OCDaniel, page 19
“Just hung out,” I said.
“I can’t believe Daniel has a girlfriend,” Steve said.
I scowled. “We’re friends.”
“Sure,” he replied. Emma giggled.
“Do you think she might . . . start talking more to us?” my mom asked carefully.
“I think so,” I said. “She’s working on it.”
The front door suddenly opened, and I heard my dad step in. My mom looked up in surprise.
“You’re home early,” she said as my dad strolled into the kitchen.
“Caught an earlier train,” he replied. He mussed up my hair, which was sort of weird and nice. “There’s the champ. The team still celebrating, or you back to practicing?”
“Still celebrating,” I said, and he smiled and went to grab a plate. I realized right then that maybe it wasn’t the football he cared about. Maybe that was just the way he connected to me, since we didn’t have much else in common. As he sat down at the head of the table, I thought back to my book. I had long ago convinced myself that my dad only liked football, and Steve hated me, and my mom just cared about Emma. I had been making myself disappear.
“So what are we talking about?” my dad said.
I smiled. I wasn’t ready to tell them about the OCD yet—I still needed time and it was all too new. But suddenly I knew I could tell them at any time, and that they would still be there. I wouldn’t be alone anymore.
“We were talking about Daniel’s girlfriend,” Steve said. “I think they’re getting serious.”
“Really?” my dad asked, turning to me with interest. “Did you go on a date or something?”
I gave Steve a resigned look. “Can we change the subject?”
• • •
Before bed I started editing my book. I read somewhere that editing should take at least twice as long as writing the book, so I figured I had better get started. There were a lot of mistakes. Actually it didn’t sound great now that I read it again, but that was all right. I would just keep editing it until it did, I guess.
I decided to keep the book title for now—The Last Kid on Earth. It kind of fit. He was always the last kid on earth in his own mind, even before he flicked the switch. He lived in his own world, and it was empty. But then he invited Sara with the explosive croquet mallet into it, and he didn’t feel so alone. I liked that part.
I closed the laptop and stood up, stretching. I knew what was next, of course. I would go to the bathroom and start the Routine. I had to do it. If I didn’t, I would die.
I thought back to group. To waiting for my mom to pick us up.
Sara had made me promise to text her before I started. That was it. Just text her.
I fidgeted for a moment, and then grabbed my cell.
I’m about to start.
I waited for a moment. There was no reply. She must have been asleep. I sighed and put the phone down. Changing into my sleep pants, I got ready for the Routine. I felt my eyes welling with tears.
For just a moment I thought maybe I could beat it.
I was starting for the door when my phone buzzed. I stopped and picked it up.
Turn your light off and lie down.
I frowned. I can’t.
Just for a bit. You can do your routine after. Please.
I hesitated, and then turned the light off and climbed into bed. I felt my skin prickling and my stomach hurt, but it was only for a bit. I could fix it after.
Okay. I’m in bed.
Good. If you get up . . . text me.
Okay.
I pulled the covers up. I was shaking now.
You’re going to be all right.
I hope so.
Good night, OCDaniel.
I laughed. She hated “Deranged Daniel” so much that she had made me a new name.
Good night, Psycho Sara.
I put the phone beside me and decided I was going to wait as long as I could. I had to try.
I read the text again and smiled. Something else occurred to me.
We were only crazy when we thought we were alone. Now there were two of us, and we were both perfectly normal in each other’s eyes. And to me, there in the dark, that meant everything.
Author’s Note
The Daniel in this story is in many ways an almost autobiographical representation of myself at that age. I too spent as many as five hours every night trying to get to bed. I too suffered from panic attacks, anxiety, and derealization. Several times a day I felt as if I were dying—something I later learned was caused by anxiety and panic attacks—and I began to use ritualized compulsions to try and deal with the terror. Until I was almost sixteen, I had no idea what I was dealing with. I thought I was damaged and cursed. I kept it a secret from everyone, even my parents. I felt alone.
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is one of the most common and least understood mental illnesses in the world today. “I am so OCD” has become a popular saying to describe someone who likes things ordered and clean. But OCD is not liking things clean or organizing your socks. It is a constant battle with your mind that can afflict every minute of every day. Daniel, for example, struggled to ignore desperate urges to flick lights, count, and repeat actions. And for most people—especially adolescents—it is a battle fought in absolute secrecy.
That is a common story of OCD sufferers. We don’t want to be called crazy. We don’t want to be ostracized. I guarded my secret until my late twenties, when I finally sought help. The struggle to deal with anxiety disorders and depression isn’t and shouldn’t be a solitary one. This is a story about hope and acceptance. It is my wish that anyone struggling with mental illness who reads this realizes that there are many other people out there in the same situation, and just as importantly, that there are people that want to help. My OCD is a challenge that I deal with every day, but I wrote this book because I believe it can be defeated. If you are dealing with a mental illness, don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Remember: you are not alone.
If you have questions or want to seek help for yourself or someone you know, talk to your doctor (who can refer you to a trained psychologist) or visit the International OCD Foundation online at iocdf.org for information and support groups in your area.
WESLEY KING used to write stories about his superhero action figures when he was a kid. Now that he’s no longer a kid, he writes novels for kids. He was called “an author to watch” by School Library Journal. Kirkus Reviews called his most recent book, The Incredible Space Raiders from Space, “full of exciting chases and clever battle strategies.” Wesley King lives in Oshawa, Ontario, Canada.
A PAULA WISEMAN BOOK
Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers
Simon & Schuster • New York
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SIMON & SCHUSTER BOOKS FOR YOUNG READERS
An imprint of Simon & Schuster Children’s Publishing Division
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This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Text copyright © 2016 by Wesley King
Jacket illustration copyright © 2016 by Ben Wiseman
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Names: King, Wesley.
Title: OCDaniel / Wesley King.
Other titles: OC Daniel
Description: First edition. | New York : Simon & Schuster Books for Young Readers, [2016] | “A Paula Wiseman Book.” | Summary: A thirteen-year-old Boy’s life revolves around hiding his obsessive compulsive disorder until a girl at school, who is unkindly nicknamed Psycho Sara, notices him for the first time and he gets a mysterious note that changes everything.
Identifiers: LCCN 2015029259| ISBN 9781481455312 (hardback) | ISBN 9781481455336 (e-Book)
Subjects: | CYAC: Obsessive-compulsive disorder—Fiction. | Mental Illness—Fiction. | Adventure and adventurers—Fiction. | BISAC: JUVENILE FICTION / Action & Adventure / General. | JUVENILE FICTION / Social Issues / Depression & Mental Illness. | JUVENILE FICTION / Science Fiction.
Classification: LCC PZ7.K58922 Oc 2016 | DDC [Fic]—dc23 LC record available at http://lccn.loc.gov/2015029259
Wesley King, OCDaniel
