The Inside Edge, page 19
Jess took a step forward. “Nate—”
His feet wanted to go backward—back into the elevator, down to the ground floor, out into a Lyft. Home where he could pretend this wasn’t happening. Thank God he still had some pride left. He held his ground. “The show is doing the best it’s ever done!”
“I know,” Jess said.
“Because Aubrey is perfect for this job!” He knew about hockey, sure. But in reality, the cohost’s job was to act as a foil for Nate, help the audience learn who he was. They humanized each other—humanized the game. “I just got him broken in.”
“I know,” Jess repeated gently. “It wasn’t my decision. I’m sorry, Nate.”
Fuck sorry. Nate had never had much of a temper. Even when he was on the ice, even in the highest-stakes games, he generally kept a cool head. But his blood was boiling now. “They can’t do that.” The words came out hot and venomous.
Jess did a double take, but she recovered quickly. “Didn’t think you’d feel so strongly about it, but yeah, they can do whatever they want.”
“It’s in my contract,” Aubrey explained quietly.
Damn it. “But why? Why would they?” Except Nate knew why. Jess knew too. “Right,” he said acidly. “That’s the bonus of having two gay hosts, I guess. You can fire one and still claim it’s not discrimination.”
“Kindly watch your tone and your insinuations when you’re standing in the middle of the hallway.” The flush across Jess’s cheeks let him know his anger was contagious. She didn’t like this any more than he did, but the steel in her voice made it clear she wasn’t going to let him steamroll her either. “This is a little bigger than just Aubrey. Those shows over Thanksgiving, those were part of the test phase. New format. New cohost.”
Oh Jesus. “Who in their right mind would rather watch Paul than Aubrey?”
“Nate.” Aubrey put a hand on his arm.
Jess’s eyebrows hit her hairline.
Motherfucker. Nate gritted his teeth. Aubrey’s hand dropped to his side.
“Why don’t you come in?” Jess said finally, “and we can continue this conversation behind closed doors.” Then she turned to Aubrey. “Good luck, okay? You’ll be great. And I’ll look you up if I’m ever in town.”
Ever in town? Where was she going?
Or was the question: Where were they going?
Aubrey glanced sideways at Nate, the color washing out of his cheeks. “You better,” he said to Jess, and they shook hands. He turned to leave and touched Nate’s elbow on the way by. “I’ll see you at home, okay?”
He kept his voice quiet, but Nate knew Jess wouldn’t have missed it. But he couldn’t be bothered to keep up a pretense either. There was no point now. He nodded.
When the door closed behind him, he took a moment to close his eyes and reach for calm. This wasn’t Jess’s fault. Or Aubrey’s. Or his own.
It just sucked.
“I didn’t realize you two had gotten so close,” Jess said quietly.
Nate swallowed and forced himself to sit, not quite ready to meet her gaze. “Yeah, well. He sneaks up on you.”
“I guess so.”
He cleared his throat. Whatever else he was dealing with, this was a business meeting, and he was a professional. He wasn’t going to quit just because he didn’t get his way. “So. Tell me about the new show.”
Chapter Twenty-One
NATE HAD a long week of meetings ahead of him. The new show liaison, Jim Royce, wanted to meet with him tomorrow first thing, to go over the new format. They wouldn’t be able to change everything up immediately—they’d need a new set, among other things—but Royce didn’t want Nate to be surprised by anything that was coming. Jess’s words.
Nate was pretty sure they just wanted to make sure he knew he wasn’t going to get any say in what was going on. He’d heard enough stories about how ESBN operated, and Jess had hinted at what he could expect.
It didn’t sound like fun. But it didn’t hold a candle to what Aubrey was going through, so Nate sucked it up.
He had his Lyft swing by Luella’s for dinner before heading back to Aubrey’s.
“Hey,” he said when Aubrey opened the door. Nate had half expected him to be wearing grubby sweatpants and a ratty T-shirt, which was ridiculous in hindsight. The closest thing he owned to grubby sweatpants were the ones with PINK on the ass. Instead he was wearing the same suit he’d worn to Jess’s office, but he’d ditched the jacket and unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt. “Salmon croquettes or chicken and waffles? Or are we skipping to dessert?”
“Are those beignets?” Aubrey took the bag and stuck his nose inside for a sniff. “Oh my God. Come to Daddy.” He stepped back to let Nate pass him.
“I know it’s kind of early for dinner,” Nate said, hanging his coat by the door. “I figured we could heat it up later if you’re up to it.”
“I’m actually fine.” Aubrey put dinner in the fridge and took out a pair of plates for the beignets. “I mean, it sucks. I liked that job. I’ll probably want to break something later. But it’s not like I need the money.”
They were both lucky that way. “I’ll miss working with you, though. It’s not going to be the same.” Why didn’t Aubrey seem more upset?
Aubrey handed him a plate and gestured toward the breakfast bar. They sat. “The more things change, right?” Then Aubrey contemplated his beignet. “Oh… napkins.”
On second thought, maybe he was a little distracted. “I’ll get them,” Nate offered.
Aubrey put a hand on his arm. The first and second time he’d done that, Nate had thought he was comforting Nate. Looking at Aubrey now, though… maybe it was the other way around. Maybe this was Aubrey asking for comfort the only way he could.
Maybe beignets weren’t what he needed right then.
“Hey,” Nate said. “These’ll keep another hour, right?”
Aubrey tilted his head.
Nate stood and held out his hand. “C’mon.”
Aubrey didn’t resist as Nate led him to the bedroom. He let Nate undo the buttons of his dress shirt and slide it from his shoulders, unbuckle his belt and pull it through its loops. Nate kept his touch intimate but not sexual. This was about comfort. Anything else he’d leave up to Aubrey.
“What’re we doing?” Aubrey asked finally, as Nate gently nudged him onto the bed.
“Starting the day over. This one blows.” Nate left his own shirt over the back of the chair where he’d laid Aubrey’s. His pants joined it a moment later, and then he lay down in the bed next to Aubrey in his boxers and curled his body around him. “There. Better.”
Aubrey breathed deeply for a few moments. The tension in his back and shoulders slowly gave way until he was leaning into Nate’s body. He interlaced their fingers. “I have a question.”
“Shoot.”
“What kind of heathen leaves his socks on in bed?”
Nate snorted into the back of Aubrey’s neck. It must have tickled, because Aubrey hunched his shoulders against it. “Hey, it’s December in Chicago. Frostbite is a real concern.”
“The heat goes off in your swanky apartment one time,” Aubrey said dramatically. He sounded better already.
Nate smiled against his skin.
“We could get under the covers,” Aubrey suggested.
“Mm-hmm.” Despite his earlier comment, Aubrey didn’t actually feel cold—no goose bumps—and he generally kept his place a few degrees warmer than Nate did.
“Or,” Aubrey said, turning over.
Yeah, Nate thought so. “Or,” he agreed.
Their mouths came together slowly, a foregone conclusion without any urgency. Nate traced the shell of Aubrey’s ear, the line of his jaw. Their knees bumped; Aubrey adjusted to let Nate slide a leg between his so they could get closer.
Nate kissed Aubrey’s mouth, his chin, his cheekbone, and then started over. Aubrey clutched at the back of his neck, then his shoulder. Nate shuddered when Aubrey pressed a hand between his pectorals and slid it down to his navel.
It was easy to let his hands wander. Aubrey arched into his touches, sighing and gasping, letting Nate learn his body. Nate kept his hands light, though, exploring the hard, smooth muscles of Aubrey’s back, the curve of his bicep, the dip of his waist. When he slid lower, palming the generous swell of his ass, Aubrey tilted his head against Nate’s so their noses brushed, breaking their kiss.
“I want,” Aubrey said quietly, but he didn’t finish the statement. When Nate opened his eyes, his face was flushed, his eyelashes fanned out against his cheeks. He brushed their noses together again.
Nate stole a handful of quick, sipping kisses. “Okay.”
While Nate fumbled behind him for the nightstand drawer, Aubrey wriggled out of his boxers. Nate rolled back with the lube and a handful of condoms, and Aubrey met him with a kiss.
Nate wasn’t in any more of a hurry now that Aubrey was naked. They entwined their legs again. Nate took his time working Aubrey open as they kissed, swallowing the sound of his gasps, biting back moans of his own as Aubrey stroked his cock.
He worked up to three fingers, Aubrey undulating against him, his face tucked against Nate’s neck. Finally Aubrey curled his leg toward himself and used his knee to push Nate away.
Nate could take a hint. He eased Aubrey onto his back and pulled a pillow from the head of the bed to shove under his hips while Aubrey unwrapped the condom. He rolled it down Nate’s erection, then rubbed his thumb in a circle under the head.
He leaned his forehead against Aubrey’s as he pushed inside. The tight heat of Aubrey’s body enveloped him, sending his head spinning. Aubrey exhaled a soft gasping sound as he tilted his head back and his hips up, cradling Nate with his body.
It was sexy and slick and gorgeous. Aubrey’s fingers slid through the sweat on his back, clutching him closer, and his body was hot and grasping around Nate’s cock, drawing him in deeper with every stroke. His breath fanned softly over Nate’s lips, and he hooked an ankle around the back of Nate’s thigh, urging him on.
Finally Nate shuddered and pushed up on his arms, changing the angle.
“Ah!” Aubrey threw his head back, and the tendons of his neck stood out in stark relief. His face was a rictus of pleasure. A rivulet of sweat dripped down his temple.
Nate licked his lips, watching him, focused on his pleasure. His cock was hard between them, full and dripping on his stomach, but Aubrey’s hands were busy tweaking Nate’s nipples, digging into the flesh of his shoulders to urge him on.
Supporting himself on one hand, Nate reached for the lube and flicked the cap open. He knew he wouldn’t last, and he needed to make Aubrey feel as incredible as he did.
Aubrey cried out again when Nate closed his slick hand around his shaft. His eyes shot open, meeting Nate’s.
Nate leaned down again until their faces were centimeters apart. At this angle he could barely move his hand, but it didn’t seem to matter. Aubrey’s breath was hitching, his body coiling like a spring. Clumsy, he lifted his mouth to meet Nate’s. Nate’s teeth grazed his lower lip, and Aubrey shook just slightly. Then he deepened the kiss, and Aubrey shattered around him, crying out into Nate’s mouth.
Nate followed him over the edge, helpless to do anything else.
For several moments they lay panting in each other’s arms. Aubrey’s pupils were blown, and he seemed dazed, his face slack.
Nate let him recover. It was pretty obvious he’d never felt that bone-deep, soul-deep connection that came from the kind of intimate sex you could only have with someone you loved. It was natural he’d feel vulnerable, and equally so to need time to process.
So he kept his mouth shut and quietly dealt with the condom, leaving it in a wad of tissues on the nightstand. Tissues were not going to cut it for the two of them, but he wasn’t going to nudge Aubrey toward the shower before he was ready.
“Nate,” Aubrey said finally.
Ah. His brain had finally rebooted. “Hm?”
“There might be something to this whole commitment thing.”
Months ago Nate might have bristled. By now he could recognize when Aubrey was deflecting attention from his own vulnerability. Instead of taking offense, he kissed Aubrey’s forehead. “I’ll have to take your word for it since I don’t have a basis of comparison.”
Finally Aubrey raised his head and a single eyebrow.
“I tried to have a casual hookup once, but it worked out,” he elaborated wryly.
Aubrey smiled and put his head back down. “I’m glad.”
“Me too.”
WITH THE show undergoing a series of seemingly arbitrary changes, Aubrey suddenly had a lot of time to himself while Nate attended hours upon hours of meetings.
“I wish I’d gotten fired,” Nate joked one night when he came in the door at eight. They hadn’t been filming. He’d had seven solid hours of meetings.
You could retire and be my kept man, Aubrey almost suggested, but that would lead to a serious conversation he wasn’t ready to have, and Nate was already exhausted.
“Shower or bathtub?” he asked instead, and afterward they spent a pleasant half hour watching The Mandalorian on Disney Plus, because Aubrey was a closet Star Wars buff and Nate loved Baby Yoda.
Unfortunately, Aubrey was finding that the longer he went without telling Nate the truth about Vegas, the more difficult it was to broach the subject.
In a twist of events Aubrey never could have predicted, he called his mother for relationship advice.
“Mom, can I ask you something?”
“Please do. Your cousin is a wonderful woman, but I am entirely too old to be expected to partake in bachelorette-party drinking games.”
Aubrey laughed. “Come on. You love it.”
“Oh, fine.” He could hear her amusement. “I could drink any two of them under the table. I just don’t go in for lime Jell-O shots. Tell me all your problems.”
“Well, they didn’t start over Jell-O shots.”
“I am already intrigued.”
He sat, then stood again, suddenly nervous, like… like a high schooler about to come out of the closet or introduce his parents to his boyfriend for the first time. “The thing is….” He held his breath, hoping the need to expel it would make it easier to say the words. “I met someone.”
Dead. Silence.
Well, Aubrey hadn’t expected that. When it stretched on for more than a few seconds, he said tentatively, “Mom? Did you hear what I said?”
“I—I heard you.” There was a sigh of air and the sound of shushing fabric, like she’d been so surprised she needed to find a fainting couch or something. “You met someone, you said. In a… romantic context?”
Why was she being so weird about this? Aubrey was suddenly uncertain. He’d been sure his whole life that it was his promiscuity his mother had taken issue with, but what if that had been a cover? “That’s usually what the phrase means, yes.”
“Oh.” Now he had a whole new reason to be alarmed. Oh no. He’d jokingly told Nate his mother would probably weep tears of joy if he told her they were together. He hadn’t expected it to be true. And he certainly hadn’t expected the waterworks to begin before he even told her it was solid, family-values Nate who’d swept him off his feet—or maybe checked him off them.
“Oh, Aubrey, I’m just—so happy.”
He swallowed around a suddenly too-tight throat. “Me too, Mom.”
“Oh.” Another sniff followed by a zip, and then more rustling. His mother always carried a fine linen handkerchief in her purse. He imagined her dabbing her eyes with it now. “Aubrey, I… I want to apologize to you.”
Aubrey had been gearing up to explain falling for his cohost, but this derailed him completely. “Again?”
She laughed wetly. “I haven’t apologized for this yet, and it’s important.”
Aubrey sat again. “Okay.”
“I want to apologize for how I scolded you when you were younger, when you….”
“When I slept with any guy who’d look at me twice?” Aubrey suggested.
His mother sniffed in acknowledgment. “I always disapproved of your lifestyle—not your sexuality, Aubrey. I love you, and that includes the fact that you’re gay. But I hated that you slept with so many men, and I never made a secret of that. You probably thought it lowered my opinion of you and—well, I suppose it did. I’m working on that. But that wasn’t the reason I hated it.”
“Okay,” Aubrey said again, even more off-balance and unsure how to protect himself against the blow he sensed was coming.
“The truth is I was afraid for you.”
Afraid…? Of…? “What, Mom? I don’t get it.”
She sighed. “When you came out to us, you were already a world-class athlete. You took a lot of pride in your body, and you put a lot of value on it. I worried that if you… if you only ever loved with your body, you would believe your heart wasn’t worth anything.”
Aubrey was stunned into silence. His eyes burned with tears—at finally understanding his mother’s objections and at how close she had been to the truth. He took a sharp breath. “You might have been right to worry.” There. Half of the hard stuff out of the way. “If I hadn’t met Nate….”
“Nate?” She perked up. “Nate Overton? Your cohost?”
“Former cohost,” Aubrey reminded her. “We’ve been seeing each other for a while.” He loved her, and he was trying to repair their relationship, but she didn’t need details.
“Tell me about him,” she demanded. “I know he’s handsome and you have good chemistry, so you can leave that out.”
Aubrey smiled, thinking about him. “What do you want to know? He’s close to his family. He used to be married, but he’s not anymore. I wasn’t involved,” he added hurriedly.
“Oh, Aubrey. Of course not. I know you better than that.”
Aubrey had slept with a few married men, actually, but he hadn’t known until after the fact. But those memories were better left in the past; they made him feel used. “Okay. Well. Nate is… he likes to cook? He plays in a coed rec hockey league on Fridays at the rink where I’ve been skating with Greg.” And now to steer the conversation to the advice portion. “He, um. He wants kids.”
