Battered Soul: Mail Order Brides of Spring Water Book Three, page 5
While he talked, he made coffee and put the pot into the ashes of the fire too. “The war was one traumatic loss after another. We all saw things that will never leave us. I have nightmares that seem so real I wake up calling out. The boys in the bunkhouse are used to me by now.” A glance over his shoulder showed her listening to him with wide eyes. “I’m sorry your plan to be a mail-order bride didn’t work out. You wait. I bet there’ll be many who would love to have you as their bride.” He tried to sound cheerful at the last.
“Perhaps. I don’t think I can go through telling anyone else about my past. The good Lord has a plan for all of us, and I’m waiting, I suppose.”
“You’re moving forward. That’s what counts. God will guide you.”
She gave a little start. “I haven’t found many men who talk about God. Some say He deserted them on the battlefields. I never have an answer but I know God would never desert us. The only thing I had to read in the cellar was a bible. Light would show through some cracks and I’d read. It was lonely, but I knew I was never alone. If it’s fine with you, I’d like to continue to work for Georgie and Parker.”
Knowing she was coming back to stay brightened his heart, and a grin tugged his lips upward. “I think it’s a good plan. I should tell you that Parker knows about your past.”
Her smile disappeared, and her eyes grew fearful. “What? How could you have told him my secrets?” Her whole body seemed to slump as she turned her face from him.
“I did it because of my doubts. More about me than you. I didn’t know if I was being impartial or if my attraction to you led me to want to protect you. He asked me if I thought I could trust you, and I told him I’d stake my life on it. I meant it too.” He locked his gaze on the floor for a moment then looked up. “I’m sorry I didn’t keep your secret.”
She stared into the fire and was quiet for so long, he figured she would not talk to him. He could have kicked himself for telling Parker.
“I’m glad you believe me,” she murmured finally. “It’s just as well Parker knows the truth. If trouble comes, he’ll know why. As far as doubts, I had the same doubts about myself. I kept going over every conversation I had with my family looking for clues I missed. How did I not know? My sister knew I was losing respect for her, yet she never defended herself. I was a fool, so easily duped. But I understand how hard it is to believe.” She turned and studied him.
What did she see? A man who couldn’t make his own decisions? A man who broke his word? Was there any way she saw how much he cared for her?
“The food is ready. We have one fork and no plates. I have one cup so we can share.”
A wide smile spread across her face. “It sounds good.”
He couldn’t help but smile back, and he felt like a lovesick lad. They shared the beans and then they ate their bread. He accused her of taking enormous sips of coffee and they laughed together.
“It’s still raining,” she said, glancing toward the door.
“And it’s getting dark. We’ll spend the night here.”
She nodded. “If this was five years ago, you’d have to marry me due to our compromised situation.” Her teasing delighted him.
He stared at her lips and longed to kiss her, but she wouldn’t welcome a kiss from him. He’d doubted her. She might say it was fine, but it wasn’t fine to him. How could he show her he trusted her? It would probably just take time. At least he hoped so.
* * *
The cabin felt nice and warm. Iris’ clothes were still damp, but she was tempted to put them on, anyway. When she mentioned it, Lex thought her crazy. Easy for him to say; he wasn’t the one wearing a man’s shirt and no undergarments. What would she have done if he hadn’t come to get her? She sighed.
Lex gave her a quizzical look. “You all right? Can I get something or do something for you?”
His caring made her feel special. She hadn’t felt that way since forever. “Do you think I’ll be able to live at the ranch? I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.”
“You’re a rebel like the rest of us.” He shrugged. “We can’t help where we came from, but we can try to mold who we become, who we are. I think no one in the South came through the war unscathed in some manner. The war has been over for over two years, and still I see women wearing black.”
“Has it ever occurred to you they had to dye their clothes black for mourning and now that’s all they have?”
Lex paused and stared at her. “No, it never occurred to me. I never approached a woman wearing black figuring she wasn’t ready to date or court.” A frown creased his brow.
“You’re making a list of all the woman you passed by, aren’t you?” She laughed even though she didn’t want to think of him and other women.
“I’m not just thinking for myself, mind you. All the men on the ranch thought the same as me. I need to enlighten the poor lonely men.”
“You’re not a poor lonely man?”
His eyes twinkled. “I’m thinking there’s an end in sight for my loneliness.”
“Got yourself a dog, did you?”
He started with a deep rumble and it turned into a hearty laughter. It lightened her spirit.
“I like your sense of humor, Iris. I can’t remember laughing so hard.” He grew solemn as he gazed into her eyes. “For the record, it wasn’t a dog I was referring to.”
Swallowing hard, she turned her gaze to the fire. How did one act with a man? She knew how to be coquettish… but serious? Her telling him about her past had been serious, but she wasn’t sure what to say or do next.
“I’m making you nervous.”
It was on the tip of her tongue to make a joke, but she nodded instead. “I find you to be a kind and handsome man.”
“But—”
“But what?” She was no good at talking.
“There’s always a but when a woman pays a compliment to a man.”
She turned toward him. “What do they say after the ‘but’?”
His jaw dropped for a moment. “They usually say ‘but I just want to be friends’ or ‘but I’m engaged’ or ‘but I think of you as a brother.’”
“So, I can’t say you’re handsome unless I have a ‘but’ to follow it with?” She furrowed her brow. “I’m too blunt, aren’t I?”
He leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I find you refreshing, not blunt. So getting back to the part where you said I was dashingly handsome. Does that mean you wouldn’t mind if I wanted to court you?”
“You’re not asking to court me you want to know if I would mind or not? You confuse me, Lex Willis.”
He went down on one knee in front of her. “Iris, would you do me the honor of allowing me to court you?” A smile tilted his lips up.
“I’ll let you know,” she teased.
“I’m taking that as a yes.” He held her gaze.
“Yes, Lex, you may court me.” Happiness flooded her, and she didn’t know what to do with her feelings. She wrung her hands until he covered them with one of his.
“Something is bothering you.”
“If you call happiness bothersome, then I guess so.”
Lex stood and put more wood in the fire. “I cannot keep up with you, but I’m willing to try. Happiness can be rare these days.”
“Yes, it is.” She yawned.
“You could use Old Earl’s bed, but I don’t even want to go check it. He wasn’t the cleanest man. I’ll lay out my bedroll for you here in front of the fire.”
“What about you?”
He shrugged his left shoulder. “The chair is fine.” He laid everything down on the floor for her and then turned his back while she lay down. He then turned the two chairs facing each other so he could put his feet up.
“I need to add more wood to the fire. I should have done it before you got into bed.” He straddled her body, bent down and reached for a piece of wood and put it on the fire. He did it two more times. “That should keep you warm.”
He stared down at her. “You have pretty pink lips.”
She batted her eyelashes at him. “All us belles have pink lips and perfect skin and hair. I thank you kindly.”
Smiling, he shook his head. “I liked you better when you were blunt.”
“Me too, being coy and entertaining is hard work.” She shivered under the blanket.
“Still cold?”
“I’m used to cold and damp. Don’t worry about me.”
Willis nodded and went to his chairs. He watched as she nodded off, wishing he could do the same. He feared he’d have a nightmare and wake her up. But just as he closed his eyes, Iris screamed and sat straight up. He was off the chair like a shot and kneeling on the floor beside her.
Tears poured down her face as she sobbed and shook. Lying on the bedroll, he pulled her back down into his arms. He knew all about nightmares. He held her tight until she stopped shaking, then he loosened his hold. After easing her head onto his shoulder, he stroked her back.
“I’ve been expecting this to happen, but I figured it would happen in the room with Sondra. I’m sorry I woke you. I’m so embarrassed. I was always afraid I’d have one while down in the cellar, but they didn’t get bad until I was out of there.”
“Don’t be embarrassed. Almost everyone I know suffers from them. I’ve been punched in the face plenty of times trying to wake men from their nightmares, and I’m not sure there is anything you can do about them. I have them, but the time between them has lengthened.” He loved the feel of her hair under his hand. It was soft like silk.
She laid her hand on his chest. “I wonder if anyone has come out of the war unscathed. Not anyone I’ve met. Thank you for being here. It’s the most solace I’ve received in years.”
He didn’t say a word, and soon enough he felt the heavy breathing of sleep. He didn’t tell her but it was the most comforted he’d been too.
Chapter Five
Iris watched Lex pack up and get Pepper ready. The rain had stopped, but it was still cold and damp. It’d been the strangest yet most wonderful feeling to be in Lex’s arms when she woke. He was already awake and held her while staring at her. His smile had been tender and full of promises she wasn’t sure he even realized he’d made.
They might not get very far into their courtship before the truth came out. Major Cooke was sure to say something. He was nice enough, but he also had a big mouth. Her sister had warned her to be careful when dancing with Cooke and not to talk too much to him.
When the Union Army took hold of her town, many of the society matrons gave parties with the Union officers as the prized guests. It rankled her something awful, but she’d put on a smile and danced.
When the Confederates drove the Union Soldiers out, the same women held parties for the Southern officers. It was surprising they hadn’t been accused of spying. Had she ever been a young girl? Perhaps for just a little while before they told her what to say and ask. From then on the joy of parties and dancing left.
She’d always wondered who it was that exposed her family. They’d sentenced them to death with their telling.
“Ready?” Lex asked. His brow furrowed.
“Is something wrong?” There was, or he wouldn’t be looking at her that way.
“Your facial expressions changed with your thoughts. At first you appeared dejected, mad. And then there seemed to be a weary understanding.” He pulled her into his arms.
Closing her eyes, she sighed. It was a joy being with him. “You read me very well. I was thinking about what my family and then all I went through. About who told on them and got them killed.”
“That often happens the morning after a nightmare. I always wonder if I could have done something different for a different outcome.”
“I want revenge, and I want it so badly. In the Book of Romans it says: ‘Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirsts, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head. Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.’” She offered a shaky sigh. “I know it’s wrong, but no matter how many times I recite the words, I still want revenge.”
Lex let her out of his embrace, took Pepper’s reins, and then held her hand. He seemed to be pondering something as he led them back in the ranch's direction. Finally, he sighed.
“I have no words of wisdom. It’s hard to put the need for revenge aside. Perhaps you can pray on it and ask for help to let go of this need. I doubt you’ll ever find out who it was, and you’re holding onto so much hate.” He shook his head sadly. “It can’t be good for you.”
She nodded. “It batters my soul. You’re right. I need to ask God for help with this.”
“Will you attend services with me this Sunday?” Lex led them around a felled tree.
“The church may go up in flames if I attend,” she teased, and a giggle slipped out. “I’d be delighted to go with you. Do you think if I add a bow to this dress no one will notice I only have one dress?”
“I don’t know for certain, but I’d go with two bows just to be sure.” He grinned. “What?”
“You look much younger when you grin.”
He shrugged. “How old do you think I am?”
She sent him a grin of her own. “I will not have this no-win conversation.”
He cocked his left brow. “No-win?”
“You know, I’ll say fifty years old, and then you’ll be outraged because you’re only forty-nine.”
His jaw dropped, and she laughed. It felt so good to laugh. Maybe her soul would heal.
As soon as they cleared the woods, Lex put her on the horse and mounted up behind her. She could see the house in the distance, and she shivered.
“What’s wrong?”
“I left because I was afraid you’d have every Confederate after me. Parker knows now. What if he wants me gone?” Her stomach soured, all the laughter and happiness seemed to have deserted her body.
“He might ask you a few questions, but you won’t be going anywhere. He knows you were an innocent pawn in all this. And… I’ll be with you.” He kissed the side of her neck.
She drew in a quick breath. “That tickles and feels intimate at the same time.”
He chuckled, sending warm puffs of air over the skin he’d just kissed. “That’s the reaction I was going for.”
* * *
Willis reined in Pepper and then he helped Iris down. He gazed into her eyes. “Courage.”
Iris wrinkled her nose. “Courage?”
“You have a lot. Use it today to get through and don’t forget we’re courting. I want you here on the ranch. I want you near me. I need you to gather your courage and show you’ve done nothing wrong.” He took her hand, and they walked up the steps to Parker’s house.
Georgie came right out and hugged Iris. “I think we’ve all tried to run off at some time or other. Come on in, I have a few people I’d like you to meet.”
Georgie gave Willis a questioning look, and he nodded showing that things were fine.
“Iris, you need to meet the other two wives who live on the ranch.”
A pretty woman with dark hair stood.
“I’m Veronica. It’s so nice to meet you! I’m glad you’re back. I know these overbearing men can be too much.” She chuckled. “I’m married to Max, and he served under Georgie’s husband, Parker. If you need anything at all, just let me know. My house is the one with the dying flowers.”
Iris smiled as amusement lit her eyes. “It’s very nice to make your acquaintance.”
With a shake of her head that tousled the chocolate brown curls on top of her head, the other woman spoke up. “I’m Glory. I teach school here, and I’m married to Kent Sandler. All our guys served together. I’m delighted to meet you.” She turned to Veronica. “I told you they needed water, and you drowned the poor flowers. I’ll come by later and see what we can salvage.”
Veronica smiled, but Willis could tell she didn’t care if her flowers died or not.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you all.” Two splotches of red grew on Iris’ cheeks as she swept her hand down her body. “I apologize for my appearance, someone stole my bag yesterday.”
Glory put her hand to her chest. “Oh, no! Were you hurt?”
“I tripped over a tree root and tumbled down a hill. Lex found me, but my bag was gone.”
Parker came from the kitchen. “Someone left you there and took your bag? What was in it?” He flashed Willis a look of concern.
“My dresses, a silver-backed hairbrush, my Bible, and some jewelry. Most of it was sentimental.”
“Georgie, can you write down what the dresses and jewelry looked like?” He looked at Iris. “There are few people around who have any jewelry left to wear. If anyone wears anything of yours, we’ll be able to spot it.”
“Of course, darling.” She stood on tiptoe and kissed her husband’s cheek.
Parker smiled at his wife. “You take it easy today. In fact, all of you take it easy.”
Willis cleared his throat. “I would like to announce that I am courting the lovely Iris Sands. Parker, let’s go before they ask questions.”
Parker laughed as he headed for the door, Willis following close behind. He stopped and caught Iris’ gaze, giving her what he hoped was a warm, reassuring smile. Happiness spread through him as she returned the gesture.
As soon as the door closed, Parker chuckled.
“What’s so funny?” Willis asked.
“Seeing you fall for a woman. I wasn’t sure it would ever happen.”
“You have to admit she’s a pretty little gal.” They walked toward the barn.
“Yes she is, but she comes with some potentially explosive baggage.” Parker stopped and sent Willis a sidelong gaze. “Did she say anything more?”
“Her innocence makes sense. She would have been only thirteen when the war started. Her older sister knew what was going on. She dated many Confederate Soldiers. To the point Iris was concerned for her sister’s reputation.”
