Les Misérables, page 186
CHAPTER II--BLONDEAU'S FUNERAL ORATION BY BOSSUET
On a certain afternoon, which had, as will be seen hereafter, somecoincidence with the events heretofore related, Laigle de Meaux was tobe seen leaning in a sensual manner against the doorpost of the CaféMusain. He had the air of a caryatid on a vacation; he carried nothingbut his revery, however. He was staring at the Place Saint-Michel.To lean one's back against a thing is equivalent to lying down whilestanding erect, which attitude is not hated by thinkers. Laigle de Meauxwas pondering without melancholy, over a little misadventure whichhad befallen him two days previously at the law-school, and which hadmodified his personal plans for the future, plans which were ratherindistinct in any case.
Revery does not prevent a cab from passing by, nor the dreamer fromtaking note of that cab. Laigle de Meaux, whose eyes were straying aboutin a sort of diffuse lounging, perceived, athwart his somnambulism, atwo-wheeled vehicle proceeding through the place, at a foot pace andapparently in indecision. For whom was this cabriolet? Why was itdriving at a walk? Laigle took a survey. In it, beside the coachman, sata young man, and in front of the young man lay a rather bulky hand-bag.The bag displayed to passers-by the following name inscribed in largeblack letters on a card which was sewn to the stuff: MARIUS PONTMERCY.
This name caused Laigle to change his attitude. He drew himself up andhurled this apostrophe at the young man in the cabriolet:--
"Monsieur Marius Pontmercy!"
The cabriolet thus addressed came to a halt.
The young man, who also seemed deeply buried in thought, raised hiseyes:--
"Hey?" said he.
"You are M. Marius Pontmercy?"
"Certainly."
"I was looking for you," resumed Laigle de Meaux.
"How so?" demanded Marius; for it was he: in fact, he had just quittedhis grandfather's, and had before him a face which he now beheld for thefirst time. "I do not know you."
"Neither do I know you," responded Laigle.
Marius thought he had encountered a wag, the beginning of amystification in the open street. He was not in a very good humor at themoment. He frowned. Laigle de Meaux went on imperturbably:--
"You were not at the school day before yesterday."
"That is possible."
"That is certain."
"You are a student?" demanded Marius.
"Yes, sir. Like yourself. Day before yesterday, I entered the school, bychance. You know, one does have such freaks sometimes. The professor wasjust calling the roll. You are not unaware that they are very ridiculouson such occasions. At the third call, unanswered, your name is erasedfrom the list. Sixty francs in the gulf."
Marius began to listen.
"It was Blondeau who was making the call. You know Blondeau, he has avery pointed and very malicious nose, and he delights to scent out theabsent. He slyly began with the letter P. I was not listening, not beingcompromised by that letter. The call was not going badly. No erasures;the universe was present. Blondeau was grieved. I said to myself:'Blondeau, my love, you will not get the very smallest sort of anexecution to-day.' All at once Blondeau calls, 'Marius Pontmercy!' Noone answers. Blondeau, filled with hope, repeats more loudly: 'MariusPontmercy!' And he takes his pen. Monsieur, I have bowels of compassion.I said to myself hastily: 'Here's a brave fellow who is going to getscratched out. Attention. Here is a veritable mortal who is not exact.He's not a good student. Here is none of your heavy-sides, a student whostudies, a greenhorn pedant, strong on letters, theology, science, andsapience, one of those dull wits cut by the square; a pin by profession.He is an honorable idler who lounges, who practises country jaunts, whocultivates the grisette, who pays court to the fair sex, who is atthis very moment, perhaps, with my mistress. Let us save him. Death toBlondeau!' At that moment, Blondeau dipped his pen in, all black witherasures in the ink, cast his yellow eyes round the audience room, andrepeated for the third time: 'Marius Pontmercy!' I replied: 'Present!'This is why you were not crossed off."
"Monsieur!--" said Marius.
"And why I was," added Laigle de Meaux.
"I do not understand you," said Marius.
Laigle resumed:--
"Nothing is more simple. I was close to the desk to reply, and closeto the door for the purpose of flight. The professor gazed at me with acertain intensity. All of a sudden, Blondeau, who must be the maliciousnose alluded to by Boileau, skipped to the letter L. L is my letter. Iam from Meaux, and my name is Lesgle."
"L'Aigle!" interrupted Marius, "what fine name!"
"Monsieur, Blondeau came to this fine name, and called: 'Laigle!' Ireply: 'Present!' Then Blondeau gazes at me, with the gentleness of atiger, and says to me: 'If you are Pontmercy, you are not Laigle.' Aphrase which has a disobliging air for you, but which was lugubriousonly for me. That said, he crossed me off."
Marius exclaimed:--
"I am mortified, sir--"
"First of all," interposed Laigle, "I demand permission to embalmBlondeau in a few phrases of deeply felt eulogium. I will assume that heis dead. There will be no great change required in his gauntness, in hispallor, in his coldness, and in his smell. And I say: '_Erudimini quijudicatis terram_. Here lies Blondeau, Blondeau the Nose, BlondeauNasica, the ox of discipline, _bos disciplinæ_, the bloodhound of thepassword, the angel of the roll-call, who was upright, square, exact,rigid, honest, and hideous. God crossed him off as he crossed me off.'"
Marius resumed:--
"I am very sorry--"
"Young man," said Laigle de Meaux, "let this serve you as a lesson. Infuture, be exact."
"I really beg you a thousand pardons."
"Do not expose your neighbor to the danger of having his name erasedagain."
"I am extremely sorry--"
Laigle burst out laughing.
"And I am delighted. I was on the brink of becoming a lawyer. Thiserasure saves me. I renounce the triumphs of the bar. I shall not defendthe widow, and I shall not attack the orphan. No more toga, no morestage. Here is my erasure all ready for me. It is to you that I amindebted for it, Monsieur Pontmercy. I intend to pay a solemn call ofthanks upon you. Where do you live?"
"In this cab," said Marius.
"A sign of opulence," retorted Laigle calmly. "I congratulate you. Youhave there a rent of nine thousand francs per annum."
At that moment, Courfeyrac emerged from the café.
Marius smiled sadly.
"I have paid this rent for the last two hours, and I aspire to get ridof it; but there is a sort of history attached to it, and I don't knowwhere to go."
"Come to my place, sir," said Courfeyrac.
"I have the priority," observed Laigle, "but I have no home."
"Hold your tongue, Bossuet," said Courfeyrac.
"Bossuet," said Marius, "but I thought that your name was Laigle."
"De Meaux," replied Laigle; "by metaphor, Bossuet."
Courfeyrac entered the cab.
"Coachman," said he, "hotel de la Porte-Saint-Jacques."
And that very evening, Marius found himself installed in a chamber ofthe hotel de la Porte-Saint-Jacques side by side with Courfeyrac.
