This Is Not That Dawn: Jhootha Sach, page 127
‘Yes, she didn’t. I’m surprised.’
‘What surprised me most was that bhabhi was here all along and even you didn’t know. When I asked Kanchan if bhabhi had met you, she just shook her head. How long will she stay here? I asked. Kanchan said that she’ll tell me later.’
Narottam did not take the Golcha turn, but drove on towards Delhi Gate.
Tara said worriedly, ‘We should find out why she’s been here so long.’
Tara and Narottam went for coffee at the Blue Nile in Connaught Place. Narottam said, ‘I went there only yesterday. Will it be proper to again so soon?’
‘Find some excuse.’
‘What sort of excuse?’
‘You can’t find an excuse? Buy two seers of mangoes. Say Miss Deva had sent a parcel from Lucknow for me, and I wanted to give some to Kanchan.’
‘Write a note with that message. I’ll go either today or tomorrow.’
‘Don’t pretend to be so innocent. Who did you ask for advice when you were courting Kanchan?’
‘Didi, that is different.’
‘Listen, go tomorrow. Say that you had told me about Kanak being in Delhi, and that I had said that I’d go to see her. You must tell me about your visit. You can ring me, if you want.’
After they returned to Mercy’s flat, Tara wrote a note, ‘Narottam tells me that Kanak is in Delhi. Please telephone me and let me know when she is going back. I’d like to meet her.’
Narottam said when he came Monday evening, ‘Kanak bhabhi didn’t say anything about going back. Panditji had gone out, her mother was in the kitchen. We sat in the aangan. She said that she was looking for work in Delhi, and that a monthly salary of 150 or 200 rupees would be fine. Something is wrong. She also said that she’d go to your place to meet you.’
Tara remained preoccupied with the thought that something untoward may have happened in Jalandhar.
Kanak came to Tara’s flat unaccompanied by Jaya or Kanchan at 8.30 in the morning on Sunday. Tara had washed her hair and was drying them sitting under the ceiling fan. They hugged each other warmly.
‘You didn’t bring Munni along?’
‘It’d be very hot and sunny when I go back, that’s why.’
‘You came after such a long time. If you hadn’t said that you’d come, I’d have gone to meet you.’
‘I hardly do anything at home. You return home tired from the office.’
Both fell silent, thinking of what was coming next. Tara began to inquire after the family in Jalandhar. Once that was done, they again sat silently. Finally Tara asked, ‘Narottam said that you were looking for a job here?’
Kanak bowed her head and nodded.
‘But why? You liked managing the weekly.’
‘I can’t live in Jalandhar any more.’ Kanak said gravely, looking at the floor.
‘What happened? Did my mother say anything to you? Bhabhi, you know her…’ Tara said, putting her arm gently round Kanak’s shoulder and ready to share a confidence with her.
‘No, it’s not that,’ Kanak said, cutting her short.
‘Then?’
‘It’s not possible for me to live in Jalandhar. He’s what he is by nature and I know my big failing is that I can’t be a compliant wife. Everyone gives him so much respect. But I can’t. Maybe I am punishing myself for it, but I can’t live with him. I feel we just aren’t compatible. Problems began six months after our marriage. I put up with it for five years, but can’t do that any more. If my decision sets the tongues wagging, so be it. I don’t know what to do?’ Kanak covered her face with her aanchal.
Tara was puzzled, but at the same time she could see that Kanak was deeply distressed. She hugged Kanak, and said, ‘Come, let’s go to the bedroom.’
Kanak wept for ten minutes. It was hot in the room, but Tara kept her arms around Kanak. When Kanak felt a little better, she briefly told Tara about her marital problems at Tara’s behest. She also described what Puri had said about Tara and their quarrel over Sheelo. In the end she said, ‘Our natures and temperaments are just not compatible. I tried to put up with him as long as I could for the sake of appearance. But not any more…’
Tara had no reason to fear her brother, but she was still hurt to know how he felt about her. Now there was no hope for her to reunite with her family. Rather, she felt for Kanak, who was fighting for her independence and the right to exist as an individual. Tara was thinking, ‘How could Kanak turn herself into an uncomplaining slave? If this is what marriage means, it’s better to remain unmarried. First impressions can be so deceptive!’ She shared her thoughts with Kanak.
Tears again filled Kanak’s eyes. She said, ‘Pitaji, jijaji and others were so much against my friendship with him.’ She described her arguments with Nayyar about Puri, and the lies that Puri had told her about Tara. She made no bones about what she had given up for Puri’s sake, and said, ‘In spite of doing all that for him, this is what it has come to now. If I could suppress my feelings that easily, could be that quiet and compliant, our marriage wouldn’t have taken place at all in the face of my family’s objections.’
Tara simply said to her, ‘I don’t see it as your fault. Earlier, you did what you honestly thought was right, and I can’t blame you for the present situation.’
Kanak had told her father, ‘I don’t want to go back to Jalandhar for some time. I feel like staying in Delhi. Ma is not keeping well. Kanchan has her teaching job. I want to spend time with ma. It doesn’t really matter if I’m not in Jalandhar. Managing the weekly does not take more than two persons. I’d like to take some time off and get some rest.’
Although Kanak had not said in so many words, Panditji had guessed that his daughter and son-in-law now had a strained relationship. He was worried that the situation might drag on. His worry increased when he found out about Kanak looking for a job in Delhi, and realized that the divisions between the two were deeper than he thought. He knew his daughter’s temperament, and the difficulties that her obstinacy might create.
Panditji wrote a letter to Puri, ‘Kanni is my daughter, and you are my son. You are not two separate souls for me, but one and the same, because I cannot imagine the disconnect between your life and well-being, and hers. Both of you should live in harmony because your fates are tied together. Your understanding and experience of life is deeper than hers. Because your share of responsibility is greater than hers, Kanak should defer to you. We shall do our best to counsel her, but first and foremost it is your right and obligation to counsel and win her over. You are her guiding light and mentor, and she a part of your life. Therefore it’s your responsibility to enlighten her when she errs or is at fault. Her lapses of judgement will also have a bearing on you. It will be your magnanimity to come here and offer to take her back with you.’
Puri came to Delhi immediately after he got Panditji’s letter, in the hope that Kanak will listen to her father and agree to go back with him to Jalandhar. Panditji explained the situation to Puri when they were alone together, ‘Barkhurdar, I do not know the reason and the circumstances. And I don’t need to know them,’ he laughed, crinkling his eyes. ‘You both are adults, not kids.’ He lowered his voice, ‘I think that Kanak has been deeply wounded, and only you can redeem the situation. She is looking for a job here. I’m sure that beti Tara must have been in touch with her bhabhi. Tara is a good and kind person. I came to know from Kanchi that Tara, in sympathy with Kanak, was helping her find a job. Tara beti wants to help Kanak like she helps everyone, but the help that Kanak really needs would be to persuade her to return to Jalandhar.’ Such praise of Tara incensed Puri, ‘She’s helping Kanak find a job! So that Kanak won’t have to go back to Jalandhar. She’s always tried to harm us and hurt us. She ruined Mohanlal’s family, now she wants to do the same to me. I’ll never ever have anything to do with her!’
When he was alone with Kanak, Puri reminded her about how she had pledged her love to him and the sacrifices she had made for him. With tears in his eyes he made every possible promise to her, even begged her by touching her feet. When she did not relent, Puri vented his frustration by vilifying Tara, ‘You’re under the spell of that snake of a woman, who has ruined so many lives! She’s a misanthrope. What she likes best is to ruin others’ families.’
Puri went back from Delhi unsuccessful. There was no question of his meeting Tara.
Before coming back home empty-handed, Puri had concealed for over a month the fact of Kanak going to Delhi with Jaya, keeping even Masterji and his mother in the dark about it. Heeran was limited in what she could do in the house, and it was often inconvenient not to have another woman to supervise her. Puri had to ask his mother to come and live with him in Model Town. He had explained that Kanak had gone to Delhi because of her mother’s illness, and might stay there for a month or two. Kanta or Nayyar were not told anything. He had hoped that Kanak would eventually return, and the news of his wife leaving him will remain hidden and not cause a scandal.
Puri, who had always been jealous of Nayyar’s hold over Kanak, was now forced by circumstances to ask for Nayyar’s help. His hope was that if Kanak listened to Nayyar and agreed to return to Jalandhar, he won’t lose face with anyone except Nayyar. As Kanta and Nayyar were now related to him twice over, it would also be in their interest to keep his situation secret. Puri decided to share his problem with Nayyar and Kanta.
‘Her wilfulness and arrogance makes her exaggerate even the most trivial matters. She’s been living in Delhi for over a month now. How could it have been possible for me not to say even a word about running the press and the weekly? Because when I did, it was for her good and for our mutual benefit. What do I stand to gain from the business? She has our finances in her hands and the house is also in her name. I’ve always given her more importance than me. Still, if you both say so, from now on I won’t interfere at all. As it is, I get little time to spare after attending the assembly, doing the Congress party work and sitting on all those committees. If I ever intervened in anything, it was only because I couldn’t bear to see the fruit of my hard work going to the dogs.’
Nayyar replied with appropriate solemnity as he gently rubbed his eye with a finger, ‘It’s matter of concern and I’m sorry about it. I’m also surprised that simple disagreements between you two were blown rather out of proportion.’
Puri reassured him, ‘What other reason could there be? If there was, let her tell you both about it. If I’m not aware of a fault of mine, she can tell me about it.’ His face took on a meek and helpless expression.
Nayyar said by way of reassurance, ‘She must have done this after throwing a tantrum, believe me. Who else does she have in this world but you? Have faith, because she had put you in one side of the scales and the rest of the world in the other, and the scales tipped in your favour.’
Puri wanted that Nayyar and Kanta, for the sake of family honour, should go to Delhi and bring Kanak back with them. Kanta gave Puri assurance that they will do whatever was necessary and possible. If they must go to Delhi to bring her sister back, they will. But the news of her leaving must remain secret.
Nayyar later told Kanta bluntly, ‘Our intervention won’t get any result. They are by nature two very different people. Kanak could have put up with him out of a feeling of respect and admiration, but this man doesn’t have that kind of personality. They had met when she was young and impulsive, and had been attracted to him. She had refused to listen to anyone because of her loyalty to him, her own self-respect and for the freedom to choose her lover. They had hardly got any time to know and understand each other. Our disapproval of their meetings had aggravated the situation. How many times do you suppose they could have met before they got married? If they met behind our backs, they were either overtaken by excitement, or were gung-ho to fight the injustice of our opposition. Such emotions don’t last. I think they’ll continue to argue and quarrel for the rest of their lives.’
Nayyar could not find time; therefore Kanta went alone to Delhi. Kanak being a burden on her already financially strained father was constantly on Kanta’s mind. Her father had not written even one word about Kanak either to her or to Nayyar. He evidently had been deeply hurt, and wanted to keep his pain to himself. He apparently thought that even Nayyar’s rational approach and analytical skills won’t be able to save the family honour in this instance. Her mother had no say in the matter, and her father seemed completely at a loss on how to talk to Kanak about it.
Kanak was fed up with explaining her decision to her father in a roundabout way and to Puri in a straightforward manner. Now Kanta had arrived in Delhi to persuade her to go back.
Kanta asked Kanak about the main reason for disagreement between her and Puri. Kanak did not want to go deep into the reasons for her decision, and tried to sidestep the question by saying, ‘Nothing in particular. It’s just how I feel.’
In an attempt to probe further, Kanta repeated what Puri had said, and asked, ‘What did he do after all that caused you so much anger?’
Kanak had to present her side of the argument. The difference between the two versions surprised Kanta. In order to find a way to patch up their differences, she said, ‘I agree with you, but the issues that trouble you are obviously not important for him. If you don’t want him meddling in the way you run the press and the weekly, he won’t. You should stop bothering with the press and the weekly, if you ask me. Take care of your home. I always found your house suffering from neglect and looking like some transit camp. Let Nazir go to hell!’
‘I was able to spend five years in Jalandhar only because I was involved with Nazir. Otherwise it would have been difficult even to pass two years,’ Kanak said.
‘What an odd thing to say! I think that you should get rid of the things that cause problems between you two. Don’t interfere in matters where he wants to be the boss. Just take care of your home, make it look like a home. Don’t I live like that, like a mother and a housewife?’
‘Duty of the wife and rights of the husband are the main problem,’ finding herself cornered Kanak blurted out.
‘What did you say?’ Kanta asked anxiously.
‘What more can I say?’ Kanak said, bowing her head.
‘Didn’t you get married to him? Aren’t you his wife?’ Kanta said, trying to suppress her anger and surprise.
‘I am. So what should I do, kill myself for him?’ Kanak could hardly contain her fury.
Kanta asked after a brief pause, ‘Why did you say what you just said?’
Kanak had to explain what had slipped out of her mouth. ‘If I married him that does not mean that I am a prostitute or his mistress or a bought slave who has no individual existence,’ she said furiously.
Kanta was lost in thought. To understand Kanak better, she asked, ‘What’s the problem? You have only one daughter. She’s four.’
Kanak said shaking her head, ‘But why should anyone bother me if I don’t want it? Or why should anyone think that its’ his right to pester me?’
Kanta said sceptically, ‘Why do you call it a bother?’ Then in a sympathetic tone, ‘Do you have a problem? Have you consulted any specialist?’
Kanak had to explain, ‘I have no problem. If there’s anything wrong, it’s with him, maybe his mind, maybe his body.’
She could not but continue, ‘I eventually give in when he puts pressure on me, but I always regret it. It’s a strange situation. He begins to act weirdly. Becomes angry and gets depressed for no reason. In frustration he has said that Urmila was like this and this, but you are like that and that. Sometimes pulls his hair out. He swore at me, insulted me so much.’
Kanak’s tear-filled eyes became red with anger. She continued, ‘After a while he again feels it necessary to exert a husband’s right. I can’t stand all this, I just can’t.’
Kanta bent her head, and sat thinking with chin resting on hand. She said in a voice full of sympathy and concern, ‘Why do you want to go away from your home? Stay in your home. You don’t have to agree to all that.’
‘I’ve been trying that for five years, from before Jaya was born. He refused to listen to me and insisted on having the husband and wife relationship. He even threatened me that he would have liaisons if I didn’t agree. I said, “You don’t have to tell me.” Still he doesn’t leave me alone.’
Kanta asked after some thought, ‘Does he have any sexual or physical problem?’
‘I don’t know. I don’t want to know.’
‘Well, you don’t have to put up with all that, but Kanni, you must go back. You will malign your name if you leave the home like that. What will people say?’
‘I said that I tried to ignore it for five years. Should I let him humiliate me in the fear of what others will say? I don’t want to tolerate it any more.’
What could Kanta say in reply? After a few moments she asked, ‘Who’s this Urmila?’
Kanak recounted what she had seen after coming to Jalandhar the first time.
Kanta, with finger on cheek, listened wide-eyed to Kanak. She chastized Kanak, ‘Damn you, you knowingly swallowed the fly. And you thought you were so smart and wanted to be your own woman. Couldn’t you see what he was up to?’
Tears flowed down Kanak’s face. She bit her lip and sighed, ‘He cried and gave every kind of excuse. I have only myself to blame. I just couldn’t mistrust him at that time.’
Kanta returned to Jalandhar unsuccessful in her mission and told Nayyar all that had happened.
After he knew the facts surrounding the mystery of Kanak’s flight from her home, Nayyar said, ‘I had noticed that their natures were completely different, and had thought that although Kanak had been adamant to have her way, she’d spend all her life quarrelling and arguing with him. Thousands of couples end up in the same situation. Subhadra used to be in the same boat, but she realized the necessity of changing her attitude according to her circumstances. I didn’t know that the situation was this hopeless between Kanak and Puri. It’s possible that Puri’s unfulfilled desire for Urmila has influenced his mind in a way that he feels a deep resentment towards the person who separated him from Urmila. Puri first takes revenge on Kanak, then hates himself for doing so. It could be that Kanak has a more vigorous sex drive than Puri, and he feels threatened and disgusted with himself when he can’t keep up with her. He loathes himself even more when he tries to overcome that self-disgust. Their natures were apparently very different from each other right from the beginning. I don’t wish them to spend their lives quarrelling, but in all likelihood they will continue to be unable to tolerate each other.’
