Her Touch, page 6
I still can’t move. It isn’t until I hear the front door slam closed that my eyes start to water. Alice reaches up and takes my hand.
“I didn’t know,” she whispers, and I know she’s talking about Eli moving out. She knows how deeply I care for him. How much I love him.
A part of me can’t believe it. He wouldn’t do that, would he? Leave me without so much as a word? I let go of Alice’s hand, but she only grabs it back as I walk toward the bedroom to see it for myself. I push the door open, and a tear slides down my cheek. All his things are gone. The only things that are left behind are the bed, the dresser, and a chair—things that were there before Eli came to live with us.
I catch sight of something on the dresser and walk over to see a note with my name on it. I pick it up, crumple it into a ball, and throw it across the room. Then the tears really stream down my face. I look over at Alice, who’s crying, too, and I feel like an even bigger ass because I know she’s crying for me. She has her own issues right now, but instead of wallowing in her own sadness, she grabs me and pulls me into a hug. We both stand there and cry, holding each other until the sobs finally stop.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her, my voice hoarse with emotion.
“Nothing to be sorry about. The man you love walked out on you, only leaving a stupid fucking note.” A bark of laughter comes out when she uses a curse word, something she hardly ever does. She walks over and picks up the crumpled paper I threw. I shake my head, not wanting it.
If Eli had something to say to me, he should have said it to my face. Not in some note. Anger starts to rise now, pushing the sorrow away.
“What did your mom do?” I ask her as she shoves the crumpled paper into her pants pocket.
“Nothing. She just stood there.” She shakes her head. “While her boyfriend laughed, and then she went and got him another drink.”
My jaw clenches, and I want to punch her mom, but I know my dad will give her a piece of his mind. And the boyfriend better hope he’s not anywhere to be found by the time he gets there.
“God, Alice, I’m so sorry. I’m crying over a broken heart, and your mom—”
“Don’t,” she says. “I’m glad it happened. I mean, kinda. I finally had a reason to really leave. It was the push I needed.”
“We’re a hot mess,” I tell her, turning to look at the mirror over the dresser. Our faces are blotchy and red. “You were always a better-looking crier than me,” I tease, making her smile.
“We should eat ice cream, and then you can tell me what sent Eli on the run.”
“I kissed him.” The words come out soft and sad. Wait, he kissed me. I’m not really sure, to be honest. It was the best moment of my life, and it sent him running. I thought he needed time, but I was wrong. He wanted as far away from me as possible, taking with him the life I’d started to dream of.
“Was it good?” Alice asks.
I look over at her and let out a heavy sigh.
“It was life changing.”
Just not the life-changing way I thought it was going to be.
Chapter 10
Eli
Eleven months later…
“Fuck, that’s it,” I groan, squeezing the base of my cock. I wrap my fingers around it tightly because I know her mouth can’t possibly go down that far. My cock is too long and thick, and she can’t get to the end without gagging.
I close my eyes tightly and lick my lips, knowing I’m close to cumming. I use my other hand to run along my chest, rubbing my hard nipples. I want the sensation of her hands on my body, but she can’t reach while she’s on her knees in the shower.
Slicking up my hand, I run it up and down the shaft, helping her milk me to completion. When I cum, it’s in long spurts that land on her neck and perky wet breasts. It’s a sticky mess, and I’ll have to clean her up afterwards, which will start this process all over again.
When the last of my orgasm leaves me, I lean my head against the shower tile and try to hold back the tears. It’s all just a fantasy. I’m alone in my shower, and the water is turning cold. The images of Maggie I’ve conjured in my head spin down the drain with my release.
The warmth I felt in my chest seconds ago is now gone, and all I’m left with is the pain of wanting something I can’t have. Not yet.
Getting out of the shower, I grab a towel and dry off and make my way out of the master bedroom and into the kitchen. I grab the pen off the counter and go to the calendar hanging on the wall. I cross today off in red ink, showing that I’m one day closer to her. One more month and I can end this.
Leaving Maggie’s house was the hardest thing I’d ever had to do. But I knew it was for the right reason. It was the only way I could stay away from her. Otherwise I would have smothered her with what I felt and would have been unable to have it. She’s one month from turning eighteen, and then it’s her decision. I will go to her and beg her to forgive me for leaving. I will beg her to take me, faults and all. Because she’s mine.
That one kiss sealed it for her, for us. I admitted how much I cared for her, and then I couldn’t deny my own desire any longer. Tasting her sweetness and feeling her soft body melt against mine was too much. I wanted it all, and more. I wanted to drink her soul into mine and bind our bodies together for all eternity.
But I knew it wasn’t the right time. I knew that she needed some space to decide if this was really what she wanted. The note I left for her was a sorry way to explain it, but doing it in person would have been wrong. If I had have been within arm’s reach of her, I wouldn’t have given her the chance to say no. And now, with some time away from me, she can tell me what she’s decided. If I’m still what she wants.
I’m not a man who’s been with a lot of women in my life. Certainly never in a relationship. Kissing Maggie changed all that, and it changed me. I know the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I want her to choose me. But even if she doesn’t, there will never be another in my bed. There will only be the thought of her to keep me warm at night. Because I can’t live a life with a substitute.
I’d like to think I’m strong enough to let her walk away and be with someone else if that’s what she wants. I keep telling myself over and over that if she chooses another man, that’s who she needs. But I know deep in my soul that it will break me. I’ll try to make her understand. I’ll do everything in my power to show her that I love her. And maybe then it will be enough.
I’ve been in touch with Major since I left, and he’s mentioned here and there how Maggie is doing. He’s dropped a few details about her going on dates and bringing guys to meet him. Every time he told me about it, I felt like I was going to throw up. But I had to remind myself that this was part of the plan. Give her a year to figure out if she still feels the same way about me as she did before.
Major would cut me almost as deep as Maggie. Part of me wondered if he was doing it just to hurt me, or if he was trying to get a reaction. We never talked about why I left, but I think maybe deep down he knew something either happened between Maggie and me or it was about to.
I wish I could say that I was able to stay away from her completely, but I’d be lying. I’m strong, but I have no power when it comes to my Maggie. I watched her every day. And I don’t mean almost every day, I mean every single day. I watched her go to school in the mornings to make sure she got there safe. I watched her go home in the afternoons, or out shopping with Alice.
I always kept my distance, and I made sure she didn’t see me watching her, but I couldn’t stop. I had to make sure she was okay, and selfishly, it helped ease some of the ache in my heart.
Being pulled in a hundred different directions was killing me when I was living with Major and Maggie. At first it felt like coming home and that I’d finally found the family I’d been looking for my whole life. We all fit together, and it was like my life was finally making sense. Then my feelings for Maggie grew, and they changed. At first she was like a little sister, and I felt protective of her. But as time went on and I got to know her, I fell in love. Hard.
But at least one part of my brain knew that she was too young to have and I needed to give it time. At least until she was legal. After that, in the eyes of the law at least, she could decide what she wanted. It was like ripping my heart in half, but I knew that this pain now could stop a lot of it from happening later. By moving out and giving her some space, it gave her the chance to see if this was some dumb crush or if she felt even a fraction of what I feel.
Time will tell. One month to go.
After I get dressed I drive to the spot near the high school and wait. When I see her Jeep pull up, I watch as she gets out and grabs her backpack before she’s greeted by a guy. I clench my fists at my side and grit my teeth, able to do nothing but watch this happen. She smiles at him, and it’s like a punch to the gut. All I want is to have that smile turned to me and for a brief second feel my sunshine. The long-lost warmth that’s been missing since the day I left her. I want it back so badly that my heart aches for it.
Thankfully he doesn’t touch her as they walk inside, and I let out a breath. I get back in my truck and drive to work, trying to push out of my head thoughts of her with whoever he was.
I roll my eyes at my own efforts, knowing that’s an impossible task.
Before I moved out, I’d already been looking for places to stay. I knew that at some point I would have to get a place of my own, and if I’m being honest, deep down I wanted to have my own place with Maggie. I don’t think I came to that truth until after I left, but looking back now, I was making all the moves so that when I returned, we could be together. I ended up getting a condo around the corner from her house. It’s just big enough for me, and maybe Maggie if she wants one day. I don’t allow my thoughts to drift to the what if she doesn’t possibilities.
When I get to work I wave to the guy at the desk and make my way upstairs. I asked to have my own office after I moved out of Maggie’s house. I knew it was a possibility that she may come back to volunteer, so I banished myself from the building and into the one across the street. This one they use solely for counseling, and it makes it easier to schedule my day. Even if it does mean that I don’t get to interact in the group setting like I did before. I didn’t want the sight of Maggie to tempt me into action, and I knew that seeing her there, seeing her smiling face, would have been too much.
I walk through the door of my office and stop short when I see a man in uniform sitting across from my desk. He stands up when he hears me and turns to address me.
“Lieutenant Strong?”
“Yes, can I help you?” I step forward, shake his hand, and indicate for him to sit back down as I take my seat behind my desk.
I don’t have anything valuable in my office, so I keep it unlocked. It’s not unusual for some of the people I talk to to stop by and leave a note for me while I’m away from my desk. But seeing a Marine fully dressed in my office had the hair on the back of my neck standing up.
“I’m Sergeant Lions. I’ll cut to the chase, sir,” he says, pulling out a folder from the bag at his feet and laying it in front of me. “Major Drummond has gone missing.”
“What?” I nearly shoot out of my seat, thinking of running to Maggie. But I stop myself, knowing I need to hear him out first.
“The information is classified, but what we are able to tell you is that he was working on a project for the Pentagon. It’s similar to what your experience was while under his command.”
When I was active military I was over reconnaissance, and Major was the one to gather the intel. He was our lead commanding officer, but he did everything from behind a desk. Most of the time. Every once in a blue moon he would have to go out in the field. This was rare, especially since he was a single father, and he was never put in any dangerous situations. The worst-case scenarios play though my mind, and I realize this man wouldn’t be sitting here in front of me if everything was okay. This is worst-case scenario, and I need to get my head together.
“Tell me straight, is he dead?” I clench my fists under my desk and brace for the impact of his words.
“From our intel, we have every reason to believe he is still alive. He was captured sometime within the last forty-eight hours, but he was able to contact us and give positive details that I’m not at liberty to share.”
“What are you able to share exactly?” I grit my teeth as impatience claws at my neck.
“We don’t have any idea where he is or what’s happening to him right now. Unofficially, I’m telling you more than I’m allowed to, but I’m doing everything I can to give you the courtesy I would expect were the roles reversed. Officially, I’m here to give you his living will and inform you that you’re now the legal guardian of Maggie Lynn Drummond.”
Look down at the open folder and see the portion that’s highlighted. Everything is laid out in black and white with clear instructions that were witnessed and notarized. Major made me the guardian of his daughter were anything to happen to him. And, since Maggie is still legally a minor for another month, that means that I’m in charge or her.
I sit in the chair as my heartbeat pounds in my ears. Maggie belongs to me now.
Chapter 11
Maggie
“How are you feeling?” Ms. Petty asks, looking down at the notes I’m making.
I give her a fake smile, one that’s so common it almost feels real. It comes easy, too easy. It’s not that I don’t like Ms. Petty, it’s just that I don’t seem to have a reason to smile. But when you don’t smile, people will ask you what’s wrong, and I got sick of having to lie and say everything was fine when it’s not. I’m broken. He took a piece of me when he left, and he didn’t even look back. My pride won’t let my true emotions show, so I’m sticking with the fake it until you make it motto. But the problem is, nothing has changed since the day he left.
For a while I kept thinking he would come back, but he didn’t. He’s never going to, and as much as I’ve tried to move on, it’s not working. Over time, I’ve gotten better at the fake smile. Moving through the motions. Wanting to get through this last year of school. I’m trying to graduate early if I can, and so far, it looks like I can. I hope that starting the next chapter of my life will help me not feel so numb. If I move past this stage the lost feelings I’m having might go away and make me feel less aimless. I have no direction in my life, and I hate that I feel this way. Hate that he made me feel this way.
“I think I’m ready,” I tell her, closing my notebook and shutting my book. I have to be ready. I’ve been preparing for my SATs for what feels like forever. I only had to do this test and pass my finals and then I’d be done. No coming back after winter break.
“That’s great.” Ms. Petty beams down at me, always a little too happy for my taste. It can be so wearing. I glance over at Zack, who’s staring at her with giant puppy dog eyes, wanting her attention. All the guys do. It’s not hard to get why so many of them have signed up for the after-school program. It’s written on their faces. I have to admit it’s a little funny to watch them drool over the teacher.
I slide my stuff in my bag and pull out my phone to check the time. It’s almost five, and I’m disappointed I still haven’t heard from my dad. He hardly ever has to go on trips for work. Most of what he does is here. Not that I know a lot about what he does for work. What I do know is, whatever he does must be top secret. He told me he shouldn’t be gone too long, but it’s been five days and I’m starting to get worried. I haven’t heard so much as a peep from him. Maybe he feels more comfortable being away since I’m almost eighteen and Alice lives with us. Maybe he isn’t so worried that he has to check in as much as before.
I head out of the room and toward my Jeep in the parking lot. I pull up Alice’s number and hit call.
“Hey,” she answers, her voice sounding a little down.
“What’s wrong?”
Alice hasn’t been great lately, and to top it off she didn’t enroll in college. Something is off with her and Sam, and I can’t figure out what it is. When Sam and I ask her, she says nothing, but I’m not buying it.
“I’m at the doctor’s. Think I have a stomach bug or something,” she mumbles into the phone. I cringe. Alice is the worst sick person ever. You’d think the world is ending when she catches something.
“I’ll come and sit with you. Where is your doctor’s office?”
“No, it’s fine. I’m about to head home.”
“Okay. I’ll make you some chicken noodles and mashed potatoes.”
“That sounds divine.” She almost moans into the phone, and my lips twitch. Food is the one thing that can always perk her up, but Alice is a terrible cook. Luckily for our house, I know what I’m doing around the kitchen or we’d all starve to death. “You hear from your dad?”
I slide into my Jeep, and the nervous feeling about him returns. Alice knows I’ve been worried about it. “No.” The line goes quiet. “I’m sure it’s fine.” I try to reassure us both.
Alice is so soft hearted and is probably worrying more than I am. She’s gotten close to my dad since she came to stay with us. Having grown up with two shitty parents, I think she’s savoring having others really care about her.
“You know the Major. He’ll likely be back by the end of the week being a pain in our asses about something.”
“Yeah,” she mumbles, and I hear someone call her name in the background. “They’re calling me back.”
“Okay, love ya. I’ll see you at home,” I tell her, and I end the call and make my way home. On the way I do a mental checklist in my head, trying to think if I have all the things I need to make dinner.
When I pull into the driveway, I freeze when I see Eli’s truck. My stomach knots into a tight ball when I see him sitting on the front porch. His head is down, but it rises when he hears my Jeep. When his eyes come to mine, it feels like someone punches me in the stomach. My heart starts pounding and my hands get sweaty.
