Strange Beasts of China, page 13
My cousin gritted her teeth and handed over her credit card; her hand shook as she signed the receipt. All the humanity had drained from her face, but at least she got a jar out of it. Lucia seemed alarmed by the tiny beast. ‘Is she really alive, Auntie?’ she asked.
‘Not yet,’ I said. ‘In a moment they’ll take her out and give her an injection to wake her up.’
‘Oh…’ Lucia leaned closer, pupils narrowing as she stared, rapt. The jar seemed like something from a perfectly still universe where nothing had happened yet. Terra nullius.
The attendant brought over a folder of documents for my cousin to fill in, then turned to Lucia with a smile like a gardenful of flowers. ‘What would you like her to look like, my little friend?’
Lucia finally looked away from the jar, and up at the three adults. ‘Like Auntie,’ she said. My cousin’s face darkened. She would happily have murdered me a thousand times over.
Traitor that I was, I pulled back like a tortoise retreating into its shell, and muttered, ‘Wouldn’t you rather she looked like your mummy?’
‘No.’ The girl was adamant. ‘Like Auntie.’
‘Lucia…’
My cousin pinched me hard, smiling. ‘All right, we’ll have her look like your aunt.’
The attendant led me into a photo booth where a blinding flash went off, kchaa kchaa kchaa – front, side, and back – as if I were a convict.
These photos were fed into a computer that spat out a sheaf of recipes moments later. The attendant nimbly bound these into a little booklet, and handed them to my cousin. ‘Feed your beast according to these instructions. If any issues come up, just bring her back to be fixed.’ Then another attendant came over holding the beast, who’d now had her injection, and was dressed in the clothes of a human infant. Swaddled as she was, her chest was clearly rising and falling as she breathed through the nostril holes on her face. Lucia snatched her tight and said, ‘Look, my baby.’
At the sight of her daughter’s delight, my cousin finally relaxed and stopped glaring at me.
We said goodbye in the foyer. Somewhere on the way down, the beast had been named Lulu. Lucia hugged her tight and said, ‘Auntie, come visit me and Lulu next week!’
I hadn’t helped at all, and now my cousin was cross with me. I kept my mouth shut out of fear, looking sidelong at her until she relented. ‘Fine, yes, come round.’
All but falling to my knees, I answered, ‘At your service!’ And then we parted.
* * *
—
CHRISTMAS WAS ALMOST UPON US. THE STREETS WERE brightly decorated, and the lonely grew lonelier. I’d planned to go home, but changed my mind halfway there and went to the Dolphin Bar instead. Zhong Liang was hunched over like a caveman, guzzling beer. When he saw me, he launched himself at me like Lucia, and yelled, ‘I’m in love!’
I steadied him and sat down, trying not to laugh. Despite everything that was going on, I managed to order myself a pint before asking him, ‘Who is she?’
‘The woman of my dreams!’ An unexpectedly florid answer.
I almost throttled him.
Everyone there, including the bartender, was looking at me with pity, and from their twitching faces I could tell I wasn’t the first victim that evening. Zhong Liang swung towards me like a sumo wrestler, ready to regale me with his account of falling into the river of love.
‘…I’ve been dreaming about her every night…I wake up feeling so happy…Hey! Don’t look at me like that, I’ve seen her in real life, I swear, I’ve definitely met her before…But for some reason, I can’t remember where…She must be somewhere, maybe even here in Yong’an…’
I cursed myself for walking into this hell instead of going home when I had the chance. Now I was forced to soothe him as if he were a little dog. ‘Maybe she’s a distant relative?’
‘I described her to my mum and dad, and they said we aren’t related to anyone like that,’ he said in despair.
‘What are you going to do, then?’
‘I have to find her!’ He vowed, taking my hand as if I were the unfortunate woman swimming alongside him in the river of love. ‘I have an intuition that she must still be in Yong’an. I won’t rest until I find her!’
‘Okay, so go find her.’ I retrieved my hand and took a sip of beer.
‘So you’ll come with me?’ He almost flung himself at me. ‘Thank you!’
‘What?’ I turned to see the entire bar was staring at me, the same three words flashing from their collective eyes: serves you right.
* * *
—
I’D HOPED ZHONG LIANG WOULD SOMEHOW FORGET THE whole thing overnight, but of course that was wishful thinking – he was far too full of energy. According to him, he’d dreamt of her again. ‘We were having a meal together. It was such bliss. She put a piece of carrot on my plate, and said carrots make your eyes shine. She’s so sweet…’ Countless tiny stars appeared in his eyes.
I couldn’t bear to look, so I pulled the covers over my head, but he bounded over and ripped them off. ‘Get up! We have to go find her!’
I yelped piteously, cursing my professor: so you’re dead, couldn’t you rest in peace instead of lumbering me with your deranged protégé? I accepted my fate and got out of bed. As soon as I’d washed and dressed, Zhong Liang dragged me through the door, in search of his dream maiden.
It being Monday, the streets were a little desolate. Zhong Liang set a frenetic pace, and I had to ask, ‘Where are we going?’
‘Police station.’
‘What, are you planning to go through all their files?’
‘If you have money, you can make the devil himself do your bidding.’ Being born with a silver spoon in his mouth, Zhong Liang naturally saw the world differently from me. And indeed, the deputy chief of police was waiting to greet us at the front entrance. He ushered us in, served us tea, and kept asking, ‘Are you doing well, sir?’ The effect was hypnotic. The small talk took quite a while, then we finally got down to business.
I waited for Zhong Liang in the corridor, like a hooker who’d been swept up in a vice raid. Even with my thick woollen hat on, it was cold in there, so I lit up a cigarette to keep warm. My lighter began to run out of fuel, and I had to click it quite a few times to coax out a flame. Even then, my hands trembled. I’d dropped five cigarettes before Zhong Liang finally appeared, handing over the photofit he’d assembled as if it was some sort of treasure. ‘This is her,’ he said, trying to sound mysterious but unable to hide his excitement.
I looked at the photo. Even as a mechanical reproduction, this woman was supernaturally beautiful. She would stand out in any crowd. Her liquid eyes were bewitching.
I stared for a moment, then burst out laughing. ‘I know her,’ I said.
‘You do?’ His face changed. He looked like he might have taken a bite out of me. ‘Who is she?’
I pulled him closer, and whispered into his ear. ‘I’ve got a picture of her at home. Come back with me and I’ll show you.’
He looked at me and, as if he’d been spellbound. ‘All right.’
We said goodbye to the overly friendly deputy, and headed to my flat. Zhong Liang didn’t say a word the whole way, just clutched the composite picture tight, his head lowered. I noticed sweat beading across his brows.
This was difficult to bear, but I didn’t say anything. I let him in, told him to take a seat, made him a cup of tea, then slowly went to the study to get a book. His eyes followed me, full of hope and despair.
I set the book before him and he eagerly opened it. A ripped-out bit of old newspaper that had been sandwiched between the pages fell out, most of it taken up by an enormous headline: ‘Film Star Lin Bao Kills Self!!!’ Three exclamation marks. Below that was a photo; the woman in it was a little older, but otherwise it was the exact image of the woman of his dreams.
He stared at her, mouth gaping. I couldn’t help laughing. ‘You must have been an early bloomer, Zhong Liang. Lin Bao died when you were, what, eleven or twelve? I don’t know how you saw her picture, but to think you’re still dreaming of her after so many years. Adorable.’ I chuckled away, but he didn’t move, just stared at the scrap of paper, brows still furrowed. I went over and tapped him on the shoulder. ‘Hey, don’t worry, I’m not going to tell anyone. I just think it’s cute.’
‘No!’ He snapped back to himself. ‘That’s not right. The girl in my dreams is young, seven or eight. The photofit is what I thought she’d look like when she’d grow up. It couldn’t be this woman. If she was already this age when I was a boy, wouldn’t she be an old hag by now?’
After his rant, he had the nerve to roll his eyes at me.
How dare he.
‘Paedo!’ I spat at him.
‘The girl would be about my age by now,’ he retorted. ‘How does that make me a paedo?’
I stared at him for a good long while, until my anger turned back to laughter. ‘Okay, okay,’ I said, hauling him to his feet. ‘Go look for her yourself, then!’ I shoved him out the door. Finally, peace for my ears.
What a lunatic. Pig-headed, just like our professor.
Now he was gone, I sat down with a cup of coffee and had a look at the old newspaper. In the column to the left of the picture was a short news item:
After a fire broke out in the Temple of the Antiquities yesterday, fire services report that the blaze was quickly and efficiently brought under control. Officials note that a woman’s body was found afterwards; however, the cause of death was determined to be an existing illness. Thanks to the quick intervention of the fire brigade, the temple suffered no other damage, and was just as full of worshippers today.
A laugh escaped me as I put down the paper. All my life, whenever I lost someone dear to me, the news would be covered like this: a few blocks of tofu on the page. Contrast that with Lin Bao, who lived so splendidly. She smiled up at me, her dimples like blossoms now long withered away.
My mother had said, ‘You’re only alive for a while, but dead forever. How you live, how you die, that’s your own business.’
I didn’t know how she died. ‘None of your business,’ she would have said.
I shut my eyes. It was so cold. I gulped down my coffee, but it didn’t help. Sleep swept over me. I glimpsed my professor through bleary eyes. He patted my head and said, ‘You’re adorable. It makes me happy to look at you.’
I wanted to smile. When had he ever treated me so kindly? But I couldn’t smile. Finally, I slept.
* * *
—
BEFORE WE GOT TO SUNDAY, MY COUSIN PHONED, HER VOICE shaking from excitement. ‘I won!’
‘Won what?’ I was confused.
‘A prize!’ What little patience my cousin had, I’d taught her. ‘A family holiday – four days in South East Asia!’
‘Oh!’ I’d forgotten about the heartsick beast raffle. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Of course! You think I didn’t double-check the numbers? We leave tomorrow – you’ll have to take care of Lulu. Come round tonight. But I warn you, she’s become the darling of our family. Feed her exactly according to the manual. If you get it wrong, I’ll hack you to pieces.’
This was such a bombardment of information, it took me a moment to grasp the main point. ‘Wait!’ I wailed. ‘Isn’t there anyone else you could ask?’
‘Aren’t you a zoologist?’
There wasn’t much I could say to that. ‘Our syllabus didn’t cover feeding pets,’ I tried feebly, but her highness had already hung up.
* * *
—
I PICKED UP THE LITTLE BEAST THAT EVENING. AFTER JUST A week, she had grown eyebrows, her eyes half-open. There was a little bump where her nose would be, and her ears were protruding a little, like white fungus. Still in her swaddling, she had matured quite a bit. I carefully took her in my arms, like a precious object. Lucia tugged at my hand, tears in her eyes. ‘Take good care of Lulu, Auntie.’
‘I will,’ I said. ‘Four days isn’t long.’ Even so, I thought my head would fall off from all the instructions they lobbed in my direction before finally releasing me.
I didn’t dare walk with Lulu. In the taxi home, I studied the little beast with a tickle in my heart. Would she really grow up to look like me? I touched her index finger, long and soft, and she smiled at me. Just like a human baby.
I had a sudden thought, and phoned Zhong Liang. ‘Where are you? I know who your dream woman is.’
‘As if I’d believe you,’ he sneered.
‘Really!’ I blurted out. ‘She’s not human.’
He swore and was about to hang up, so I quickly said, ‘No, listen! She’s a heartsick beast.’
‘A beast?’ At least he was still on the line.
‘Yes,’ I said, ‘You know the ones I’m talking about. You must have had one of those, when you were a child.’
He was silent for a while. Just as I started to wonder if he’d died from shock, he said, ‘Where are you now? I’ll come to you.’
* * *
—
BACK AT MY FLAT, ZHONG LIANG STARED AT THE LITTLE BEAST as if she were a panda, and reached out tentatively to touch her face. ‘Oh please!’ I said. ‘You studied in the same lab as me, don’t act like you’re some kind of alien. It’s embarrassing.’
‘We never researched heartsick beasts,’ he said. ‘The professor wouldn’t let us.’
I felt the generation gap yawning between us. ‘How much do you know about them?’
‘About as much as anyone else,’ he said innocently.
That was too humble; the correct answer was that he knew nothing at all. Time for some labour. I painstakingly explained these beasts to him, and he said, looking thunderstruck, ‘You mean they can look like anyone at all?’
‘Yes,’ I said, feeling all my strength draining away. ‘Have you never seen that film they screen every New Year?’
‘My family always goes abroad at New Year.’
I took a deep breath, and cut to the conclusion. ‘I believe the woman of your dreams is a heartsick beast you had as a child. Probably she watched too much TV, and grew up to look like Lin Bao.’
‘That’s impossible! My parents would have known about that. This must be a pretty girl I saw when I was a child. A human girl. And she’s waiting for me somewhere.’
I couldn’t be bothered with any more of his nonsense, so once again, I just shoved him out of my flat. ‘Talk to your parents,’ I said.
Once he was gone, I followed the feeding instructions and gave the little beast twenty grams of milk, five grams of shrimp, ten grams of mango – carefully measuring each portion out using industrial scales, just like a scientist. The beast played in my arms for a while, then dozed off. I put her to bed, and went back to the living room to read the papers.
This was a habit I’d formed after my professor died. Each day, I’d buy every newspaper this city had to offer, big ones and small ones. No news item was too insignificant. I even read the matrimonial ads. Finally, I felt myself grow as wise as Zhuge Liang, who knew everything there was to know without leaving his thatched hut.
The papers that day mostly led with an outbreak of unrest in a tropical region of South East Asia, the result of excessively hot weather. People had taken to the streets, eyes red with anger, getting into brawls and looting shops. A well-known commentator wrote a column on the topic ‘The Rebirth of Bestial Nature’, bestowing his opinion for the enlightenment of all and sundry, touching on philosophy, sociology and anthropology, writing with great flair, more quotes than text. I sighed. I knew that’s how it would be – the things I read in the papers never had anything to do with me.
Every story is someone else’s myth. Life holds no pleasant surprises for us, only nasty shocks.
When my mother died, Third Aunt saw the news in the paper and came looking for me at the Temple of the Antiquities, exclaiming, ‘You’re getting to look more and more like your mother! Really, just like her!’ She took me home, and I wept all the way. At her house, I met my cousin for the first time. She was a year older than me, in sixth form. Her hair was in two little pigtails, and she wore a red dress. She was playing a video game rather than doing her homework. Third Aunt said, ‘Come quick, this is your little cousin.’ She glanced at me and said, ‘Huh, she looks more like my big cousin.’
I had to laugh. That’s how she’d always been, direct and tactless. Third Aunt wrapped her arms around me and sobbed, ‘Lucky I read the newspaper, otherwise I wouldn’t have known your mum was gone. I saw her at the temple just the year before – wasn’t she perfectly fine then? I know she was adopted, but we always got on so well, from when we were little children…’
My cousin pulled me aside and snapped at her mother, ‘Stop talking, can’t you see she’s tired? You should be letting her rest, not going on about this old nonsense.’
Instead of getting angry, Third Aunt agreed abjectly. I was surprised. After all, I was still young, and envied my cousin having a family like this.
My cousin was too coarse to understand the tender feelings swirling around inside me, and dragged me off to play with her. ‘What video games do you like?’ she asked.
We studied together. Grinning, she ordered me to do her homework. ‘You’re such a genius, sis, you’re already in secondary school. Help me write this essay.’
I clutched the newspaper now, my mind travelling thousands of miles. This was all in the past, heretical teachings.
Third Aunt died the year I got into university. Before she passed away, she clutched my arm and said, ‘At least I can face your mother now!’ And then she departed.
It was an unquiet night in Yong’an. Someone was setting off fireworks – it was almost Christmas, after all.
