Hades Speaks!, page 6
THE IMMORTALITY BARBECUE
Supposedly, the first initiate of the Eleusinian Mysteries was a baby—a boy named Demophon. When Persephone and I married, not only did Demeter ice-out the world, she also refused to enter Olympus because Zeus had approved the marriage. One day she went to the city of Eleusis disguised as an old woman. The king and queen brought her into their home, and Demeter was so grateful for the hospitality that she decided to give their newborn son—Demophon—the gift of immortality.
Unfortunately for him, this involved having his tiny body roasted over a fire for many nights. After a few grillings, the queen saw what Demeter was doing and cried out in alarm. Demeter grew furious with her (my mother-in-law has anger issues, remember) and took the gift of immortality away from the boy. However, through that ritual, Demophon obtained a hero’s honor, which meant he would live forever in happy Elysium.
Anyone else who went through the Eleusinian Mysteries—which didn’t, presumably, require being barbecued alive like Demophon—also got to live forever in Elysium.
SECRET PASSWORDS FOR IMMORTALITY
The Dionysian mystery religion was similar in that it, too, focused on themes of fertility. (Dionysus is the god of the vine.) It also was celebrated over many days and likely included a re-enactment of a trip to my realm. But followers of this religion came up with something different.
During the rituals, you learned secret passwords and directions—poetic lines, really—to recite when you met me, to ensure that you got to live forever in Elysium. The main thing was to recite this at the Lake of Memory:
I am a son of Earth and starry Sky, I am parched with thirst
and am dying; but quickly grant me
cold water from the Lake of Memory to drink.
If you spoke these lines, I gave you my permission to drink and then showed you the secret road to a happily-ever-after-for-eternity in Elysium.
Easy-peasy, right?
After working so hard to get to Elysium, what could all these initiates expect? Immortality, of course. A blessed land where the sun always shone and anger and misery never showed their ugly faces. Day in and day out of rubbing elbows with other smug initiates who knew the “pass code.”
Sounds like hell to me. Just saying.
TIME FOR YOU TO GET
THE HECK OUT OF HADES
Well, my little mortal friend, that completes our tour of my kingdom. Good thing, too, because I am tired of showing you around. As king of the underworld,
I have more important things to do.
Like what, you ask?
Well, like coming up with new punishments for evildoers in the dungeons of Tartaros, for one. And also scouring every inch of this place to make sure that no sons of Zeus—or Poseidon, for that matter (I’m looking at you, Percy Jackson)—sneak into my realm to create yet more havoc.
In other words, it’s time for you to get on out of here, young mortal. Since we’re in Elysium, you can work your way backward through my realm—through Tartaros, the Grove of Persephone, past Cerberus (yeah, good luck with that), and the Styx—and then climb your way out into your world.
However, if you don’t feel up to trying to convince Cerberus that he really, really doesn’t need to gnaw your head off, you have another option.
In The Aeneid, Aeneas’s dad tells him that he can float his way out of Elysium through either one of the Two Gates of Sleep. The only downside of dreaming your way out, though, is that some of the Oneiroi—the batlike bringers of melas oneiros or bad dreams—will likely come with you. They may then decide to roost in your room, hanging upside-down over your bed and watching you with their red eyes, waiting for you to fall asleep so they can drop their dream poop—I mean, nightmares—all over you.
So, to get out of here, you need to face either Cerberus or the Oneiroi. Up to you, kid. But make up your mind quickly. I don’t have an eternity to wait for you, you know. (Oh, wait, I do.… Never mind.)
Whichever way you choose, I’ll see you on the other side—sooner or later.
HADES’S GUIDE TO ANCIENT GREEK
GODS AND HEROES
Achilles: The Greek hero of Homer’s Iliad, the epic poem about the Trojan War. His mother was a nymph who tried to make him immortal by dipping him into the river Styx when he was an infant. She missed a spot, though, leaving the backs of his ankles vulnerable. He was eventually killed by an arrow in the heel. You moderns call that area—or any weakness, really—an “Achilles’s heel.” As the best warrior of all the Greeks, Achilles sent a lot of dead my way, so I forgave him for his surly attitude and tendency to throw tantrums.
Aeneas: The Roman hero of The Aeneid, written by Virgil. Aeneas was a Trojan hero who escaped the fall of Troy and, after many challenges and tribulations, founded the city of Rome. He was a son of Venus and came down to my realm to visit his father in Elysium.
Aphrodite (Venus, to the Romans): The Greek goddess of love and beauty. She was forced to marry the misshapen Hephaestus (Vulcan) but was in love with Ares (Mars), the god of war. Aphrodite once sent Psyche down here to steal my wife’s beauty secrets.
Apollo: The god of music, truth, poetry, prophecy, and the sun, Apollo is the twin brother of Artemis (Diana), goddess of the hunt, and the son of Zeus and Leto. I tolerate the light-boy mainly because he has never dared to come down here to Hades, which I appreciate.
Ares (Mars): God of war, Ares isn’t very smart, but he is an excellent warrior. My little brother Zeus once called him the “most hated” of all his children, but I like him a lot because, thanks to him, my realm is always crowded.
Artemis (Diana): The goddess of the hunt, Artemis is Apollo’s twin sister. She protects women in childbirth, as well as young girls. She is often associated with the moon, which fits her personality—cold and distant. However, I like her because she often calls upon Hekate to wreak havoc on unruly mortals.
Athena (Minerva): Goddess of wisdom and warfare, Athena was born right out of Zeus’s head, armor and all. She protected Athens and brought olives, chariots, ships, and wool-making to the Greeks. She frequently gives her father headaches, which makes me happy.
Cupid (Eros, to the Greeks): Cupid, the son of Venus, was a god of love, attraction, and affection. You moderns made him into a cherub in diapers for Valentine’s Day, but he was originally a young man whose love-tipped arrows could make anyone fall in love.
Demeter (Ceres): My mother-in-law, Demeter, is the goddess of grains and the harvest. In other words, she was the original “Mother Nature.” She is also quite the drama queen. Demeter has never forgiven me for marrying her daughter Persephone; she marks that occasion by causing almost everything in nature to die during the months that Persephone spends in the underworld with me.
Dionysus (Bacchus): The god of the grape harvest, winemaking, wine, and partying, Dionysus is yet another son of Zeus. He can be a bit of a wild child, but he also sent people down here with secret directions for making it to Elysium through his “mystery religion.”
Hades (Pluto): Need I introduce myself again? I am the Lord of the Dead, older brother of Zeus and Poseidon. The Greeks called me “He Who Must Not Be Named.” The Romans called me “Pluto,” which referred to all the gold, silver, and other riches buried deep within the earth in my domain.
Hephaestus (Vulcan): The son of Zeus and Hera, Hephaestus is the god of blacksmiths, metalworking, fire, and volcanoes. He builds all kinds of cool things, such as metal automatons and magic shields. Unfortunately, he’s a bit misshapen—but that didn’t stop the gods from marrying him off to the goddess of love, Aphrodite (Venus).
Herakles (Hercules): The son of Zeus whom I love to hate the most, Herakles is one of the most popular and beloved of all the ancient heroes. He was known for extraordinary physical strength and courage. Amazingly, there were actual temples devoted to him (more than for me! the outrage!) and some Roman emperors even claimed they were descended from him. Plus, Roman gladiators considered him their patron godling and had shrines devoted to him. I dislike him because he came down to the underworld several times—ignoring my rules—and even stole Cerberus once!
Hermes (Mercury): Yet another son of Zeus, Hermes is the messenger god as well as the protector of travelers, thieves, and business owners. After Hermes escorted my wife down here, he became the escort for all dead people, guiding them to my realm.
Odysseus (Ulysses): The hero of Homer’s Odyssey, Odysseus was king of Ithaca. He was known for his cunning—he was the one who came up with the Trojan horse trick that allowed the Greeks to finally defeat Troy. It took him ten years to get back to his wife, Penelope, after the Trojan War. Along the way, he had many adventures, including making a trip down here to my realm to get directions from a seer.
Orpheus: The son of Apollo and a muse named Calliope, Orpheus was the greatest musician and poet of his time. He came down to the underworld to beg for his wife back when she died soon after their wedding. I reluctantly agreed, with only one instruction—“Don’t look back at your wife, Eurydice, until you are both completely out of the darkness.” Unfortunately, he looked back too soon (he was out of the underworld, but she wasn’t) and he lost her again.
Persephone (Proserpina): My wife and queen, Persephone embodies what happens to the earth every winter when she comes down to live with me in the underworld. When she emerges, flowers bloom and spring begins. She and her mother, Demeter, were at the center of the Eleusinian Mysteries, which promised Greeks a shot at immortality if they went through the rites.
Poseidon: My younger brother, Poseidon is the god of the oceans and is known as the “earth-shaker,” the one responsible for earthquakes. Did I mention that I was born before he was?
Psyche: Originally a mortal, Psyche was a beautiful woman who fell out of sorts with Venus (it’s a Roman story) and in love with Venus’s son, Cupid. You can read the details of her story on page 54. She was eventually turned into a goddess when Zeus accepted her as Cupid’s wife.
Theseus: Hero of Athens, this son of Poseidon is most famous for defeating the half-bull, half-human monster, the Minotaur. He came down to the underworld and accidentally left part of his backside down here! (Read what happened on page 54).
Zeus: Known as the “head Olympian” and “Father of the Gods,” Zeus has control of the skies, storms, thunder, the heavens, and human justice. He claimed the juiciest portion of the world after we (emphasis on “we”!) defeated Kronos and the rest of the Titans. Have I mentioned that he was the last-born son, whereas I was the first-born? Not like it mattered to my little brother, who took the lion’s share of the goods when we split the world three ways.
GLOSSARY
Aeneid, The (en-knee-id): Latin epic poem by the Roman poet Virgil; gives an account of Aeneas’s founding of Rome.
ambrosia: Food of the Greek gods and demigods— sometimes in the form of a drink, other times as a food that granted immortal life.
Cocytus (koh-kie-tus): River of Lamentation in the Greek underworld.
Ekphora (ek-fo-ra): Funeral procession in ancient Greek death rites.
Eleusinian (el-ou-sin-ee-en): One of the “mystery” sects in ancient Greece that promised eternal life in Elysium.
Elysium (el-ee-see-em): Paradise-like final resting place for Greek heroes and virtuous ones.
Erinyes (air-ih-nee-yez): Three underworld goddesses who avenged murders, especially those committed against family members.
Fields of Asphodel (ass-pho-dul): A dark and gloomy no-man’s land where ghosts flitted over ghostly flowers.
godlings: Demigods, usually children sired by a god or goddess and a human.
Hekatonkheries (hek-uh-tong-kuh-reez): Giant god-monsters, each of whom had one hundred hands and fifty heads. They guarded the pit of Tartaros and also released killer storms.
Herakles (Hercules): Greek hero known for his outsize strength. He was a son of Zeus and traveled down to the underworld a number of times.
Iliad, The (ill-ee-id): Ancient Greek epic poem written by Homer, describing the last few weeks of the Trojan War. The hero Achilles is at the center of the story.
Kronos: Titan god of time. Kronos ate his children, who would be later known as the Olympian gods.
Lamia (lae-mee-eye): An underworld daimon or vampire-like monster that ate children and preyed on travelers.
lemures (lem-oor-es): Restless ghosts or spirits of the dead.
Lemuria (lah-mure-ee-ah): Annual ancient Roman festival in which beans were tossed to the ghosts of the restless dead to keep them away from the home.
melas oneiros (mel-ess on-air-ohss): Nightmares; spirits of dreams that brought “black” dreams.
Moirae (moy-rye): Three goddesses in control of the fate of the gods and humans; sometimes called “The Fates.”
Odyssey, The: Like The Iliad, an epic poem written by Homer. It describes Odysseus’s ordeals as he tried to return home to Ithaca.
Oneiroi (on-air-roy): Bringers of dreams.
Phlegethon (fleg-ah-thon): River of Fire, one of the five rivers of the underworld.
Prothesis: Funeral rite wherein the body was cleaned, anointed, and laid out in such a way that family and friends could pay their respects.
shade: Spirit or ghost of a dead person living in the underworld.
Styx: River in the underworld that separated the underworld from the upper (or living) world.
Tartaros (tar-tar-us): A place below the earth in Hades; a pit within Tartaros where the spirits of the wicked were punished.
BIBLIOGRAPHY
PRIMARY SOURCES
Apuleius, The Golden Ass
Hesiod, Theogeny
Homer, The Iliad and The Odyssey
Ovid, Metamorphoses
Plato, Gorgias
Seneca, Phaedra
Strabo, Geography
Virgil, The Aeneid
SECONDARY SOURCES
Abel, Ernest. Death Gods: An Encyclopedia of the Rulers, Evil Spirits and Geographies of the Dead. Westport: Greenwood Press, 2009.
Albinus, Lars. The House of Hades. Netherlands: Aarhus University Press, 2000.
Cobbe, Frances Power. Hades. Public domain, 1864.
DiAulaire, Ingri and Edgar. Book of Greek Myths. New York: Doubleday, 1962.
Dova, Stamatia. Greek Heroes in and out of Hades. London: Lexington Books, 2012.
Feton, D. Haunted Greece and Rome: Ghost Stories from Classical Antiquity. Austin: University of Texas Press, 1999.
Garland, Robert. The Greek Way of Death. New York: Cornell University Press, 2001.
Hamilton, Edith. Mythology: Timeless Tales of Gods and Heroes. New York: Warner Books, 1942.
Hope, Valerie M. Death in Ancient Rome: A Sourcebook London: Routledge, 2007.
Matyszak, Philip. Ancient Athens on 5 Drachmas a Day. London: Thames & Hudson, 2008.
McKeown, J.C. A Cabinet of Greek Curiosities. New York: Oxford University Press, 2013.
McKeown, J.C. A Cabinet of Roman Curiosities. New York: Oxford University Press, 2010.
Mirto, Maria Serena. Death in the Greek World: From Homer to the Classical Age. Norman: University of Oklahoma Press, 2012.
Moncrieff, A.R. Hope. Myths and Legends of Ancient Greece. New York: Random House, 1995.
Sourvinou-Inwood, Christiane. Reading Greek Death. New York: Oxford University Press, 1995.
Turner, Alice K. The History of Hell. New York: Harcourt, 1993.
Vermeule, Emily. Aspects of Death in Early Greek Art and Poetry. Berkeley: University of California Press, 1979.
ARTICLES
Harrison, Jane. “Helios-Hades.” The Classical Review. Vol. 22, No. 1 (Feb 1908).
Johnson, David M. “Hesiod’s Descriptions of Tartarus.” Phoenix (Classical Association of Canada). Spring– Summer 1999.
Miller, David L. “Hades and Dionysos: The Poetry of the Soul.” Journal of the American Academy of Religion. XLVI.
Stephens, Wade C. “Descent to the Underworld in Ovid’s Metamorphoses.” The Classical Journal. Vol. 53, No. 4 (Jan. 1958).
WEB SOURCES
Encyclopedia Mythica: http://www.pantheon.org/
GreekMythology.com: http://www.greekmythology.com/index.html
Theoi Greek Mythology: http://www.theoi.com/
INDEX
Aeneas: 42, 56, 94–95, 103, 105, 110
Aeneid, The: 94–95, 103, 105, 110
Aristotle: 89–90
beans: 92–94, 111
Cerberus: 9, 29, 35–38, 40, 49, 51, 56, 103, 104, 108
Charon: 25, 29, 33, 35, 49, 56
Cupid: 54–55, 106, 109
curse tablets: 74–75, 78, 79
Cyclopes: 71
Demeter: 13, 22–23, 45, 48, 66, 98, 99, 106, 109
Dionysian mysteries: 102
Ekphora: 30, 110
Eleusinian mysteries: 98–99, 109
Elysium: 56, 59, 61, 83–87, 88, 89, 90, 91, 93, 95, 97, 99,
102, 103, 105, 107, 110
Empusa: 9, 41
Eurydice: 49–50, 108
Fields of Asphodel: 40–41, 60, 110
Greece: 12, 15, 23, 30
Grove of Persephone: 21, 103
Hades (place): 18–19, 21, 30, 32, 94, 103
helmet of invisibility: 73
Herakles: 15, 33, 36, 41, 42, 45, 51, 54, 69, 80, 85, 107, 110
Homer: 16, 50, 83, 94, 105, 108, 111
Iliad, The: 31, 105, 111
Kronos: 13, 14, 109, 111
Lethe: 24, 60, 93, 95
Melinoe: 25, 28, 38
mystery religions (see also Eleusinian mysteries and Dionysian mysteries): 97, 98
Odysseus: 42, 50, 71, 85, 108, 111
Odyssey, The: 50, 71, 108, 111
Olympic Games: 12, 16
Orestes: 63
Orpheus: 49–50, 98, 108
Persephone: 17, 22, 23, 42, 43, 45, 47, 48, 65, 66, 79, 86, 94, 98, 99,
106, 108
Plato: 84, 87, 88–89, 92
Pluto’s Gate: 80
