Calumet, page 9
better once you tell me.”
“It’s the same every semester. She just makes a list, so
Viola can tell them no free rides and to do their homework.
It’s the same message I got from her when it was me
calling.” After playing with it for a few minutes, she finally
put one of the carrot pieces in her mouth. Truth serum–
infused carrots wouldn’t have surprised her.
“If we’re honest with ourselves, it was more like
stalking,” her mom said in a singsong voice that made
Margot throw a dish towel at her. “But I’m your mother, and
looking past your shortcomings is part of my job.” Her mom
poured ingredients into a shaker and laughed.
Margot rolled her eyes before taking a large drink from
the glass her mother had given her. “Explain to me again
why I like coming back here so much?”
“Lemon cake with cream cheese icing.”
“Aside from that?”
“You’re conditioned to react to the sound of my voice. It’s
rather Pavlovian, but I had to entertain myself somehow
while waiting for your father to get home from the base.”
When Margot gave her a bored look, her mother laughed
again and started fixing another batch of drinks. “Let me try
another change of subject. How old is Jaxon now?”
“She’s thirty-three. She graduated early from everything,
so she’s younger than you’d think.” She smiled at how
proud of Jaxon she was. After some of the people she had to
deal with in the business, Jaxon was brilliant and real.
“Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way.” Her
mother was talking more to the vodka bottle than to Margot.
The confusion of following any conversation with her
mother came back at that statement. “I know I shouldn’t
ask, but what are you talking about?”
“We’re not, any of us”—her mother made a circle with
her finger as if to include everyone in the house—“getting
any younger. I want to have grandchildren before it takes a
bottle of 5-hour Energy to get me out of a chair, so we gotta
get that girl moving in the right direction.”
With her finger in the air Margot started shaking her
head. “No, no, no!” She raised her hand in her mother’s
direction. “I know Jaxon better than anyone, and she does
not react well to intimidation or pressure. I want her to make
a commitment to me, but not while staring down the barrel
of Daddy’s assault rifle. Tell me this isn’t what these dinners
have been about the last couple of months. And if you
decide to lie and tell me no, then promise me you won’t
continue to try your version of persuasion. I want kids, but
waiting a few years isn’t going to kill us.”
“I promise a few things. One, there’s always going to be
lemon cake when you come over, and two, that your
father’s always going to be intense. If you’re asking that the
two of us stop ganging up on the world to make our little girl
happy—no can do, baby. Besides, if she loves you like I
know she does, Jaxon’s going to grin and bear it like a
champ because she knows Willy Walker’s got your best
interest at heart.” She shook her finger back at Margot.
“Didn’t think I’d heard that little nickname, did you?”
“And if the sleeper hold comes into play?”
“Then there’ll be some serious issues clouding your
sexual horizon, but the silver lining will be that she won’t be
lying when she tells you, Not tonight, dear, I have a horrible
headache.” Her mother laughed and refreshed their drinks.
“You two are as odd as they come, but I doubt I’d be as
artistic as I turned out had you been an accountant and your
average Girl Scout leader.”
Her mother threw both her hands up and shook her head.
“You’re never going to forget that little incident, are you? It’s
time to let it go, pumpkin.”
“Mom, I love you both, but you also gave me more than
my share of memories growing up. The trip to the Grand
Canyon with my troop is one I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
Though it’s one of Jaxon’s favorites from my collection of
childhood stories.” She’d never seen Jaxon cry from
laughing so hard as the night she’d shared that gem.
“Talk to me after you take a pack of prepubescent girls
rafting down the Colorado for seven days without being able
to pack a healthy supply of vodka.” Her mother shivered as
if the memory was too much for her.
Margot started laughing when her mom put another
splash of vodka in the shaker. “That part was all right, with
the exception of when you fell out of the boat.”
“Come on, honey, that was my last pair of dry
underwear.” That made her mom pour just a little more
liquor before adding the cranberry and orange juice.
“And the hike back up to the top? It’s a shame there isn’t
a badge for cursing. We would’ve all gotten that one, no
problem.”
“Hey, no one told me when I volunteered I’d have to hike
down there, carrying three times my weight in gear, ride a
raft that smelled like someone died in it, then walk back to
the top. And is it my fault every tourist on that trail wanted
to have their picture taken by me to prove they could get
their fat asses down there?” Her mom’s hands rose along
with her voice. They’d had to sell a hell of a lot of cookies to
get to go on that trip. Once they were on the river, all the
adults who’d come along looked as miserable as her mother.
“I’ll give you that one.”
“It was an awful lot to ask of a woman with damp
drawers and no nerves left. The amazing thing, really, and
what you should be asking yourself, is why a large number
of those mules don’t contemplate jumping into the canyon
to end it all. After taking a look at that guy with the Sex
Machine ball cap—in his dreams, by the way—I would’ve
given it more than a little thought if put in BoBo’s position.”
Her mom came around the island and sat next to her so she
could put her arm around her.
Margot had to stop and wipe her eyes she was laughing
so hard. “Who’s BoBo?”
“The poor animal struggling to keep his four hooves on
the steep incline while lugging the incredible beer gut Mr.
Sex Machine was sporting. I swear I heard a pained help me
as we strolled by.”
She walked to the door again and looked down the hall as
she continued to laugh. “Thanks for trying to keep my mind
off whatever’s going on in there, Mom, but what do you
think is taking them so long?”
“Sit back down, Margot. I’m sure they’re fine. There
haven’t been any gunshots, right?”
“No gunshots is your threshold of everything being all
right? With expectations like that, it’s no wonder life never
gets you down.” The kitchen was starting to smell great with
the baking cake, and she inhaled deeply. “And I’m not letting
our kids come over here alone. God only knows what you’d
teach them.”
“We know where you live, so that’s a no-go. Grandkids
are what me and your father have been waiting for, and
when you have them, you might have to add on to the
house. We may never go home once they arrive.”
Hearing the door of the study open, Margot glanced over
to see if Jaxon needed any help. “She looks like she
remained conscious the whole time,” she said in a whisper
to her mom, who was glued to her back. “What the hell is
happening to me if that’s my threshold for success?”
Jaxon closed the door behind her and smacked her lips
together a bunch of times for some strange reason.
Hopefully her father hadn’t challenged her to some hot-chili
eating contest or something equally stupid. She smiled
when she saw Margot heading her way and put her two
gallon milk containers down to take her hand. One was half
empty for some reason.
“Are you okay?” She ran her hands down Jax’s chest and
arms. “Do you need to lie down?”
“Keeping watch, huh?” Jaxon glanced back before kissing
her. “I’m fine, and the rifle actually stayed on the wall for
this little tête-à-tête,” she said softly. “This time he only
shoved bamboo under my fingernails.” The way Jaxon
laughed meant everything was fine. “Stop worrying. Your
father just wanted to go over a few things with me.”
She lifted Jax’s hands to make sure she really was
kidding. “You can’t ask me not to worry. I fell in love with the
whole package, and I’m vested in keeping it whole. So yes,
I’m going to always look out for and worry about you. Are
you sure everything’s okay, honey?”
Jaxon led her back into the small bathroom and put her
arms around her. “Your father’s perfectly fine. He just has a
way of making me take a look at life from an angle I hadn’t
thought of. This usually means me hanging by my toenails
with my head cocked funny, but that’s not all bad.”
Margot smiled and put her fingers into Jaxon’s belt loops.
“Doc, you know my parents love me and just want the best
for me, right?”
Jaxon nodded. “I do know that, and I’d have stayed home
if this wasn’t important to you. I also want the best for you if
you’re worried about that.”
“Well, my parents know you’re what’s best for me. Dad
will come around if we give him time. It’ll just mean more
opportunities for you to sit and talk to him.” Margot came
closer when Jax put her hands on her butt. “I love you for
doing that, but I want you to tell me if he makes you
uncomfortable. I want him to love you, but it won’t hurt to
keep you in one piece until Daddy comes to the same
conclusion I did.”
“What conclusion is that?”
“That you’re the cutest thing alive, and you’re all mine.”
“Are you kidding? You don’t think your father knows that
already? Wilber’s crazy about me. We took so long in there
because he was trying to find the words to express his
feelings for me, and the happiness bubbles inside him that
I’m here.”
“Uh-huh, are you sure everything’s all right?”
“I’m from the South, sweetheart—eccentric people are as
common as surfers are here. Everything’s great, and to
prove it to you, let’s go talk to your mom and round out my
Drake experience for today.”
“She was asking about you.” She stood on her tiptoes
and kissed quickly.
“Is she making cake?”
“Are there happy cows in California? Of course she’s
making cake. That way I can look pregnant for the next
episode, and the viewers can fantasize I’m having Britt’s
baby.”
“I can help you out and lick that icing off you later. If I try
that in this house, your father will chase me out of here with
the shotgun I’m sure he has hidden in that study
somewhere.”
Margot laughed before kissing Jax with enough passion to
hopefully clear her mind of whatever her father had put in
her head. “I’ll make sure Mom packs us a big piece to take
home if you’re promising things like that.”
They sat and watched her mom bending down to check
on it. Jaxon took a sip of her drink and coughed. She
shrugged and kissed Jax again. After the alcohol and cake,
she’d be sleeping all the way home.
“Hey, good looking, what you got for me?” Her mom
gave Jaxon her usual warm reception but seemed confused
when Jaxon put up her finger and walked away. She came
back with the milk she’d purchased.
“Just a little something to go with the lemon cake I’m
sure is in the oven.” Jaxon kissed her mom’s cheek and
gave her a big hug.
“I’m not that predictable, am I?”
“Predictable is not a word that can be used to label
anyone in the Drake family. That’s so true that I sometimes
regret wasting all that time learning Shakespeare and the
like, and not getting a doctorate in psychology instead.
Armed with some training in behavioral sciences, I’m sure
I’d be so much more up to speed on these family traditions.”
Jaxon kissed her mother’s cheek and hugged her again.
“Being such a smart-ass will take you far in this family,
Professor.” She swatted Jaxon on the shoulder before going
back to her room temperature blocks of cream cheese.
“Did you finish your homework?” Jaxon asked. She sat
and put her arms around Margot’s waist when she moved in
front of her and leaned back. She handed her glass over so
Jaxon could take another sip of her drink.
Margot turned and pinched Jax’s cheek. “What
homework? Are you holding out on me, Lavigne?”
“You know me, spreading learning wherever I go.”
“You’re spreading something all right, if you think that
book you made me read is a classic,” her mom said as she
slapped Jaxon’s hand when she broke off a piece of her
cream cheese and popped it into her mouth.
“Lord of the Flies is a classic. It’s a superbly written piece
that displayed what could happen in a group dynamic. I
thought it was a good depiction of how far people are willing
to go in an environment that holds no promise of
punishment because you make up the rules as you go
along.”
Margot smiled at how Jaxon’s whole demeanor changed
when she talked about books. The only other times she was
this passionate couldn’t be talked about in public, much less
to her mother. Not that her mother wouldn’t love hearing
about their love life, but there were certain things your
parents didn’t need to know.
Her mom said, “I grew up with a mother who could put
fear into the devil himself, whether he was in Knoxville or on
some desert island. Had Dolores Johnson written that book,
on the last page she’d have been on the dock with a switch
in her hand, waiting to show that pack of hoodlums the error
of their ways.” She flipped her pans onto cooling racks and
stared Jaxon down when she went for another piece of
cream cheese. Jaxon retreated, empty-handed.
“Granny was pretty scary when she wanted to be.”
Margot shivered at the thought of some of the times she’d
spent with Granny Dolores.
“She hit you with a stick?” Jaxon asked, embracing
Margot from behind. Margot placed her hands over Jaxon’s
where they lay on Margot’s abdomen. She pressed down
when her father walked in, and Jaxon went to move away.
“Didn’t have to. She had a look that just screamed sit
down, shut up, and stop whatever the hell you’re doing right
now. I never wanted to see what the next level was. Even I
wasn’t that brave.” Her mom dropped the cubes of cheese
in the mixer with some sugar and lemon juice. “Not even
Wilber messed with my mother, and he has plenty of medals
for valor and bravery.”
“Dolores was no joke,” her father agreed.
Her mom started the blender again, and her father spent
the time staring at Jaxon and where her hands were.
“Daddy, are you and Mom free this weekend? We were
thinking of going somewhere and thought you might want to
come.” She ignored Jaxon’s pinch to her stomach.
“I’m sure Jaxon would love that,” he said. He narrowed
his eyes.
Margot kicked Jaxon on the shin, and she took it as a sign
to start talking. “No, sir. We thought a trip to Big Sur so we
could do some hiking would be nice.”
“Do you like to hike?” Her father stopped making a face
when her mom whacked his butt with a spoon.
“I do, and Margot loves it, so that’s good enough for me.
There’s a nice resort that you’ll like, Patty Sue,” Jaxon said,
knowing Margot’s mother wasn’t a fan of hiking. “I hear
their wine selection is supposed to be fantastic.”
“I’m sold, and as a peace offering I’ll be happy to take
one small hike,” her mom said as she stirred all the pots on
the stove. “And if you’re lying about the wine, I’ll have
Wilber find a snake and put it in your room.”
Jaxon winked at Margot. “How you turned out so normal
would make a great mystery novel.”
“I heard that,” her mother said over the mixer that was
now whipping up icing. “Now make yourself useful and set
