Restless Heart, page 21
She found Seth out on the balcony, leaning against the railing and looking up at the night sky.
For a moment he didn’t realize she was there, and she took the opportunity to simply gaze at his handsome profile.
When Seth spotted Destiny, he gave her a slow Southern smile that turned her insides into a molten puddle.
“Wow,” Destiny breathed. “That sexy smile of yours has the power to turn me inside out.”
Seth’s smile slid into something more sensual and he held out his hand, stepping toward a chaise lounge. “Come on, let’s cuddle.”
“Wait, did you just say cuddle?”
Seth chuckled softly. “Yeah, guess I did. Destiny, you bring out something soft in me that I never knew existed.”
She walked over and hooked her arm through his. “I like it.”
“Me too, but keep it to yourself.” Seth arched one eyebrow and then kissed the tip of her nose. “I have my tough coach image to uphold.”
“Your softie side secret is safe with me,” she told him, and wondered whether she should bring up what had happened in her dressing room. Talk about a tough coach image . . .
But she didn’t want to get into that now. This was supposed to be a nice, romantic evening.
They settled on the chaise. Destiny snuggled close to Seth and looked up into the star-filled sky.
“You must be exhausted.” Seth leaned over and kissed the top of her head.
“I don’t want to be. Now that you’re finally here, the last thing I want to do is fall asleep.”
“You can’t stay up for five days straight, Destiny.”
She started to laugh, then pulled back to look at him. “Five days? I thought you were staying through New Year’s.”
“I was planning to, but—didn’t you get the e-mail?”
“Which e-mail?”
“The one I sent last night when I found out I have to be back in Wilmot by the thirtieth to meet with Chase and his stepmother and their lawyer.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that, and no, I didn’t know.” She shook her head. “My e-mail address got out to the public through one of Tammy’s fan sites, and the in-box has been jammed ever since. I haven’t had a chance to weed through it. Why didn’t you just call to tell me?”
He shrugged. “Because I knew you’d be onstage right then, and by the time your show was over, I was planning to be asleep. I figured it would be easier to just e-mail.”
“Oh.” She didn’t like the way he wasn’t quite looking her in the eye. Something told her he hadn’t been very anxious to tell her he’d have to cut short the visit. “Well, sorry I didn’t get it.”
“Me, too. Next time I’ll call . . . unless you don’t check your voice mail, either? Because I doubt I’d actually get you on the phone, so . . .”
“Come on, Seth, that’s not—”
“Sorry,” he said. “I was just kidding.”
“It’s okay,” she lied. “Why does the meeting have to be done over the holidays? Can’t it wait?”
Seth shook his head. “I told you, Chase needs me.”
But I need you, too, she thought unreasonably—hating herself for resenting a kid in trouble. It wasn’t the words that stung as much as the way Seth said them—as though it went without saying that Chase was his priority.
“I know you told me, but—”
“I thought maybe you’d forgotten. His mother wants him out in Alaska to start school there after the break, remember?”
“I remember,” she said sharply—too sharply—bristling at the inference that she wasn’t interested in the things he told her.
“And he doesn’t want to go, and I don’t blame him. It would be crazy. But I’m worried that nothing I do or say is going to help, and the kid is going to be shipped out by New Year’s.”
“I hope that doesn’t happen. I just . . . I mean, we both knew that we weren’t going to have much time together as it is,” she heard herself say, and hated that she couldn’t hold back the plaintive reproach. “Now we’re losing two whole days.”
“I know, but look at it this way—we’re not really losing two whole days. More like a few hours here and there between shows.”
That was probably meant to soothe her, but it only made her angry. She pulled herself from his arms and stood to face him. “You knew what you were getting into when you came here. You knew I couldn’t just . . . just take off to hang around.”
“Of course I know that. I don’t expect you to.” He, too, was on his feet. “I understand that you’ve got a huge responsibility here, and I know you don’t have time for me. I get it.”
“Don’t say it that way! That’s not true!”
“So you do have time for me? Then come back to Wilmot with me, and we’ll spend New Year’s together.”
“You know I can’t do that, Seth!”
“Just like I can’t stay here indefinitely.”
“I don’t expect you to stay indefinitely, just until—”
“I know, but I can’t. We both have other responsibilities. I don’t expect you to shirk yours, and I know you don’t want me to do that, either, right?”
“Right.” Destiny’s throat ached with misery. “I just thought . . .”
She couldn’t bring herself to say it. Not even when he prompted, “You just thought what?”
“I thought things were going to be different.”
“You mean for the holidays?”
No. Different forever. Different from the way it turned out for everyone else—her own parents, even, and Tammy Turner and her three husbands.
That was what she’d been thinking.
But she and Seth weren’t married, and he didn’t owe her anything, and anyway, he’d bought a damned house back in Wilmot. That, more than anything else he’d done—or even said—told her how he felt about their prospects for a future together.
“Destiny . . . ?”
“Yes,” she said quietly. “I thought it was going to be different for the holidays.”
There was a long moment of silence.
“Well, I guess that’s how it goes,” Seth told her at last. “Sometimes things don’t turn out the way anyone’s planned.”
The words sounded almost casual. Seth, however, looked anything but. She could see the hurt in his eyes, could see the tension in his jaw and the slightest tremble in his hands.
She, too, was trembling. With fear, and with anger, too, as something snapped inside of her. “So that’s it, then? That’s all you have to say? ‘That’s how it goes?’”
“What else do you want me to say, Destiny? What do you want me to do?”
“Don’t put it that way. Don’t put it all on me. What do you want to do? It’s not about what I want. It’s about what—”
“It’s not about what you want?” he cut in, and she saw that she wasn’t the only one who was angry here. “Really? I thought that was the whole point.”
“What are you talking about?”
“What you want, Destiny. This—” He waved a hand around. “Being here in Pigeon Forge, and in Nashville, and on the road . . . this is all about what you want. What you’ve always wanted.”
“If you’re trying to make me feel selfish—”
“I’m not. Believe me, I’m not trying to make you feel anything that you don’t feel. All I asked you was what you wanted me to do.”
“Nothing, Seth. Okay? I don’t want you to do anything.”
He looked at her, then shrugged and looked away.
She swallowed hard. “I really am exhausted—and I think, since you have a room of your own, that you should sleep there tonight.”
He turned back to meet her gaze again, and the sorrowful expression in his eyes told her everything she didn’t want to hear him say out loud, and couldn’t say herself.
“I’ll head back in the morning,” he told her.
“Back?”
“Home. To Wilmot.”
“But—”
“Look, I think it would be best, don’t you?”
She nodded miserably.
“I’ll take Mike with me.”
“You don’t have to.”
“How are you going to take care of him here?”
She didn’t reply. He was right. It wouldn’t be fair to Mike. He deserved loving attention, and outdoor space.
“He’ll be fine with me, for as long as you want him to stay. Pets are allowed—and in the new house, too,” Seth added with a hollow attempt at humor that fell hard and flat between them.
“As soon as I’m settled back in Nashville,” she said tautly, “I’ll take him back.”
“Are you sure about that?”
“He’s my dog, Seth,” she reminded him.
“I know that. I meant are you sure about the ‘settled’ part? Because I’m betting things are going to be crazier than ever with Cowgirl Up coming on the air, and your single coming out.”
He was right. She knew that.
“I’ll call my parents and arrange for them to keep Mike for a while,” she told him, deciding on the spur of the moment.
“Why?”
“Because I know you’re busy with Chase, and your new house, and—”
“Your father will never go for a dog in the house.”
“You don’t know that,” she pointed out, hating that he would say that, rather than assure her that he did have time for Mike—and for her.
“He never let you have one before.”
“So? People change, Seth.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? Do you expect me to change for you? Because I—”
“We were talking about my father,” she reminded him curtly—though that wasn’t entirely true, and they both knew it.
“Okay,” Seth said quietly, “I’ll drop Mike with your parents when I get back to Wilmot.”
“Thank you.”
They walked back into the suite. Hearing them, Mike stirred, looked up, yawned, and gave a happy little bark.
“Come on, fella,” Seth said, “let’s go.”
“Wait . . .” Destiny scooped her dog into her arms and hugged him close. “Mike, I’ll be seeing you soon, okay? Remember . . . I love you.”
Seth stood by in silence. She couldn’t even look at him, burying her face in Mike’s soft fur for a long time.
“See you, Mike,” she said at last, straightening and turning away, a painful ache in her throat.
She hated that this was happening, and yet she couldn’t figure out how to stop it.
“C’mon, Mike,” Seth said, and the dog obediently trotted toward him, tags jangling.
“Good night,” Seth told Destiny’s back.
“Good night.”
Who were they kidding? This wasn’t good night; it was good-bye.
Seth went into his room.
Destiny locked the adjoining door behind him and went into her bedroom.
Numb, she sat shakily on the edge of the bed.
How could things have gone so wrong, so fast?
Just minutes ago, their relationship had seemed so full of promise, and now . . .
Haunted by Tammy’s earlier warning, Destiny let the tears fall at last.
FOURTEEN
“Destiny? They’re ready for you in hair and makeup,” Grace said, sticking her blond head into the dressing room two days later.
“Tell them I’ll be there in a second,” Destiny said glumly. “I have a phone call to make.”
“Seth again?” Grace, who knew the whole story, shook her head.
She nodded, pulling out her cell phone and hitting redial.
After a restless sleep on Christmas Eve, her first thought upon waking was that the falling-out with Seth must have been a bad dream. But the skin around her eyes was so tender from salty tears that she realized it had really happened.
Hurrying to the door that connected Seth’s room to her suite, she knocked. She had a fleeting moment of hope when it opened, but found herself face-to-face with a hotel maid who informed her that the guest had checked out first thing.
She’d been trying to reach him for more than twenty-four hours, to no avail. Now, as her call went straight to voice mail, her heart sank all over again. “Hey, Seth, give me a call. Please . . . I need to talk to you.”
She hung up and turned to Grace. “I think he turned off his phone.”
“Maybe he just didn’t hear it ring.”
“He always has his phone on him, Grace.”
“Well, maybe—”
“He left yesterday without so much as a good-bye. He obviously doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Tell him he doesn’t have to talk. He just has to listen.”
“How am I going to do that if he won’t even return my calls?”
Grace fisted her hands in the pockets of her low-cut jeans. “You’re not going to like what I have to say.”
“Since when has that stopped you?” Destiny tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a sob.
“Never,” Grace answered with a small smile, and patted her arm. “Destiny, you know how I love Seth like a brother . . .”
“I know.”
“And I want nothing more than to see the two of you live happily ever after. But maybe you were right, after all.”
“About . . . ?”
“I hate to admit this, but maybe it really was pretty significant that he went and bought a house just as you’re this close to releasing ‘Restless Heart.’ ” She put her thumb and index finger an inch apart.
“Maybe?” Destiny echoed, shaking her head. “I got the message, Grace. Loud and clear.”
“The thing is, I know you don’t want to lose him, but—”
“It’s pretty tough to lose something you don’t have.”
Grace angled her head. “But you could have him. You just aren’t willing to do what it takes.”
“You mean give up my career right now, just when it’s starting to take off?” Destiny asked incredulously. “Because there’s no way I’m going to—”
“Wow, maybe you’ve got more in common with Daddy than you knew,” Grace cut in. “That stubborn Hart pride—”
“Bull!” Destiny responded fiercely, but a tear slipped out of the corner of her eye.
“Destiny, you don’t have to give up your career. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, you know.”
“In this industry, you have to give a hundred percent, and you know it as well as I do.”
“Still . . . maybe you can compromise a little and admit to Seth—and to yourself—that you might just need more than music in your life once you’ve established your career and have some breathing room.”
“But that wouldn’t change anything now. And it wouldn’t be fair to ask him to put his own life on hold and wait for me while I go off to do my thing. That’s what Mother did for Daddy, and look how that turned out.”
“So what are you saying?”
“That you have to love yourself before you can love somebody else,” Destiny told her with a bit of a sad smile. “And that Seth deserves to have someone to come home to.”
“Like Daddy did?”
Destiny sucked her bottom lip between her teeth. “How can I do to Seth what Daddy did to Mom?”
“I get it. And if you don’t pursue this with all you’ve got, then you’ll regret it someday, and you might blame Seth.”
“But will I regret losing a chance with Seth even more?”
Standing on the familiar doorstep of the Harts’ home with Mike in one arm and a bagful of toys and dog food in the other, Seth fought the urge to do an about-face.
Losing Mike meant losing another part of Destiny. But he knew it had to be done. He’d received an e-mail from Destiny this morning.
It said only: You can drop off Mike with my mom this afternoon. She knows and she’ll be home. Let me know that you got this e-mail. Destiny.
That was it. Not a word about what had happened between them, nor an acknowledgment of the messages she’d left on his voice mail.
Yesterday, Christmas Day, as he drove home through mountain snow with Mike restless in the backseat and tears blurring his vision the whole way, his cell phone rang regularly.
Destiny, he knew. He saw her number on the Missed Calls file.
As soon as he got home, he turned off the phone, and hadn’t turned it on yet.
He had no idea what she wanted to tell him, and it was better that way.
Nothing either of them could possibly say—or do—would change the reality that they were headed in opposite directions.
In response to her e-mail this morning, he’d typed out a three-word reply: Got it. Done.
He wondered if she’d even received it, after what she’d said about her in-box being overrun with fan mail from strangers.
Staring glumly at the Harts’ front door, with its festive boxwood wreath, Seth pressed the bell and waited.
“This isn’t my idea,” he told Mike bleakly. “Just so you know. I’d be happy to have you live with me, but . . .”
The door opened and Sara Hart stood there.
He’d seen Destiny’s mother a few times in the last month, but he still wasn’t accustomed to her transformation.
He could tell by the nervous look on her face that she wasn’t quite comfortable in her new skin, so he carefully kept too much surprise from showing in his expression.
She wore a frothy green dress that flared out just above her knees and shoes with a little heel. Instead of conservative pearls or something gold or silver, she had on a chunky beaded bracelet and necklace that added a funky vibe to her outfit. Shiny green hoop earrings peeked out from the feathered haircut that framed her face.
She looked fresh and vibrant and ready to take on the world.
“You look real pretty, Mrs. Hart,” Seth said, causing her to blush.
“Why, thank you, Seth. You are ever the gentleman.”
“I’m only speaking the truth.” John Hart, Seth thought to himself, was totally missing the boat.
And so am I, with his daughter—but it’s not my choice.
“I know Destiny told you I’d be bringing Mike over, so . . .”
“She did.” Sara shook her head. “What happened between the two of you, Seth?”
