Reservation (Preservation Series), page 3
Before I let my mind run away with all of the possibilities that came with that scenario, I straightened my tired body and reached into my pocket for my phone. Pulling up the notepad app, I started thumbing in my week’s to-do list before I switched to my calendar and penciled in my meeting at Chez Danyele. There were so many other things to deal with at the moment, including the fact that I had a shit ton of exams to grade, details to sort out with my landlord if I wanted to end my lease this summer so Kate and I could look for a new place together when she got back to Seattle, and then there was the dreaded meeting with the parents.
Yeah, I really needed to stop procrastinating with that one.
Truth was, I felt like a royal dick for how I’d avoided my parents after my break-up with Jamie. It had been over two years now. They didn’t live far from me at all, were settled out in the Maple Valley area, but I couldn’t bring myself to show my face around them. Which was weird, considering I used to visit them at least once a month. Sometimes Jamie and I would go over to their place on the weekends for family dinners. My mom would take Jamie shopping while my dad took me fishing. Hell, the four of us used to go camping together. It was something straight out of the fucking Brady Bunch.
Not that that was a bad thing. It was just, well...kinda perfect.
And then all that perfection was gone in a flash and I couldn’t face all the questions. All the pity stares and it’ll-be-okays and all that bullshit. The minute Jamie walked out, I wanted nothing except to be alone, to withdraw from anything and everything that brought those memories to the surface.
Really, I blamed my blind, unrealistic love for Jamie on my idealistic fantasy of happily ever after, implanted into me by watching my picture-perfect parents over the years. They were happily married since I was born. Real, but happy. I’d watched them recover from nasty fights thanks to their killer communication skills, and their complete commitment to working through each other’s bullshit. I wanted what they had and felt damn lucky to have parents who chose to tough out the hard times and love each other even when they wanted to strangle one another. Most of my friends throughout high school were from single parent homes. Some of their parents went through peaceful, mutual divorces, but most were bitter and the effects long-lasting.
I knew I had it good, and I hadn’t expected anything less for myself some day.
College started with a few minor flings, but it wasn’t long before most of my time was completely devoted to Jamie. It was instant chemistry when we met, and none of my friends could understand why I wanted to be so serious with a girl during college.
That was another thing my parents taught me—self awareness.
“Don’t think twice about the pictures painted by society, Son,” my dad used to say. “Always be cautious of the word ‘normal.’ What is normal, anyway? By whose definition is something ‘normal’? Hell, I know things were different back in my day, but shit still worked the same. Some kids fell in love before they were twenty. The people who would roll their eyes and talk smack about it were pretty damn close-minded, if you asked me. Some got married and had kids right away. Others ran around until their thirties, while others never settled down. What is it with society thinking you don’t know what love is before a certain age? What about people who never choose to have a partner? Who choose to live alone until they die? Are they not ‘normal’ because a select group of individuals say so? Don’t ever live by anyone’s truth but your own, Son. Know who you are, and trust that you can know yourself no matter how inexperienced or scared you might feel. Then own the shit out of it and make no apologies, understand?”
And own the shit out of it, I did.
I didn’t understand, not right away. But after a few nights out with Jamie, it all became very clear. I didn’t give a shit what my friends had to say, because I knew what I wanted and why I wanted it, and from that point on, my eyes were on the prize. Unfortunately, though, no matter how well I knew myself, it took two to tango, and Jamie wasn’t dancing.
The cab driver’s voice broke through my thoughts, and I quickly paid him and made my way up to my apartment.
The empty silence bit at my skin when I opened the door. I stood there, just staring at the dark space, recalling how the same silence had felt after Jamie left, and how coming home to reminders of her everywhere only fueled the torment. I remembered how I finally got fed up and started going out again, quickly finding I enjoyed having a say over how far a relationship did or didn’t go. When the heart wasn’t involved, things were a hell of a lot less complicated, not to mention less hurtful, but it did nothing to fill the crater in my chest. Being single for long periods of time wasn’t for everyone, and while I enjoyed being detached, it didn’t take long for the loneliness to start creeping in.
That’s when everything changed.
When the second semester of my new teaching position at the university rolled around, the first wave of change came prancing into my office in the worst form of temptation—Amy Mercer. In spiked black stilettos and a generous v-neck cashmere sweater, the voluptuous Miss Mercer was blonde, with a drool worthy rack and lush lips that made my dick stand to immediate attention.
She’d shut the office door behind her and propped a hip on the edge of my desk...a little too close for comfort. “I have a question about this assignment,” she said, crossing her arms and peering down at me with smoky emerald eyes.
“Okay, what can I do for you, Miss Mercer?”
She eyed the door and a small smile twitched her lips. “Well, I’m supposed to be writing this new fiction short you assigned last week, but every time I go to work on it, I get so wet just thinking about you that I can’t seem to concentrate.”
I blanched, eyes wide. “Uh, excuse me? I—”
“And then the next thing I know, I’m touching myself just thinking about your mouth on me, and the assignment goes to hell. So,” she shrugged and leaned in, carefully grazing my knee with her french manicured fingers, “I think the question is what can I do for you, Mr. Campbell?”
Brazen. Holy fuck, did I mention she was brazen, too?
“Miss Mercer,” I cleared my throat, fingering the knot on my tie, “I think you should leave. This isn’t appropriate, I’m your—”
“My professor, I know.” She slid further down the desk’s edge until her knees hit mine, nudging me backward, forcing my chair to roll a few inches. “Honestly? I don’t really give a shit. I know the fraternization policy here—relations are discouraged, but not prohibited. And judging by that massive hard-on you have right now, you don’t either. So tell me, Professor, are you married? Spoken for?” Her eyes shifted to my left hand. “I don’t see a ring, and you’re pretty damn young...can’t be much older than me. So what’s stopping you from letting me suck your cock?”
It took her about two seconds to realize I was too stunned to even consider whether or not I had an answer to that, and before I could blink, she was on her knees and between my legs with a wicked smile that unhinged every ounce of willpower I ever believed I had.
That afternoon encounter turned into a handful of afternoon encounters, until we eventually started meeting in the gym locker room during my lunch hour. A few weeks later, Amy started bringing her equally blonde and busty friend, Cherise, around, and quickly introduced me to the world of ménage. There were other students after her and during the time I was seeing her, but she didn’t seem to care. Little by little, I sold my soul to the King of No-Commitment, vowing casual sex was all I had time for and all I wanted out of any relationship. Then there were Jamie’s words, which often came back to haunt me and confirm my worth in those relationships. Sex is the one thing you have going for you. That’s no secret.
And she must have been dead on, because it’s all Amy, Cherise, and any other student who came onto me ever seemed to want.
Until Alisha came along, that is. Only, my relationship with her was a ticking time bomb from the start. She knew all about the flings with my students, and no matter how many times I tried to convince her I was ready to try and settle down again, she didn’t buy it. Just kept waiting for me to screw up. A self-fulfilling prophecy finally ensued, and when it did, all hell broke loose, but I realized I was relieved. She was practically begging me to be unfaithful, as if she had to prove something to herself. What that was, I had no damn clue, but I went ahead and gave it to her, because as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I knew she wasn’t the one for me, anyway. Then, just when I thought it might be time to stop screwing around with my students, in walked Kate Parker.
Oh, yeah. The devil was having a good fucking laugh at my expense.
Much to my surprise, Kate was the first one to show any interest in wanting something more, even though she’d been adamant about keeping things casual. She was the first one with real desire in her eyes. Not just fiery lust, empty promises, or secret motives. She was reserved yet unafraid to speak her mind, and her writing was as sharp as the words that spewed from her mouth. She presented a challenge on more than one level, and it was one I knew I couldn’t turn down. She might’ve initially wanted a casual relationship, and I sure as hell wasn’t prepared for what had happened the first night she met me at Easy Street Records, but what we both ended up with was something of substance. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sense that connection on a subconscious level from the very beginning. Just thinking about the first day I reprimanded Kate after class made my chest tighten.
The ache made me snap out of the trance, calling my attention back to my empty apartment.
I stationed my suitcase at the end of the hall and set my keys on the counter, turning to rest against the wall. I pulled my phone from my pocket and called her number, tilting my head back, my eyes finding the ceiling.
“Ry?” she answered, her voice tired with sleep.
“Hey, baby,” I breathed, moving forward to reach for the opposite wall, as if I could reach out and touch her. My forehead pressed against it and I closed my eyes, inhaling deeply. “I’m sorry about the time difference and all, but I had to hear your voice. I just got home. I miss you.”
“Mmmm, I miss you too. It’s okay, I’m so glad you called.”
“I love hearing that.”
I could feel her smile into the phone. “Are you okay? You sound...down or something. Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, I’m okay, just been thinking.”
“About?”
“How you’re my sunrise.”
The smile must’ve deepened, because I could hear it in her laugh. “Oh? How’s that?”
“Every time I think of the mistakes I’ve made, you come along and remind me there’s another day. That I have another chance.”
“I’m a firm believer in second chances. And third, and fourth...”
“Ever the optimist, Miss Parker.”
“Not always, Mr. Campbell. I just sense when someone wants to be an optimist.”
“And you sense that I do?”
“I sense that you are. Have been, long before I came along. It’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”
“And what are the others?”
“Well, you’re incredibly talented, warm and caring, passionate, and stubborn as hell, which keeps things fun.” She snickered. “Okay, I admit that last one is more to my benefit than yours.”
The fact that she hadn’t mentioned a word about how good of a lover I was had not passed as an oversight. “I adore you, you know that, right?”
She let out a dry, throaty laugh. It was sexy as hell. “I’m starting to get the picture.”
“I don’t know if I can make it until June, Kate.”
“You don’t have to wait until then. I’ll be there in three weeks to go dress shopping, remember?”
“Of course I remember, but you’ll only be in town for three days. And then I have to wait another month to see you. Things are...about to get hectic. I can feel it.”
“Of course they are, Mr. Literary Star. Those Advanced Reader Copies that Simon and Warden distributed have caused quite the stir. You already got an offer for a movie, for crying out loud. What did you expect? A vacation?”
“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”
She stifled a yawn. “Just sayin’. We’ll get through it all, I promise. You will get through it all, and I’ll be rooting for you the entire time, even while I’m across the world. I know it’s all intimidating, but you got this, babe. I’m so damn proud of you.”
“Well, the feeling is mutual. Speaking of...your book is going to be on the shelves soon, too. You know you’re going to be swept up in all of this, too, right? I mean, being associated with this hype and all.”
“Really?” She gasped with faux drama. “I...oh my...I had no idea!”
“Okay, you little smartass, I think it’s time you go back to sleep.”
“I’m ready for whatever they throw our way, Ry. Besides, I like it this way. I won’t be the only one thrown to the wolves. We can make fun of the critics and whine about our lousy reviews together. It’ll make the bad stuff much more bearable if we’re in this together. ”
“As I said, ever the optimist...”
“Mmmm. Good night, Ryan.”
“Good night, Kate.”
“Oh, and Ry?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re my sunrise, too.”
The line went quiet and I pulled the phone from my ear, looking down at the screen with a big, shit-eating grin. Kate was right. We’d get through it all.
Together.
2. BRIDGES
The next morning was a whirlwind. There was nothing like being doused with a good dose of reality to remind you that you were no longer on a tropical island half-way across the world. My morning classes went by smoothly, but I spent about the last twenty minutes of each one answering questions about the assignment for the final, since I hadn’t returned many of my students’ e-mails. By the time the last session ended, I was more than ready to leave the campus. My head just wasn’t in the game today, which I was sure had something to do with the lingering effects of yesterday’s jetlag.
Gathering my paperwork and filing it neatly into my briefcase as the last few students filed out of the classroom, I did a double take when Amy Mercer slipped in through the doors and maneuvered around the crowd to waltz up to me.
Shit, what was she doing here?
The doors closed and the room filled with tension, her coy smile immediately putting me on guard. My back stiffened. “Amy. What are you doing here?”
“Just thought I’d drop in to see an old friend,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest as she sauntered up to my desk. Like the very first time we met, she propped a hip against it, her green eyes travelling from the tips of my shoes to my shoulders. I knew that appraisal very well and knew exactly what she was saying with those eyes.
“We’re not friends. I thought I made that clear. You should go now.”
Her eyebrows lifted, lips pursing. “Oh, someone’s in a foul mood.” Her expression shifted to a sultry one, and she dropped her arms then inched closer, like a lioness prowling toward her prey. “I know just what you need, Mr. Campbell. How about you meet me in the gym—”
“Cut the bullshit.” I took a step back, bringing my briefcase down from the desk as if to shield myself from her, covering my involuntary erection. There was no denying it. She was still sexy. “We settled this months ago. You’re no longer my student and I’m not interested in... anything else with you. Not anymore. So, if you’ll excuse me,” I said, moving to sidestep her.
She mirrored my steps.
“You’re not done with me. You’re fooling yourself if you think that you are.”
I met her determined stare head on. “I’m with someone. Have been for a while now. Getting married, in fact. I don’t think that I’m done with you, I know that I am.”
“You’re with someone?” She laughed. “That didn’t stop you before. What was the redhead’s name...oh yes, Alisha,” she purred, gently tugging at her golden locks. “She works in administration now, right? I hear that didn’t work out. Pity. She’s cute. You know, instead of screwing me and Felicia behind her back, you could’ve just invited her to join us. Could’ve avoided a lot of hassle that way, I bet. Or was she not interested in sharing?”
“Yeah, well, people change. Now excuse me.” I shifted to step around her again and her thin fingers shot out to grip the sides of my suit jacket, holding me in place. I peered down at her, catching the faint smell of vanilla. She always smelled like vanilla.
“People don’t change, Ryan. Time does, and circumstances do, but people are constant. I know what you like, and so do you, so what’s the sense in trying to change that? You are who you are.” Her eyes roamed down my chest and she bit her lip. They snapped back up to mine. “And I like you just the way you are.”
“You have no idea who I am,” I whispered harshly, yanking my jacket from her grip.
She inched forward. “I know you like control,” she said, her voice confident, “and that when I came to your office for the first time, you were desperate for it. I could see it in your eyes. You were just waiting for someone to unleash that side of you, the side that needed to hold the reins. I know that something or someone controlled you at one point in time.” She tilted her head to the side. “And how did that work out for you?”
“I’m not having this conversation with you.” I darted around her and picked up a fierce stride across the classroom, my eyes glued to the exit. I’d never told her a word about my history with Jamie. Her instincts were too close for comfort.
Her words stopped me just before I reached the door. I willed my feet to keep moving, but something held me in place, rooting me to the floor.
“You need control, Ryan. And I give that to you by giving you freedom.” Her heels clacked lightly as she strolled toward me. I could feel her emerald eyes slicing into the back of my head. “Exclusive, committed relationships deprive you of that, and you know it. They didn’t suit you then, they don’t suit you now, and they never will. Embrace who you are, don’t reject it. The struggle to be something you’re not is too exhausting.”
