“To take my measure.” She tilted her head. “But how did any of you know I’d even be here?”

  “Mr. Walker helped us with that.”

  Surprise rippled through her. “You know Mr. Walker?”

  “Vernon Bradshaw knows him well.” Thomas smiled. “They worked together before Mr. Walker left corporate and went back to education. He and his wife visit Shutter Lake often.”

  He had mentioned that…and she’d been set up.

  “After the incident, Mr. Walker knew you had only returned to Brook Haven for your students. You wouldn’t abandon them, so you’d finish the school year, he believed, but you wouldn’t return next year. To be blunt, the idea of you leaving education upset him.” Thomas let her see the sincerity in his eyes. “You’ve got quite a fan in Mr. Walker.”

  “So he arranged for me to come here and look around.”

  “He highly recommended you, which carried a lot of weight with Vernon. He credits Mr. Walker with much of his success in the early years. Vernon is completely trusted by all of the founders. But actually, Vernon arranged for your invitation and complimentary trip.”

  “I’m a little taken aback.”

  “I can see that you are. You inspire Mr. Walker, Dr. Perkins.”

  Dana looked down at the table. “They gave me an award…after what happened.” She worried her lower lip. “I didn’t want it.”

  “He told us.” Thomas dropped his voice. “He also told us how difficult it was for you to return to school. A daily battle, he said. But you fought it valiantly.”

  He’d told her that, using those same words, himself. She couldn’t make herself believe him. She’d buried four of her students. How could she believe she’d acted at all valiant? “When did you talk to Mr. Walker?”

  “We all talked with him. Conference call.”

  Mr. Walker certainly had gone to a lot of trouble on her behalf. “So what happens now?”

  “Now I go back to the council with your requests.” He folded the page of notes he’d jotted down and then tucked it into his inner coat pocket. “I’ll be back in touch as soon as I can.”

  She nodded. If they agreed to everything she asked for, that too would be a sign.

  * * *

  A scant twenty-four hours later, Thomas phoned with the council’s response.

  Dana had a new job and a new home. Both would be waiting for her to claim them at the end of the school year.

  On the flight back to Phoenix, she admitted she was going to miss living there. Miss the people at her school. Miss her house and her friends. But with every passing mile, getting closer and closer to home, the too familiar tension in her ratcheted up. By the time she got off the plane, her stomach was churning. And on entering her house, the first thing she did was vomit.

  That proved the decision to go had been the right one. She couldn’t heal here. If she ever had a chance of reclaiming her life, she needed a fresh start.

  “Thank you, Mr. Walker,” she whispered, rinsing her mouth at the bathroom sink. She looked into the mirror, into her own haunted eyes. She did need to heal, and equally important, she wanted to heal. She wanted to sleep without nightmares. To think of travelling without fear making her clammy in a cold sweat and her knees too weak to hold her. She wanted to at least want to travel again. This year, she wouldn’t take a summer adventure, she’d move instead. This year, she felt too bruised and raw to risk going anywhere. The world was a dangerous, dark place, and exploring it had lost its luster. But she wanted to feel that thrill for adventure again. She wanted her life back.

  Things could never be the same. Only a fool could experience something as tragic and devastating as she had and be unscathed. But she didn’t want to always feel this anxious and sad and empty. She didn’t want to always feel like such a monumental failure. She was supposed to protect the students. She tried but…she failed.

  And yet, for the first time since the incident, she wasn’t floundering. She’d been peaceful in Shutter Lake. Quiet, slow and simple. Safe.

  Thanks to Mr. Walker and the founders, and even Mr. Perfection, Mayor Jessup, she’d found a space where it was okay to feel life spark inside her without feeling guilty. Without resenting herself and growing angry at it for daring to spark when her students were buried in the cold, hard ground.

  In Shutter Lake, with that spark and maybe a little luck and a lot of grace, she could heal. She could maybe one day again meet her own eyes in the mirror and not regret that she had been the one to survive.

  She knew as well as any psychologist that conquering survivor’s guilt was the essential first step required to reclaim her life. It was not negotiable.

  That meant facing her deepest fear.

  Dana squeezed her eyes shut, took in three deep and steadying breaths and then forced herself to open her eyes wide. Logically, she knew what she had to do. Emotionally, she understood exactly what was required. She had the heart, and the courage. But the will to survive and thrive?

  Uncertainty fluttered in her stomach. Well, that needed work.

  Her deepest fear was that she would try her hardest and fail, and she’d lack the will to reclaim her life again ever.

  The thought alone terrified her. So did being caught in this limbo of not really living. Which she feared most, she couldn’t say.

  Dana gave herself a mental shake. This was the kind of chance that came along once in a lifetime. It wasn’t the kind of opportunity a tattered woman trying to stitch herself back together tossed away lightly.

  She thought of Shutter Lake, and that spark of life ignited, burned, its flame flaring. Bewildered, she focused hard. What was it?

  Hope. A tear escaped her eye and rolled down her face. It was hope…

  If you enjoyed her deepest fear, please consider leaving a review to help other readers find Dana’s story. Review.

  Follow Dana’s Story in Shutter Lake

  so many secrets, Book 2

  Enjoy this Sneak Peek of BREAKDOWN, Book 2,

  so many secrets, by Vicki Hinze

  ©2018

  Chapter One

  Monday, October 8

  Five days.

  Impossible to believe but that’s all it had taken for the idyllic vision of Shutter Lake, California, lauded by Country Living as the most perfect town in all of America, to prove perfection is a façade and all the safety and security sought and found in it had been an illusion.

  One murder. Illusion shattered.

  One murder, and so many secrets…

  A shiver crept up Dr. Dana Perkins’s backbone. She stiffened against it, determined to reclaim her sense of security here. At the deli counter inside Stacked, a block off downtown’s main square, she ordered a grilled chicken sandwich with a side salad and a bottle of Evian berry-flavored water, then glanced over to the cluster of two-dozen tables. About half-full. A lot of people were having a late lunch today.

  Dana took a table surrounded by empties then settled in and reached for a sheaf of papers from her tote. She had been through the school records at least a dozen times, but maybe in the sandwich shop, she would be more objective, gain some new insight, and see something she had missed.

  Oh, but she needed to be certain she hadn’t missed anything. After Phoenix, to retain her sanity she had to be absolutely certain she hadn’t missed any warning sign.

  There had to be a reason this year’s best and brightest student had confessed to murder. Some logical, rational reason that Vinn Bradshaw, gifted future nanotechnologist, studious, popular basketball player, who exhibited nothing short of fantastic leadership skills, confessed. Vinn could not have killed anyone much less a prominent Shutter Lake founder’s daughter like Sylvia Cole.

  Nolan Ikard, about thirty, tall and lean with sandy blond hair and a handsome man’s confident swagger, paused at her table. Nolan owned The Grind, a coffee shop sharing a common wall with Stacked that Dana frequented every morning on her walk from home to the school.

  “How’s our favorite principal?” Nolan asked. “Things settling down any at S.L.S.?”

  Many students, current and former, referred to Shutter Lake School as S.L.S. “Getting better,” she said because it was expected and not because it was true. “The students are still rattled, but then aren’t we all?”

  He nodded and avoided her eyes, his own gold-flecked ones clouded and troubled. “Guess the kids won’t settle down until their parents do. Maybe we will all get back to normal soon.”

  “Maybe we will.” Dana smiled.

  He walked on to his favorite table beside hers and next to the front window. How many times in the last year had she seen him staring out that window as if he had lost his last friend? She’d been tempted often to ask if he was okay, or to offer to listen if he needed to talk, but something had held her back. She couldn’t say what, but she always followed her instinctive urges on things like that. In his case, she hoped she didn’t live to regret it.

  A waitress Dana didn’t recognize delivered her order. She must be from Grass Valley. She hadn’t been one of Dana’s students.

  That was a perk of being principal of a school with three-hundred students. You knew them, and they knew you. The other items on the waitress’s tray were Nolan’s. Cuban sandwich and a side of slaw. A hint of citrus, garlic and a splash of white wine gave the mustard on his sandwich a distinct scent that set her mouth to watering. It smelled spicy and tart, interesting. It smelled great.

  When the waitress placed his food on the small square table in front of him, Nolan barely glanced at her. That piqued Dana’s curiosity and fired a red-flag warning too bold to ignore. Nolan Ikard not flirting with an eligible woman? Normally, he’d flirt with a lamppost. Oh, not offensive flirting, just friendly flirting. It was as natural to him as breathing. But not today.

  Apparently his perfect façade of Shutter Lake also had shattered—and Dana certainly shouldn’t make too much of it. Everyone in the community seemed disturbed and wary and disillusioned these days.

  Shifting her thoughts to her work, she studied the details in Vinn’s files and nibbled at her food, wishing she’d dared to order Nolan’s hot and spicy Cuban. Stacked made the best sandwiches and slaw in the tri-county area, but with Dana’s stomach acting up since Vinn’s confession, she didn’t dare to risk eating anything not mild.

  About a third of the way through the teachers’ observation notes, she spotted Kristina Sharapova’s name. Her image sprang to mind: long dark hair and eyes, pale skin and a mischievous smile that was nothing short of infectious because it was so rare. Kristina bent toward being serious, which was normal for a teenage Russian exchange student. They competed so fiercely for the chance to come to Shutter Lake to study.

  Thanks to the wealthy and childless benefactors, the Windermeres, there were always foreign exchange students at Shutter Lake School. Attending there was an amazing opportunity for all the students really. A group of the most gifted professionals in the world in science, medicine, and industry designed and created the nearly self-sustaining community and they often shared their vast pool of knowledge and expertise with the students.

  Dana was proud of the program she and Mayor Thomas Jessup had created. In two short years, its success rate at preparing knowledgeable, socially mature and motivated graduates had surpassed expectations and her wildest dreams.

  On Kristina’s first day with them, she had been like a fish out of water. Who wouldn’t be? Strange school, no familiar friends or faces. Living in a strange country and speaking a foreign language. But Vinn Bradshaw had picked up on her uneasiness. Without prompting, he’d taken her under his wing and helped her fit in. They were, according to the file observation note, good friends.

  Dana too had been wrong about that. She reached into her tote for a pen, accidentally pulled out a large Ziploc bag, and smiled to herself. Every teacher she’d ever known carried a waterproof bag in her handbag or tote. Old habits die hard. Stuffing the frosted bag back in, she snagged the pen and then scribbled a new note on a page she had labeled “Things to tell Laney.”

  Laney Holt was the Deputy Chief of Police and lead investigator on Sylvia Cole’s murder case. A beautiful young blond who favored long hair and ponytails over short red hair like Dana’s and, guessing, a year or two younger than Dana’s thirty-four. Not just friends. She added the note to the list.

  Laney Holt breezed by Dana’s table with an order of fries and a bottle of flavored water then dropped into a seat at Nolan’s table.

  He didn’t look happy to see her.

  Gauging by the level look she laid on him, she wasn’t happy to see him either. “I still need your DNA,” Laney told Nolan.

  Dana didn’t deliberately listen but, when people seated three feet from you talk, unless you cotton-stuff your ears, you can’t help overhearing their conversation.

  “Why?” Surprise flickered through Nolan’s eyes. “You’ve got your killer. Word’s out all over the lake Vinn Bradshaw confessed.”

  Laney finished chewing a fry, swallowed and then sipped from her water bottle. “Paperwork,” she said.

  “You want my blood to check off a box to make sure your case sticks?” He shot her a resent-laced look of disgust.

  “Exactly.” Her lips curved in a smile that never touched her eyes.

  “And?” He pushed.

  “And a witness saw a man fitting your description running away from Sylvia Cole’s house the night she was murdered. Chief McCabe wants no loose ends.”

  “I don’t care what McCabe wants.” Nolan frowned. “You clowns get a description that fits half the men around here and naturally you come after me.”

  Laney’s voice stiffened, but her expression appeared as calm as it had before the tension between them rocketed. “This clown is trying to eliminate you as a possibility, Ikard.” She tilted her head. “Wait a second. Are you saying it was you?”

  Silence.

  Laney bit into another fry, let the silence stretch, yawn, settle. Finally, she asked, “Did Sylvia tell you she was planning a vacation to Venezuela?”

  Dana’s heart rate sped. She kept her nose down and her gaze focused on her papers. One night after Yoga class at the Community Gathering Center, Sylvia had told Dana about that trip. A few weeks ago, Sylvia had even come to Dana’s cottage to see her mask collection. They’d talked for a few hours. Before Phoenix and coming to Shutter Lake, Dana had loved to travel. She’d spent her summers exploring, including three trips to Venezuela.

  Nolan answered Laney. “Sylvia didn’t tell me anything about any vacation anywhere. We didn’t talk much.”

  “So was it you—running away from her house that night?”

  “No.”

  As if she hadn’t heard him, Laney went on. “There’s one thing I don’t understand.” She polished off her last fry, took a long draw on her water. “Why did you climb out of the window instead of leaving through the door?”

  No answer.

  She dusted the salt from her fingertips with a paper napkin. “I get that Shutter Lake is a small community and maybe you two didn’t want to broadcast your intimate relationship, but…the window?”

  “I told you.” Nolan’s jaw tightened and he leaned forward in his seat. “Sylvia and I were friends back in school. It was a long time ago. You knew her. That woman had no interest in a relationship with me or anyone else. She was as independent as people come.”

  “Just in it for the sex. Got it.” Not one to cower, Laney leaned in, spoke to him nearly nose to nose. “So you went out the window to show her you’re independent, too. Uh-huh. Well, that makes perfect sense.” Her sarcasm couldn’t be missed. She scooted back her seat then stood up. “You’ve got twenty-four hours to come to the station and handle that DNA sample.”

  “Or what?” he said, his voice a sharp and cutting tone Dana had never before heard him utter. “No. You know what? Forget it.” He glared up at Laney. “You want my DNA, get with my lawyer.”

  “You have a lawyer?” Laney bared her teeth in a would-be smile. “Does he have a name?”

  “Morris Barton.”

  Her smile turned genuine. “Ah, here’s a tip. You might want to start looking for a replacement. Barton is Vinn’s lawyer.” She turned. “Twenty-four hours, Ikard.”

  Nolan didn’t draw a breath until Laney exited the door of Stacked and stepped out onto the sidewalk.

  Muttering and agitated, he finished his meal.

  Dana ordered a cup of coffee, studied her papers with her mind whirling, and waited.

  Finally, Nolan left and, when the door closed behind him, she phoned Laney. “You need to come back to Stacked right away.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. Just get back here as fast as you can.” Dana caught the waitress two steps away from Nolan’s table. “Don’t touch anything.”

  The startled waitress jerked back and darted a worried look at Dana. “What?”

  “Don’t touch anything on that table.” Dana hated this. But Vinn’s whole future could ride on what happened next, and no one was going to rob him of it. Not on her watch.

  Scant minutes later, Laney entered Stacked and rushed straight over to Dana. “What’s wrong?”

  “I told you on the phone, nothing is wrong.”

  Laney stilled, parked a hand on her hip. “Then why am I here, Dana?”

  “On TV, I saw an investigator going through a person of interest’s trash. The can wasn’t on his property, it was at the curb, waiting for the collector. He said once trash is abandoned, it’s legal for him to look in it for evidence. Is that true?”

  “Well, yes,” Laney said, looking a little bewildered. “If it can be proven that it wasn’t contaminated.”

  Dana rubbed an itch at her earlobe, tugging it. “Meaning, no one else touched the abandoned trash?”

  “Right.”

  Dana nodded toward Nolan’s table. “Well, Nolan Ikard abandoned his trash at that table and left Stacked. His DNA is on that fork and glass.”

 

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