brad, her team lead. He wasn’t happy, but she wasn’t backing down. He looked into stipulations, and it looks like Ellie will be in her care going forward.”
“She’ll never be Pamela. She’ll never be able to replace her.” Essie’s twitching gets worse and I know she won’t be able to hold off much longer.
“I know. She’ll never replace her mom, Essie. Rest. You need it.”
I know the closer Essie and I get, the more humiliating it feels for her when I see her disconnect.
“I need to go into work anyway. Collin called.”
“Collin?”
“My boss-slash-friend-slash-team leader.”
I wink. She nods and tucks herself into the covers.
“Look, it looks like I'm gonna survive this whole ordeal. You don’t have to visit me anymore.”
I stop in the doorway. “You’re right. I don’t. Ellie identified Simon. Brad and his team are contacting the appropriate avenues to get the entire ring taken apart. I don’t have to be here anymore.”
She sucks her lower lip in and nods stiffly, sinking deeper into the mattress. All that attitude and she looks so small and frail in this white bed.
I cock my head. “But I want to be here. I don’t have to be here, I want to be. Goodnight, Essie. See you tomorrow.”
With a tiny smile at her parted lips, I leave and let her think about that.
“Oh hey, look at that. I have a team,” Collin jokes lightly once we’re all in his office.
Everyone but Kyle kinda winces, not that Collin has room to talk. We’ve all been caught up in personal stuff amidst this case. Haven’t had much time for each other.
“I’m glad we had time to meet today before things get crazy again. I have big news. This is something I’ve been putting off since Derek left.”
He sighs.
“We have a new team member. Meet Ram Fletcher.”
A man around 6’2 with olive skin, curly hair thicker than mine, and chocolate brown eyes steps out. Fuck, this dude looks intense.
“He will be taking Derek’s position specializing in undercover work, but should be treated as any other team member would. I'm pairing him with Kyle for training. I’ll step in at the end. Any questions?”
Ram’s dark eyes, assessing, take in the room as we all shake our heads no.
“Good. Make him feel welcome. I’ve briefed him on the case, but he’ll just be observing for now. I have to go speak with Brad. Carson, use the data Brad gave you to find the second location Simon has been using to keep the women. Kyle and Landon, you stay with Ram. Show him around. Explain the basics. You know what to do.”
“Yes, boss.”
“Good.”
Collin looks at Brad, nods, and they walk out. I turn to Ram.
“Ready, man?”
“Of course.”
He dips his head and we begin the tour. Let’s see if this Ram Fletcher works out.
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
ESSIE
“I think it’s the best option for you,” my dad says gently. My father and mother snuck their asses in here the second Landon left. I'm assuming I was insane for half of their visit because when I came to, my mother was hysterically crying on my father like I didn’t save her. Like I didn’t do everything I could to make sure Dana Taylor was safe. My blood boiled beneath my skin every second I had to listen to her. Now that’s secondary compared to the fact that Dad wants to lock me in a psych ward. I get why I qualify. I'm insane. Broken. Trash. A fucking whore.
But all the same, I won’t be locked up. Drugged against my will. Poked and prodded for information.
I’d rather die. And I will, if they send me there. I know it’ll be hard since psych wards are so prepared for suicidal patients, but I'm smart. I’ll find a way.
“No.”
“Essie, be reasonable,” Father begs.
“No,” I say blankly.
I'm an adult. NO. That’s what I want to say, but they’re only getting one word out of me at a time. Not to mention, I’ve quickly learned human beings don’t accept no if it doesn’t suit their fancy.
“Essie, we’re worried about you.”
I can’t do this. I roll away from them and curl up.
“Essie,” my mom murmurs. I hear the pain in it, but it just angers me more.
She has no right to be upset!
But neither do I. This is my fault. I chose Zaid.
Before I know it, tears are rolling down my cheeks. Why am I crying? I'm alive, aren’t I? Jesus. I curl in further to hide the evidence of my tears. Without Ellie here, without Sage, without my animals or my math, I feel hollow and unfixable. What I know I should feel isn’t computing with my heart.
Stupid heart. I want to claw my skin off. I want drugs. I want drugs!
“Essie.” My father’s hand lands on my shoulder and I just… lose it.
The animals float into my vision and I fucking run to them, until a voice cuts through my haven.
“What the hell are you two doing in here and what the fuck is going on?”
I’ve never heard him so mad. It’s kind of amusing. My lips curl up in a tiny smile.
“Sorry, you big idiot,” I murmur before I go. And then I do. I'm thrust into a world I no longer hate. A world I don’t need drugs to cope with.
Bye, bye, sweet man. See ya soon.
When I come to, intense blue eyes are boring into me… and my parents are gone.
“Landon,” I whisper.
He looks stressed. His head tilts to the side, he forces a smile onto his face, and one of his hands slides through his hair.
“Hey, sweetheart. How are you?”
He’s assessing me. Like really assessing me.
“Fine.”
“Fine. Fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional?”
“Huh?”
He smiles and shakes his head. “Nothing.”
“Did you just insult me, agent?”
Some of the stress dissolves from his shoulders at that, and I have no clue why, but it makes my heart to do some weird, fucked up fluttering thing. And it makes me smile, like he always wants from me. Or so he says.
“Hey, you’re smiling!”
He points at my face like the big idiot he is.
“Back to your weird ass acronym?”
“Aw, hell no. Why are you smiling?”
He cocks his head. Shit, he’s really not gonna let me get away with this. And I suppose, after all these hours stuck with me, listening to me literally talk at him about animals, he deserves it.
“I don’t like seeing you all tense… It pisses me off.”
His smile spreads wider, something I didn’t think was even possible, but his lips twitch like he’s trying to control his damn self. I wish he wouldn’t…
He’s refreshing. Like a breath of fresh air after a long storm.
“Well, you always help, Essie.”
He winks and leans back. Then, before I can process or deal with the swirling in my stomach, he jumps back to the topic I said I wanted to talk about instead.
“My sister told me the acronym a while ago. It stuck in my head.”
“For someone you spoke so highly of, your sister wasn’t very nice to you.”
I frown. Landon sighs.
“Evie’s sick, Essie. That’s not the sister I know. That’s her eating disorder.”
He sounds pissed again. God, this man challenges everything I know about men. The men I know are greedy and cruel, which is everything Landon Parker is not. He’s selfless and funny and strong and caring and he makes me want to be better when he’s around.
“I see,” I murmur.
“Speaking of family,” he drawls out, eyeing me carefully. He lets the question hang, knowing I get what he’s asking.
“They want to have me committed.”
I shrug, but the welling in my eyes gives me away. I have to duck my head to hide it, but I think he knows.
“Did they have anything nice to say?” he grinds out.
I clench my fists, deciding how much to tell him. I'm deep in that when rough, but gentle, hands curl around my clenched fists, slowly unpeeling them.
“Stay with me,” he murmurs.
“I'm not going anywhere.”
He stares at me with a look in his eyes I’ve never seen before. It’s not lust or anything terrifying like that. I think I’d topple over in this hospital bed if he looked at me like that, but it’s more of a longing. He squashes it when he quickly looks away. I'm left wondering what it means.
“You’re not gonna be committed,” Landon states firmly.
I sit up, letting the blankets pool at my waist.
“You promise?”
“Yes, Essie. I won’t let you be committed.”
… and I'm back down. My whole body collapses into the bed so fast it has Landon reaching out.
“Whoa, you okay? Hey, shh. I promised to try to make you happy, didn’t I?”
“Yes, but… fuck.” I'm crying.
“Don’t cry,” Landon murmurs. “Can I hold you?”
“Why?”
“Because you’re upset. Didn’t your mom ever do that?”
“I don’t cry.”
“Hmm.” Landon frowns. “Come here.”
He sits on the edge of my bed. This is gonna be awkward, but fuck it. I slide over to him. He wastes no time. With sure hands, he grabs my body and pulls me into him. And it’s immediately… not awkward.
His whole body seems to envelop me as he softly rocks me back and forth. Back and forth. My muscles seem to tingle as they soften and my racing heart slows.
“Did your mom teach you this?” I mumble against his skin.
I immediately know I asked the wrong thing when his entire body stiffens.
“You don’t have to answer.” I pull away, shaking my head. “Sorry,” I add on a whisper.
Landon shakes his head like he’s coming out of some kind of trance. His eyes land on me. Then he gently snags my chin between his thumb and forefinger.
“You don’t have to be sorry. Both of my parents passed away when Evie and I were young.”
“Oh… I-I, I didn’t know.”
“It’s okay. It’s been years.”
“Where did you guys go?” I whisper.
“Nowhere.” His voice is firm. “I wouldn’t risk us getting split up or Evie being moved so far I couldn’t see her every day. Nah, I raised her.”
“Excuse me?” I choke. “You raised her?! How old were you?”
“Old enough. And yeah, I watched over her. My parents raised her. Everything that makes Evie special is cause of my mom and pop.”
“Of course. Right. Sorry, I'm not good at this sh-stuff.”
Landon smiles softly. Of course.
“I’d never be able to tell.”
Please. I roll my eyes. “You’re so full of shit.”
He throws his head back and laughs, nudging me with his elbow.
“Practice makes perfect.”
“Have you always been this nice?”
He shrugs. “My mom was extremely kind. I always aspired to be more like her. Evie’s a lot like our dad. Anyway, I’ll let you be.”
He gets up and heads for the door.
“Landon,” I call out.
He turns, lips pulling tight. He knows he’s not gonna like what I have to say.
“I'm not Essie anymore, Landon.”
His eyes narrow.
“Please, call me Tammy. It’s my choice. That’s my name now. You can’t take back time.”“I will not call you Tammy.”
“Then call me nothing, ‘cause Essie is not my name anymore!”
“Ms. Taylor, then?”
“Fuck you, Landon.”
“You’re tired. Go to sleep, sweetheart.”
“Don’t treat me like a child. It’s my body, my name, and I deserve a say in it!” I shriek.
Something like understanding flickers in Landon’s eyes.
“You’re completely right, but, Essie, please don’t make me call you that. I-I can’t call you that. It makes me feel sick.”
He’s flashing me those blue eyes of his. Fuck.
“Everyone else calls me Tammy. Only use Essie in private,” I mumble.
“Fine,” he clips. “You’ll have to tell them yourself. I won’t.”
He turns on his heel to leave, pissed.
“Wait!”
He sighs heavily and turns back. For the first time since he started camping out in my various hospital rooms, he looks done. He looks done with me.
“What, Essie?”
“Don’t leave me.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
LANDON
“Don’t leave me.”
Just like our days under the tree, her green eyes are big and vulnerable and it definitely hasn’t slipped my mind that she hasn’t been having episodes as often.
“Why?”
I'm pushing. I know I'm pushing, but to hear her want to be called Tammy just… shit. It hurts. I know all about trauma, but this feels more personal.
“I-I want you to…” Her fists clench, her eyes dart around the room… I'm ready to lose her.
“Essie! Why do you want me to stay, babe?”
She shrugs. “You can go. Never mind.”
With a small smile, I shut the door again and stride across the room to her, plopping down in the chair once more.
“I shouldn’t have questioned you like that. I'm sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry,” she mutters, picking at the sheets with her fingers, not looking at me.
“Essie, look at me.”
Her head shakes back and forth.
“Essie,” I murmur.
“Shut up! What are you doing to me? What do you want?!”
“You know what I want,” I say softly.
“Yeah, yeah, to see me smile,” she scoffs, but her voice is wobbly and she chokes a bit.
“Essie, look at me.”
Her head snaps up. “Is this what you want?!” she screams. “You want to see me upset? You want to see me cry?”
I close the gap between us in a flash, so I'm by her side, sitting on the bed, staring into her watery green eyes.
“I never want to see you cry, but I think it’s the healthiest possible thing you could do. If anyone deserves a good cry, it’s you, Essie Taylor.”
Her lip shakes harder. “There’s no point. I taught girls that. There’s no point. It’s dumb and it doesn’t change anything.”
“It’s a release, Essie. It stops the darkness from consuming you, angel.”
“I-I…”
“Come here.”
She hesitates, but eventually slides over. Slowly, and extra carefully, I wrap my arms back around her and pull her back into my chest.
“Let go, Essie. It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you a failure. You deserve it.”
“I don’t! I don’t deserve it!” Her fists bang against my chest over and over again, and I let her. “You don’t understand.”
Squeezing her tighter, I whisper, “Help me understand. Help me understand, sweetheart.”
“I chose him! I-I chose him.” She cries against my chest, body going limp. “I chose Zaid. I let him kiss me. I said yes to moving in with him. Oh God…”
Essie curls over in my lap, wrapping her hands around her waist.
“I'm the one who trained them! I'm the one who—”
“Essie, Essie, listen to me. Listen to me, hun.” I stroke up and down her back. “You’re never to blame for this. How were you to know this man was a monster?”
“Jenny warned me!” she cuts me off on a sob, letting her head fall fully onto my lap as she tucks her legs into her. “Jenny tried to warn me he was a monster.”
Shit. “Should I not ask?” I mumble in an even quieter voice.
“He killed her. Shot her dead in front of me.” Essie’s voice is cold and… dead.
“His own sister?!” The words spill out before I can stop them.
