Katmere Academy: An Insider’s Guide, page 9
Okay, yes, I’ve been planning my outfit all afternoon, so it only takes about two minutes to change into my favorite pair of ripped jeans. I add a bright blue sweater and a pair of fun earrings and, after brushing my teeth, I’m out the door just as the bell starts playing the score from The Nightmare Before Christmas .
My dad really is a dork.
I do a super-quick glamour on my way to the study room, giving myself a pep talk as I make my way down the crowded front staircase. I’m going against traffic, so it takes twice as long, and I start to panic about being late.
But geez, if the boy is willing to decorate for our monthly witches’ tea, he should be willing to wait five minutes for me to get there, right? And if he isn’t, he’s not worth my time. Cam totally taught me that much.
It’ll be fine, Macy. Just chill out and remember to smile. Everything else will take care of itself.
It’s not a bad pep talk, and it has the butterflies leaving the flamenco behind for a fast waltz. Still not optimal, but better. Definitely better.
I burst into the study room six minutes after school got out, and I figure I’m ahead of the game. Which is good, because I need a minute or two to squeal with Gwen about Xavier. But one glance around the crowded room tells me I’m going to have to put a hold on that—because Xavier is already here.
And he is looking fine . The boy can really rock a purple hoodie and black uniform pants.
Then again, I’m pretty sure he can rock anything with his carefree grin, expressive eyes, and rangy wolf body that I know from Ludares practice is both super strong and super ripped.
He’s already standing next to the helium tank, blowing up a giant gold balloon. My heart does a flip—okay, many flips—as I cross to him after giving a wave to Gwen, even as I rack my brain for a cool opening line.
Turns out I don’t need one, because Xavier wiggles his brows and says, “I’m going for the gold.”
And how cute is that?
“And here I thought you already had the gold,” I tease, taking the balloon from him and tying off the end as he starts on another one.
“I was just thinking the same thing.” His eyes run over me in a more-than-friendly, much-less-than-insulting way. “You look really nice.”
I do my best to ignore the way his compliment makes my cheeks burn. “So do you.”
“It’s my uniform,” he says with a laugh. “How good could it look?”
“Take the compliment,” I answer. “And don’t question it. Once you do, it’s a slippery slope.”
This time, when he lifts his brows, they stay up. “You say that with an impressive amount of authority.”
“Because I’m the queen of second-guessing compliments.” The instant the words are out, I have to fight the urge to slap a hand over my mouth. I can’t believe I just admitted that when I’ve been trying to look so confident.
“You?” Now he just seems incredulous. “What do you have to second-guess?”
I shake my head, not wanting to get into the fact that I’m nowhere near as confident on the inside as I look on the outside.
At first I think he’s going to press me, but in the end, he just smiles and says, “Well, I think you’re really cool.”
It’s a much better compliment than if he said I looked good again, and I feel myself getting a little tongue-tied. Instead of giving in to it, I nod to the balloon in his hands and ask, “Are you planning on blowing that up today, or are we just going to look at it?”
“Big words for someone whose sole contribution so far has been tying a knot in one balloon.” But he fits the balloon over the nozzle and fills it up.
I snatch it from his hands and tie that end up, too. “Two balloons, thank you very much.”
“Oh, excuse me.” His eyes gleam wickedly. “My mistake.”
“Exactly my point.” It’s my turn to arch my brows at him.
But he just laughs, and we spend the next two hours blowing up balloons and attaching them to the ridiculous balloon arches Gwen insists on having for every tea. Usually I complain about them, but it’s pretty hard to think of something negative when I stand on a stool to reach the top part of the arch and Xavier crowds in below me.
He steadies me with a muscular arm around the front of my knees and a firm chest against the back of them, and my hands are trembling so badly now that it’s all I can do to fasten the balloon to the arch. I manage it, though, over and over again, until the thing is finally complete.
Xavier helps me down then, his hands gentle as he lifts me off the stool and lowers me to the ground.
For a second, I’m right there, my body pressed against his, our lips a few scant inches apart from each other. Our gazes meet, and for the first time since I’ve met him, there’s no laughter in his eyes. Instead they’re dead serious as he looks straight at me, and the butterflies become giant eagles.
I lean in—I can’t help myself—and he leans in, too, like he really is going to go for the gold and kiss me right here, right now, in front of everyone. Not that I care. I was never big on PDA with Cam, but with Xavier I want to shout, Bring it on!
But he steps back at the last second with a wicked little grin that should annoy me but instead makes me burn just a smidge. Okay, a lot, but who’s counting?
“What’s next?” he asks, and for the first time I realize he’s got a little dimple in his left cheek. Somehow, it makes him even more attractive.
I have some suggestions, of course, but none of them has anything to do with decorating for the tea. And since a quick look around tells me Gwen has things firmly in hand, I decide to go for it.
“How about a walk?”
“A walk?” I’ve caught him by surprise, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like knowing I can do that. The surprise must not last long, though, because only a few seconds go by before he nods. “I’m in.”
“Good.” I take his hand, my brain screaming what are you doing? at me the whole time, and tug him across the room to the door. “I’ve got just the place.”
He comes without any resistance, and as we slip out the study room door, his fingers slide between mine. And suddenly, we go from me tugging him along to holding hands.
His skin is smoother than I thought—something else I like about him. And as we wander down the stairs and out the front door, I find myself wondering where we’re going. Which isn’t a great question, considering I’m the one doing the leading right now.
But I know this campus better than pretty much any place on earth, so it doesn’t take me long to figure out where to go. Normally I’d take us outside, but neither of us is dressed for the weather, and I don’t want to ruin the moment by suggesting we break to go get our coats.
So instead I take him to a place I like to go when I want to think. And I decide it’s the right move when his eyes go wide the second the doors close behind us.
“Katmere has its own planetarium?” he asks as I flip a switch that has stars appearing above our heads.
“We do.” I hit another switch, and planets join the stars, lighting up the room just enough to illuminate the seats in the center of the room.
One more switch and the moon shines brightly as a comet shoots by directly overhead.
“That’s pretty cool,” he tells me as I start toward the chairs, acutely aware that his fingers are still laced with mine.
“Just wait,” I say, hitting a button on Mr. Bader’s podium before ducking into the second row.
Music starts to play as, above us, the stars and planets begin to circle. “It’s not as beautiful as the Alaskan sky,” I tell him as we sink into our seats. “But it’s a lot warmer.”
“A lot warmer,” he agrees, and then we’re leaning back in the planetarium’s way-too-comfortable chairs and staring up at the show currently going on above our heads.
Xavier is still holding my hand, and the outside of his thigh is pressed to the outside of mine. He’s warm and solid and he smells really good—like wide open wilderness and sandalwood. The combo has me fighting the urge to bury my face in his collar and just breathe him in.
“This is really nice,” he whispers a few minutes later, his thumb stroking the back of my hand as the planetarium continues to put on one heck of a show.
“It is,” I agree, rubbing my fingertips softly across his knuckles.
I have a million things I want to ask him, a million things I want to tell him, but for now it just feels super good to sit here and watch the heavens go by.
Which is why when Xavier turns to me a few minutes later, his face illuminated by the starlight, and leans in to me, I meet him more than halfway. And when our lips brush against each other’s, I feel my heart go spinning just like the stars above us.
And it’s better than I ever could have planned.
~2~
Keep Dragon Me Along
Flint
(Timeline: after chapter 73 in Crush )
“I made a total ass of myself,” I tell Eden as I pace back and forth in front of her at the edge of the Ludares field.
“You don’t know that,” she answers, holding up a cautioning hand as she sits down on a bleacher. “Why don’t you take a couple of deep breaths and try to relax.”
“Relax? Luca asked me out, and I squawked like a damn chicken. Then babbled on for a few minutes about sports —like, why?—and then backed awkwardly out of the room without saying a damn thing like, I don’t know, goodbye . How can I relax?”
“Because one of two things is going on in his head right now. One, he feels even sillier than you do because he asked out a guy he likes and the guy totally ditched him. Or two, he understands how freaked out you are and would really like the chance to talk to you about it.”
“Or he’s sitting around with the Order right now making fun of what a jackass I am.” Just the thought makes my skin itch. Not that I don’t deserve to be made fun of—I acted like a total jerk. Or a loser. Or both.
“Who runs away when a hot guy asks him out?” I ask, shoving a hand into my hair.
“Someone who’s been in love with that hot guy’s best friend for a really long time,” Eden answers quietly.
I whirl around to face her, my eyes wide and more than a little wild, I’m sure. “How did you… I mean, where did you… I never said—”
“I’m sorry, I thought we were done with the self-delusional part of the evening and figured I’d just cut to the chase,” she says. Her brows are raised and her lips are twisted into a small smirk, but her eyes are sympathetic. “But if that doesn’t work for you, I can go on pretending I have no idea that you’ve been in love with Jaxon Vega for a really long time.”
“I—it’s—he—” I shut my mouth and take a deep breath to let my thoughts untangle. “That obvious, huh?”
“Not to everyone. But to me? Yeah. So of course you freaked when Luca asked you out. That’s a little too close to Jaxon for comfort.”
“Yeah, it is.” I blow out a breath and sink down onto the bench next to her. We were supposed to be practicing for Ludares this afternoon, just the two of us. But Luca really threw me for a loop. Or two loops.
Hell, I’m pretty sure he threw me for an entire three-ring circus. I just wish I knew what the hell I’m supposed to do about it.
“You know what I find interesting, though?” Eden says, stretching her long legs out in front of her now that I’m in no danger of tripping over them.
I’m almost afraid to ask. “What?”
“You didn’t tell him no.”
“I told you! I freaked out and fell all over myself trying to get out of the room—”
“Because you were flustered. And yeah, a little freaked out,” she says with a grin. “But definitely flustered.”
“I wasn’t flustered!” I growl.
“Dude, don’t pull that shit on me. You’re still flustered now. It’s written all over your face.”
“You know why I’m flustered!” I tell her.
“I know why you freaked out at first . But the rest of this?” She points at me, making a little circle with her finger to encompass all of me. “You’re intrigued.”
“No, I’m not,” I tell her even as her words hit home, deep inside me.
“You are. Otherwise you would have told him no.”
“I was too shocked—”
“That a hot guy thinks you’re hot, too?” She rolls her eyes. “Give me a break. You’ve been asked out by a lot of people through the years and you’ve never had any trouble turning them down with a wink and a smile. So what’s so different about Luca?”
“Jaxon—”
“Fuck Jaxon,” she snarls.
“Pretty sure he’s busy with Grace right now…” I tell her, trying to lighten the mood that’s suddenly gone dark.
“You know what I mean. Yes, you have feelings for him. Yes, you’ve had those feelings for a while.”
I nod, because I have. Even when I thought I hated him for what happened to my brother, I loved him. I’ve always loved him.
“But he’s mated to Grace now,” Eden continues, the words salt in my already raw wounds. “And there’s a part of you that knows that’s it. That whatever you had hoped would happen between the two of you isn’t going to happen now. Which means, subconsciously, you’re in the process of moving on. And maybe the idea of moving on with a guy as hot and smart and nice as Luca isn’t exactly repellent to you.”
I can acknowledge that her words make sense. Since I realized Jaxon and Grace are mated, I’ve pretty much gone through the stages of grief. I haven’t gotten to acceptance yet—or at least, I didn’t think I had, but maybe that’s not true.
It still hurts thinking about Jaxon, and about giving up on the dream I’ve had for the two of us for longer than I want to admit. But after I talked to Grace this morning before anyone else had made it to the field, it’s hard to think of Jaxon as anyone but hers. Especially when she was so incredibly kind to me. I felt like an asshole even thinking about being in love with her mate. Especially after everything they’ve been through.
Then I came back to my room, clearly upset, and just blurted it all out to Eden—who seemed to have always known more about me than I realized. And now Eden is saying the same thing Grace did, that maybe I need to start thinking about saying yes instead of no. Because Jaxon is never going to happen, and the sooner I choose to accept that—the sooner I find a way to move on—the better off I’ll be.
I don’t know. It makes sense, but it’s hard to think rationally about a subject when your heart suddenly feels like it’s going to pound right out of your chest.
“When I asked her about this, Grace said—”
“Wait.” Eden sits up straight, and now she looks full-on incredulous. “You asked Grace’s advice about being in love with her mate?”
“It just kind of happened. And it’s not like I told her it was Jaxon.”
Eden smirks. “I kind of wish you had. Just to see what she would do.”
I shoot her an annoyed look as I stand back up. “Is this your idea of helping?”
“I didn’t know that was my job,” she shoots back. “I’m just here to practice for Ludares.”
Her words piss me off, but deep down I know she’s right. About everything. “Sorry, I’m being a jerk.” I give her a half grin, which is about the most I can manage right now. “What do you think I should do?”
She narrows her eyes at me. “You want the truth? Or for me to just feed you more of the same bullshit you’ve been feeding yourself?”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want the truth.”
“Okay, then.” Eden pushes to her feet and gets right in my face. She’s not as tall as I am, but she’s not exactly short, so the message is received. “What I think is that you should say yes to Luca. Or, if he doesn’t float your boat, then find someone who does and ask them out. Jaxon is off the market. He’s mated to Grace, and that shit is forever. So it’s time for you to move on. I know it, and if you’re willing to be honest with yourself, you know it, too.”
She claps me on the shoulder. “Now, if we’re not going to practice Ludares, I’m going to get something to eat. I’m starving.”
I turn to watch her leave, and as I do, Jaxon walks by. He’s texting on his phone, and so absorbed in what he’s doing that he doesn’t even notice me standing three feet away from him. Which, to be honest, feels like every other time I’ve wanted his attention and haven’t been able to get it.
And that’s when I know. It’s over—not just on his side, but on mine as well.
Filled with a resolve I never expected to have, I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. Then I scroll until I find Luca’s number.
Flint : Sorry I was such an ass earlier
Flint : If the invite is still open, I’d love to go to dinner with you
I expect to have to wait a while to hear back from him—I did run away like my hair was on fire—but he texts back right away.
Luca : you look cute when you’re being an ass
Luca : i’d love to take you to dinner
Luca : how about tonight?
It’s exactly what I need right now. Hell, maybe he’s exactly what I need. I don’t know. But I think I’m ready to find out.
~3~
Here’s to the Girls
Grace
(Timeline: between chapters 78 and 79 in Crush )
Grace : Hey! How are you feeling?
Gwen : I’m okay
Gwen : Just sad I missed the victory celebration because my stupid arm wouldn’t cooperate
Macy : We missed you
Macy : I’m sorry your arm still hurts
Gwen : It’ll be better tomorrow
Gwen : Or at least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it
Eden : Want some company?
Gwen : You don’t have to do that
Gwen : I know you’re celebrating
Macy : We skipped out of the celebration early
Gwen : Why?
Grace : Answer your door and find out
I knock on Gwen’s door right after I hit Send, and the three of us wait patiently for her to hobble to the door. And hobble it is, I realize, as the door swings open and Gwen does some kind of off-balance tumble to cover the last couple of feet to the threshold.
