H C Turk, page 46
"Well, if you'll cease kissing my mother, perhaps Fd consider your suggestion," I huffed.
Rathel then sat again, but now in a winged chair near Eric so that her face was unseen to me.
"Alba?" the invisible woman sweetly pronounced, "can you reply to the lad and his great question?"
"Presently, perhaps, in that I now am cogitating," I answered, and in fact I was. How odd, as though I had a choice, yet this was my true impression. The Rathel's having me revealed and executed was no fear of mine. My thoughts were of choosing between my established life and beginning again in a new household. What social situation could English marriage involve besides that man smell ever about the premises? Would not a home with Eric be preferable to one controlled by Rathel? Besides momentum, what in Satan's world could keep me here?
Then from within me swelled a tremendous idea, revealed to all as a brilliant smile. At once, I stepped near Rathel, looking closely to her eyes as I gave my reply.
"Why, yes, yes I shall marry this person-if only my dear mother provides me a desired wedding gift."
Knowing herself formidably attacked, the Rathel returned my gaze, searching from chin to brow for my weapon as she replied.
"Why, dear Alba, whatever in the world could I refuse you if your happiness be at stake?"
"Mistress, I smell fear from you as though I might request your liver. But something more valuable to me that you own now strikes me as a gift so fine as to inspire my acceptance of this gent's most generous, semi-permanent offer."
Surviving well despite my torture, the stiff lady replied, "What then is so dear that you would marry to possess?"
"Why, dear mother, I will marry this superlative gent if you allow me to take Miss Elsie as my personal servant."
And here was proof of eavesdropping, for throughout the house was heard a poorly stifled gasp.
"Why. . . why, of course, dear Alba," Rathel replied uncertainly. "Miss Elsie shall go live with you, if only your new husband agrees."
Both wenches then turned to Eric, who could scarcely wait to spit out his reply. ,
"Since no finer woman friend and servant could there be for Alba than Miss Elsie, I myself could wish for no more satisfying offer."
"It is done, then!" Rathel cried, and stood too spryly for one so reserved. "Alba and Eric Denton will wed!"
Eric then stood to applaud, as though at a blooming opera. And outside this room, what other sinner was part of our audience?
When Rathel and Eric settled thereafter to mere relieved smiling and wringing hands, I whispered to the unoccupied doorway.
"Tea now, please."
"Yes, miss," came the quiet reply, and refreshments were brought by my (my) servant.
Twenty-nine
The Rathel achieved such an attitude of success that I thought she would choke on her gloating. Though equally impressed, Elsie was less assured of her specific satisfaction. Basically she was overjoyed at my having acquired an English lady's ultimate achievement: an English gent. But as well she was distressed at having to leave her home of years to begin anew-for therein she might be given more responsibility than her meager bones could handle. On and on Elsie would fret until I threatened to beat her, for certainly Eric would establish this practice in our new home if this be the only servant's attitude.
Our new home. Of course, this witch had concern as well, but aligned with Rathel's revenge, not Elsie's household management. The social aspects of marriage were problems I would easily overcome. My concern was in revealing myself to Eric without inspiring Rathel to kill me. Such were the difficulties of the wedded witch: to avoid murdering her husband and to arrange for that revelation to be other than suicidal.
British custom provided an interval for my revelation: the courting of the damsel. Good Miss Elsie explained the purpose thereof: for the conjugal couple to become acquainted with one another, and for London society to view them as a proper pair.
Elsie endured distinct parameters in accepting her duty as chaperone. First she became as delighted as a child attending an animal faire whose exotic creatures were man and beast, er, wife. Nothing but pleasure had she to be traveling with these dear youths and their heartfelt emotions, and so on. Upon Eric's arrival that first day of courting, however, Miss Elsie changed, becoming firm and proper. Once in the carriage, she insisted that Eric and I not sit so near each other-even inserting her parasol between us. And when the conversation lit upon Randolph, the miss across our way condemned us for not speaking of serious things, such as the wedding party and dowry and flipping so on. I was thus inspired toward discussing grave family affairs.
"Eric, I must ask whether your parents both continue to hate me."
"Yes, both," he answered.
Elsie with this speaking reddened and began chastising me as to the proper discourse in such a social clime. But who was she to chastise a, er, superior?
"Master Eric, should we not implement the preventative idea of thrashing the more rowdy servants on the Sabbath to inspire them toward quiescence through; the week?"
"No, Miss Alba, in that we can set the dog to biting their legs."
Eric and I changed this first day's courting into a contest wherein we lanced hapless Elsie with our tongues. Soon becoming vanquished, Elsie ignored our tiny, syllabic feet dancing about her sensibilities, defeating Eric and me by removing our target. Thereafter, the future husband and I entertained one another as we had in the past, with oblique references to dogs and monkeys, but no talk of households.
Returning to our temporary lodging of the Rathel's town house, Elsie and I had only to bid the Eric person a pleasant good afternoon before supping like normal sinners. As Eric grasped my hand for a buss with no terror of my icy fingers, he emitted a low odor instead of an ending salutation, a stench never again to be ignored by the rape witch.
"And it's a good day we wish you," I told him curtly, snatching my hand from Eric, stepping past with too quick a gait to be less than rude; and the servant came chasing after.
Eric made to save face by calling out for us both to be well. And though Elsie was distressed by my peevish attitude, no mention was made of my change in demeanor, change in smelling.
That night my sleeping was delayed, for the future wife was waiting. The lamp I had Elsie leave burning, for company was expected. Thus, I was not surprised to see undreamed-of eyes propped with their brows upon my windowsill.
"Come have I for cruel and vain Alba," they said.
"The wrong window has then lured you, sir, for this plane contains only the cruel one, a vain Alba being beyond my acquaintance."
Eric then entered to stand in my chamber brushing at his waistcoat with his palms, perhaps removing building crumbs.
"And a great humorist I am to so brand you, miss, for I have seen paintings near as beautiful as you with more vanity, and they be dead. But not inert is this Alba, not with her considered thoughtlessness."
"Is considering this thoughtlessness your purpose here?"
"The humorist quits me, miss, for you state my very intent. I have come with the idea of speaking, but at this hour and alone in order to arrive at some content beyond comedy."
"Might we walk in this English night without fear of attack by a social brew, the criminal dregs to settle against our persons and form a crusty stain on our lives?"
"Away to the streets, then," he replied, "to wager our entities against the London fog and the vertical creatures it cannot conceal."
"I am first, then, to preclude your cruel searching up my dress to gain a vision most criminal, since not yet are we wed. And no hand in aid, sir, if this be your prime intent in luring me to climbing, for well have you learned the wildness that creeps across me along with your fingers."
Over the sill I moved, climbing a path unnatural for London. Once on the ground, I looked up to see confidence in Eric's climbing, thinking that he might fit in the wilderness. As he stepped beside me, he brushed away further building crumbs that were imaginary, for I had none though my climbing was
equal. But, then, I was not so apprehensive as he.
With a nod, I led Eric to the street's center, bright smears about from rare lamps behind windows, our feet making a meager crush as though compressing crisp snow. And where was the air? Only tiny drops of water were in this atmosphere, one to chill a sinner and enthrall a witch.
Too cool you might be, miss, with your neck so exposed," Eric mentioned as he turned up his collar.
"Scant sensitivity have I to cold," I replied, "and herein I am comfortable. So let us proceed with this speaking and be grave-if you can bear the trait fully loosed in me, for you know how earnest a person I can be."
"I know how unkind you can allow yourself to become. So if you temper this and expose only truth, we both might learn each others' ideas."
"We begin with the wedding," I stated. "What of your father?"
"Previously he is wed."
"And bore a hilarious boy*the marriage did," I groaned. "I mean to ask the degree to which your parents agree with your nuptial notions."
"They agree in the negative. In truth, they disbelieve my intents, and attempt to convince me of my falseness. But they shall not. And if I am tossed from the household because of my conjugal plans, I go elsewhere, for London is large."
"Aye, we've room in the basement. But enough damp comedy. We now return to your first-mentioned topic: my peeved and thoughtless manner achieved as you touched me this noon."
"An excellent progression, and one whose explication I fear from a future wife," Eric admitted. "And the future bodes poorly for me if you shirk so simple a touch. Was I too coarse with your fingers?"
"Too coarse with your emotions, for along with your touch, I sensed your lust. And with ambient God as your judge, sir, lie to neither of us."
"No lying need be done to save my soul, miss, for I have no shame in feeling passion toward the woman I will marry. As well, I would desire that touching be part of your married pleasure with me."
"Exceptional I am with the menfolk for drawing "this passion, sir, as you recollect from Mr. Gosdale and the trainer of exotic ladies. This latter man had his finger far enough within me to touch my breakfast, and you were present to observe. Can you question, then, my distaste for the pleasure of men?"
"The pleasure of your husband is our topic, for the basis here is not lust, but love."
"Elsie loves me, but has no desire to lie with me."
"Do you believe I care for you less than your servant?"
"Your concern is dissimilar in its selfishness. Because Elsie loves me, she desires to be with me; whereas you desire to be within me."
"But the question ultimately is love, not procreation, Alba. Praise your heart and Elsie's that you have each other to love, for you both deserve the best emotion. But can your love for your parents and for Elsie not allow room for another? Can you not love me as I do you? Never so explicit have I been in saying this, but only because I thought you might not accept the potential, and now I fear it. Think not that gender is the basis of my passion, for no more than Elsie's is my love sourced in lust. In the frank truth you so admire, I must say that most English men would reject you for your disfigurement, your false history of demons, and for the trainer who so pressed toward you that some fools would call you ruined as a wife and not worthy of bearing their children."
Abruptly I halted, turning to Eric as though maddened or amused.
"Then laugh I do, sir, at your own social position, for the woman you're vowed to is no more virginal than a cow, for no untouched land lies between my thighs. The trainer's offense was slight compared to the violent rape I suffered by a man outside Lucansbludge. As for offspring, gain ye a greater set of dogs if I am to be your wife and you require further family, for my innards are such that children will no more come from me than milk from that missing nipple."
As though transformed by God into a boulder, Eric became still and lost his breathing. He then fell to his knees and grasped my dress as though about to pull it off, grasped it like a rapist. Then the weeping began, an unloud wailing to sicken me.
Because this man was defiling me in his own, emotional manner, one no more acceptable than if his prick were stabbing me, I pushed him away with some violence while calling down forcefully.
"Bleeding well, you'll not be slobbering on my hem! I'll curse your soul as black if you weep at my every problem I have willfully accepted!"
Eric looked up to me as though a child chastised for a wrongdoing not fully understood, then moaned, "From Elsie you allow weeping, but not a tear can come from me? Is the truth that she is allowed to love you more than I? Surely it cannot be that I am a man and should be different from womenfolk in emotion, for heretofore you have implied that men and their manners you hate."
"By the God of Heaven, sir, never would my mother weep on me, and I can praise you no.., more than by that comparison. Heartfully embrace me she would, then share with me the satisfaction in my strength. After counting my breasts, Mother would have laughed with joy at all of her Alba remaining. But never, never would she or I collapse in misery, for such emotion is a sodden selfishness to steal the value of my fortitude. And though Miss Elsie's heart is so sweet as to make mine seem decrepit, she yet is no equal to me in the mind. Therefore, sir, I honor you by expecting you to secure the same living strength as mine. By God, no servant of love will this person be-and none to a husband, despite the low level in which English society might place me. And by your own Je-sus's name, confront me not with accusations of cruelty, for again you have heard but truth from me."
As suddenly as he had thrown himself down, Eric leapt upward to stand with the passion perhaps of idea, but no farther tears.
"The greatest truth is that you have no love for me, yet you consent to wed. The utter truth of your heart you spoke when I sought your hand, that you would only agree if given the servant. Therefore, into an unloved marriage you enter
by bringing your own love, none from me required."
"Might you infer with your brilliant sensitivity that my agreement to wed stems from my preferring to live with you rather than Rathel?"
"Ah, the fact is simple, then: Live with Eric instead of the miserable Rathel woman. And all be well as long as you have the bleeding Elsie."
"I've done enough bleeding for us all, sir, so resort not to a criminal's obscenities. Selfish you are, Eric, if you will have me as a wife and also demand my worship. I say that we have insufficient investment in each other to have formed a mutual love of spirit. Long has Elsie been my aid and guide, and though oft attempting things not fit me, never has she sought any benefit but mine. She lacks the passion of the crotch to provoke a love as yours was surely engendered. Despite your appreciating my additional traits, initially you sought me as a female, not a friend. Deny this truth to God if Hell be your chosen eternity."
"I deny not the natural desire between genders, and reasonably so herein, for your most evident trait is comeliness. But your unique wit and telling speech I also well love, Satan receive my mediocre soul if this not be true. But since reason compels even you to admit that my love for you exists beyond passion, the query for us is your love toward me, for this greatest emotion must be mutual between man and wife."
"In London I have learned that certain people must exist with others in order to be sheltered by a stronger will. Such a person is Elsie, but I am of a different sort. Though I appreciate companionship, I require no sustenance from an alternate person's strength. And though Elsie's friendship I treasure, I would have you as a companion of peerage rather than any other person I know to be alive."
"Though I as well cherish your company, do not consider me selfish to also desire a love of touching between us, for this is only normal."
"Oh," I replied sharply, "I now have a true view of this passion, for I was thinking only of the mating sort. Your meaning is additionally the preliminary things that young lovers sweetly display when not seen by society, with their squeezing and rubbing and slobbering about each others' mouths. Ah! here's a third type of loving to challenge me, but one too many, sir. Beyond the love of character that I mutually grant you, as wife I might also provide that part of marriage required by society called mating. But, sir, whereas I might well fuck you, do not expect me to kiss you also."
Before aghast Eric could return with some astonished speaking, we were accosted. A man with a familiar type of staff and doublet ran toward us, calling loudly to gain all of our attention and fear.
"Eh! and what is your standing in the street's center? This is no hour for legal passage, and I will have your explaining."
So explain to him I did.
"Our identity, Sir Constable, is that of a recently wed pair having misgivings to sort away from the remaining family. Pray God that English law will ever allow us harmless citizens access to Queen Anne's streets*"
Approaching, the constable replied to the talking woman.
"Harmless folk are no difficulty, missus, but those lower persons who would thieve from you. In such dark and with no populace about, you cannot be expecting us constables to protect you from so large a city."
"If we are attacked, fellow citizen," I continued, "we shall personally subdue the felons and send their remains for your disposal."
"No other aid need ye be, sir," Eric stated, a citizenly demeanor replacing that former disposition of the lover derided.
We then walked away, leaving the constable to stare after us and mutter from our unfoundedness. After a separation from the officer and our previous distress, the, er, lovers began speaking again.
"Returning, sir, to love and its lack, more people emote in this wedding than we. Of your parents lacking love for me, what precisely do they portray as causal?"
"They say that your history of living with witches renders your soul suspect. Though Lady Amanda has briefly described your past living, I seek your own version. And I expect you to find no offense in my asking, since you are so cold and severe with things as minor as a suffering life."
