Bess Lovelace, page 14
‘It’s nice to see it back on your face where it belongs.’
‘Well, it thanks to you,’ I couldn’t help telling her.
She smiled at that. ‘If any small part of your smile is down to me, then I’m really, really happy. But I think much of it is your doing. You’ve taken charge of your life again and that will ultimately make you happier.’
I nodded, smiling once more.
‘Come on…let’s head back home.’
Home? Home. The word, for once, sounded like a breath of fresh air.
Back in the flat, I knew that Alex had work to be doing.
‘I might go and rest a little while you work,’ I told her, because I wanted to be well and knew it would allow her to get on without feeling responsible for my welfare.
‘Okay, good idea. Do you need anything?’ she questioned.
‘No, I’m fine,’ I smiled, and turned to head to the bedroom.
Inside, I took off my shoes and settled down on the bed gingerly, avoiding the worst of my injuries by lying on one side and curling up like that.
I quickly found I was tired enough to take a nap, especially when Lucky came and curled herself around me, keeping me warm as I slept. Minutes turned into hours and when I woke, I stretched languidly, feeling well rested and content. I lay there for several long moments before getting up and padding into the lounge, Lucky following beside me.
‘Hey there, sleeping beauty,’ Alex greeted me.
I went to sit beside her. ‘I’m sorry I slept so long,’ I apologised.
‘Honey, you need as much rest as possible! Don’t be sorry! The more you sleep and rest, the quicker your body can recover.’
‘I guess so…just old guilt for resting bothering me, I guess.’
‘Slam that door,’ she told me, smiling at me.
I frowned, confused.
‘It’s my own little technique which I do to help when my mind starts to go to places which upset me. I slam the door on it in my mind, not allowing it in.’
My eyebrows rose. ‘I like that!’
‘I know, right?’ she smiled. ‘If you slam the door, you don’t have to think about it. Or you can at least open the door in your mind when you’re ready to. It helps me when I feel anxious about things.’
‘I’ll try it,’ I told her, happily. ‘Have you got much done?’ I asked, scanning her mind for information quicker than she could answer me. I saw, to my pleasure, that Detective Saint had already been busy and had found all the evidence I had detailed.
‘Yes, actually! I had a phone call from Sam, and he told me they went out to the lake shore cabin and found everything as you described it. Everything you said was accurate, Bess. They’ve arrested him-the father.’
‘Good,’ I nodded, satisfied. ‘And your other case?’ I questioned.
‘Oh, well, that’s still ongoing…if you’re referring to the photo of the missing woman in the centre of my board?’
‘Yes, Penny,’ I nodded. ‘You’ve been looking into her disappearance more this afternoon, right?’ I questioned.
‘That’s right. Her parents are concerned that the trail has gone cold-that the police aren’t doing enough. They want her found. There are children involved and the parents want to know what happened to her so they can make arrangements for the kid’s futures.’
I wrinkled my nose, looked away.
‘Bess?’ she prompted.
I looked at her.
‘Do you know something?’ she asked.
‘Not…everything…not like with Emily,’ I told her. ‘This one is coming to me bit by bit-but what I can tell you-and I’m sorry, I don’t know how to say it in any other way. She’s not coming back, Alex.’
Alex’s eyes widened to huge orbs. ‘She’s dead?’
I nodded, biting my lip. ‘I know she’s dead. I can picture her as she is now, and it’s well and truly dead. She’s not coming back for those kids, I’m afraid. She can’t.’
‘What else can you see?’ she asked, urgently.
‘Well,’ I sighed. ‘I see an argument…a struggle…violence and then a bathtub,’ I told her.
She frowned. ‘Details? I don’t know what that means?’
I sighed. ‘You met her husband, right?’ I asked.
‘Oh, please don’t tell me it’s him…’ she begged.
‘It’s him,’ I nodded, swallowing hard. ‘He killed her, and she ended up in the bathtub. He panicked, not knowing how to get rid of her, so eventually, he used a saw to cut her up into two more manageable pieces and stuffed her remains into these suitcases. They’re quite cool ones, actually. You can’t miss them when you find them. They’re silver-they look almost space age. They’re plastic, solid and kind of snazzy looking,’ I said, considering them in my mind. ‘But at the moment, I can’t see where he took her. You’ll find the evidence I’ve described in their en-suite master bedroom bathroom, but I can’t see what happened after that. I’ll work on it…’ I told her.
‘Wow…’ she murmured. ‘I guess I have another call to Sam to make.’
‘Is he working that case too?’ I asked.
‘I believe so,’ she replied. ‘And I should get in touch with the parents…get their take on Robert.’
‘You go ahead. Can I make some dinner while you work? I like cooking, so don’t think it’s because of any other reason…’ I said, standing up.
She smiled at me, getting to her feet. ‘You’re welcome to make whatever you like if you’re hungry. Have a rummage through the fridge and see if there’s enough things to make for dinner. I should also do a supermarket shop with you online later, make sure we’ve got the foods and drinks that you like in the house.’
I stared at her. ‘How on earth did I get this lucky?’ I asked her.
‘What?’ she smiled, looking almost embarrassed.
‘You literally think of everything. I’m so grateful for everything you’re doing for me, Alex. So grateful.’
‘Ah, you’re welcome, sweetie,’ she murmured, looking down at me. ‘I care about you, and I want to make your stay here as happy as comfortable as humanly possible,’ she told me.
I didn’t know how else to put into words how grateful was, so I went with a different approach. ‘Can I hug you?’ I asked, unexpectedly.
Her eyes widened, surprise filling them. ‘Yes, of course! Why?’ she asked, full of wonder.
‘Because you make me feel better,’ I said, simply-and because I wanted to thank her.
‘Come here, you,’ she said, holding her arms out.
I could feel the wave of emotion that my words created and stepped into her arms, wrapping my arms around her waist as she embraced me. Being almost a whole head shorter than her, I found that we were the perfect compliment to each other and fit together perfectly. My head turned into her neck, and she held me close to her body, unwilling to release me quickly it seemed. My eyes closed and I held her tighter, relishing the emotions she stirred in me-contentment, a feeling of being safe and alongside those, arousal.
I sighed, happily, pleased I’d initiated this contact. When she eventually drew back, she smiled down at me with a look of satisfaction on her face.
‘That was nice,’ she murmured, still holding on to me by my arms.
I just smiled at her, not willing to trust my voice.
‘I’ll make those phone calls…’
I nodded, and she released me.
Walking to the kitchen, I felt butterflies skipping merrily through my stomach. She stirred emotions in me which I was unused to, and which were foreign to me. I found I liked it though and that I didn’t want to ever leave this little sanctuary.
I found myself mulling on the subject of Alex as I looked through the fridge in search of something I could make for her. She was such a special person, and I recognised that in every word and action of hers. She’d been so welcoming, so kind and attentive to my needs and I genuinely enjoyed her company too. It was a revelation to me as all I was used to was being treated very poorly.
I gathered a few of the items I found and placed them on the side, starting to assemble a simple dinner of spaghetti Bolognese. I didn’t disturb her to ask if she liked it as she was busy talking on the phone to Sam about my latest revelations. A quick look in her store cupboard showed me that she had a jar of Dolmio and when I lifted it, I knew she liked the meal as I could tell she’d had it in the past.
I’d assembled the whole dinner by the time she finished on the phone.
‘Phew! Sorry!’ she exclaimed, ‘That longer than expected,’ she apologised. ‘Oh, my goodness! Look what you’ve done! You didn’t need to do all this, sweetheart!’ she said, clearly happy with the meal I’d prepared.
‘It was nothing compared to what you’re doing for me,’ I murmured, embarrassed.
‘Don’t be silly,’ she said, giving me a playful nudge. ‘I like having you here…and you know it, don’t you? My happiness to have your company must be all over my head!’
‘Well, I mean…yeah…I can sense it…’ I told her, blushing.
‘Come on then. Let’s eat it while it’s hot and then we can get your relaxing once more,’ she smiled.
We ate the dinner and then cleared up side by side, as seemed to be the best way to do it before heading back to the lounge. The light was dimming and I could see that the sunset was imminent.
‘Shall we watch the sunset?’ she suggested.
‘Yes please!’ I said, eagerly.
‘Come on…we can sit in your favourite place,’ she suggested, leading me to the window seat.
Where I assumed we’d sit either end of the seat, Alex didn’t. She eased in beside me and when I realised her intentions to sit beside me, I shuffled up, making space for her with an embarrassed smile.
The space was ample, but ideally for one person at each end. With her beside me, her body was pressed up against me, warmly.
‘Cosy,’ she commented, shuffling even closer.
‘I, uh…’
‘Are you okay with this?’ she asked, reaching an arm around me to make more space, and so that I could lean into her side if I wanted to. ‘I mean, if it’s too much…’
‘Alex, it’s fine…it’s…nice.’
‘Nice?’ she smiled, glancing down at me.
‘Okay, more than nice,’ I admitted, turning to the window to look out at the view beyond. I sighed. ‘I love it here.’
‘Yeah…me too,’ she murmured, easing even closer, a move that didn’t go unnoticed by me.
‘Are you happier here, Alex?’ I asked, turning to look up at her and finding her face closer to mine than expected.
‘Much happier,’ she smiled, eyes dropping to my mouth. ‘I feel like I was meant to end up here. Life sometimes has a way of working out which leaves you in a better place. This is my place,’ she concluded.
I smiled at her, liking that idea. Turning back to the sea, I watched as the skies became yellower, a golden hue spreading across the sea making it twinkle with light. The sea was calm and shimmered with diamonds. It was breathtakingly beautiful, and I watched for a long while, enjoying the view and the warmth beside me.
Alex went quiet, relaxing and enjoying the sight outside along with my company. Her mind told me that she was content, and I liked that I made her feel that way. I liked that I helped with her loneliness.
We stayed like that for some time, watching the sun as it slowly made its way downwards. The lights slowly disappeared too, and darkness began to creep in. I found I could see the moon, and it looked like it was full when it started shining more brightly in the dark, night sky.
‘So beautiful,’ I murmured, summing up the moment simply.
‘Yeah,’ she said, quietly, but her mind was not on the sunset. It was on me.
I turned to look at her, knowing what she was thinking and feeling my heart pound in response.
She must have known that I knew, because her next words were telling. ‘Tell me not to…’ she murmured.
I swallowed hard; found I didn’t want to.
‘Bess…’ she said, softly, her eyes dropping to my mouth.
I didn’t stop her. I wanted nothing more than to feel her lips on mine once again, to feel something good.
Leaning forwards, she slowly closed the gap between us. My eyes fluttered shut as her lips neared mine, taking her time, giving me the chance to pull away. I didn’t even think of stopping her though. I needed this. I wanted this.
The moment her lips touched mine took my breath away. A shiver passed through me instantly and I responded as her mouth moved against mine.
I knew from her thoughts that she wanted and planned to take this slowly but somehow, that didn’t happen. The moment my mouth opened under hers, passion unleashed itself between us. Our hands reached for one another, our bodies turned to face each other, and our kiss became heated, quickly.
At the first touch of her tongue, I couldn’t contain the groan of arousal which came from deep inside me. Pulling me closer, she deepened the kiss, forgetting about everything apart from the way I felt in her arms. As my lips slid slickly over hers, I found my body responding and myself growing breathless as we didn’t stop. It just continued and kept going, while my body heated under her incredible kisses.
When she finally lifted her head, she looked dazed and then quickly panicked. ‘I’m sorry, Bess. I didn’t mean to do that…I shouldn’t have done that. Please don’t think I’m trying to take advantage of you when you’re in this situation.’
‘You know I don’t think that,’ I replied. ‘And I can hear your thoughts, remember? I know, okay?’
‘Okay…well, I’m sorry,’ she said, wondering if she needed to be.
‘I’m not,’ I replied, trying to be brave.
‘No?’ she questioned.
I shook my head and then smiled at her. ‘No. I, uh…I liked it.’
‘I liked it too,’ she murmured, eyes intent on mine.
‘It’s maybe not a good idea to rush this right now…’ I told her.
‘No…of course not. You’re vulnerable,’ she frowned.
‘No, I don’t mean because of that. I just mean, I need to get properly divorced. I want to be free of my personal nightmare if I become involved with you. I don’t want you to feel like you’re the other woman when you’re so, so special that if this happened, it would be because you’re such an incredible woman.’
‘Oh, Bess…the things you say sometimes,’ she sighed.
I just kept staring at her. I couldn’t seem to take my eyes off her.
‘I feel like we need to set a pace for this,’ she murmured then. ‘And I feel like it should be slow. You’ve been through so much lately.’
I nodded, biting my lip. ‘I think that’s a really good idea,’ I murmured, thinking about how Tess had called me frigid and how I would be a disappointment to her if it ever came to the point where we got together properly.
‘So, tell me what’s okay? Hugging?’
I nodded. ‘Definitely.’
‘What about kissing?’ she asked then.
I smiled, blushing fiercely. ‘I really like kissing you.’
‘But we could keep it very much Disney channel for now?’ she suggested.
‘Disney channel?’ I laughed, having not heard that phrase before.
‘Yeah, you know…we keep it slow and innocent…appropriate for Disney,’ she chuckled.
‘Okay then,’ I agreed. ‘I think I’d like that anyway. I’ve never been that great at all that, anyway.’
‘At all that?’ she questioned.
‘Well, yeah…the whole…I don’t know,’ I said, growing redder by the minute.
‘No, tell me. It helps me to understand what’s going on in your head. We’re not all psychic, remember?’ she smiled.
I smiled, but it was a sad smile. ‘I just…I’m not really…geared that way, if you know what I mean?’ I told her.
She frowned, shaking her head. ‘What on earth are you talking about, Bess? Just tell me what you mean. How are you not geared?’
‘Well, sexually…’
Her eyebrows rose in surprise. ‘What?’ she exclaimed.
‘I’m not really, very…’ I trailed off. ‘I just…I fear that if we even tried going down that route that I’d be a huge disappointment to you…’
‘Why do I sense that, yet again, these are not your words right now?’
‘Well, I mean, that’s true,’ I admitted. ‘She did say that constantly, but this time it’s definitely true. I don’t really have the same sexual urges most people do,’ I told her. ‘And I find it really difficult to, uh…well…’ I broke off, unwilling to say the words out loud.
‘To climax?’ she questioned, frowning.
‘Yeah,’ I said, looking away, embarrassed.
She stared at me as if I’d grown two heads. ‘You didn’t have any problem with me. In fact, if we want to argue this point, I could tell you were the most responsive partner I’d ever been with-to the point where you know what happened!’ she exclaimed.
I did know what had happened, but I truly believed it to be a one-off. I had come multiple times under her ministrations, but that had never happened before. ‘It was probably because I’d been drinking though. I never drink so I was far more relaxed than my usual, uptight self.’
‘Bullshit,’ she said, shaking her head.
‘What?’ I questioned.
‘You’re telling me that you think you’re frigid? Has anyone before Tess called you that?’ she asked.
‘Well, no…but she was my first and only partner,’ I admitted.
Her eyebrows hit the ceiling. ‘Oh God, Bess, no way!’
I nodded, blushing.
‘And the sex was crappy for you throughout?’
I didn’t know how to answer. ‘Well, I…I mean, I didn’t have much to compare it too…’
‘No, I’m understanding that,’ she said, shocked. ‘Did you ever…like…well, did she ever get you there?’ she asked, in a gentle way.
I bit my lip, so very embarrassed. ‘No…I thought it was me-well, she told me it was me. The thing was though, I knew I could…well…’ I blushed.
‘You could touch yourself to climax?’ she questioned, saying the words for me.
‘Yeah…’ I admitted. ‘But she didn’t believe in that, either so I used to feel guilty if I ever touched myself. She thought I should save it for her.’
