Expectant, page 23
‘Bugger, I knew it couldn’t be that simple, but then, it never is with us, eh?’ We both had a little chuckle at that understatement. He knew the power of a laugh. ‘We can do a broad trace on the phone if the signal is strong enough. I can’t believe they left it turned on. We got lucky there.’
I would take any bit of luck I could get. I just desperately hoped it wouldn’t run out.
‘Look, Sam, I’m going to try something else, but before I do I have a small confession to make.’
‘I don’t know that this is the best time for big reveals,’ I said. ‘In the movies people only say that when they think all hope is gone.’
‘Well, this has to do with the giving hope thing, kind of.’
His uncertainly had me wondering what the hell was coming. ‘Okay then, confess away.’
‘Well, it has to do with your phone.’
‘What about my phone?’
‘I, um,’ he paused, groping for the words before blurting them out. ‘I set up my phone so I could track yours.’
‘Sorry? What? You’ve been tracking me with your phone? Are you fucking kidding me?’ Why the hell would he do that? Didn’t he trust me? Did he think I was having an affair or something stupid? Was he such a control freak he had to know where I was at all times?
‘I’ve never used it, I promise. I’ve never checked out where you are, I’m not that creepy, stalkery guy, but I set it up ages ago, just as a safety precaution. The job has put you in quite a bit of danger in the past, and it seemed like a simple insurance policy, just in case, one day…’
Well, this was certainly ‘one day’ and while a part of me was pissed off beyond words, another part of me was screaming with relief.
‘When I get out of here you and I are going to have to have a wee chat about boundaries. That is completely unacceptable.’
‘I know, I know, and I’m sorry, but this is the exact kind of situation I’d thought of when I did it, well, not the exact kind of situation, but you know what I mean.’
‘Well quit fucking backpedalling and arse-covering and try it then.’
‘Hang on a tick.’
The wait was agonising. My ears strained for any sound outside the room, any indication she was coming back, but all I could hear was the buzzing in my own head.
‘I’m sorry Sam, it didn’t work. Your signal must be too weak where you are, but tell you what I’m going to do: we’re going to get the team out looking for every possible known property or business that Naomi or her husband have that is coastal and could have the kind of garage you’re describing. Sounds like it could be a holiday home. And I’m going to get in the car and drive around, see if my phone picks yours up properly somewhere. I will find you Sam, I promise you that. You barricade yourself in there and you keep yourself, and our baby girl, safe. I’m coming for you.’
I fought back the tidal wave of fear and emotion that threatened to engulf me. I knew he would move heaven and earth, that he would not stop until he found us, but would he get here in time? Would he get here before she came back?
I put my head towards my knees and breathed out hard again, as another wave washed across my belly.
‘Paul?’ I said, trying not to grit my teeth, keep it relaxed, keep it relaxed, breathe through it. ‘You might want to hurry with that.’
‘Are they coming back?’
My radar immediately went up, but no, I couldn’t detect any footfalls.
‘No.’
‘What then?’
‘I’m in labour.’
‘Fuck.’
CHAPTER 64
It had to happen, and even though I knew this moment was coming, the sound of footfalls crunching across a path set my heart racing.
I heard a knock on the door – as if she still needed to be polite – and then the sound of the handle turning. The door didn’t budge. I’d managed to find an old wooden chair under some tarpaulins and had wedged that under the handle. I’d also put a wooden crate full of paint tins on top of the seat. Plan C was for me to sit on it and add even more weight.
‘Sam?’ The handle rattled again. ‘Sam, let me in.’
I held my breath, which was totally absurd.
‘Sam, I know you’re there. You have to let me in.’
‘Fuck off.’
‘I promise I won’t hurt you, just let me in.’
‘Is that what you said to Aleisha Newman before you cut her open like a fucking butcher?’
The only sound was the crashing of the waves.
‘I trusted you. I thought you were supposed help bring life into the world, not steal it, not destroy it. She did not deserve to die like that.’
‘I didn’t mean for it to happen that way, you have to believe me. It was an accident.’
‘What do you mean, it was an accident? You accidentally gave her a fucking caesarean in the back of an alley, and accidentally forgot to sew her up.’
‘It wasn’t like that. I just wanted to ask her to reconsider helping us and giving us some cord blood and the sample when she gave birth, that was all we wanted, all we needed. But she wouldn’t. Not even when I explained – not even when I told her it wouldn’t hurt her or her baby, but it could save our Ruby.’
‘So you killed her?’ The question ended in a groan as another contraction built and I had to release the breath as it surged across.
‘No, that’s not what happened.’ The response was emphatic. ‘How close are they?’
The contractions were too bloody close, but I wasn’t about to tell her that.
‘Fuck…’
When I could speak again I completed the sentence.
‘…off.’
‘You need my help, Sam. You can’t just stay locked up in there forever.’
‘It doesn’t need forever, they’re on their way, you know. Paul and the police, they’re coming for me.’ He had to be. Despite not calling back, despite my watch going into low-battery mode and conking out, I knew he’d move heaven and earth to find me. That signal we’d had would be enough. He’d find a way, I knew he would.
‘Even if they are, you need me now.’
‘Why – so you can butcher me too?’
‘Look, Sam, I never meant for that to happen. Like I said, it was an accident. I was trying to get her to understand, to agree to arranging the samples when her baby was born, but she just wouldn’t see it, she wouldn’t do it. She thought I was insane and told me to go away, and we argued. And in the heat of the moment I pushed her. That’s all I did – I pushed her, and not even that hard, but she fell. She tripped and fell backward, and oh my God, the noise when she hit her head, I’ll never forget that sound. It was a crack, it was so loud, and I could see straight away she was in serious trouble.’
‘Still doesn’t explain why you killed her.’
‘I didn’t mean to kill her. I panicked. She was fitting, having seizures, and I thought she was going to die. I was so sure she was going to die, Sam. And if she died, that baby would die, and I couldn’t let that happen. I had to do something.’
‘Well, why didn’t you just call a fucking ambulance, like any sane person would?’
‘It would take too long. They would be too late.’
‘Haven’t you heard of CP fucking R.’ The R sound gave way into another guttural groan as the next round of pain hit me.
‘I wasn’t thinking. I acted on instinct. All I was trying to do was save the baby. I promise you, that was all I was trying to do.’
‘Because that baby had something you wanted.’
She was silent for a while, but when she did speak her voice was thick with the depth of her pain.
‘You don’t know what it’s like to watch your child get sick. You don’t know what it’s like to hear day after day there’s nothing more we can do, until one day they give you a glimmer of hope, something new that might work, a new treatment, only to have it dashed because they can’t find a donor. And in the meantime you have to sit and watch her fail, watch that beautiful, happy, smiling girl fade before your eyes. So you start looking yourself. You start looking for that potential match. You do what it takes. And then one day, like a miracle, it’s there, that one in a thousand. And it’s so close, Sam, so very, very close, but they say no. They say no to saving the life of your child. Can you even begin to imagine how that feels?’
I couldn’t. I hadn’t even met this little one yet, but I felt the intensity of that raw kind of love. What would it be like when you really got to know that little person, that extension of you?
‘I hope to God, Sam, that you never have to experience that pain. It kills you.’
‘That still doesn’t justify what you did.’
‘I know. And believe me, I feel like some kind of a monster, and I have to live with that. You know what the most awful thing is? It didn’t work. With everything that happened in the moment, I was too late. I didn’t get the sample in time. It was all for nothing.’
Aleisha Newman had died for nothing. Well, not entirely nothing. Her daughter was alive, Hope was alive, but for Naomi and her husband it was all for nought.
The next contraction left me buckling. I dropped from leaning over the chair, onto hands and knees, rocking, rocking, trying to rock and breathe the pain away.
It was a while before I could speak, and by now my anger was transforming into a mixture of fear and almost pity for her – for the situation she was in, and the situation she had got herself into.
‘Why am I here, Naomi?’ I said quietly. ‘You know those test results were fake, planted on my records. So why am I here?’
‘The amnio results were fake, but I knew from other tests that you were close, so close to being a match. You were almost another one in a thousand, which meant your child, and that blood could be the match we were looking for.’ Oh my God, of course. She would have been screening me from the get-go too – and every other woman under her care – hoping for that elusive match. I’d been none the wiser that another test had been added to the list of the routine ones. What was an extra vial in the row of tubes that she filled with my blood? Another thought flitted into my mind: was Michael in on it too? Had he been intercepting results as they went through the lab? Checking the women that weren’t under his wife’s care? Were they a team? He had to be. They would have had Aleisha’s baby in their house – he had to know what was going on. How could they be so bloody good at lying?
Another wave crashed across my uterus. Jesus Christ, not now. This was not the time or the place to make your appearance, baby girl.
‘Sam, I just need to get that blood, that blood from the umbilical cord, and a sample. That’s all I want. I’m not going to hurt you, I promise. It won’t hurt either of you.’
‘Why didn’t you just bloody ask? You didn’t have to do this.’
‘If I asked, you’d know. You’d figure out the connection between me and you and her, and then there would be no chance – no chance of saving Ruby.’
‘So you kidnapped me? You thought this was the answer? Just take it anyway? You’ve made it a thousand times worse. You’re not going to get away with this, you know that, don’t you?’
‘Sam, I know, and I don’t care anymore. I don’t care if I go to jail. I don’t care if they lock me up and throw away the key. I just want my girl – my precious baby girl – to have a chance at life. I want her to live more than anything else in the world.’
I could hear her gasps as she broke down on the other side of the door.
‘That can only happen with your help. Or else she is going to die. You’re her only hope.’
Her hand banging against door.
‘Please, Sam, please.’
Hand banging in time with her sobs.
‘Please.’
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
Jesus, what to do?
There was only one thing I could do, and still live with myself.
A wave of fear and apprehension shook me, but I took another deep breath and dragged the chair from the door.
CHAPTER 65
We stood there staring at each other, the lantern Naomi held illuminating the grief, anguish and uncertainty etched on her face, and no doubt the fear and pain on mine.
‘Sam, I’m so sorry, I never…’
Another wave swept my body and the force of it dropped me to my hands and knees, the groan that escaped my mouth as unstoppable as the tide.
She reached forward to me then, and I was in no position to resist. I had no choice but to trust her, to trust that after everything that had happened she would do the right thing, the right thing by me and this baby.
‘Okay, Sam, how close? How close are the contractions? You have to let me help you. Don’t be afraid, I’m not going to hurt you, I promise.’
Is that what she said to Aleisha Newman?
‘They. Don’t. Really. Stop,’ I managed to get out between breaths, my eyes squeezed shut.
‘I’m going to need to take a look and see where you’re at. When this contraction eases, we’ll get you undressed.’ I felt her firm, circular motions rubbing the small of my back, and I focussed on that sensation, followed the movement. Anything to take my mind away from the force of the pain.
It finally eased off enough for me to get back up off my hands. I sat back on my heels, trying to catch my breath, opened my eyes to take in the sight of Naomi, her bag with the sample kit on top, her tentative, almost fearful, expression, and I realised in that moment we both had everything to lose here, and we had to trust each other. I gave her a tight smile and a nod, and let her assist me as I worked to remove my pants – felt the conflict of emotions: terrified and repulsed by what this woman had done, saddened by the awful set of circumstances that had driven her to do it, but grateful and relieved that she was here for me, that I was not going to have to do this alone.
Another wave forced me forward again, onto my hands and knees, the ferocity of it overwhelming my senses, the blood thrumming in my ears so I could barely hear Naomi telling me this baby was coming, and it was coming right now.
Oh, Jesus, everything felt so heavy, the dragging, the tightness, and I had to push, but I was scared to push, because, Christ Almighty, it hurt like fuck, but my body took over, it took the matter entirely out of my hands, and I felt every part of my being bear down, felt that burn, that incredible burning as my baby’s head crowned, that impossible searing sensation. Through the wall of my groans I heard Naomi’s words, her strong, calm words:
‘Sam, I need you to pause now. Stop pushing. I need you to pant for me.’
I followed those words, anchored myself to them as I felt her hands check, adjust.
‘Okay, Sam, one more big push, you can do this.’
I took a deep breath and bore down with all of my might, and all of the agony and terror of the last few hours burst out of me in a roar that didn’t end until I felt that exquisite release, felt my baby girl freed from my body, felt the glorious liberation from pain.
‘I’ve got her, Sam. She’s beautiful. She’s safe. You’re safe.’
The sound of hiccoughy cries filled my heart with an overwhelming joy and sense of protectiveness, and I sat back down onto my heels and rolled around to see her.
I felt a momentary pang of dread as I watched Naomi clamp the cord, take that precious sample and do what needed to be done, but it became clear that there was no longer any need to be afraid, that for her it was over. With great care, she wrapped my daughter in a cloth and brought her to me.
‘Thank you,’ she said, tears now streaming down her face. ‘Thank you so very much.’
I reached out and took that precious bundle, marvelled at that tiny face, at the grave, dark eyes that looked to mine.
I cradled that little girl to my heart and swore I would never let her go.
EPILOGUE
‘Well, she looks like you.’
‘She looks like a prune.’
‘Like I said, she looks like you.’
I would have thumped him, but right this moment my arms were wrapped around the tiny little bundle sleeping on my chest. The ambulance ride into Dunedin from Shag Point was a twisty and windy one, so Paul sat right beside us and the gurney we were securely strapped into, poised to stop any sudden sideways movement.
‘You know, you left it a bit late to arrive, missed the big moment. Should have known you’d do anything to avoid being at the birth. Bloody squeamish males.’
‘Ah, you see straight through me.’ He reached over again and gently stroked her cheek, a look of wonderment on his face. ‘Did my best, but, you know, stuff gets in the way, like kidnappers, murderers, that sort of thing.’
‘I’ll let you off just this once. You’ll have no excuses next time.’
‘There’ll be a next time?’
‘If you play your cards right.’
‘I might be getting my nails done that day.’
We shared a smile and went back to our new favourite sport, staring at this tiny creature with a mix of adoration, incredulity and mild terror.
‘Don’t ever do that again, promise me,’ he said.
I could have bit back, saying it was out of my control, I didn’t see it coming, but that wasn’t what either of us needed right now. I knew what he was trying to say, even if he put it badly.
I just looked at him and shook my head.
‘I have never been so scared in my life.’
‘Me neither,’ I said.
We sat on that for a while.
‘How did you find me?’
‘We were able to get a rough location from your phone signal, enough to know it was coming from around Shag Point. Then we searched the rates information for every house there until we found Naomi and her husband as the owners. Felt like it took forever.’
‘I knew you’d come.’
This time it was my cheek he reached out and caressed.
