Holding Fast, page 21
“I told you why I said that, Sara. And believe me, when I do take you home, anyone so much as thinks too hard on you and I’m decking them. But it’s more than that,” he added louder over her immediate sarcastic ‘yeah, right’. “I did some soul searching when I thought I’d lost you.”
She waited. He thought he’d lost her? When? The fight at the ranger station was a blur of too many events, especially since she’d shot a man. William didn’t continue, but she let the silence drag on. In one of her education classes she had learned that sometimes letting the silence grow uncomfortable was necessary. That people had thoughts, they needed time to get them out. He was a sweet talker she knew, but now, she wondered if maybe he was like that to cover up what he really thought. But would he say, or keep her in the dark still. She didn’t want to always have to worry.
Finally, he seemed to realize she wasn’t going to say more. He dropped his head and rubbed his hair. It was so long now the heavy silk fell in his eyes. When he met her eyes, she experienced an all-over body shiver.
“My mom cheated on my dad when I was a kid. She finally left and married another man, then did the same, and went on to the next.”
“What?” she demanded. “I thought your mom and dad were happily mar—?”
“My dad and stepmom are happily married. Going on twenty years.”
“Oh.”
“My mom was beautiful, and I got this idea in my head that beautiful women got…bored. Wanted more from life, and could have it.”
He didn’t go on, but she could fill in the picture easily enough. Anger tried to take over, but she held it down. This was what he’d thought, based on his childhood. She knew what a screwed-up childhood could do, but hadn’t thought he’d had one. He didn’t strike her as having any weaknesses.
“Thank you for the compliment, but I’m not your mom. I’ve never cheated on a boyfriend in my life. I’ve been cheated on,” she added, “and it sucked. I’d never be such a coward. If I don’t want something, I say it. I don’t keep one and have another.” She made a face. “That’s disgusting.”
William’s smile surfaced.
Mitchell laughed, but when she gave him a steady frown, he waved his hand. “Sorry, go on.”
“I don’t think we need your input,” she snapped.
Mitchell’s smile was mocking but he got up and brushed his trousers off, buttoning his suit after. “I’ll leave you two to it, but if he acts the dumbass again, I’m right outside.”
William’s expression was classic male arrogance. She ignored it and let Mitchell take her hand. “Anything at all, you yell and I’ll be right there.”
“Enough,” William muttered. As soon as Mitchell let the door shut, he focused on her so intensely she wanted to check her make up.
“I’m not your mom, and don’t stare at me.”
He snorted and sat. “I get that now.”
She wasn’t so sure. “I don’t think you do, no, wait. I think you need to know me a lot more before you make judgments about me, one way or another, and how can we do that? We have a history of pain, of you planning on meeting another woman when you were sleeping with me!”
“What? What the hell are you—?”
“The girl down south? I heard Potter. He didn’t lie. I saw her! You were texting her—”
“I was not texting some woman down south. She texted me. I didn’t respond. And if you want to check out my phone, you’ll see that.”
He didn’t respond to her? “Whatever. It still hurt.” Not as badly, though. Still, she wasn’t stupid. He might not have responded to her—yet. He also didn’t call me! She paced Mitchell’s office, hugging her middle as she tried to work through the pain. “You didn’t even call me. Not once. No messages, nothing from you in all this time. I don’t think we can—”
“Listen to me, I wanted to call you. Don’t you know that? No one is using anything, only the most secure channels are allowed.”
“I heard Mitchell talking to Carson and—”
“You must have heard him talking on a secure line, but it wasn’t available to me. Not where I was. You think I wanted to be away from you? We had one chance, this one chance. We used it.”
“What chance?”
“We let Potter think I was dead.”
She froze, halfway to sitting in a chair. “What? How did you do that?”
“It was in the news. We kept it from you. That was my only condition, that you not find out.”
Her legs felt weak. “He thinks… I mean, everyone…”
“Not everyone, and we’ll let it out I’m alive again. It’s hard to change your name and identity, but I’ll do it if I have to. So will you, if we need you to. If we can’t shake him.” He spoke so passionately. She couldn’t bear to look at him. But when he stopped, she had to finally turn to face him. And there he was, all big, handsome and so sincere he blew her mind. “Sara, I’m still protecting you. I’m still here. I told you I would be. Once we have this bastard done, for as long as you’ll have me.”
She stared at him, speechless. He never spoke clearly. He never told her anything. He talked in circles, never committed to anything but keeping her safe.
Why now? Why now?
Because sometimes men need time to screw their heads on straight.
He took her hand and held it in between both of his calloused ones. Gently, as if she might resist, he pulled her forward then rested back against Mitchell’s desk. He bent his head and stared down for a moment before he met her eyes again. There was a cut on his lip, another at his hairline, but he’d never be anything but handsome to her. Rough around the edges, but all she ever would want.
“You let me be myself. Loud, irritated, and yes, after you forgive me for being a dumbass, a dumbass over shit like this.”
“‘Shit like this’?” she asked evenly.
He didn’t respond, but exhaled as if she were being difficult.
It was the wrong thing to do. Instantly, she was angrier than before. She jerked away and put distance between them.
“This is important. I’m not sure I want to try again. You’re judgmental, and you’re bossy. I have a mind of my own and I don’t have to explain working here or…or…anything to you. I can survive without you.”
He walked over, not interrupting, but not giving her space, either.
“I want boring. I want to be safe, and I always want to feel like the man I love can be depended on to be there for me, no matter what.” She poked him in the chest for emphasis. “Fifty years from now, I want that same man. I don’t know if we can go back, if you can let go of what your mom did.” At his grimace, she faltered a bit, but went on, her heart in her throat. “I think this is important—”
“I know you do. Don’t you think I relive every single second I spent with you? And regret letting you out of my sight, for even long enough to use the bathroom? I’m not after your body…maybe at first, yes,” he clarified when she crossed her arms under her breasts and gave him the look that deserved. “I wanted between those silky thighs and said whatever I had to say to get there, and yes, I admit it,” he added at her outraged gasp.
At least he hadn’t blamed that on the Sentinel drug, which he could have, because she knew that had been part of it. He was like that, though. He took responsibility. But not for me, not until now. Hope blossomed over her fear, making her want to believe him, which scared her.
“But once I got in your arms, I knew nothing, and no one, was making me leave. You fit me. You get the pain, you understand me.” He gave her a quick, painful smile. “Look me in the eye and tell me you haven’t missed me. Haven’t wanted—”
“You hurt me,” she stressed. “Of course, I missed you, but that means nothing.” She headed for the door but he took her arm and turned her right around.
“The hell it doesn’t!” He tightened his hold. “Love isn’t easy. You said you loved me, well, love comes with heartache and tears, and it comes with what you want, as well. A lifetime together, but it’s something you work at, and you can’t walk out at the first argument—”
“Try the hundredth—”
“If we argued a hundred times, I’d never be here now.”
She had nothing to say to that, and besides, his sexy stare dared her to go on. They stared at each other until he grimaced and ran his hand through his messy hair. He needed to shave and, by the dark circles under his eyes, he hadn’t slept. He also needed to bathe. He’d never smelled so bad before.
“I get you. I do.” He dropped his hands heavily at his sides. “I know I should have told you I love you, I know it.” He paused to reach up and rub his hair again. Her heart dove to her toes. He loves me. “But, goddamn, love is a messed-up emotion. I know because as soon as you left, you ripped my heart out.”
“William,” she sighed. He’d never talked like this before. Never. “I didn’t leave you. You left me and didn’t even call me!”
“I told you why. Either you believe me, or you don’t, Sara. Tell me you don’t feel the same about me and I’ll get you safe and--”
“What?” She shoved his chest. “Seconds ago, you lectured me on how hard love is. How difficult it was and how you had to work at it. So now I need to forgive you instantly or you leave?”
“Sara—”
“Don’t. Don’t ‘Sara’ me in that tone of voice. You don’t get it all your way,” she shouted, shoving against his chest again. “You don’t get to give me that arrogant attitude and say such things and I fall into your arms!” She tried to walk away, but he dragged her right back where she’d been.
“I sure the hell guess not!” he yelled.
She froze. In all their time together, he’d never raised his voice to her. Now he moved closer, so close she could see the chips of lighter color in his hazel eyes.
“I said I’d get you safe, and if you’d waited for me to explain…” He stroked up her arms then down to join their hands, sighing deeply when he did. “I’ll do whatever it takes to change your mind until you loved me again.” She couldn’t stop the gasp of surprise. He shook her hands gently. “That’s right. I can do it, too. I did it once, and I’ll do it again. Once I do, there’s no chance I’ll ever make you want to walk away again.”
Oh God. He meant that—every word, she could tell. He could do it, too. Already her heart was filling with that fluttery, warm feeling she got when he stared at her like he was now. As if she were the most important and beautiful thing he’d ever seen. He’d worn that expression before too, when he’d made love to her—intense, primal.
She swallowed and explored her feelings. Fear was there, but it was so mixed up with joy and the burst of happiness being with this man caused she thought maybe the arrogant jerk might be right. Love was messy. It was hard and it took two people that could survive disputes and want to settle them for it to work.
“I never stopped.” She swallowed hard, then continued. “Loving you. Even when I wanted to smack you.”
“You did smack me,” he reminded her.
“Not as hard as I wanted.”
His slow grin was all male, so full of confidence that she shivered. “Next time we fight, we talk.”
“Then?”
“Then we have makeup sex for a few days straight.”
“William,” she laughed. Makeup sex. She’d never had makeup sex.
“That interests you, huh?” The heat that question caused shocked her, but it shouldn’t have after what she knew he could do to her.
“I love you.” He said it so simply. As if counting off facts on a mission. “Hiding that did me no good. I won’t hide any longer. Are you sure you’re prepared for all of me?”
“All of you?” she asked, stepping closer so their chests touched. “I was always prepared for all of you, remember?”
“I remember.” He stroked her sides from her hips to her ribs. “It isn’t something I’m going to be without much longer. I need you.” He growled the last and dragged her flush so her breasts rested against the solid wall of his chest and his erection pressed against her stomach. Deep inside she shivered, knowing exactly how his body felt filling hers.
“Not here you don’t.”
He laughed, throwing her off-guard. She loved his laugh. He didn’t do it often enough, but when he did, she wanted to hug him tightly. But now, after so long without him, the sound made her throat ache.
“I think here would be as good as anywhere.” He nudged her with his pelvis, making her simmer at the reminder of how good he tasted. Inside, where she’d grown addicted to his presence she clenched on emptiness. No! Now is not the time! “Oh, no we don’t. Besides, you smell horrible, all but these minty lips.” She tapped his mouth and tiptoed to kiss him once more.
He laughed again, so all she could do was press a few kisses to his bristled jaw.
“Damn, you sure now how to turn a man inside out with compliments.”
“When was the last time you showered?”
A chuckle was her only response, that and a passionate kiss. Who cared about how he reeked, he tasted and felt so good—
A knock on the door interrupted any ideas of throwing caution to the wind and William down on Mr. Davis’ couch.
“That’s reality.”
She stepped out of his arms, smoothing her shirt and trying to ignore her heavy breasts and aching body. He didn’t appear any better off.
“Come in, it’s your damn office, anyway, Mitch.”
Mitchell cracked open the door, kicked it with his foot and stood with his arms crossed, leaning against the door jam. He lifted one eyebrow.
“True. Now that you two have put the gloves down, let’s get a shower for you, man. Sara, you can find some clothes downstairs in the dressing room.”
“She’s not wearing someone else’s clothes left over from what? Don’t answer that,” he growled and took her hand. His grip was so gentle it broke another piece of her heart. He thought he wasn’t tender but for her, he always had been. That was one reason what she’d heard, and seen, had hurt her so badly. Why the no communication had scared her into believing he’d left her. “We’ll go get a room, and change, and meet back here. That should give you time to come up with a new plan, because there’s no chance she’s going to be bait.”
Bait. Oh, God.
“Not yet, buddy. The team’s downstairs, ready and willing to go over the plan. I was sent up to bring you two down.”
William muttered some very foul words under his breath, but he took her hand and that was all she needed. He loves me, not that silly blonde in Georgia. Me. This has to work. I can’t lose him now that he’s finally here.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Will was a lucky man because not only had he had Sara once, but she was willing to give him this, a second chance. He might have never meant to hurt her, and he might have been trying to find the time to work it out what they had, but he’d fucked up. Yet, here she was, back in his arms and wanted in his life. Or to build a life with him.
The new team was gathered. The new approach all but dissected. He couldn’t see a flaw, but he’d not seen one before, either.
Carson nodded to Petrok. “It sounds like we have a plan. Petrok, I want you on back up. When this goes down, where she goes you go. Cody, you will be on both of them.” Cody settled back down from where he’d immediately risen to his full height. No doubt not willing to let his woman near the bastard. “Mitchell, what you can supply?”
“I’ve got cameras in all locations, except bathrooms and dressing rooms. The doors and halls are covered. These are my cameras, and believe me, that little bastard wishes he could tap into them. No offence, Jones, but that’s reality.” Jones grudgingly nodded. “There are six ex-special forces as bouncers, and both head bartenders. My locker”—he jabbed his thumb behind his back at the wall—“is stocked, but you have your own weapons, I’m certain. I can set up the sound, so we miss nothing.”
“Excellent, Mitchell, glad to see you didn’t lose your edge.” Troy grinned.
“That’s one of us,” Will heard Mitchell mutter. “We start now. I’ll make some calls.” Mitchell stood from his slouch against the wall.
Carson stood, as well. “Everyone but Petrok and Cody are under the radar, in the club—”
Will cut that short. “Not a chance. I’m staying with Sara, now, tonight and every second in between.”
“It’s best,” Petrok said, after everyone else hadn’t lifted their eyes to meet his. “He’d drive us all as crazy as he has for the last few weeks. We interrupted our honeymoon for this, Carson. Let’s get this done. The drug, Potter, all of it this time.”
Carson exhaled heavily but Will knew he’d get his way, or he would make the last few weeks seem like a holiday.
“Fine,” Carson barked. “We meet back here. Does this sound like something you can manage, Ms. Stevens?”
Sara shivered, but she nodded. She always did that when she was scared. She didn’t speak. She nodded.
“It’ll be fine. We will all be here, all of us,” he assured her.
“I know. I want this over.”
“It will be.” One way or another, Potter was going down. He shared a glance with Mitchell and knew the man felt the same way. He would have been jealous but he’d researched every inch of Sara’s life and outside of the dumbass in Wyoming, she dated, but never made it last for more than a month or two. She’d never left the club with a man, and she’d never thought of Mitchell as anything more than a boss.
The reality of that had hit hard. He hadn’t been fair to her. He’d assumed things about her and gone on that. He’d make it up to her. As soon as this was done.
Tightening his grip on her hand, he helped her to her feet. “Let’s go. You need rest, and I need a shower.”
“Thank God for that,” Troy grumbled.
Sara giggled then covered her mouth, but her eyes were radiant. He’d make sure they would be again—and more often, too.
* * * *
“Angel, don’t look so damn scared,” William growled.
Sara dragged her eyes off his aroused penis with a great deal of hesitation. She’d seen him so hard it’d been hours of love making and more than a few orgasms before he’d grown flaccid. But today he was so intimidating she couldn’t breathe properly. It didn’t seem to her as if it was only his erection that had grown bigger. He was leaner, but somehow that made him larger—tougher—harder.
