Kill Switch (Notes of Necrosoph Book 4), page 3
We had done this to him. Made him what he was because we loved him so much and he spent so much time around us. And now look at him. This was entirely our fault. And the only one paying the price was this despondent dog before me. Hiding his fear and sadness when he should be running around with his favorite ball in his mouth.
Yet another reason why I hated this Necro life.
All it brought was pain. Pain and suffering.
"What's this about?" asked Phage as she strolled down the garden, holding hands with Jen. My daughter's face was red and her eyes were puffy and swollen. She'd clearly had a good cry where Woofer couldn't see.
Living with animals was so hard. We had so many that depended on us, but it was different with some. Woofer was family. True family.
This was tough on Jen, too. Just like Tyr, he and Jen had grown up together. She hadn't lost anyone yet, and now she knew how long we'd all live, that Mr. Wonderful was over fifty, well, it made it doubly hard to accept Woofer's short lifespan.
Should I tell them what I had learned? Dare I? Was it wrong? Was it worth the risk? Was it my place to decide? As Phage watched me with concern, I decided I had to share this important information.
"Did you take the power pellet?"
"Yes, I took a little like Jen said. What's this about?"
"Great, that's great. Can you sit down? You too, Jen. Damn, it's hot."
"Did you use sunscreen?" Phage asked Jen.
Jen rolled her eyes. "Don't I always?"
"Less of the eye-rolling, missy," I told her.
"Sorry."
"Woofer, are you listening? I have something very important that we all need to agree on." Was I doing the right thing? Maybe this should wait and we could talk it over without Woofer. Too late now. I was all geared up, so it was now or never.
"Woofer listening." He made a show of struggling to his feet, groaning like an old man.
"What's the matter?" Phage asked.
"Woofer very sad. Never see Jen be woman. Never play with Jen's children. Never go on adventures with Soph or Phage. Just die." He howled with sadness.
"Oh, Woofer, please don't talk like that." Phage and Jen both sat and tried to console him, but he was beyond depressed now.
"You guys know I've been spending some time on the Necronet, right?"
"More like all the time. It's so unfair," complained Jen. "I bet it's you who broke the internet. Probably used it all up, the amount of time you've been on there. And I'm not allowed, so why are you?"
"Because I'm an adult and know all the horrible things that happen in the world. You don't. But look, part of the reason I've been on there so much is because I learned things about the, er, power pellets."
"The poo of power, I like to call it."
"Can we please not mention poo when discussing something I have just ingested," said Phage as she rubbed at her ruby lips like that would make a difference now.
"As I was saying, I learned more about it and what it can do. I told you guys that if you got very old dragon poo it could make the changes that occur permanent, and it could do a lot of stuff that Tyr's can't, right?"
"You did," said Phage.
"According to some guy on the Necronet, you can get similar effects if you basically overdose on a younger dragon's pellets. Not dragon powers like invisibility, or not for certain, but things like Tyr's ability to camouflage himself is a possibility, and morphing, maybe even something new. It's not guaranteed, any of it, but it can work."
"Woofer could be invisible? Woofer could play hide and seek. Be very good." He perked up a little at that, but he soon hung his head again.
"That's just side-effects. The main outcome, and I must stress that this is extremely dangerous and it might not even work, or it could kill you if we get it wrong, is that if you basically take a massive dose of it, and it would mean the dry stuff as it's more potent and you can make powder, it can make you semi-immortal like some Necros. Like us, Woofer. And Tyr."
"Soph, that's nonsense," said Phage. "You read it online and think it's true? Come on."
"Yeah, Dad, even I know you can't trust the things people write online."
"This wasn't just a random nutjob spewing ideas. The guy wrote this whole long piece on it. But more importantly, he scanned pages of a book. An old book, like the one I read about dragons. This was even older, and no, I don't know where he got it from, what it was called, or even if it was genuine. But it looked like the real deal. I don't know what the guy had to lose by showing the pages of the book, and he said that it made sense. I know it sounds daft, but we only found out about the poo because of Woofer eating it and then Jen looking it up and doing the same thing, so why not this?"
Everyone stared at me, mouths agape.
"You're serious?" asked Phage.
"Deadly. Excuse the pun. What do you think?"
"I think it's awesome!" Jen smiled, then leaned forward and flung her arms around me. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. We can save Woofer."
Woofer barked excitedly and ran laps around the garden, seemingly cured of all that ailed him. It was some kind of a miracle.
I turned to Phage and told her, "Sorry, I know we should have discussed this in private first. I was going to do more checking, but what with everything offline and Woofer being so miserable, well, I just couldn't take it any more."
"I understand. Soph, it's fine. I know that he's the way he is because of us, that he shouldn't have to know these things, be worried like he is. It's been going on for years now and it breaks all our hearts. It's fine." Phage pecked me on the cheek and smiled sweetly.
"You're so understanding. What did I do to deserve you?"
"Ugh, you guys are so gross. Why can't you be like other parents and argue and just pretend everything's okay when really it isn't?"
"Come here," I laughed, then grabbed Jen and tickled her tummy. She squealed, much to everyone's delight, and it sent Woofer into a fun-induced mad sprint back and forth, utterly trashing the new lawn.
"Woofer, come here, please. We need to finish discussing this and form a plan." Woofer came and flopped down beside us, panting. His eyes were wild, like he was already quasi-immortal.
"Woofer can be with everyone for all time now. Hooray." His tail thumped madly, his chest heaved, his eyes danced.
"Now look, this is a serious business. Don't anyone get too excited because, like I said, there are some big risks involved. If you take too much, it could kill you. You could die today if we do this and it goes wrong. But the best chance of it working is when you are still young, fit, and healthy. If you are old and frail, then it most definitely will kill you. Even so, we're taking a huge gamble. You need to eat a lot of it, I mean a lot, and you are going to feel absolutely awful. The sickest you have ever been in your life. Do you understand me?"
"Understand. But if Woofer doesn't try, Woofer dead soon anyway. Will be able to fly?"
"No, you won't be able to fly," Phage told him. She turned to me. "He won't, will he? Can you imagine? A flying dog!"
"Flying is for birds and dragons only. But you will be able to live a long time, be able to regenerate unless something catastrophic happens, and basically be more like Mr. Wonderful. I mean, Bernard's always accidentally killing that cat, and he always comes back."
"Woofer will be cat?" he asked, cocking his head to the side.
"Haha. No, you will most definitely still be you. A dog. A great dog. The best dog. Just with some of the abilities like Mr. Wonderful. Like all Necros. But listen everyone, and I can't emphasize this enough, there is a risk. Anything could go wrong. It might not even work at all. So what do we all think? We have to accept that we could lose Woofer today if we do this. And you must understand that, Woofer. This could be your last day with us. So there it is. Well?"
"Woofer can have sausages?"
"Huh?"
"Can eat the power pellets with sausages?"
"I guess." I shrugged.
"Woofer love sausages."
"You sure do," laughed Jen as she cuddled him and nodded her head to say she agreed we should do it.
"I think if Woofer wants to try, then we should do it. But are you sure about this?" Phage asked.
"Honestly? I don't know. I can't bear to think of losing the daft lump. But I know you aren't happy," I told the smiling dog. "Okay, let's force feed the dog sausages and dragon poo!"
And thus began another strange episode in this poor Necro's life. One of many over the years. But this was the first one that involved quite as many sausages.
DOG OD
"Wait," I told the excitable mutt sitting on the lawn, using all his self-control while I held a large bowl of perfectly cooked sausages.
"Woofer so hungry. Will faint soon. Maybe even die of hunger. Feel so empty." He licked his lips and stared at the sausages mournfully.
"You had your breakfast, and a chewy," I lectured. "And a handful of biscuits. Plus half a sandwich. I think you can hold out a while longer," I laughed.
"Just give the poor thing his sausages," Phage chortled. She gave me a cheeky wink.
"I just want to be sure. Woofer, I made these myself. I mixed all the lovely meat in with the power pellet powder so there is an awful lot in here. Once you do this, there is no turning back. So, are you absolutely, one hundred percent sure?" I knew it was pointless to ask. If I'd told him I'd laced them with arsenic and he would definitely die if he ate them, I think he'd risk it. Because. Sausages.
"Woofer want to be like Tyr. Can eat now? Then play ball with Woofer?"
"Dad, it'll be fine. I just know it will." Jen beamed at me and her mother; both nodded that I should do this.
I placed the bowl down on the lawn. Woofer began to drool like a mad thing, and then I said, "Take."
He raced over and tucked straight in, what few manners he had utterly gone. We huddled close and watched the sausage assault as the sun beat down while Woofer inhaled what was possibly his last ever meal. At least he'd go out with a smile on his face.
"Dad, I'm scared."
I put my arm around Jen and told her, "Me too. Very. But we have to think positive and we mustn't let him see us worried. Stay strong. According to my research, this will happen pretty fast. We'll know soon enough if it worked or not."
"He's a fighter. He'll pull through, and then he'll be Woofer the Wonder Dog," said Phage. She frowned, and all three of us sniffed and rubbed at our eyes.
Several seconds later, which was a record for Woofer as he'd never taken so long to eat a meal in his entire life, the bowl had been licked clean repeatedly just in case he'd somehow missed a sausage, and then he waddled over to us, sat down, and beamed.
"You got a full tummy?"
"Woofer not know what it feels like to have full tummy. Is it nice?"
"Yes. It means you've had enough to eat. And you, my friend, most definitely have."
"Have more sausages? Woofer could eat."
I smiled down at my faithful companion and shook my head in wonder. "Afraid not. How are you feeling?"
"Feel fine. Play ball with Woofer?"
"Sure, we can all play if you'd like." I turned to the others. They nodded their heads, all of us relieved.
Woofer stood, and then he did the loudest fart I had ever heard. And being so old, I'd heard many a fart from many a creature.
Woofer jumped three feet in the air in shock. He landed, then turned to investigate the noise, then stood stock still as he sniffed the air. I made the fatal mistake of doing the same.
The freaked-out mutt whined, then ran to the herbaceous border. I coughed, choked, gagged, and put out a hand to Phage's shoulder to steady myself, but she spluttered as the noxious fumes hit, so ran in the opposite direction to Woofer, leaving me leaning towards thin air and keeling over sideways.
It was worse closer to the source. Much worse. Panicked, I crawled across the lawn like a soldier in battle as invisible missiles assaulted me from every side. Jen laughed, then it got her too, and she coughed before legging it down the garden.
Woofer, unable to escape the source of the foul emanations, whined as he let rip again. Then it became really bad. A noxious war zone. Fart after fart after fart. They kept coming.
Parp. Parp. Paaaaarp.
He dashed around in a panic, whining, howling, coughing, and pleading for assistance.
From a safe distance, and after greedily inhaling fresh air, I called, "Sorry, didn't I mention this bit? Woofer, I think it best if you follow me to the paddock. Because if you aren't enjoying this bit, then you are gonna hate what comes next."
"Hey, what are you looking so happy about?" asked Phage as she nudged me in the ribs with her elbow.
"He might be the stinkiest creature on the planet, but he's still alive. Come on everyone, let's get Woofer where he can't make a mess of the lawn." I opened the gate and we headed past the chickens, the zoo, and Tyr's old barn, then into the rough land at the bottom of our property. Hopefully, the smell wouldn't make it back up to the house from here.
Woofer stormed ahead, keener than us to escape the malodorous fumes, but standing no chance. We grouped together, with Woofer standing in front of us looking panicked, and Phage told him, "It's okay. It'll be over soon. It's just gas."
"Woofer not like smell. Woofer like all smells. Very bad."
"It is quite atrocious," I agreed merrily. "Now, you're going to experience—"
Fpliiiiiiiiiiit. Fplit, fplit, fpliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.
Woofer's backside not so much let loose as exploded. Liquid excrement, utterly gross and volatile, erupted from his rear with the force of a slick new train. He moaned as his back arched and the foulness was evacuated over and over. He could do nothing but stand there and let it happen.
We took several steps away until stopped by the new fence.
"Dad, is this normal?"
"Apparently, but it should be over soon. Then things are going to get very bad indeed."
"Like how?"
"He'll puke, he might have several seizures, and if he gets through that then it'll start to get worse. I mean truly horrible."
"What!? Why didn't you say?"
"I didn't want to make you worry even more. Ah, here we go."
All eyes were on Woofer as he purged a dark liquid in one continues stream while the other end continued about its disgusting business.
On and on it went. The smell downright insulting to flowers all over England.
And then, with a final rip of doom, it was over. Woofer was motionless, too afraid to move in case it began again, but this was textbook dragon poo overdose according to some bloke on the internet. Meaning, so far, so good.
"Right, now move away from all that nastiness and settle yourself down. I know this is horrible, but think about the future. You might be immortal," I told my panting, wheezing, terrified dog.
"Woofer lost all his sausages," he complained.
Jen turned to me, amazed. "Wow, even at a time like this he's concerned about his sausages."
"You'll be fine, boy. Just ease over there, slowly does it, and then lie down. You might start shaking, but it's part of it."
Woofer walked over, unsteady, then collapsed in an exhausted heap and rolled onto his side. His ribcage rose and fell rapidly, but he seemed kinda okay.
I pulled Jen close and told her, "Don't be scared. This is meant to happen. He'll probably start shaking in a moment, so be brave for him."
"I will." Jen smiled weakly, then called to our stressed dog, "You're doing awesome. Way to go, Woofer."
"Yes, come on, you can do it," shouted Phage.
"That's my boy," I told him. "You're going to live for so long now. Think of all the sausages."
Woofer's tale thumped dejectedly, then his eyes rolled up in his head and his entire body convulsed. I ran over, really concerned, as the side-effects escalated. He spasmed violently. His tongue lolled out and the next seizure caused him to clamp down on it. I worried he'd bite it in two, so as the shaking slowed I pushed it back into his mouth, ignoring the foulness on my hands.
He shook so intensely that he turned over completely and I feared he'd snap a leg, so I had to hold him down forcibly as his body jerked repeatedly, each convulsion worse than the last. Foam bubbled from between his teeth, tinged red, which I knew was not a good sign. What had I been thinking? Why had I suggested this? We were going to lose Woofer and it was all my stupid, smug fault.
The stiff jerking slowed and then stopped. I released him and wiped away the bloody foam with a tuft of grass. As I stood back, Woofer's chest rattled. He was still.
Woofer was dead.
"Dad! Oh no, poor Woofer," cried Jen.
"Stay back," I warned.
With an almighty thunderclap of anguish and pain, Woofer screamed into the bright, clear day as air rushed back into his now immortal lungs. He tore at the ground with his claws to find purchase. Our beloved friend stood there, eyes burning with ferocious life born of a deep-seated desire to live forever and remain with his family, and he leapt into my arms in one utterly un-acrobatic leap.
I found myself crying and laughing for joy as I cuddled an utterly filthy, beyond sticky, immortal dog. My dog. Our dog. Woofer the immortal.
"How you feeling?" I asked with a smile as I lowered him. My back screamed with pain. He felt like he'd doubled in weight. Was that a thing?
"Woofer feel…"
We waited, and we waited, and we waited, and then Jen blurted, "Woofer, you're alive! I'm so happy."
"Invincible!" Woofer's tail was erect, his ears were up, and his eyes shone.
Then something truly miraculous happened. His coat kind of bristled, he shook out like he'd just been locked out in the rain, and all the dirt, the puke, the shit, the piss, and even the smell, was flung away from our beloved companion. His coat was now so shiny the light bounced off it, making him look almost white, the black was so intense. We shielded our eyes against the glare, which gradually dimmed, and there before us was a new creature. Something born of the Necroverse. Necrowoofer.
