Concrete Rose, page 22
She turn her back to me and pull her blanket over her head. “Leave me alone, Maverick.”
We don’t speak for the rest of the drive.
CHAPTER 25
I ain’t shit.
I’m a drug-dealing, gangbanging, high school flunk-out – that’s worse than a dropout. I got two kids by two different girls at seventeen. I hurt my momma, and I hurt Lisa, two of the main people who care about me only ’cause I made them think I’m somebody I’m not. Truth is, I’m the kinda dude who end up in the news or in one of them PSAs they show at school on what not to be.
Since I ain’t shit, I ain’t got shit to lose. I may as well kill the person who killed Dre. First, I gotta make sure that’s really Red.
Monday morning, I look for Bus Stop Tony. It can be easier to find crack around the Garden than it can be to find a crackhead. They stay on the move. I go to Tony’s bus stop first, and I find his shopping cart and a dirty blanket. No Tony.
I walk over to the swap meet. Tony known to ask folks for money in the parking lot, but he ain’t there today. I go to Magnolia next. He sometimes offer to wash windows at the intersections for money. No Tony. I got one other option, the White House.
Not the one in DC. I mean this run-down crack house over on Carnation. It used to be white, the paint peeling now, so everybody in the Garden call it the White House. Let’s be real though – half these politicians act like they on crack anyway, selling pipe dreams and shit. Calling it the White House make perfect sense.
I used to be scared to walk by it when I was little. All the people coming in and out had red eyes and scaly skin, like dragons. I came up with this story in my head that it was a dragon dungeon, and I was a knight, Sir Maverick, Prince of Garden Heights. I figured I was royalty, too, since my pops was the crown of the King Lords. My mission every day was to sneak past the dungeon without the dragons spotting me. Them crackheads ain’t care ’bout me, but I would hide behind trees and bushes. It was my own li’l game.
I miss my wild imagination.
Today, I walk right up to the house. The yard been missing grass for a minute. These days it’s just dirt covered in trash. A lady in dingy clothes curled up in a corner of the porch. I’m glad she snoring. As still as she is, I almost thought she was dead.
The White House don’t belong to any one person, it’s more like the neighborhood’s spot for junkies to hide. I walk right in, and goddamn, the stench hit me head-on. It’s the strongest piss mixed with this burning plastic smell. I pull my shirt over my mouth and nose.
Several people lie around the dim living room on raggedy couches and in corners on the floor. Wisps of smoke rise in the air near some of their mouths and their skin scaly like the dragons I used to imagine.
Now, I’ve seen crackheads before, like on a corner acting a fool or around the neighborhood asking for money. I done laughed at plenty of them and sold product to a couple. I ain’t laughing now.
There’s no sign of Tony in any room or in the backyard. After a while, I figure I may as well go wait at his bus stop. I head back to the living room, and guess who happen to walk through the front door?
Tony freeze. His eyes get big. Just as his name reach the tip of my tongue, he take off.
“Ay, Tony! Wait up.”
Crackheads fast as hell. Tony haul ass down the sidewalk. He start to dart around a corner, but I grab his shirt.
“Let me go!” He try to shake me off. “I didn’t do nothing!”
I put my hands up. “Ay, ay, chill. I didn’t say you did.”
“Them cops told you they questioned me, didn’t they? I told them I ain’t do nothing! They wouldn’t listen to me!”
He almost in tears. Cops get real dirty when they want some info. Who knows what they did to a crackhead? “I believe you,” I say. “You wouldn’t kill nobody.”
“I wouldn’t! Dre was a good fella. I wouldn’t do that!”
“I know. But Tony, did you see anything that night?”
He scratch himself. Them look and smell like the same clothes he had on the night he snuck up on me and Dre. “I don’t want nobody coming after me.”
“Nobody’s gonna come after you. You got my word.”
“I don’t want a word! I want a hookup!”
“Tony, man—”
“I know you got something on you. You Li’l Don! You just like your daddy! He used to hook me up all the time. Gave me my first crack rock!” Tony flash a gummy grin.
He right, I could easily hand him something to get him to talk. My hand drift toward my pocket.
I stop myself. Fast as he is, he may take off without talking. “I’ll hook you up, but first you gotta tell me what you saw.”
Tony stare at my pocket, licking his lips. “You promise?”
“I promise. What did you see?”
“I was down the street from your house, near Mr. Randall’s house. That ol’ mean man. Ain’t he mean, Maverick?”
I nod. Mr. Randall got one of the prettiest front yards in the whole Garden, and he’ll cuss kids out if they get too close. Me and King egged his house once for the hell of it.
“What happened next?” I ask.
“I was minding my business. Minding my business, I swear, and I heard the gunshots. Liked to scared the mess outta ol’ Tony. Had my heart racing! I dove into Mr. Randall’s bushes. Ended up pissing myself right there.”
That’s what Mr. Randall get. “Did you see the car?”
“I did. It was red. Looked like an ol’ Impala.”
And there’s my proof. That’s the same kinda car Red used to drive.
That son of a bitch. I swear, I could choke the life outta him. Make him stare at nothing at all like he made Dre—
“Now give me my hookup!”
I’m snapped back to the corner with Tony. He got a hungry glint in his eyes as he stare at my pocket.
I dig in my other pocket for my wallet and hand a couple hundred to Tony. “Go get you some new clothes and a meal, then get a room at a motel for a few nights, a’ight? You need to clean up.”
His eyes light up more and he reach for the money. I hold it back. “I’m serious, Tony. Don’t go blowing my money on drugs. Go get some food, some clothes, and a motel. Don’t make me come looking for you.”
“I’ll do it, I’ll do it!” he claims, and snatch the money. He count it out and go, “Oooohwee! I can get me some name-brand clothes with this. Ol’ Tony gon’ be sharp!”
He whistle down the sidewalk.
That was the first time in a long time that anybody ever said that I’m like my pops. Straight up? It don’t feel as good as I thought it would.
CHAPTER 26
There’s a lot of things I never wanted to know ’bout my pops. It come with the territory when your father is Big Don. I’d rather hear that he bought kids’ shoes and fed families at holidays. Not that he got people hooked on crack.
Sometimes one person’s hero is another person’s monster, or in my case, father. Yet it’s hard for me to judge him when I’m plotting to kill somebody else’s father. But see, taking Red out is the best way for Dre to get justice. It ain’t much different from a judge sentencing Red to death row.
I think.
I ain’t real sure why, but I drive three hours to Evergreen Prison. Ma let me use her car like she promised. It’s real weird looking for a table in the visiting area without her. I grab one in a corner with only two chairs so I don’t take one a family could use. There’s lots of mommas here with their kids. It kinda surprise me, since it’s Friday, a school day. Then again, Ma would sign me out early so we could come see Pops. You visit when you can, not when you want.
All the kids look real nervous or real excited. I remember them days. First time we came to see Pops, I couldn’t sleep the night before. I told everybody all week that I was gonna see my daddy. Ma explained that I wouldn’t be able to play with him. It didn’t matter to me. I bounced in my seat the whole drive up here.
Until I saw the prison. That big mountain surrounded by barbwire drained the excitement right outta me. The stone-faced guards with their guns made me think I was in trouble. Any kid who can still be excited just don’t know better.
The buzz go off, and the inmates come in. Today, Pops one of the first ones out.
I stand up. My heart seem to beat along with his footsteps. He look older, but that ain’t possible. It’s only been a couple of months. I think it’s the bags under his eyes that age him.
He reach the table. “Hey.”
“Hey.”
We just look at each other. I can’t hug him after how I did him. He obviously don’t wanna hug me either, since he ain’t moving.
I sit back down. “Thanks for agreeing to see me.”
Pops take the seat across from me. “I’ll always see you, you know that. Faye said you wanted to talk.”
I watch my fumbling fingers. “Um, yeah. I um—”
Pops dip his head so I can see him. “My name not ‘Um,’ and my eyes not down there.”
I look at him. This man oughta go off on me. Let Seven treat me how I treated Pops, and I’d put his behind in check real quick.
In Pops’s eyes, there’s a whole lot of things he ain’t saying, like I love you and I missed you. I’m pissed at you ain’t one.
It make my throat close up. “I’m sorry, Pops. I shouldn’t have cut you off like I did.”
“Aw, Mav Man, I’m not tripping. You were right that day. I had a lot of nerve coming down on you after all I’ve done. I wouldn’t have talked to me either. I forgive you. I’m willing to forget, too. A’ight?”
He reach his fist across the table even though he not supposed to. I lightly bump it.
A smile stretch across his face. “My main man. What’s going on with you? How’s baby boy and Lisa? Her pregnancy okay?”
“Ma didn’t keep you updated?”
“She did. I wanna hear from you though. My son. Don’t tell me you forgot how to talk these past few months, big as your mouth is.”
“Who I get it from?”
He let out one of them gut-busting laughs. “Okay, you got me, you got me.”
“I know. Seven good. He crawling now. I dread when he start walking. He already wanna get into everything. Lisa good. Her pregnancy fine, in fact.” I dig in my pocket and put the ultrasound picture on the table. I got it from Lisa’s appointment last month. The baby ain’t a li’l blob no more. It’s starting to look like a real baby.
Pops pick up the ultrasound. “Would you look at that? That’s definitely the Carter family apple head.”
“Maaaan. He just gotta grow into it, a’ight?”
“He? Y’all found out it’s a boy?”
“Nah, but I know it is. Lisa think it’s a girl.”
“Then it’s a girl. Always listen to a woman’s intuition. Won’t ever lead you wrong.” He hold the picture toward me.
I wave him off. “That’s yours. I thought you’d want a picture of your new grandson.”
Pops laughs. “A’ight, stubborn. How’s your momma? She told me she fine, but I know she don’t want me worrying if she not.”
“She good. Ummm … Moe might be moving in with us.”
“Oh.” Pops quiet for a minute. “You cool with that?”
It feel like he drew a line in the sand with that question; he on one side, and Ma on the other, and I gotta pick who I’m with.
I tiptoe down the middle. “I’m cool with whatever make Ma happy. That’s nothing against you—”
“I know.” There’s another pause. “You think your momma’s in love with her?”
I picture that light in Ma’s eyes that she only get when Moe around, and that’s all the answer I need. It may not be what Pops wanna hear. He and Ma been together since they were my age. That’s twenty years of love I could be messing with. “We shouldn’t talk ’bout this.”
“I’m fine, Maverick. Be honest with me. I can handle it.”
“A’ight.” It take me a moment regardless. “I think Ma is in love with her.”
Pops let out a long sigh. “I had a feeling.”
“She love you, Pops, but—”
He put his hand up. “This isn’t for you to deal with, Mav Man. I shouldn’t have asked you no way. Me and your momma can work through this ourselves, a’ight?”
“A’ight.”
Pops tiredly wipe his face. “Man. Enough of that. What did you wanna talk to me about?”
I tried to figure that out the whole three-hour drive up here. I honestly ain’t sure why I came in the first place. I know I gotta kill Red, no question, but it’s like I need to talk to Pops. Need to hear him say that I’m doing the right thing. Need him to tell me that I’m being a man.
My foot won’t stop tapping. It don’t help that we sitting in a prison, surrounded by guards. “I just … I wanted to tell you I got some business to handle for Dre.”
“What kinda business?” Pops asks.
“I found out who shut him down.”
Pops’s eyes get big, but only for a second. He straighten up, sneak a quick glance at the guards, then look at me. “Was it green?”
In other words, Garden Disciples. I shake my head. “Red, actually.”
“Red,” Pops says, slowly, and he seem to figure it out. “You sure?”
“Positive.”
Pops sit back in his chair, stroking his chin. “Do you wanna take this … business on?”
“You know the code, Pops.”
“That’s not what I asked you,” he says.
All I gotta do is remember Dre slumped over his steering wheel to know what I want. “I can’t let nobody get away with it.”
“Then why you come all this way to tell me?” Pops says. “You don’t need my approval or my permission.”
I want it though. But if I said that, I’d sound like a li’l-ass kid who need his daddy. I can’t be that no more. Instead I say nothing.
Pops sit forward. “Listen, Mav Man. I been in your shoes plenty of times. I can tell you that it ain’t something you forget. Every time you close your eyes, every time your mind wander a little bit, you’ll be back at that moment. You sure you wanna deal with that?”
My eyes start to burn. “Dre was my brother, Pops.”
“Hey, hey, hey.” He cup my cheek. A white guard bark at us ’bout contact, but this Latino guard tell him to leave us alone. It would take all of them to get Pops to let me go anyway.
“I’m here, man,” Pops says. “Daddy’s here. It’s okay.”
Them few words do me in. I say them to Seven all the time, but I ain’t heard them myself in years, and they everything I ever needed. “Dre should be here,” I blubber.
“He should be.”
“He deserved better,” I say.
“He did.”
“I wanna do this for him. I got to.”
Pops smile so sad it’s hard to call it that. “There were a lot of things I thought I had to do, too. Reality was, I only had to be there for you and your momma, and I failed at that.”
“Carter,” the Latino guard near us says. “That’s enough.”
Pops lift his hand off my cheek and sit back.
“I won’t give you the permission or the approval you want, Maverick,” he says. “You’re becoming your own man. This is your choice to make. You just make sure it’s one you can live with.”
Yeah, but what ’bout what I can’t live with? I can’t go on, knowing Red got away with murdering my cousin. I can’t.
Another loud buzz go off, this one signaling that visiting time is over. Inmates and their families stand and say their goodbyes around the room.
I only rise when Pops do. This time, he don’t hesitate to wrap me up in his arms.
His hugs got power. Nothing else exist beyond them.
Eventually, he have to let me go. He hold my shoulders. “Take care of yourself, a’ight?”
“You too, Pops.”
He turn around real fast. Not fast enough. I catch a glimpse of the tears in his eyes.
CHAPTER 27
Two days later, I’m ready to kill Red.
I close my bedroom door. Ma and Moe watch Waiting to Exhale in the living room for like the fiftieth time. Seven asleep in his crib. He don’t see me go in my closet and pull the Glock that King got me outta my FILA box.
I tuck it in my waistband and pull my hoodie over it. Red close up shop at the park once the streetlights come on. The park be pretty empty on Sunday nights, ’cause most of the homies watching whatever game on TV. Tonight it’s my Lakers versus the Supersonics. I’m taking a gray bandana to hide my face in case somebody walk by. From the park, I’ll run to the cemetery. I’ll toss my hoodie and the gun in the lake in the back. Then I’ll go home and go on with my life.
I got my plan, and I’m ready.
Yet my legs won’t stop shaking.
I grab the cordless phone off my nightstand and start to dial the number I done learned by heart, but I stop. Lisa know me real good. She’d figure out something is up quick.
I set the phone back down.
Ma and Moe cuddled up on the couch with a bowl of popcorn. The living room smell like the first bag Ma burnt. Ma go, “Show his ass, girl,” as the lady on the TV grab a bunch of clothes from a closet.
I lean against the doorway. “Ay, Ma? Can you watch Seven for a while? Lisa want me to bring her some food. You know how them pregnancy cravings can be.”
“Do I?” Ma says, eyes glued to the TV. “You had me craving ice cream all the time.”
“What’s your excuse now?” Moe asks.
“Hush!” Ma says, and they laugh. Moe kiss her to try to make up for it, but Ma go, “No. You gotta do more than that. We’ll keep an ear out for Seven, Maverick. Be careful out there, baby.”
Them words hit harder than usual. I swallow. “Yes, ma’am.”
I almost kiss her cheek, but that would seem like there’s a chance I’m not coming back. That’s not an option, just like getting caught ain’t. I throw my hood over my head and walk out the front door.
The Garden a different world as the night fall. Shadows start to creep in, and stuff that usually lurk in the daytime suddenly ain’t gotta lurk. Stray dogs, crackheads all making their way out. It’s way quieter, but that just mean when a siren blare or a bullet blast, it’s loud enough for the whole neighborhood to hear.
