The Leaves Forget, page 3
I’m almost out of time again. I’m getting quicker at writing letters though!
So we got in the truck and Jonathan said I had to sit in the back even though it was just me, because that was the way. I needed to start removing myself from modern life immediately. Weird, but okay. Chloe got in the driver’s seat. She had to put L-plates on the damn truck, Craig! She’s just a kid.
But they had a falling out right after we got there. Argh! So much to tell you and no time. I’ll tell you about their falling out in the next letter.
We drove for about an hour and half or so. I dozed for most of it, I was strangely tired, then the going got really rough. I know now that was because they turned off the main road and up an unsealed track. And then we arrived at conclave.
When Jonathan opened up the back doors of the truck this lovely, fresh, cool mountain air came in and there were a few people there to greet me. I immediately felt at home, Craig.
I’m out of time or I won’t get this letter posted.
Lots of love to all
Liv xxx
Where are you, Liv? In the mountains, an hour and a half away? They must have gone west, but that still leaves masses of potential country to cover. Please, Liv, tell me more about where you are. I need to come and get you.
9
THE SEVENTH LETTER, 27TH DECEMBER
Hey bro!
We don’t do Christmas here, which is such a relief, seriously! How was your Xmas? Did you all miss me? I hope so, but at least you know where I am and that everything is all good.
Far out, our Christmas was horrible, Liv. Wondering where the hell you were. Why couldn’t you have got my address right?
But here, Xmas isn’t a thing. There’s only conclave. No special days at all, because all days are special. No religious observances of any kind, because the way of leaves is all that matters. And that’s not religious. It’s about self-improvement. It’s about self-discovery, Craig, and I’m learning so much.
But I was going to tell you about getting here. So. Conclave is at a property that was owned back in the day by Jonathan’s parents, apparently. It’s about fifty acres of mostly bushland, but there’s a main house and some cleared land of a couple of acres around that. On the cleared land, Jonathan has built these basic cabins and we each get one to ourselves. It’s really simple, just a wooden box on stilts, really. It has a bed and a cupboard and there’s a couple of shared toilet blocks with composting toilets and showers using water that gets pumped up from the creek that runs right behind the main house. Jonathan and Chloe live in the house, of course, but they say it’s not really much more fitted out than the cabins.
They would say that, Sis. You ever been inside? I bet none of you have.
I haven’t been in there yet, but I expect I will at some point. Either way, doesn’t matter.
Ha!
There’s another main covered area where we do communal cooking. It’s got a gas barbecue kinda set up and sometimes we have to get the gas bottles refilled on our trips to town. Water comes from the creek, we grow loads of veggies and stuff, there are chooks for eggs. We don’t eat much meat because it doesn’t keep, but sometimes Jonathan catches and butchers something. It’s all pretty rustic and at first I was really out of my element. It took some getting used to. But I’m really down with it now. We don’t need most of the stuff we surround ourselves with, Craig. We can live so much more simply.
Sure, Liv. You can live like that. But why would you want to? I like electricity and TV and cafés and stuff.
Gotta say, I’m not looking forward to winter up here, but I’ll figure that out when I get to it, I suppose. Anyway, I was explaining about when I got here. Jonathan immediately introduced me as conclave’s new seeker. He says any journeyfolk who join conclave are seekers. We seek those eternal truths he talked about, and we seek our true selves within those truths. There are five other people already here, seven if you count Jonathan and Chloe.
I’ll give you a quick rundown of each person, then maybe in the next letter I can finally start explaining some of the process I’ve been learning. The way of leaves is amazing, Craig.
Okay, so there’s:
Pete—he’s this tall, weird loner guy. Completely harmless, he’s been at conclave several years already. He can’t remember how many. He said he never plans to leave. I’m pretty sure he was with that group I first saw in Sandy Bay, and maybe Matt was also there.
Matt and Joanne. I put them together because they’re a couple. They’re not supposed to be, everyone is in their own cabin and it’s supposed to be a personal journey, but they are SO a couple OMG. Matt has done more than one conclave, but it’s Joanne’s first. A few of these people arrived in the weeks before me, so there’s several people on their first conclave. Along with Joanne, there’s Lee.
She’s from Korea and her English is great, but her accent is so strong it’s really hard to understand her sometimes. She’s lovely, though.
Then there’s Kristyn. A bit of a dark horse this one. I guess I like her, but she’s such a closed book and kinda . . . gothic? I mean, she seems nice, but I also sort of don’t trust her . . . I don’t know, even after all this time. Also her first conclave.
Anyway, that’s everyone. And I’m out of time again. Dammit! Okay, next time I’ll break down how it all works here and what I’ve done so far. And I’ve only just begun, Craig!
Love you
Liv xxx
I sit for a while staring at this latest letter wondering what it is that’s not adding up, then it hits me. She says Lee and Kristyn and Joanne are on their first conclave but they didn’t travel there with her. So when did they arrive? And not counting young Chloe, all the people who have been there longer are the three men.
I don’t like this. I don’t like it at all.
10
THE EIGHTH LETTER, 3RD JANUARY
Happy new year, dickhead!
Damn, Liv, if only you knew. Me and Andrew stayed at my place on New Year’s Eve after dinner with Mum and Dad. We were home and in bed by eleven p.m., the dinner an utterly sombre affair because you weren’t there, and we had no idea where you were.
It’s been hot as hell up here the last few days and that’s great, except there are a lot of bugs, bro. And leeches! So you can laugh it up, you know how I manage with that shit. But I’m actually getting better at it all, and Jonathan allows us to have Aerogard in our cabins, and we each carry a little tub of salt for the leeches. It’s not so bad.
Okay, finally I can tell you about the way of leaves. I can’t believe I’ve been writing to you for all these weeks and I’m only just getting around to this lol.
Funny, Sis. Real funny. Man, I can’t imagine how stressed I’d have been reading these snippets a week apart each time. Then again, it’s all classic “Liv on a new trip” stuff, so I’d probably just be shaking my head and waiting . . .
Actually, no I wouldn’t. I think after that first letter, or certainly after the first few, I’d have been heading off across Tasmania to find her. The letters have postmarks, so I reckon I can track her down fairly easily. As soon as I’ve read through all these, that’s what I plan to do. First I’ll bring Mum and Dad up to speed, then I’m off. I hope Andrew will come with me, I think I’ll need the support. Maybe the muscle too, he’s always been a more physical guy than me. Shit. Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that.
So the way of leaves is a combination of three things. Jonathan calls them the three branches of the eternal tree. They are meditation, movement, and internal physics.
Meditation is exactly that—calmness, inner stillness, etc. We have mantras, some we make up for ourselves and some Jonathan gives us to help us along the way. Some are in weird languages and it’s hard to memorise them, but more about that later.
Movement is like tai chi, but Jonathan’s special form. He studied with loads of masters and formulated this set of exercises and stretches that takes from yoga and various styles of tai chi and chi kung and so on. It’s really good, makes you feel awesome and strong and flexible. I’m in better shape than I’ve been in years, all from this practice along with living and eating as naturally as possible. All like we were supposed to, you know? We’ve moved so far away from our natural, animal state, Craig.
We’ve moved away from massive levels of infant mortality, death in childbirth, degenerative diseases, fucking dying of the cold, Liv. All because we moved away from our “animal state”. We evolved and we’re better off, with better life expectancy and everything else because we stopped living like animals. These self-help fuckers and their “cavemen were healthier” bullshit drive me insane. How can she fall for all this rubbish, time and time again?
Now internal physics is the really interesting one, and the hardest to practice. It involves using the first two things—meditation and movement—along with other practices to change our internal physiology and release the eternal truths stored in our genetics. Anything that alters the physical state helps.
Fifty bucks says here’s where the group sex part of the cult shows up.
Things like swimming in the icy water of the creek or a waterhole nearby, staying awake for extended periods to stimulate overtiredness, exercising until exhaustion, natural stimulants and psychotropics like magic mushrooms, masturbation and sex, but especially Jonathan’s special tea.
There it is. Fucking hell, Liv. How many times a week does everyone have to fuck Jonathan? And what’s this special tea bullshit?
I can’t really explain everything in these short letters, but you get the idea. All this is stuff we practice on our own, it’s our personal journey. Except the sex, of course, but that’s something everyone shares one way or another. I was pretty uncomfortable with it at first, but as I got to know everyone, it became easier and now I really enjoy it. Except Jonathan, though. He’s transcended that, so we all get together in different ways, but not Jonathan.
Well, I stand corrected. Somehow this makes me even more suspicious.
Or Chloe, of course, but she’s only sixteen, so that’s a good thing! Like I said before, Matt and Joanne are a couple, so they pretty much stay to themselves, but we’ve had a couple of threesomes and that was cool. Otherwise, Pete, Lee, Kristyn and me have had a few various trysts, in varying numbers. Lee’s a dynamo, Craig! She’s a monster in the sack. I’ve only ever been with guys before, but it’s quite enlightening to go with women too. I’m into it. I’m having fun!
Anyway, I shouldn’t waste too much time on this, the sex is such a small part of the overall way of leaves. It’s just one aspect of triggering internal change. But like I said, this is all the personal practice stuff. The real journey is once a week when Jonathan takes us to transcend. That’s time one on one with Jonathan. We have some of the tea, more than at other times and it’s a slightly different brew than usual, he says, and he leads us in a kind of guided meditation followed by transcendence. It took me weeks to make my first ascent and honestly, I thought it was maybe all bullshit, but the others kept assuring me it would happen. And then it did.
Jesus, he’ll be back any minute. Until next week, big bro.
Love you!
Liv xxx
Special tea? Stronger when he has you alone? Liv, please, you can’t be serious. And what the fuck is an ascent, exactly? I snatch up the next letter.
11
THE NINTH LETTER, 10TH JANUARY
This letter opens with another sketch and I think it’s supposed to be Liv, but she’s cranky, sitting with her arms folded and a cartoon black cloud over her head. She’s got a scrunched up, frowning expression and there are flowers all around her but they’re all kind of wilting away from her.
I am pissed off this week, Craig.
Well, there it is. Hello to you too, Sis. Cracks in the façade starting to show, are they?
I want to ascend again, but Jonathan keeps putting me off. For my own good, he assures me, but it feels like punishment. And I don’t know what for. I wish I knew so I could fix it.
Classic abuser play, Liv. Make you sorry for stuff you didn’t even do. Make you crave something and then withhold it, make you beg. This guy is an arsehole, why can’t you see that?
Anyway, worry about that later. I remembered I never told you about Jonathan and Chloe falling out right after we got here and that’s still a thing. So no one really knows what happened, but when I first arrived, Jonathan introduced me to the others, then he and Chloe went into their house. Not long after, there was shouting and Jonathan never raises his voice. I didn’t know it then, but I do now and it’s borne out. He’s never raised his voice once since that day. But Chloe was really screaming at him. We couldn’t make out the words, muffled by the house walls, but the tone was clear. She was so angry with him. The others insisted we move further away, for their privacy.
Anyway, long story short, it went on for a little while, then we heard a door slam and Chloe stomped across conclave to the farthest cabin. Like I said before, there are eight of them. There’s the main cooking and seating area, then behind that are three cabins—Lee, Kristyn and Joanne live in those. About twenty metres back are another three. I’ve got one of those and Matt’s in another. And then there are two cabins off a bit further to one side, sort of under the overhanging branches at the edge of the bush, where the cleared land ends. Pete lives in one of those and Chloe went stomping off to the other one.
She stays in there all the time now and only comes out for meals. When she comes out to eat, she never sits with us or talks, and steadfastly ignores her dad. She always wears this black Blind Eye Moon ball cap, with the round white and red badge on the front. You know, that Aussie metal band? Anyway, she wears that all the damn time, the peak pulled low to conceal her eyes in shadow, like she’s always hiding, even in plain sight.
Every now and then I see her head off into the bush, presumably just for walks. She’s gone for hours sometimes. Maybe one day I’ll follow and try to talk to her.
Jonathan has reassured us all and said it’s just teenager angst. The usual parent/child bullshit. I get that, but it’s also a bit weird given how isolated we all are. I guess Chloe is pretty used to it, though. I wonder what the story is with her mum. I’ve tried to broach the subject, but no one knows, and Matt and Pete both warned me off when I suggested I might ask Jonathan. Touchy subject, apparently. I feel bad that Chloe has no peers around, though. And she doesn’t go to school, even though she’s still high school age. I did ask Jonathan about that and he said he usually home-schools her, but she’s already smart way beyond year twelve stuff, so he’s not too bothered.
Anyway, that’s the shape of things, so you know. Who cares, right? It’s their problem.
You should, Liv. You should care a lot.
Now then, ascendence. I can finally tell you about this. And don’t worry, this is a longer letter but Jonathan said he was going to be longer as he has to meet someone for a short time before he shops. Don’t worry, I’m watching out!
Ascendence is the ultimate goal of the way of leaves. It’s the point at which we become in touch with all universal truths, when we are completely open to them and they can enter us and inform us. Then we rise above. But it’s actual ascendence, too. I fucking levitate, Craig! Read on, don’t scoff.
Fair enough, I literally scoffed as I read that. But come on, Liv, actual levitation?
Jonathan grows this special tea right here at conclave. You’d think something like tea wouldn’t grow in a climate like this, but it does. It’s the same tea he gave me during that first meeting we had in Warrane, but generally speaking it’s only used for special occasions, and in a weakened brew. Like a conclave gathering, where we all spend a dedicated evening together or something like that. But mostly it’s used for transcendence. That’s when we drink it full strength.
You might realise I use transcendence and ascendence almost interchangeably. They are kinda the same thing. The first few times it’s a guided meditation with Jonathan. There’s the ritual tea drinking (loosely based on the Japanese tea ceremony, apparently) then Jonathan guides a meditation. His voice is hypnotic when he does that and sometimes he speaks in a weird language I’ve never heard before. At first nothing too much happened, but as I got better at it, the truths started opening to me, Craig. They really did!
And that first time I achieved ascendance, I rose off the ground several inches, still sitting cross-legged, and a feeling of pure and unfettered joy washed through me. It only lasted a second as the surprise of it knocked my concentration and I bumped back down again. But the ultimate goal is sustained ascendance. Jonathan promises to demonstrate for me one day. He can rise above the trees, he says.
Jesus, Liv, alarm bells are deafening in my head. Why not yours? You drink special tea and trip out? Come on, Sis. I think maybe the tea is dulling her senses somehow, preventing her from realising what’s obvious to me. I suppose that’s how these cults and drug use work, you hear about people being sucked into this kind of shit all the time.
All this stuff is really real, Craig. I’ve found something magical here, truly. I know you’ll be your usual super sceptical self, but you have to come and visit when my first year is up. I definitely plan to stay here, at least another year after this. Honestly, right now it feels like I’ll never want to leave. Assuming Jonathan lets me ascend again and stops giving me this weird cold-shoulder shit.
The others are still cool. We still fool around and stuff, help each other along. Pete keeps trying to get me alone and I think he wants me for himself, but I’m not into that. Weirdly, I only feel safe in group sex, especially when Lee is involved. Is that weird?
Right, gotta go. Love you, and big love to Mum and Dad.
Liv xxx
My nerves are jangling about where all this is heading.
12
THE TENTH LETTER, 24TH JANUARY
