Key to Hell (Hell Night Series Book 4), page 16
When he pulls his hand away, I reach out and grab it, lacing our fingers together and laying them down on the bed between our heads. I like holding hands with him. It feels right and comfortable. I never thought I would feel that way, especially with a man.
“We found Marco and Gabriela,” he says suddenly. “That’s where Trouble and I went.”
“What?” I ask loudly. My hand jerks in his, and I try to sit up. He pulls me back down. “How? Where were they?”
Alarm creeps through my body. I haven’t seen them in ten years, but just the thought of them still scares me. I always knew they were out there, but I forced my mind to not think about it. I very rarely left Deanna and Mick’s house, so the chances of me running into them were slim. Being in Malus doesn’t change that chance, because there’s no reason for me to venture out further than the town, but knowing Aziah and Trouble know where they are doesn’t settle well with me. Before I could almost pretend like they no longer existed. I can’t do that now. They’ve become real again.
Seeing the panic on my face, Aziah squeezes my hands. “Hey,” he calls, and I bring my eyes back to him. “There’s no need to fear them anymore.”
I take a steadying breath and blow it out slowly. “How did you find them?”
“Through a friend of JW’s. Marco and Gabriela were trying to adopt a three-month-old little girl. Background checks are part of the process. His friend is a detective and came across the background check and noticed some discrepancies. He did more digging and realized they fit the descriptions JW gave him. They were in a small town northeast of here called Red Rock.”
“They were going to adopt a baby girl? Oh my God,” I reply, horrified. My stomach twists and plummets at the thought of them hurting another child, especially a baby.
“They were, but not anymore,” he replies darkly.
I glance at him, my eyes roaming all over his face. His expression is hard, with white lines by his eyes and his mouth a straight line.
“What did you and Trouble do?”
I know the answer, but I want to hear him say it. I need him to tell me they’re really gone.
“I won’t give you the details, but they’re dead. Neither will ever hurt another child.”
I want to ask for more. Call me morbid, but I want to know how they died. I want to know if they suffered. But I hold my tongue, knowing he won’t give me the details.
“I can’t believe you found them. I’m glad they’re gone.” I pause. “I hope it was painful. I hope they suffered for what they did to me, what they probably did to other children, and what they would have done to that little baby.”
“They did.”
It’s been quiet for a few minutes when a thought pops in my head. I know it’s a sore subject, but it’s something I need to know.
I pull our joined hands closer to me and lay my cheek on top of them. The back of his hand is against my skin, and it feels warm.
“You said you made changes when you guys came back. I saw that some of the buildings were refurbished or torn down and rebuilt.” I lick my lips and take a deep breath. “What about the gazebo?” I ask quietly.
If possible, his eyes darken even further, and self-loathing constricts my heart because I know I hurt him with my question. But that gazebo played such a pivotal part in our childhood. Besides Mae and Dale’s house and The Hill, it was the only place in Sweet Haven we felt safe. It was selfish of me to choose the gazebo for the place I tried to kill myself, and even more so because I wanted them to find me. The gazebo was our sacred ground. I knew it would hurt them to find me, but I also knew they would want it to be them and not one of the adults. My actions that day darken the light the gazebo always provided us.
“It’s still there,” Aziah answers, his voice deeper than normal. “It was never in question whether it would be destroyed.”
My eyes move to his tanned throat. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to keep it standing… because of what I did there.”
“Look at me,” he demands, and I do so. “Every time I see that gazebo, I see you lying there, your body drained of blood and it soaking into your dress. It fuckin’ kills me inside.” A razor-sharp ache forms behind my sternum. “But it was still our place. It was important to all of us.”
“I’m so sorry,” I choke out, tears streaming down my face, soaking both of our hands. “I’m sorry I darkened such a beautiful place we all cherished. I’m sorry you all found me like that. I wanted to be in a place where I felt close to you all, because the four of you were the only good things in my life besides Mae and Dale. I know it was wrong of me, and I know none of you would have let me do what I needed to do, but I felt peace there. It’s messed up, but it was like you were all there with me.”
He swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “It tore us apart finding you, I ain’t gonna lie. It felt like I was bleeding out beside you. It was my penance for my part in everything.” He shakes his head when I open my mouth to speak. “I know you don’t blame me. It makes no difference if I could or couldn’t have done anything to stop it, I was still a part of your pain, Rella.”
“You’ve got to let that guilt go,” I say gently.
His brows pinch together. “I’ll never let it go.”
“Aziah—”
“My blood is tainted because it’s the same blood that runs through him,” he says vehemently, interrupting me. “I would have never hurt you if he hadn’t made me, but the fact remains, I did hurt you. I tried not to; I swear I did, but it was still me doing those things. It was my body that violated yours. I can’t forget that. I’ll live with it for the rest of my life.”
I sniff and wipe my nose. His face is determined, and it shatters something inside me because he honestly believes what he’s saying. I can tell by his eyes there’s nothing I can say that will make him believe differently. He doesn’t see the wonderful man everyone else sees. A man who would protect and give his own life over hurting another person who didn’t deserve it.
I pull our joined hands from under our cheeks and kiss the back of his. My voice is strong and steady when I tell him with conviction, “You may not see it right now, but one day you’ll see the wonderful man you are, Aziah. One day you’ll understand how lucky everyone is to have you in their life.”
And I’m determined to be the person to make him believe it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
EMO
I SIT BESIDE RELLA at Mae’s table and watch her interact with everyone else. Everyone is here. Trouble, Remi, Elijah, JW, Eden, Thea, Judge, Ellie, and Maisy. Even Ellie’s uncle Declan and Susan, the nurse practitioner who works at Trouble’s office, are here. Mae had to insert the second leaf to her table so we could all fit.
It’s Sunday, which is the day my brothers and their families always come to Mae’s for dinner. This is the first time everyone’s been here together since Rella showed up. The last two Sundays Rella and I stayed home because I didn’t want to overwhelm her being around so many people. Mae understood and was patient. From the smile on her face this evening when we walked in the door, she was very pleased. I hadn’t planned on going tonight either, but when Rella overheard Trouble and Remi talking about going to Mae’s, she said she wanted to.
Rella is so fucking strong. For the first thirty minutes, I could tell she wasn’t altogether comfortable with so many people around, but she’s determined to be part of normal family activities. She’s getting better and better every day. Even now, I’ve heard her laugh and talk more freely than I have since she came to town. And fuck if I can’t keep my eyes off her as I watch her become more and more relaxed.
Feeling eyes on me, I glance over to find Mae watching me. Her gaze slides to Rella for a moment before coming back to me. A small smile tips her lips up. I don’t like the mischievous look slowly appearing on her face and what it means, so I ignore it and look back at Rella.
“So, Rella,” Ellie starts, setting her fork down on her plate. “I don’t know if you’ll be interested, but the library is looking for a few people to help with the kids’ activity program they’re starting for the summer next week. Eden, Remi, and I volunteered, and we wondered if you wanted to join in.”
Rella grabs her napkin from her lap and wipes her mouth, her eyes sparking with interest. “I’d love to do something like that. I’ve always wanted to work with children.”
“Great!” Remi exclaims, looking up from cleaning Elijah’s hands with a cloth. “We’ll be working with children aged three to fourteen. Some of the older kids can come in and read to the little ones. It’s really cute to watch.”
“Maisy volunteered to be one of them,” Ellie proudly tells the group.
A gentle smile crosses Rella’s face, making her even more beautiful than she already is. “I’m looking forward to it. Just let me know when to be there.”
“Will do.”
“Hey, Uncle Emo. Will you come when it’s my day to read?” Maisy asks.
I look over at Judge and Ellie’s daughter. Her expression is filled with hope. “Let Rella know what day you’ll be reading, and I’ll be there.”
She smiles so big it stretches all the way across her face. Her happiness chips away a fraction of the darkness living inside me.
A few minutes later, we’re all finished with dinner. Rella tries to take my plate to the kitchen, but I grab hers instead and take them myself. After I rinse the plates and put them in the dishwasher, I go out to the living room. Elijah’s getting fussy in Trouble’s arms.
“I think we’re going to head back home. Elijah missed his nap today and it’s starting to show.” He presses his face into the boy’s neck and mimics eating him, noise and all. Elijah’s face morphs from being scrunched up to giggling.
I look around the room and spot Rella off to the side, a weird expression on her face. Her brows are pulled down, and she looks pale. Her arms are hugging her stomach, and she’s hunched over a little. I stalk over to her, aware that she’s in some form of pain.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, bending my knees so I can see her face better.
“Cramps,” she moans.
Trouble appears at her other side.
“Menstrual cramps?”
She nods, her eyes darting to him. “Yes. I’ve always had them bad.”
Trouble frowns, not liking the answer any more than I do.
“Are you on birth control to regulate your periods?”
“Yeah, but I’ve missed my last two, since Deanna and Mick died.” She lets out another moan and hunches over more.
“Shit, Rella. You’re bleeding,” he rasps.
I look down to where his eyes are pointed, and my fucking stomach drops. Her pants are black, which is why I didn’t notice before, but there’s no mistaking the darkening of the fabric between her legs. The jean material is so soaked it’s shining, and goes passed her knees.
“That’s not fucking normal,” he rumbles, worry lacing his tone. “We need to get her to my office.”
“That’s not necessary, Trouble. I just need a heating pad and some ibuprofen, and I’ll be okay.” Her face scrunches more as another cramp hits.
Ignoring her protests, I scoop her up into my arms. Even I know this isn’t your average menstrual cycle. I know some women have heavy periods—some even become anemic because of it—and hellacious cramps, but I get the feeling more is going on here. I’ll be damned if I’ll allow her to play it off like it’s nothing.
“Honey, I think you need to go,” Ellie says, looking at Rella with concern.
She looks like she wants to protest, but thankfully she nods and settles in my arms.
“Eden, would you mind watching Elijah for a while?” Remi asks. “I’d like to go with Trouble in case he needs any help. He should go to sleep pretty easily.”
“Sure. No problem at all. Call us if you need anything.”
I walk out the door as Remi hands Elijah over to Eden, eager to get Rella to the office so Trouble can figure out what’s going on. Trouble runs ahead of me to open his car door, and I slide into the back with Rella in my arms. Trouble and Remi get into the front, and I’m glad when he takes off faster than normal.
Worry clenches my gut when I look down and notice my own pants are now covered in blood. I dart my eyes to Rella’s face. My blood runs cold at her pasty, pale complexion.
“I’m going to be okay,” she whispers, lifting her hand and placing it against my cheek. It’s not fucking right that she’s consoling me when she’s the one losing all the blood and is in pain. “This has happened many times before.”
That does shit to help me feel better.
A couple of minutes later, we pull around the back of Trouble’s office. Before the car is in park, I yank the door handle, shove it open, and slide out of the car. Remi’s already holding the door to the building open when I get there. I quickly walk down the hallway to the first patient room I come across. As I put Rella down on the bed, Trouble’s behind me making all kinds of noise as he gets whatever he needs ready.
I keep my eyes pinned on Rella.
“I’m sorry,” she says, so low the others can’t hear.
I frown. “For what?”
She shakes her head and opens her mouth, but before she can say anything, Trouble’s wheeling an ultrasound machine to the other side of her bed.
“I want to take a look inside and see if there’s anything we need to worry about. What kind of birth control are you on?”
“The depo shot. Deanna and Mick had a doctor friend that would come over, since I refused to leave the house.” She curls into a ball onto her side and clutches her stomach. “When I told him about my periods, he gave me the shot. I’ve been on it for eight years,” she pants out once her cramp is over.
Jesus, it’s like she’s in labor or something.
“A lot of women have bad periods, but this seems extreme.” He grabs the gel. “Can you roll to your back?” She nods once before she does so. He looks down at her stomach, his expression troubled, before he guides his eyes to hers. “Okay, I need you to stay that way for me for a few minutes, and keep your legs down. I know this may be hard and uncomfortable for you, but I need you to lift your shirt a little and unbutton your jeans. I need to be able to get right above your pelvis. Can you do that?”
She bites her lip, but nods again. As soon as she lifts her shirt and unbuttons her jeans, one of her hands seeks out one of mine. Fear shoots through me at her clammy palm. Her head is facing the ceiling with her eyes closed, a light sheen of sweat on her forehead.
“Okay, Rella, I’m going to squirt a little bit of gel on your stomach.”
Even though she was given the warning, she still jumps when the gels touches her. Grabbing the transducer, Trouble smears the gel over her skin and the room fills with a whooshing sound. Rella’s face pinches in pain, and I can visibly see her stomach muscles tighten with another cramp. She moves to draw her knees up, but remembers at the last minute that she can’t.
Trouble moves the transducer around for several moments, then pauses on a certain area. “What the fuck?” he mumbles, leaning closer to the screen. He moves to another area and pauses again.
“What is it?” Remi asks before I get the chance.
He slides his eyes to Rella, who still has hers closed. A single tear leaks out the corner of her eye, and her chin begins to quiver.
“What happened, Rella?” he asks hoarsely. “Why do you have so many scars on your uterus?”
She opens her eyes, but instead of looking at her brother, she looks at me. The pain I see there is unlike anything I’ve seen before. It’s raw and exposed.
“I was pregnant,” she whispers, her voice cracking. “I didn’t know it, but the day I slit my wrists, I was pregnant.”
My legs go weak and my heart stutters to a stop. My entire fucking being turns to ice, but my blood feels lava hot, burning a path through my body. A zinging noise starts in my ears. I can’t breathe because it hurts too damn much to pull air into my lungs.
Someone mutters an expletive of curse words, and I think it’s Trouble, but I don’t know for sure. All I can think is that Rella was pregnant and there’s no other man who could have made her that way but me. She was carrying my baby. At ten years old, she was pregnant with my child.
“How is that possible?” I ask through the cotton in my throat. “You were only ten years old and hadn’t even started your period yet.”
Each girl had to take the morning after pill if there was a chance of becoming pregnant after Hell Night. If Hell Night happened to be during their menstrual cycle, they were exempted from participating. Rella was never given the pill, and she was never exempt.
“It’s uncommon, but possible for a girl to get pregnant before they have their first menstrual cycle. Rella must have been close to starting.”
“Fuck,” I whisper huskily, pulling my hand away from Rella and turning my back to her.
“Aziah.”
Her voice cracks on my name, and the hatred I feel for myself multiplies. Does her suffering know no bounds? How much fucking grief can one person take? How in the hell is she functioning? And how in the hell can she look me in the face without revulsion? Every single bad thing that’s happened to her leads back to me.
“What happened?” I ask without turning around and hang my head. I stuff my hands into my pockets, and my fingers meet the warm metal of the key. Never has it called to me to gouge into my flesh as strong as it is right now.
She sniffs, and I hear her shuffling around on the bed. Her voice is small and quiet.
“Dr. Manor kept me sedated with something that kept me loopy for the few days I was here before I went to live with Gabriela and Marco. It was to keep me quiet. I don’t remember much, but I did remember overhearing him talking to someone about me having a miscarriage while I was bleeding out in the gazebo. I remember the pain in my stomach that day and not knowing what it was. My wrists hurt, but it was the pain in my stomach that caused me to black out.”
