Finding a Loyal Love, page 11
*****
“I did tell her. She just needs time Smoke. Dang!” Jade fumed.
She had been repeating herself for the last ten minutes. She should have followed her mind and stayed at home. She’d said no initially when King had asked her to come to the hospital, but she eventually gave in. She loved Smoke and all but he was starting to get on her nerves. Not to mention she wasn’t too fond of him at the moment. Had he learned to be faithful by now, none of this would have ever happened. He had better be glad Kyle got there when he did. If Lay-Lay had killed herself because of him, she would have made sure he suffered the same fate.
“Damn, Jade. You mad at me too?” Smoke wore his usual cocky smirk.
“I sure as hell am, so stop talking to me and talk to King. He’s your friend. I ain’t.”
King and Smoke laughed at her as she sat down in the corner. She took out her phone and noticed she had a text from Lay-Lay and a missed call from Morgan. She text Lay-Lay back first letting her know where she was as she listened to King and Smoke in the background. They were talking about Kristen.
“She better not say nothing!” Jade butted in.
“She’s not Jade. Chill. I’ve already talked to her.”
Jade sucked her teeth and rolled her eyes. “I just bet you have.”
King and Smoke laughed at her again before continuing their conversation. They could laugh all they wanted, but she was serious. After replying to Lay-Lay’s message about meeting her and Morgan for dinner, she called Morgan. She answered on the first ring. You could hear the babies crying in the background.
“Girl what are you doing to those babies?”
“Nothing. Dallas is giving them a bath. What’s up?” Jade went on to tell Morgan about meeting up with Lay-Lay for dinner. After that, they talked for another ten minutes. A nurse walked in just as she was about to end their call. She assumed she was coming to check on him until she practically snatched him out of the bed. Her arms were thrown around Smoke’s neck so tight it’s a wonder she hadn’t choked him to death.
“Morgan you should see this shit here,” Jade sat with her mouth slightly open as she looked the girl up and down.
“What, girl?” Morgan asked excitedly. She could tell by the tone of Jade’s voice it was something juicy. Jade told her what was going on and that she’d call her back. The girl was so busy in Smoke’s face she hadn’t paid Jade any attention. Lucky for her, King had. He stopped in front of Jade before she could move two steps.
He was standing in front of her blocking her from moving. “Mind your business. This has nothing to do with you”
“Like hell it don’t. This is the reason his ass is laid up in this hospital right now,” she stated defiantly.
“Jade, mind your business.” The look on King’s face told her that he was serious. His tone of voice assured her that this wasn’t up for discussion. She pushed past him so she could leave. She wasn’t about to sit there and watch Smoke’s disrespectful butt converse with this li’l ho. She was almost out of the door when Smoke called her name.
“Please ask Lay-Lay to come.”
“Nigga, please. I wish I would.” She left and didn’t look back. She wanted so badly to tell Lay-Lay, but this was not what she needed right now. Lay-Lay might be tempted to come to the hospital and finish Smoke’s lying butt off. She waited in the car for King. She’d left him in the room but she knew he wouldn’t be far behind. Not even three minutes later he was getting in their truck. She could feel his gaze on her but she wasn’t about to acknowledge it. She was pissed off with him too. Lay-Lay was her friend and he expected her to just sit around and not say anything on her behalf.
“Jade, you might as well lose that little attitude. I don’t give a fuck about you being mad. That is Smoke and Lay-Lay’s business. It ain’t got shit to do with you.” Jade remained silent. She wasn’t about to talk to his ass either. “I know your big head ass hear me talking to you.”
Jade heard him chuckle as he pulled out of the parking lot. She didn’t find anything about this situation humorous. That was the problem with men these days anyway. They thought everything was a fucking joke. She’d see if he was still laughing when she ignored his ass for the rest of the night.
“You hungry?”
Ah shit! King’s ass think he slick. He knew food was her weakness. She wanted to keep ignoring him but she knew he would try to be funny and go straight home without food. Instead of talking she just nodded her head.
“I can’t hear you Jade. I said are you hungry?”
“Yes. I want Captain D’s, and don’t think I’m your friend because I’m not.” She would talk to him long enough to get her food then she was going right back to being mad.
“That’s it?” He was smiling at her.
She knew he was trying to play. King knew she wanted an apple pie from Burger King too. She’d been craving them ever since she’d been pregnant. After thinking about it for a while she decided not to let him get it. She’d just grab one while she was out with Morgan and Lay-Lay.
“You want daddy to get you an apple pie?” King had placed his hand on her small round belly. His hand practically covered her entire stomach. It was so small and round like a soccer ball.
“King get your damn hand off of me.” Jade pushed his hand away as she tried to suppress her smile.
“If my baby wasn’t in your stomach I wouldn’t touch your mean ass.”
“Yes you would and you know it.” Jade finally smiled as he turned into the restaurant. Once inside King ordered her food and they sat down to eat. She checked her clock. She had three hours until she and her girls went out for dinner. She’d definitely be hungry again by then. King watched her eat. He had his own food but every time she looked up he was in her face.
“Damn can I get my face back?”
He wiped some tartar sauce from her mouth before laughing.
“I think you’re beautiful.”
“I think you know I’m mad at your black ass.”
“That too. I just don’t want you involved in that stuff Jay. You’re pregnant with my baby and I don’t want y’all getting hurt. Smoke and Lay-Lay are grown. They can deal with their own bullshit. Don’t let Lay-Lay’s actions today fool you. She ain’t crazy. She’s just emotional. You of all people know how Lay gets down with her gun. I’m surprised she didn’t kill Smoke’s ass. She just needs time to cool off. As far as we know, they may end up back together. I don’t want you in the middle of something that can get ugly. That’s your girl and that’s my nigga but that ain’t got shit to do with us.”
Jade understood where he was coming from. She hadn’t even thought about it like that. It was obvious Lay-Lay hadn’t wanted him dead. Maybe King was right. She probably should back off some. The more she thought about it, the better it sounded. Before long she agreed with his logic completely. She leaned forward and puckered her lips, waiting for King to kiss them. He obliged, sucking her bottom lip a little longer than necessary.
“I love you,” she moaned against his mouth.
“I love y’all too.” Jade loved how King loved their baby and it wasn’t even there yet. She loved him. He was perfect. She thanked God on a daily basis for the man he’d made just for her.
Chapter 8
Lay-Lay continued mopping her kitchen floor as Vivian Green’s song “Gotta Go, Gotta Leave” blasted through her speakers. She had been cleaning like a mad woman ever since Kyle had dropped her off earlier. Her responses to the questions Dr. Webb had asked her disturbed him a little. He wore a bewildered expression on the drive home. When he dropped her off, he walked her to the door, gave her a kiss on the forehead, and left. He hadn’t said goodbye or anything. It hadn’t been her intention to upset him, just to tell him the truth. She could still see the look on his face when she answered question after question.
“Why do you feel like you don’t deserve him?”
“He’s too good for me. I’m not worthy of his love. I don’t think I’m worthy of love at all.”
“Why do you feel this way Shalaya?”
“I’m too crazy to love. I would probably break his heart. If Kyle knows what’s best for him, he will run far away from me. I’ve been pushing him away for years and it’s like he doesn’t get it. I don’t want to hurt him, but I know I will. Every relationship I’ve ever had has gone down the drain because of me. I’m too aggressive.”
“Why are you so aggressive Shalaya? If you know this is what causes men to leave you, why not calm down a little?”
“I don’t mean to be aggressive. I just can’t help it. I’m afraid to be alone. When I think they’re about to leave, or choose someone over me, I get scared. My fear tends to come out as possessiveness or aggression. It’s nothing I do on purpose. I don’t like being alone but that’s how it’s always been. Even in my past relationships, I still feel alone because they always cheat. It’s because I’m crazy. No one wants the crazy girl to become their wife. That’s why I can’t be with Kyle. He’s the forever type of man, and I can’t give him that.”
From the moment those last words left her mouth Kyle hadn’t said another thing. His posture exuded discomfort. She knew it was because of her. Telling the truth hadn’t been what she’d planned to do but it was too late now. It felt so good to tell her true feelings, once she’d started she couldn’t stop. She was too afraid to ask Kyle how he felt about the things he’d heard, although it wasn’t like she needed him to say it. His actions were proof enough.
The smell of bleach and Fabuloso permeated through her small apartment. She had scrubbed her bathroom and kitchen to death. She was now in her living room dusting her tables. She had vacuumed the floor and cleaned her room already. This was the last thing she had to do before she was finished. After packing all of Smoke’s things into two big trash bags, she dragged them into the storage on her balcony. She didn’t need anything that belonged to him in her space.
A break between the two of them was long overdue. She sprayed Febreeze on her sofa and put away the rest of her cleaning materials. She had just walked back into her room to find clothes for tonight when her cell phone beeped with a text.
Smoke: Please come see me. We need to talk
Smoke had been texting her for the past hour. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with him. Her mind was still all over the place. Despite the fact she’d reorganized it earlier she still had way too much stuff. Clothes were everywhere in her closet. Because she couldn’t decide on anything she decided to take a shower first. She’d think about what she wanted to wear while she bathed.
Kill two birds with one stone. That idea worked perfectly. When she was all dried off she straightened her hair and got dressed. She wore all black with her leather Member’s Only jacket and thigh boots. Judging by her appearance you’d think she had it all together. The mirror told an entirely different story. She could still see the sadness in her eyes, so she turned away and left. When she got to the restaurant she looked around until she spotted Jade and Morgan sitting in the corner.
“Damn shawty bad!” Morgan yelled when she noticed Lay-Lay walking up. She and Jade had gotten there almost twenty minutes ago.
“Ain’t she though, with her thick ass?” Jade chimed in when she saw the smile on Lay-Lay’s face.
She hugged them both before sitting down on the opposite side of their booth. “Y’all hos so childish.”
Morgan and Jade laughed and began making small talk. The elephant in the room was obvious. Neither of them wanted to address the situation first. Lay-Lay knew this so she chose to go first.
“Y’all, Kyle took me to counseling today.” Jade and Morgan were both all ears. “I didn’t want to at first, but surprisingly it actually helped. At least I think it did. Kyle stayed with me the whole time. It was cool. I ended up telling that man all my damn business.” The three girls chuckled nervously. All of them were still a little unsure of what to say about everything.
“Well do you feel better? You sure as hell look better.”
“Yeah Morg, I actually do. I’m still a little sad but I feel better. I don’t know what I was thinking trying to kill myself. I was so scared after I pulled the trigger it took me damn near two hours to stop my body from shaking.”
“I should slap your ass for doing that. What were Morgan and I going to do had you died? You know I have to take this li’l skinny bitch in doses. I can’t deal with Morgan’s ass all by myself.”
Morgan pushed Jade’s head as they all shared a laugh. Lay-Lay went on to explain to them the same things she’d told the psychiatrist. When she finished both women were speechless. They’d had no idea she’d been feeling that way about herself. They tried telling her over and over how much they loved her. This only made her cry. Before long they were all crying and spilling their feelings. The waitress came a couple of times to refill their drinks and bring more tissue. Lay-Lay had just finished wiping her eyes when her cell phone started ringing. She rolled her eyes thinking it was Smoke until she saw Kyle’s name on her screen.
“Hello.”
“Hey. Where are you? I’m at your house.” His voice held a hint of urgency.
“Oh I’m sorry. I came to Applebee’s with Jade and your sister.” Lay could hear him let out a deep sigh. “Is something wrong?”
“Nah, I just...uh...nah, everything is okay. I was just coming by to check on you. When you didn’t answer the door I got worried.” Lay could feel her chest tightening. Lawd, I’ ma worry this boy to death. The relief in his voice was obvious. He had probably thought she’d done something to herself.
“I’m fine Kyle. Are you mad at me?”
“No, but we can talk about that later. Have fun with your girls. Tell them I said what’s up.” Lay-Lay told him she wouldn’t be much longer and that he could wait for her at her house. She knew he had nowhere else to go in Atlanta. Morgan’s house was the only place. He declined at first until she began to beg. She told him where her spare key was located when he agreed. He hesitated for a moment before saying goodbye. Lay could hear him breathing. He wanted to say something. She held the phone while waiting for him to speak again. “I love you Shalaya. Hurry up and come home.” Her eyes misted with more tears.
“I am. I love you too.” It wasn’t until she hung up that she let the tears fall. She was so happy to know Kyle still cared about her. After today she was sure she had ruined them. They didn’t have anything concrete but their love was real.
“Y’all so sweet, y’all make my damn teeth hurt,” Jade said as she handed Lay-Lay another tissue.
“I can’t wait until you’re my sister-in-law.” Lay-Lay stopped crying long enough to laugh at her friends. Being Morgan’s sister-in-law didn’t sound half bad.
*****
The city lights were relaxing. Atlanta was a city that never slept. Cars and people were everywhere even though it was almost ten o’ clock at night. Lay-Lay had just left the restaurant and was headed home. At least that’s where she thought she was going. For some reason or another, she had just gotten of the exit for the hospital Smoke was in. She hadn’t wanted to go by there but she needed to. He wouldn’t stop blowing up her phone, and she needed closure.
The long talk she’d had with her best friends at dinner helped make up her mind. They both encouraged her to go when she was ready. She hadn’t been ready before but she was now. She parked her mustang in the closest spot she could find and headed inside. Hopefully the nurses on duty wouldn’t bother her. It was well after visiting hours. She took the elevator up to his floor and walked down the hall to his room. Her heart beat in her chest at a rapid pace. It was like seeing him for the first time. When she walked past, the nurse’s station was empty. Thank you Jesus for small favors. She reached room 428 and walked in. It was dark except for the light from the television. His face lit up when he saw her. She ignored him and walked to the window. She looked down to see how far up they were before turning around.
If he tried anything slick his ass was going straight through that glass. She could see the lights flicking on behind her. He was sitting upright in his bed when she turned to face him. Neither of them said anything. He stared at her and she stared back. He looked sexy as hell with those bushy ass eyebrows and she hated it. He was supposed to look how she felt. She’d been ready to give up her life for this clown and he looked like nothing had ever happened.
“What’s up Lay-Lay Ali? You’ve been ignoring my calls.”
“Cut the bullshit Smoke. I only came so you would stop calling me. What do you want? You and I have nothing to say to each other.”
“I just wanted to let you know I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I’m a man; I get caught up from time to time. I’m not mad at you for any of this shit. I know I put you through hell.”
“I don’t give a fuck about you not being mad at me. I should shoot your ass again.” Smoke laughed at how angry she got so quick. He apologized again and she remained quiet. The room was silent for a while before she started talking again. “Smoke, what is it about me? Why do you cheat so much? Am I not enough?” Her voice broke with tears. She didn’t want to cry in front of him, but she couldn’t help it. He reached out his hand to her and she took it. She joined him on the bed and laid her head on his shoulder. Just being near him, made her feel better.
“I love you Lay-Lay. It’s not you girl, it’s me. I try to be faithful but I can’t. It ain’t have shit to do with you. You a real ride or die chick and I appreciate that. You’re more gutta than some of the niggas I fuck with. If I ever had to choose a woman to be my wife it would be you, hands down. I’m just not on that shit right now. I keep trying but it’s just not in me.” Light sniffles escaped her lips. Smoke was hurting her feelings something terrible. She knew he could tell when he asked her to look at him. Lay shifted in the bed so she could see his face. “You’re a true female that stays down for her nigga and I love you. I love your ass so much Lay-Lay it’s crazy. I want us to be together. I just don’t know how faithful I can be. I’m willing to try but I still don’t know. I’m just not the man for you. When I watched you put that gun to your head, I didn’t know what to do. Any pain I was feeling from that gunshot wound had nothing on the pain I felt in my heart when you squeezed that trigger. If being with me hurts you to the point of not wanting to be here, we shouldn’t be together. I don’t want to be the cause of that type of turmoil. You don’t deserve it.”
