Bourbon Summer, page 27
“Like mother, like daughter,” I said sullenly. “Brock probably would’ve left me if I had gotten pregnant too.”
“You want to know why I never badmouthed your dad to you and why I encouraged a relationship between you two?”
Finally, I turned around. I hugged my arms around myself. “Why?”
“Other than because he wanted to be in your life when not many guys his age would’ve wanted that?” She gave me a pointed look. “Because he told me he didn’t have his shit together and he didn’t want to raise a kid who’d fail his or her way through school. He told me he’d get a job and make money, and someday, he could help financially, but he’d, in his words, ‘be a shit dad.’ ”
“His self-awareness is impressive,” I said impassively.
“I guess I thought so when I was seventeen. He’d at least said he’d sort of stick with me when my own parents hadn’t.”
I stared at the ceiling. None of this was Mom’s fault. I might make Dad self-reflect, but not enough to keep from insulting Tenor last Sunday. “The thing is, I’m sick of guys like Dad. They’ll tell me they’re going to do better, treat me better, and then they don’t.”
She turned in her chair, crossed one leg over the other, and put her hands around her knee. “Is that what Tenor did?”
“Yes.” I sniffed. “Sort of.”
When she didn’t speak, I dropped my arms and trudged back to the table. She’d also been messaging me to ask how I’d been doing since Sunday. When I had told her Tenor and I were over, she’d proposed dinner. I’d known she’d want to talk and I hadn’t backed out. I might as well talk.
“He never really committed. I should’ve seen the pattern. Everything was on his terms, and I went along with it, oblivious.”
“On his terms, or did you two just have similar interests?”
I scowled. “According to him, we don’t have the same interests. He didn’t bother coming to Bozeman to see how I live.”
She rolled her lips in. “Okay,” she said slowly. “So he’d come to Bozeman and you’d take him to your favorite bar?”
My frown deepened. “I don’t have one.”
“Your favorite hiking trail?”
I clamped my mouth shut.
“The movie theater that you don’t go to because why pay that amount when you can just wait and watch the movie in pajamas? The coffee shop you don’t read at because it’s too loud? My house when I’m never home?”
“He didn’t want to meet you guys in the first place.”
“Ugh.” A shudder went through her. “Meeting the parents is the worst part of dating.”
“Is that why you broke things off with Daniel? He wanted you to meet his parents?” Did I date people like my mom? I didn’t . . . Did I?
“He wanted to quit the trail and expected me to drop out too.” She scoffed like I should understand how audacious the request was. “All that planning and he wanted me to quit.”
Tenor would never let me leave a trail alone and injured.
My heart wrenched and I rubbed my sternum.
She pushed a lock of fine hair behind her ear. “Too bad Tenor didn’t want to see your reading nook.”
“I read in bed.”
She lifted a brow.
Point taken. “It wasn’t just that. He just never committed. I know it was new but, like, I felt something. Like we really had a connection. I was all in and he had one foot out the door the whole time.”
“You two didn’t date long.”
“Felt like I’d been with him for forever. Like we were two old souls who’d finally found each other. And then he just calls it quits. Because of my dad. Nothing I could’ve done. He just dropped me.” A hot tear rolled down my cheek. I swiped at it. “I felt less important to him than I ever did to the others.”
“Oh, hon.” She rose and enveloped me in a giant mom hug that nearly choked off my air supply. “I really am sorry. You should expect the best treatment from your partner, but I can’t help but wonder how watching me date and being around your dad hasn’t helped you. Lord knows, I don’t weather any conflict in a relationship well.”
“Dad was your first experience and you learned you couldn’t count on him. Yet it’s like you’re still waiting on him.”
Surprise mixed with dismay in her expression. “We’re connected, and despite his rough edges, he’s the only guy who hasn’t asked me to change who I am. He just rolls with whatever I want.” She leaned back. “But his hard personality made you too tolerant of assholes. If you think Tenor fits in that category, then I’ll trust your intuition.”
Tenor was not like Dad.
My dad hadn’t given up on me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
Ruby
It was almost closing time and there was no sign of Tenor. I only looked out the window and at the door to the lobby a million times. His pickup was in the same spot in the parking lot. He was here, like usual. Would he see me out to lock up like he always had before?
Or would he make Teller do it?
What was I hoping for?
I was afraid to answer.
I’d worn the black pleated skirt that drove Tenor crazy. I couldn’t be the only one suffering.
What if he was unaffected? Would he see me and only picture my dad?
The mental torment was the worst. Lack of sleep also sucked. I hadn’t been able to read. After I’d left Mom’s place, I’d stopped at the bookstore and bought a few new books, mostly mystery and thrillers. Romance was not in the cards right now.
I finished cashing out just as the door opened.
My heart skyrocketed into my throat.
Tenor walked in and stopped, his solemn gaze on me. As drawn to him as I was, I had to force myself to look at him. My chest grew tight. His face was drawn. He wore the same oversized rust-colored polo and blue jeans. Same boots. And he looked as good as ever.
Longing opened up in my chest, but I sewed that damn tear shut.
You deserve better.
His words echoed through my head. Damn right I did. At one time, I had thought that was him. I’d get better for myself out of spite. Someday. When I pieced myself back together.
He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I put the tablet away and grabbed my purse. “It was a quiet night.”
I hustled for the door, eager to get this uncomfortable interaction done with. Being around him only made me remember how good he could make me feel. Seeing him reminded me of everything I couldn’t have through no fault of my own.
You deserve better.
I sure did. I deserved a guy who would stick around. Someone who wouldn’t hold being me against me.
“Thanks for locking up.” I breezed past him and pushed outside.
A wall of heat followed me out into the warm evening air. “Ruby.”
My legs twitched to break into a run. But then my skirt would fly up and betray my plain black underwear. That picture wasn’t exactly the strong-girl front I had to present.
I steeled myself and turned. “Yeah?”
Neither of us moved. Our gazes clashed. Two melancholy people. I couldn’t even gloat that he seemed like he missed me. The thought just made me sad. He liked me but not enough.
Story of my damn life.
I had wanted to get this moment done with, but I was glued in place like I didn’t want it to end.
“How are you doing?” he asked in that pleasing, deep timbre.
How was I doing? I wasn’t sleeping. Food tasted like dust. The breakup made me see how bleak my social life was. I’d been reading nothing but murder stories. “Fine. You?” I asked more because it was expected. Not out of curiosity. Not because he looked like he’d gotten less sleep than me.
“I, uh . . . it’s been rough.”
His honesty shocked me. “Yeah?”
“I’m sorry.”
My irritation roared back. “You said that.”
He shook his head. “I might’ve been . . . I reacted harshly. About your dad.”
My righteousness deflated—just a little. “I can only try to understand the shock you were in. Dad’s mom was a real piece of work—not that that’s an excuse. My grandparents never gave me details and they died before I got to middle school. He’s still got an abrasive personality. Still . . . I love him. I take what I can get.” My voice hitched on the last sentence. I clutched my purse to my chest. “But that’s the only guy I’m going to settle for good enough with.”
He flinched. “I couldn’t get over my hurt.” He let out a dry laugh. “It’s been two decades. Should be enough time.”
Part of my resolve softened. “I don’t know if there’s a timeline.”
“It’s my shit to deal with. Not yours.”
“A real couple would work through that kind of stuff.”
His expression fell. “Yeah.” He draped a hand around the back of his neck. “I can’t take back what I said, but I don’t want this to be the end of us.”
Hope swirled to life in my stomach.
I smothered it.
He wanted take backs now? He could’ve asked for time to process what he was going through. Instead, he had ended it. “Even if you could get over who my dad is, I can’t change our age difference.”
“I don’t want you to.” He adjusted his glasses. The way his biceps bulged when he did that was just unfair.
Doubt was like an ever-present shadow. “Even if Dad was here right now, telling you you’re a creeper for dating me? That you walked right into the nursery and plucked me out of the crib?”
The corner of his mouth curved up. “Even if he said that I’d been in middle school waiting for my girlfriend to be born.”
A soft chuckle left me. Then reality sank in. I was not the same girl who let herself get jerked around. “You always kept a big part of yourself from me. With Dad, you just ended it.” I gave him a helpless shrug. “How can I trust you not to end things again the next time you’re upset? And then ask for another chance?” I shook my head, my sorrow hanging heavy on my shoulders.
Remorse rippled over his expression, furrowing his brow. “I’ve never been the one to end things.”
Ouch. “Glad you saved it for me.”
He winced. “Sorry, I meant that I was scared that you’d break up with me. That’s how it’s always ended.”
“After how much I opened up to you, you thought I was just like the other girls?”
“Shit. No. I mean, yes, but it’s my problem. It shouldn’t have been yours.” The crease in his forehead deepened. “I can earn your trust back.”
“What if Katrina came to town? And seeing her made you wonder if I’d ever do the same to you?” His cheek twitched and I let out a bitter laugh. “You’ve already wondered that, haven’t you?”
“I knew you wouldn’t.” When I shot him a flat stare, he looked away. “I worked through that fear. I’ll do better. I’ll be better.”
He’d been the best. Until he hadn’t been. I blinked. A tear rolled down my cheek. I swiped it away.
I didn’t trust him.
Another tear skated down my face.
“Ruby.” His mouth formed a troubled line and he stepped toward me.
I put a hand up.
He stopped. “I’ll earn it back, but, Ruby . . . I have a lot to learn. I might be older but I’m not wiser. I haven’t dated for over ten years.”
The last time he’d been on a real date, I’d been in high school. He’d broken his streak and the world was wide freaking open to him right now. “I felt really special that you wanted to be with me.” My throat grew thick and I hugged my purse tighter to myself. He could take his pick.
I just don’t know if this is what I want, Rubes. I need some time. Brock’s words rose from the depths of my mind.
“I still want to be with you,” he said, his voice ragged.
“I . . . can’t.” I would not run into his arms after one I’m sorry. The sad fact was that he couldn’t promise he wouldn’t do it again. I’d been dumped by him once. Twice would just be cruel.
He exhaled and dropped his head. “Okay. I understand.” His smile was tight but reassuring. “Will it bother you to have me see you out on Friday nights?”
He was giving me an out. I wouldn’t have to see him again. He rarely went to the Bozeman site, and once I was done working the bar for the summer, I wouldn’t have to come to Bourbon Canyon more than once or twice a year.
All I had to do was say no, it didn’t bother me. I’d crack open the door to another chance. I would show up to work, knowing I’d get to see Tenor. The night would end with him. Maybe he’d try again. Maybe he’d ask me out. Maybe I’d say yes.
I deserved better.
Right now, it was too goddamn hard to convince myself of that. Tenor was in front of me, asking for another chance. It should be a dream come true. Instead, it felt like Groundhog Day.
“Yes, Tenor. It would be too hard.”
All the hope drained from his features. He nodded. “I’ll talk to Teller. Good night, Ruby.”
I didn’t look back as I walked to my car. I resolutely didn’t check my rearview mirror as I drove off. And I waited until I hit the highway before I let the dam break on my tears.
Tenor
A pump on one of the fermenter tanks had gone out. We’d cleaned the seals, then replaced them, but to no avail. We needed a new pump. Until then, the tank was out of commission and all the mash inside had to be cleaned out.
“The delay shouldn’t put us behind too bad,” Teller said, pushing away from the tank. “Once we get the new pump installed, then we can clean it up and rock ’n’ roll.”
I checked the time. “I should get going.”
His gaze was steady. “Ruby starts soon?”
Last week, she’d basically told me she didn’t want to see me again. “Yeah.” I wanted to be gone by then.
“You’re not going to try with her again?”
I’d had to tell him so he or Tate or one of the girls could lock up after Ruby’s shift. “I’m not going to stalk her, no.”
“So that’s it? You tried once and you’re done?”
“Not sure what else I can do.”
“I dunno. Something more. Did you apologize?”
“No, fucker. I didn’t. I doubled down on how justified I was.” I grabbed the clipboard with the lot numbers of the grain shipment we’d received. I’d been inputting them before we spotted the pump issue and stomped around Teller.
He spun as I went around him. “There’s got to be another way.”
“That’s entering felony stalking territory.” I pushed into the lobby. A group of tourists was forming at the front desk. I tucked my head down and beelined for the stairs.
Teller stayed on my heels and followed me all the way. “I’m not saying you should watch her through the window, jackass.”
I tossed the clipboard on my desk. “There’s not much else. She works and she’s a homebody. So either I stare at her through her window—which, by the way, I wouldn’t know how to find unless I checked the employee records for her address—or I linger outside her office. Either way, I abuse my position at Copper Summit, and I make her uncomfortable at her job.” I dragged a hand through my hair. I needed a trim, but I didn’t care to be asked about Ruby, and I would be. It was all the barber had talked about when I’d gotten a trim before the wedding.
We hadn’t been spotted around town enough for people to yet notice the absence of Ruby-and-Tenor sightings. Soon enough though, someone would ask either me or one of my siblings and the thrilling news that we’d broken up would spread around town. Anyone who remembered Katrina’s slander would speculate. I was still a nepo loser who played games and lacked independence. Sadder now, because I was older.
Teller’s mouth formed a troubled line. “There’s got to be something you can do.”
Like I hadn’t been trying to figure that out myself. “She said it herself. She can’t change her age—which isn’t an issue, but she won’t believe me. And she can’t change who her dad is—and he’ll throw the age thing in my face.”
He scratched the back of his neck. “Somehow you’ve gotta get her to believe you. And you have to convince Bobby that her age is not an issue.”
“I’m not fucking talking to him.”
“Maybe not Bobby, but what about Robert Morgan?”
The corner of my mouth curled up. “Believe me. They’re one and the same. That fucker can rot. I’m not begging him to date his daughter.”
“You don’t need to. Check the century on your calendar. You don’t need his permission.”
“For fuck’s sake, Teller. I know all this. Don’t you think I’ve been over and over what I can do?” I dropped into my chair. The wheels scratched on the hardwood floor. “I’ve got work to do.”
He didn’t budge. “I didn’t peg you for a guy to give up so easily, but I should’ve.”
I glared at him. He was trying to get under my skin, but he was an amateur compared to Ruby’s dad.
“You shut down in front of Bobby for years, and then you shut down your entire dating life after Katrina. You’re doing nothing but shutting down right now. Only this time, you’re the one who hurt someone, and when ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t cut it, you give up.”
“Jesus, Teller.” He had no fucking clue what it’d been like.
“Bobby was in my class. Do you think I got nothing but compliments from the guy? Once he told me that I was only on the football team because of my last name.”
Teller had been a good goddamn player. He could’ve gotten a college scholarship, but he hadn’t been interested. “It was his go-to insult.”
“No shit. The guy didn’t have anything, so of course he hated us. We had parents who took in kids like him, but not him. He was being raised by grandparents who make your life look wild.”
Fair.
“You know why that was all he said to me?” Teller propped his hands on the edge of my desk and leaned over. “Because I cornered him in the locker room and told him that if my family’s name came out of his mouth one more damn time, I’d tie his tongue to the flagpole and let it flap in the wind. Tate was with me and he held the rope from the flagpole outside of the school.”
