In Plain Sight, page 17
“It took me by surprise because I had no idea he was into me that way, but that kiss was…perfect.” My cheeks flushed. “That’s when I knew for sure that I like both, even if it took me a while to fully accept it.”
I snuck a glance at Zander. He was studying me curiously, like he knew there was more to the story but was contemplating if he should ask or not.
“And you never told anyone?” he asked instead.
I shook my head.
“Would your family be okay with it?”
I huffed out a laugh. “Yeah. I know they would.”
“But you still haven’t told them?”
“No,” I said softly. “I tried so many times, but I just couldn’t. Then my dad died, and I couldn’t dump that on my mom or sister while we were grieving and struggling. But the longer I kept it a secret, the more I felt like I was lying to them. I was so scared of hurting them, of potentially losing them because of my lie, that I kept it to myself. Now it feels like too much time has passed, and every time I try to say something, the words just won’t come out.”
“That’s a really difficult position to be in,” he said sympathetically.
“It’s not fun.” I fiddled with the cap on my bottle. “And you’re not out because of your mom?” I asked with all the subtlety of a pie to the face.
“Not just because of her, but yeah.” He drained the rest of his water in a few long gulps.
My eyes were drawn to his throat and the way his Adam’s apple bobbed. My dick, which had gone soft as soon as I started talking about my lack of coming out, went half-hard again.
“Not just because of her?” I asked cautiously. He’d already shared so much with me, but I wanted to know him better, to understand him the way he inherently seemed to understand me.
“Do you have an extended family?” he asked, his dark eyes boring into mine. “Aunts, uncles, maybe grandparents and cousins who have their own families?”
I nodded. I didn’t have a huge family, but enough that our holiday gatherings were always a little chaotic.
“I don’t.” He flipped the empty bottle in his hands. “My mother is my only living relative.”
“She is?”
He nodded and stopped flipping the bottle. “She’s also an only child, and my grandparents died in an accident three months after my dad left. That’s why I don’t really blame her for the drinking and all the other crap we went through when I was little. She lost everything in the span of a few months and was left with a baby she never really wanted and no support system when she was nineteen, and she used alcohol to deal with her grief. When that didn’t work, she tried to fill the void with male attention. Now she uses religion.”
I had no idea what to say to that, and it hurt my heart that he’d had to deal with so much in his life.
“If I lose her, I lose my entire support system. I might not be an active member of the church anymore, but if there was an emergency and I needed help, I could still call any of my mother’s friends or even my old friends that I don’t talk to anymore, and they’d help me. If they find out I’m gay, I won’t have that safety net. That terrifies me, so I’ve kept the truth to myself.”
“Sounds like we’re both stuck between a rock and a hard place,” I said.
“Yeah.” He put his bottle on the floor at his feet. “Are you okay with all this?” He waved between us. “We did that dump our traumas on each other thing again and still haven’t talked about the big reveal.”
I huffed out a laugh. “We really need to work on our small talk skills.”
“We do.” He smiled, some of his earlier shyness gone. “But are you okay?”
I smiled at his concern. He was the one who’d just been blindsided with all this, but he was worried about me. That made me feel way too good.
“Yeah.” I rolled my water bottle in my hands absently. “I’m still a bit in shock, but I’m not freaking out anymore.”
“That’s good.” He smiled.
“What about you? Are you freaking out?”
He shook his head. “It was a shock, but the more I think about it, the more it makes sense.”
“Makes sense?”
He scraped his teeth over his bottom lip, his expression shy again. “I didn’t understand how I could feel so comfortable talking to a stranger about such personal things. How I could feel such a deep connection to someone I’d never met. It scared me because I felt the same for you.”
“You did?” I whispered.
He nodded and swallowed, like he was trying to fortify himself to keep talking. “I tried to hide it because we work together, and I thought you were straight, but I did.”
“I did too,” I said, my voice a bit scratchy. “I didn’t understand it either. But yeah, I felt it and tried to hide it.”
We fell silent.
“I have no idea what to do right now. What to say.”
“Me either.” He raked his hand through his hair.
I put my bottle on the floor so I’d stop fidgeting with it. “I don’t think I can just pretend like none of this happened,” I said softly, taking the initiative and starting the conversation.
Zander blew out a breath and nodded. “I don’t think I can either.”
“So where does that leave us?”
“I’m not sure.” He chewed on his lip. “I like you, Luka.”
It wasn’t a grand declaration or anything, but my chest still tightened, and my heart did a weird sort of skittering beat because of how he said it. It was the intense look in his eyes and the softness of his tone that made it feel like so much more.
“I like you too.” I swallowed. “I’m not good at this.”
The corner of his lips curled up in a smile. “At what?”
“Talking about what I want and how I feel.” I swallowed to try and wet my dry throat. “But the truth is, when I was spinning in circles in my apartment earlier and freaking out, I wasn’t scared that you’d suddenly hate me or judge me or be an asshole about things.”
“You weren’t?”
I shook my head. “I was scared that I’d lose you. That you wouldn’t want me anymore once you knew it was me on the other end of the phone.”
“I’ve wanted you since the moment I first laid eyes on you.”
My heart swelled a bit. “You did?”
He nodded. “It’s only gotten stronger the more I got to know you.”
“Yeah, for me too.” I paused, choosing my words carefully. “I know us working together makes this messy, but I want to keep exploring things between us.”
His smile was so bright and happy I couldn’t help grinning back. “You do?”
“Yeah.” I shifted so I was angled toward him. “If you do.”
“I do.” He chewed on his lip. “We’ll have to keep it quiet. Especially at work. Are you okay with that?”
“Yeah,” I said quickly, probably too quickly. “That’s no problem.”
He smiled. “So I guess we’re going to do this?”
I smiled back. “Yeah, I guess we are.”
Zander held out his hand. I took it and let him tug me across the couch until I was kneeling next to him. In this position, I was taller than him. He looked up at me, his eyes so full of desire my stomach flip-flopped.
Fluidly, I swung my leg over his and sank down so I sat on his thighs, my knees on either side of his hips.
“Is this okay?” I asked shyly.
He wrapped his arms around my back and tugged me closer. “Definitely okay.”
Our chests pressed together, the warmth from his body seeping into my skin and soothing some of my nerves. Gently, I cupped his cheeks and tilted his head back so I could look down at him.
Zander was an incredibly handsome man, but his looks were only a small part of what made him beautiful.
Smoothing my thumb over his cheekbones, I leaned down and brushed my lips over his in a soft kiss. He sighed against my mouth but otherwise held still.
I kissed him again. His lips parted under mine, and our tongues curled together in a hot slide.
Zander rubbed my back, his callused hands teasing my skin as he slipped them under my shirt. I pressed closer to him, needing more kisses, more contact, just more.
He kissed me back, holding me tighter.
Sliding my hands into his hair, I fisted the strands. They were as thick and luxurious as I thought they’d be, and his moan of pleasure was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard.
I melted against him, giving myself over to the moment and enjoying the chance to get to touch him like this. To explore his mouth and body without the desperate need from before.
Our kisses were slow and languid, indulgent even.
My dick, like his, was hard, but I didn’t want to escalate things. I was happy to just keep kissing and touching him, and it seemed Zander was of the same mind.
We stayed like that for a long time, just making out and enjoying each other.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d kissed anyone like this, where it was about enjoying the moment and not about pushing for more. Kissing had always been a means to an end, but with Zander, it was so much more.
When we finally broke apart, we were both breathing heavily and my head was spinning from the good feels.
“I should probably go,” I said quietly, breaking the spell we’d fallen under.
“Yeah,” he agreed. “It’s been a crazy night.”
I snorted out a laugh. “It definitely has.”
Reluctantly, I climbed off his lap. He got to his feet and followed me through the small house to the front door.
“Can I ask why you have a pool table in what I assume is your dining room?”
He smiled. “Not the usual type of table people put in dining rooms, huh.”
“Not something I’ve seen before,” I agreed with a grin.
“No real reason other than I had nowhere else to put it.” He shrugged. “And it’s not like I need a dining room when it’s just me.”
“Makes sense.” I put my hand on the doorknob but paused.
I was completely out of my element. I was no stranger to friends-with-benefits arrangements, but that wasn’t what I wanted with him. I wanted to be with him, to date him, even if it was just casually. Did he want that too? Was that what we’d agreed to earlier? Or did he think we were just hooking up?
“Do you have plans tomorrow?” I asked impulsively.
Zander looked surprised for a moment, but then he smiled. “I’m helping Mark and Ivy with something in the early afternoon, but other than that, I don’t have plans.”
“Do you want to hang out later? Maybe after dinner?”
“Yeah. I’d like that.” His smile was shy and sweet and made my heart melt a bit.
“Great.” I grinned at him like a moron. “I’ll text you tomorrow, and we can figure out the details.”
“Sounds good.” He stepped closer, stopping when his chest brushed mine. “Goodnight, Luka.”
“Night, Zander.”
I closed my eyes as he leaned in, anticipating his kiss. It was as soft and sweet as I expected it to be, and I was grinning again when he pulled away.
“Bye.”
The walk back to my building was a lot clearer than the walk to Zander’s, and I was still grinning like a fool when I was back in my apartment.
Tonight could have been a disaster, but amazingly, everything had worked out.
Zander and I were, well, not boyfriends exactly, but we were something, and that made me happier than I’d been in what felt like forever.
14
ZANDER
“You missed a spot.”
I turned, my paintbrush in hand, to find Ivy standing behind me, a shit-eating grin on her face.
“Where?” I motioned to the dresser Mark and I were working on.
Ivy loved to repurpose things, especially furniture, and their garage was full of half-finished and not-yet-started projects. She’d bought the dresser at an estate sale a few years ago and finally decided what she wanted to do with it last week.
Mark and I had spent the last few hours sanding and refinishing the dresser. Usually Ivy was right there doing the dirty work with us, but she’d spent the time rearranging the guest room, leaving us in the garage to finish up.
“There.” She pointed at the dresser.
“Where?” I looked between her and the dresser, trying to find the spot I’d apparently missed.
“Under there.”
“Under where?”
She dissolved into giggles. I sighed theatrically, and Mark rolled his eyes affectionately at her.
This joke wasn’t new for us, and Ivy never got tired of tricking me into saying underwear like we were still ten.
“You’re a brat.” I balanced the paintbrush on the side of the paint can.
“Yes, she is.” Mark wiped his hands off on his jeans. “What do you think, hun?”
She stepped closer and peered at the dresser, scrutinizing it. “I’m not loving the color.” She pursed her lips. “It’s too ashy.”
“We could put another layer of stain on it once it dries,” Mark suggested. “We still have some of that mahogany one we used on the bookshelves in the office.”
“Yeah. I think that will do it.” She smiled at him. “Perfect timing too. I made coffee and cookies.”
“Cookies?” I perked up.
Ivy hated cooking, but she was an incredible baker, and her cookie recipes were some of my favorites.
“I’ll clean the brushes and get everything put away if you want to head in,” Mark said to me. “It’ll be a few hours before we can put the darker coat on.”
He was very particular about his garage workshop, and I’d learned long ago that it was best to not move anything or try to help him clean up.
I followed Ivy into the house and washed my hands in the main floor powder room, then met her in the kitchen.
“Are you staying for dinner?” she asked, handing me a cup of coffee and a chocolate chip cookie.
I took a bite of the cookie and shook my head. It was still warm and soft, exactly the way I liked them.
“Are you sure? I promise I won’t put you to work again.” She popped a piece of cookie into her mouth.
“I have plans,” I said after I swallowed.
“Really?” Her eyebrows flew up in surprise. “Your mom need you to do something?”
“No, I’m…hanging out with a friend.”
“A friend?” she asked incredulously. “Since when do you have those?”
“Ouch.”
“You know I didn’t mean it that way.” She shot me an apologetic look.
“I know,” I said, cutting her some slack. She wasn’t wrong to be surprised.
“Are you meeting up with the guys from work?”
I started to nod but hesitated.
Ivy wasn’t just my best friend; she was family, and I didn’t feel right lying to her about Luka.
“What?” she asked suspiciously. “I know that face. You’re trying to decide if you’re going to tell me something.”
I took another bite of my cookie so I wouldn’t have to answer her right away. How much should I tell her?
She put her coffee down and crossed her arms. “You can’t chew that bite forever. Eventually you’re going to have to tell me.”
I swallowed and tried to look breezy and relaxed. “I’m hanging out with Luka.”
“Luka? From work?”
“Yeah.”
“Just you two?”
I nodded.
She started to say something, but I cut her off.
“If I tell you something, do you promise to not freak out and make a big deal about it?” I asked.
“Yeah, of course.”
“Luka and I… We’re kind of seeing each other.”
“Oh my freaking god!” she shrieked, clapping excitedly. “Shut the front door!”
“Good job not freaking out or making a big deal out of it,” I deadpanned.
“Yeah, I’m not even sorry.” She snatched my cookie out of my hand and put it on a napkin. “Tell. Me. Everything.”
I toyed with one of the silver rings I wore when I wasn’t at work, spinning it around my finger. “Everything?”
“Everything.”
“So, this is a really crazy story, but you know that app I use?”
“The kinky one? Yeah.” Her brow furrowed. “What does that have to do with Luka?”
“I’ll tell you if you let me get to that part.”
She pretended to zip her lips shut.
I chuckled at her antics. “I’ve been talking to someone on there. It was supposed to be a one-off thing, but that turned into another session, then we started messaging each other and talking about other stuff. Personal stuff.”
Her expression said she was confused as hell, but she didn’t interrupt me.
“And Luka and I have been getting closer over the past few months. We’ve become friends, good friends.”
Her confusion melted into a happy smile.
“And here’s the part that will melt your brain.” I leaned my hip against the edge of the counter. “Luka showed up on my doorstep last night in a panic. It turns out that he’s the guy I’ve been messaging with.”
Her jaw dropped like it had been unhinged.
“Pretty much my reaction when he told me.”
“How is that even possible?” She asked. “How were you unknowingly sexting with your coworker on a kink app?”
“Um…”
We both swung our gazes to the kitchen doorway, where Mark stood with one foot in the room and one out, frozen in place.
“Do you want me to pretend I didn’t hear that and go back to cleaning the garage?” he asked.
“It’s fine.” I waved him into the room. “You might as well hear it now.” I shot Ivy a pointed look. “That way someone doesn’t spend the next few days driving you crazy talking about it while not actually talking about it.”
Mark huffed out a laugh and came to stand with us. “She’s bad for that.”
“The worst,” I agreed.
“Definitely the worst.”
“I’m right here.” She waved a hand between us. “I can hear you, you know that, right?”
“Did you hear something?” Mark asked, cocking his head to the side like he was listening for a sound off in the distance.
